Another visit was made to the farmer to request he get his tractor and tow out the police car. In spite of the party as the officers had been so good putting away the neighbour’s cattle he agreed to do it immediately.
The police car now clear of the mud, the farmer waved goodbye as he did so his son arrived home causing constable Spitz to lower his head and look through the side window.
The next day the son pleaded guilty and so didn’t come face to face at court with Fred who had been told he was not required in view of the guilty plea.
Having retired Claude had met up with his ex colleague whilst in Copton and they had exchanged stories of the old times. Fred related how more helpful he thought the police were in the old days.
He related a story that during a harsh winter he had been sent about 15 miles to a farm to collect some goat’s milk for a small child who could only drink that type of milk due to some allergy. Claude had related a story of visiting an old folk’s housing estate where an elderly man had slipped and the lady warden was unable to lift the person back into bed. A call to the police had sent Claude and a constable to the scene to lift the person back into bed.
As he was writing the story Claude thought of a similar occasion when he had taken hot food and drinks to an elderly couple in a harsh winter. He then reflected on this and what had occurred when he had fallen at the response of the police operator when asked to arrange for someone to secure his house.
Muttley was soon promoted to superintendent and of all departments he next served in the Complaints and Discipline department. There were no ramifications for Claude in spite of the firework episode but he would eventually meet up once again with Muttley in years to come, there would be ramifications.
It was at this time a new Chief Constable arrived and bringing with him new ideas one of which was to prove popular in the lives of some officers, unpopular in the lives of others, the topic of which was promotion.
The new Chief himself arrived from another force, as was the system at that time. Recruiting officers was difficult following the same pattern over many years since 1840. When there was full employment and times in Industry were good, men chose the higher pay, lower working hours and better conditions experienced in Industry. When things were not as good as in the year 1964 and just later reflected again in the year 2012. Employment in the outside world was difficult to find on these occasions men and now women had turned to a life in the police service, lower pay, longer and unsocial hours but with security.
With the arrival of the new commander at Copton Constabulary there were many vacancies in the police service nationally which was reflected in the Copton Constabulary. He hit on a new strategy; he would not promote or reduce the numbers of officers within the force by promotions. Instead he advertised nationally for officers to the rank of Sergeant and Inspector. There was a large response and the vacancies were soon filled by these new officers who became known as “Imports.” There was some resentment from the local officers who had been expecting promotion but there were now no vacancies and they then witnessed their hopes being filled from the influx from other forces. It seemingly did not cross the mind of the new chief that the officers he was importing although qualified for the rank their own chiefs had or may have decided they were not good enough to promote. There was a feeling in Copton the new chief had taken a short cut to increase numbers.
Police officers who worked with or under the command of the imports believed and made it known when not over heard these new arrivals were substandard. Claude hesitated as he wrote and then realised many of those who arrived newly promoted had not in fact advanced any further up the scale.
Claude was to experience something very different when his old boss Muttley had left and was replaced.
The new arrival as far as Claude was concerned proved to be a one off man, fortunately, thought Claude as he commenced to recall the events.
On arrival the new comer had set about making changes and what had been a happy place to work with no complaints from Chief Officers or the public. The atmosphere changed, complaints were made but no one on high wanted to know. If disaster struck the powers to be would simply say, “I didn’t know anything about it, no one told me.” It was the normal thing in the police service of that time.
Speaking with Claude one day the new station commander related he had a vast experience in dealing with serious disorder.
There had been a stupid saying at that time, that black people had weak ankles but thick skulls, if it was necessary there was little point in hitting them on the head with ones truncheon for they would simply shake their heads and then run off, whereas they had weak ankles. If struck on the ankles this would disable them.
The new leader referring to violence especially in large towns and dock land areas was often according to him caused by black people.
“When dealing with coons, the weak ankles story is rubbish always go for the white keys,” Indicating his teeth as he spoke.
After some time Claude was seated in his office early one morning, when there was knock on the door between the sergeants and station officers’ room. Having called hello come in, it was the cleaner.
An elderly and very nice lady, who had worked at the police station for more than twenty-five years. She had worked for bosses of all shapes and dispositions but this new one was of a character she had never experienced before. She was thorough even to polishing ashtrays. She made drinks for the staff and for the station officer when he arrived.
One morning she knocked on Claude’s door and asked him to accompany her to the boss’s office, she said.
“I have just been polishing the desk and I have found a five pound note under the desk pad.”
“Thank you,” replied Claude, “He wont be in for a while you will be gone but I will give it to him.”
Later when he arrived Claude knocked on his door.
“Good morning Sir, the cleaner found this five pound note under you desk pad whilst polishing your desk.”
He looked up, took the five pound note and replied, “Thank you sarge, just one of my pieces of cheese I put down.”
Claude made no comment but as he sat down at his desk thought, “what a shit head.”
Seated in the police station one day Claude was informed by the civilian telephone operator that a call had been made from a nearby military base, the caller had simply said, “Ground attack warning red,” and ended the call.
This didn’t mean anything to Claude so he telephoned the base himself and when put through from the switch board a man had simply said, “Yes, Ground attack warning.” Once again, ending the calling.
The station commander arrived and so was updated, he looked vacant realised it was something but didn’t know what and so said he would ring the superintendent. The Super hearing the message had gone to his safe, opened it and then returned saying he had a memo from the Chief Constable, marked “For superintendents eyes only” the contents refereed to a code name. “Ground attack warning.”
The alarm was sounding at the military establishment.
By the time this was realised and every man and his dog attended everything had been resolved, it had been a false call.
The moral in the story is of course what might appear to be so secret only for such limited viewing might well defeat the object of the procedure.
The Royal Air Force had several bases in the area and members of the Royal Family frequently landed at one or more using them to arrive nearer to their destination to carryout the royal visit.
On each occasion roads around the bases were patrolled by the police in large numbers. All road junctions and cross roads were manned.
At the given moment all traffic was stopped in order that the royal party and its escort would have a clear and uninterrupted journey. On one occasion the royal visitor was undertaking a visit to nearby county so local officers staffed the route whilst the force provided the escort where the visit was taking place.
On this occ
asion Claude was standing at a major road junction, the traffic lights all turned to red and traffic stopped, the royal party arrived but at the crucial moment as the royal car had just passed, an elderly man had driven out of a private entrance and rammed into the side of the large police car containing the Chief Constable.
The Chief to Claude’s surprise got out and momentarily began to perform traffic duty waving the remaining escort cars around the collision scene to ensure the royal escort was maintained. A local traffic car soon arrived picking up the Chief who in fairness thought Claude had not reacted like a Chief on another occasion shouting and blazing, but on this occasion he had remained calm, making certain everything was kept going.
The new leader at Denton found everything was wrong and one of the things he did was to post several senior and experienced officers. After some time the detection and summary offence figures were all down. He saw the sergeants to complain and demanded further action.
Claude asked “May I ask why you moved all the senior and experienced officers, their replacements are all young and inexperienced some were the worst Division had and were glad to get rid of them.”
The new boss replied, “Why did I move those senior officers? Well now, if you want to install discipline in your troops, shoot two generals.”
Claude took his meaning and added, “The problem is we are left with the current ones and no matter how I have tried I can’t get them to improve, one can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.”
The new boss replied, “No sarge, but you can make him thirsty.”
One day Claude was called to the station commander’s office and he discussed a problem one of the officers had resulting in him being given advice. He then put the report into a folder and said, “Sarge I will file this, and keep it, in my Insurance folder.”
“Hello,” called Claude, as there was a loud and seemingly excited banging on the door, “what now?” He thought.
It was Angelina, "Come on Claude the show is due to commence we dare not be late Matron will go mad. We are all aware of the efforts she has put into the event today.”
Claude quickly closed his computer for he now realised if he and the rest wanted a quiet life all must go ahead today without any hitches.
He arrived in the hall with his neighbours and negotiated the mass of wheel chairs, frames and sticks piled in every nook and cranny.
The scene was now set, after all Matrons efforts both in organising the event and ensuring everyone was fully aware of how important it was to her that it all went smoothly.
Matron had attended a conference at which it was decided by the company executives that the company needed image improvement. All Matrons had been set a task to come up with an idea to launch something, which would draw a massive amount of attention from the media and consequently bring the required good publicity for the company.
Matron Raving had decided on a scheme of collecting toys and donating these to deserving children.
For many weeks she had made enquiries amongst various children’s homes and local businessmen. She had visited Mr Salisbury and others including Mr Land Grab.
They had given funds or toys generously, not withstanding they were old models. For the guests, sandwiches, cakes, tea and coffee were some items among the foodstuffs donated by Salisbury Supermarkets Ltd. No mention was made that the donations had been carefully selected as either being out of date on the day of the event or a day or two before.
Care Homes for under privileged or ill treated children had been informed and they had readily agreed to send some staff and children to accept the gifts.
The press and local television agreed to attend the event; it would be a massive affair in line with Matrons methods upon all such matters.
Matron had spent a great deal of her time even to making some available on a Friday the day when she more or less insisted on keeping a low profile.
There had been a rumour concerning Matron, Mr Land Grab who of course had contacts at the highest level of the Council especially in the planning and building department. He had told Matron there was a whisper within the Mayors office she may well have her name put forward to receive an honour, at least an OBE in the forth coming Queens honours list. This she had felt was fully justified recognising all her service and good work at the Homestead.
As a result, over the weeks in addition to her planning and arrangement making she had held numerous meetings or rather briefings, as she would have said in her military service days.
At these she went into great detail to explain to the staff the necessity of ensuring the presentation went off without a hitch especially, and above all else was the giving of the gifts to the children and for those present including the media to note and record the children opening and playing with the gifts. The look on their faces opening the parcels would make compulsive filming and later viewing most likely worldwide.
This, if it happened and she had made all efforts to ensure it did, would give her on a worldwide audience.
A new resident named Ken had arrived only the day before the charity event was to take place. Ken was reputed to be an attention seeker himself, not to compare him with the capabilities of Matron Raving of course.
He was a resident, his fees paid for by the Local Authority which were much less than the clients paid. Unfortunately as he was destitute he had to be allocated a place and as there were no vacant rooms within the residents block Matron had been forced to allocate him a room within the client’s area though it was temporary.
The day of the great event arrived and the guests seated, the children lined up and were anxiously waiting to accept their donated toys even if they were all old models and not currently the modern child’s wish for a toy.
Matron gave her speech; there was applause as she began to hand out the gifts.
Ken arrived in the room and had not the slightest interest in what was taking place. His son and daughter knew little of it but thought it was good idea to join in with the hope of keeping Granddad within the home and away from them. It appears of late he had taking to spitting on the toilet walls and worse, when the toilet roll had run out.
Marmaduke the grandson had been sent to bed as the culprit after using all the toilet roll a brown painting of a female sexual aid had appeared on a wall. After a thrashing he pleaded, “It was Granddad who did it.”
They had since as a “Forgive us son, present,” and bought Marmaduke a state of the art new toy which had been featured constantly on television adverts, as a result all stock had been sold and no one had one for miles around.
They had decided to pretend Ken had bought it and so gave it to him to hand over but after the current proceedings.
Ken intending to please his grandson had left the presentation room and collected this new toy and brought it back he just couldn’t wait to open the box and set up the toy. This was irrespective as to what was happening in the main event.
One child saw the new toy a state of the art car-racing track and having done so nudged the child next to him. The nudges spread, as did the movement of children from the presentation ceremony to Ken sitting on the floor. Within moments a large crowd of children had gathered around Ken their attention fully engaged upon the new toy.
All interest in the main event and its out of date toys ceased resulting in the press and television cameras turning to the gathering on the floor.
There were no children to whom Matron could hand her presents so she was stopped in her tracks.
The guests eventually rose and left and having done so all the parcels of toys were left unopened on the floor. Those that had been revealed had been tossed onto one side and by the look on the faces of the toys they seemed abandoned.
The prepared food went uneaten save for some Mr Land Grab had secretly stashed away in his wife’s bag for use the following day. However as Mr Salisbury now whispered something in his ear this food was dumped into the council waste bin outside the home.
M
atron had dashed out of the room and stormed down the corridor to her office shouting.
She was heard by a cleaner nick named Louise for she constantly sung the song, “Every little breeze seems to whisper Louise.”
Louise was so taken aback she recorded what Matron was saying and immediately uploaded it to her Face book page, not thinking of her confidentiality contract
Matron could clearly be heard shouting, “I will fix that attention seeking Bastard, Ken.”
It was late the following morning when a lorry from Copton Council Waste Services arrived and unceremoniously took away all the unopened presents away.
As the lorry drove away it was replaced by an old grey van signed on the side “East European Accommodation Ltd, Self contained one room flats for the destitute, three males to share.”
Charles placed three bags into the rear of the van these were joined by Ken himself, the doors were closed when Matron came out at high speed opened the rear doors threw in a note and called.
“There, you bastard, try your attention seeking tactics on me and see what you get, there is your eviction notice for not declaring a conviction you had 50 years ago travelling in a car the wrong way along a road with that other shit head Bungy.”
She banged the door and the van drove off in a cloud of smoke, causing Matron to cough and splutter.
She recovered and on looking up saw Louise leaving the building in tears, mumbling, “I didn’t think anyone ever viewed my Face book account.”
Matron called after her, “No one looks at your face book page that is a joke, from the emails I have received and the calls from head office, I think everyone in the fucking nation has viewed it. Get them to give you a job, you knob head.”
Matron was later seen walking along the canal towards the lock keepers cottage having told the staff she needed to see him on a management calming matter.
Police Memories Page 36