by Linda Bridey
By the end of February, Sparrow began to panic. It wasn’t about the wedding. She would have been more than ready for that. No, her problem was grave and she had no idea what she was going to do about it. She was pregnant. Apparently her potion to prevent pregnancy hadn’t been foolproof. She had begun to suspect when she didn’t have her monthly in January but had hoped that all of the stress she had been under had caused the irregularity in her cycle.
When she didn’t get it in February and she began to feel sick from time to time in the morning, she knew that she was with child. She couldn’t go to Marcus to be checked, so she went to Ben and swore him to secrecy. He confirmed her fears. That day she sat in Marcus’ tipi since no one was using it. She cried silently for most of the day. Anger and disappointment raged within her at Panther for ruining any chance she had for a life with Jack.
There was no way she could marry him now and expect him to raise this child as his own. She was going to have to call the wedding off. What was she going to tell him? The wedding was little more than a week away. She must tell him that night that she couldn’t marry him. Her shoulders shook with sobs as her heart broke.
After work, Jack stopped by his house to feed his livestock. He was surprised to find Sparrow sitting on the porch.
“Hi, beautiful,” he said with a big smile. “How come you’re sitting out here in the cold? You should have waited inside.”
Normally Sparrow would have jumped up to hug and kiss him. When all she did was give him a tight smile, a sense of foreboding came over him.
“What is it?” Jack asked as he knelt by her chair. “What happened?”
Sparrow looked him in the eye and said, “I can’t marry you.”
Jack laughed. “Nice try. Now, tell me what’s wrong?”
Sparrow shook her head. “I’m not joking. I can’t marry you. It wouldn’t be right to keep deceiving you.” Sparrow fought against tears. She needed to appear cold and calculating.
Jack’s brows knitted together. “Deceiving me? How? I don’t understand, Sparrow.”
“I feel that you should know the truth. I did need to get away from Panther and I wanted to come back home.” Sparrow swallowed and steeled herself so she could get her next words out. “But not to you. I do not love you anymore. I really haven’t for some time, but I needed you to help me get back home.” Somehow she met Jack’s gaze.
Jack’s face drained of blood and he felt sick to his stomach. “You used me?” he asked as he searched her face. Her dark eyes looked steadily at him. “You let me go down to Wyoming, putting my family in danger? Putting the whole camp and my family here in danger?”
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
Jack stood up as fury gripped him. “Sorry?” he yelled. “You’re sorry? You’ve been lying to me this whole time? Pretending that you wanted to marry me when you don’t love me? How could you tell me you loved me? How could you do that to me? To my family!”
“It was the only way—‘” Sparrow said.
“Oh, spare me the sob story, Sparrow,” Jack said. “God, what a fool I was. Have you been laughing at me this whole time? Why did you let things get this far? Our wedding is-was only…”
Sparrow slipped off her engagement ring. As she did so, a part of her died. She held it out to him. “This is yours.”
Jack’s blue eyes had become icy and Sparrow shivered upon seeing the pain and anger in them. She flinched as he roughly took the ring from her fingers. Jack closed his fist around the ring. Then he jumped down off the porch, pulled his arm back as far as it would go, and gave the ring a mighty fling into the woods.
When he turned back to her, his expression was so fierce that Sparrow was afraid for a moment.
“I assume you’ll be living at the camp now?” he asked coldly.
“Yes.”
“Then leave and go there now. I won’t be going to camp anymore because I won’t be able to bear seeing you again. You can explain to my family why that is,” Jack said. “Get out of here!”
Sparrow ran around the house to the trail. She raced blindly down it. Tears obscured her vision and she sobbed as she made her way to camp. Sparrow hated herself for breaking the heart of the only man she would ever love, but it was better that he hate her. She prayed that for his sake, he would someday find someone with whom to be happy. It devastated Sparrow that it wouldn’t be her.
“Pa! Pa!”
Dean and Tessa were woken by someone pounding on the kitchen door.
“Pa! Mama!”
They recognized Jack’s voice. Dean rose and padded in his bare feet out to the kitchen. He unlocked the door and suddenly his arms were full of his son. Dean instinctively hugged him back. Jack smelled strongly of alcohol. Tessa came out and lit a lamp. She was frightened by Jack’s hoarse sobs. She had never seen him so distraught.
“Jack, what happened?” Dean asked as he rubbed Jack’s back. “Is it Sparrow? Has she been hurt?”
Jack shook his head. He couldn’t stop crying. Pain unlike he’d ever known consumed him and made speech impossible. Jack wanted to die. Sparrow’s defection was more than he could bear.
“Tessa, pull that chair out, please?” Dean asked.
Tessa moved the chair as Dean asked.
Dean shifted Jack over to it and said, “Jack, sit down here, son. You’re gonna break my back, buddy. C’mon now.”
Jack dropped into the chair and put his head in his hands. Tessa went to him and he wrapped his arms around her waist and held on. She ran her hands over his hair and murmured comforting words to him.
“Jack, you must tell us what’s wrong,” she urged. “We can’t help you if you don’t tell us what happened.”
Jack’s mind was befuddled from all the whiskey he’d drank and he wasn’t sure where to begin. Since he wasn’t a big drinker, the alcohol was potent to his system. He leaned away from Tessa and used his coat sleeve to wipe his face. Rage filled him and somehow Jack had the presence of mind to leave the house so he didn’t wake up the kids.
“Where’re you goin’?” Dean asked.
“To the barn,” Jack said in a voice they hardly recognized because it was so hoarse with emotion.
Dean and Tessa quickly put on their coats and boots and followed him. They found him pacing around the main barn floor.
“Jack, please tell us what’s wrong. Has Sparrow been hurt?” Tessa said.
Jack stopped walking and said, “No. It’s not Sparrow that’s been hurt, it’s me. I never saw it coming.”
Dean said, “Jack! Make sense, will you? You’re scaring us to death here.”
“I wish I could die!” Jack yelled.
Tessa went over to him and roughly grasped his jaw. She made him look at her and said, “Jackson Samuels, do not ever say anything like that in my presence again! Do you understand me?”
“Yes, Mama,” Jack said. “I’m sorry, Mama. It was all a lie. She doesn’t love me. The wedding’s off.”
“What? Why?” Tessa exclaimed.
Jack grasped Tessa’s upper arms. “Mama, she used me, us, to get away from Panther, so she could get home again, but she doesn’t love me. She told me tonight that she doesn’t want to marry me and that she stopped loving me a long time ago.”
Dean and Tessa were dumbfounded.
Finally Tessa said, “Oh, Jack, I am so sorry.” She embraced her son again.
His laugh was coarse. “What a dumbass I’ve been to actually think that she’s been as miserable as me these past years.” He broke away from Tessa to resume pacing. “I have wasted so much time pining for her, wanting her, loving her and praying for her to come back to me! How could she do that to me? She used me to get what she wanted. I can’t believe it’s all been a sham. How could I be so stupid?”
Dean was more perplexed than he’d ever been in his life. Nothing about this added up to him. He’d seen the way that Sparrow had looked at Jack, had watched him. Dean swore that what he’d seen in Sparrow’s eyes was intense love for their son. That wasn’t some
thing you could fake. Dean knew that Sparrow hadn’t been aware of all the times he’d watched her with Jack. He’d been so sure that she loved Jack.
Tessa was distressed on her son’s behalf and her own. She’d come to love Sparrow and was looking forward to having her as a daughter-in-law. Often Tessa had envisioned the grandchildren Sparrow and Jack would give her and Dean. Her dismay and grief were strong within her as she watched Jack walk around.
“I dropped everything to go after her! I saved her life and got hurt doin’ it. She put everyone in jeopardy. I thought it all was worth it, you know? I thought because we loved each other, it made it all worth it,” Jack said. “But it was all a lie.”
Dean had no idea what to say to his son. Nothing he said at this point was going to comfort Jack. So he went to Jack, took his face in his hands and then hugged him. “Stay here tonight, Jack, ok?”
Jack nodded. He didn’t want to be alone. The problem was that he didn’t know where he was going to sleep. Sparrow was everywhere; the sofa, the bunkhouse, Seth and Maddie’s spare room. Even the tack room, where they’d spent so many hours having fun while they cleaned saddles and bridles, was filled with her presence.
“I’m gonna sleep in Mike’s room on the floor,” Jack said. “Everywhere else she’s…” Jack hung his head and shook it.
Tessa took his arm and led him from the barn and over to their house. Dean followed them. Jack let her guide him upstairs. She knocked on Mike’s door.
“Come in,” Mike said in a sleepy voice.
When he saw his mother escorting Jack into the room, he became alarmed.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
Tessa said, “Jack’s going to stay with you tonight. He’s very upset and a little drunk.”
Mike wrinkled his nose. “Judging by the smell of him, I’d say he was a lot drunk.”
Dean had brought a bedroll with him and put it and a pillow on the floor. “Take your coat and boots off, Jack.”
It reminded Dean of when Jack was little and needed this kind of guidance. Jack silently did as he was told and then lay down on the bedroll. Tessa covered him with another blanket and bent to kiss his cheek.
“I’ll take care of him,” Mike said.
Dean smiled. “Thanks, buddy.”
“Sure thing,” Mike said.
Tessa and Dean left them then.
Mike reached out and squeezed his brother’s shoulder. “I don’t know what happened, but if you want to talk, I’m here, Jack.”
Jack rolled over onto his back and took Mike’s hand. “Thanks. I can’t talk about it right now, but I appreciate the offer. You’re a good man, Mike.”
Mike smiled at that. “Get some sleep. All I ask is that you don’t vomit on my floor.”
Jack laughed a little. Leave it to Mike to do that for him. “Ok. I won’t. Goodnight, Mikey.”
Mike smiled at the nickname and for once didn’t mind it being used. “Goodnight, Jack.”
Chapter Seventeen
The next morning, Dean went into town to the sheriff’s office.
“Hi, Dean,” Mitch said. “How are you?”
Dean shook his head. “I’ve been better, Mitch. Jack won’t be in today.”
Mitch arched an eyebrow at Dean. “Oh? How come?”
Dean sat down and told him what had happened.
Mitch let out a low whistle. “Damn, that’s awful, Dean. I feel so bad for him. So she just used him to get back here?”
“That’s the thing, Mitch. I saw them together, watched the way she looked at him. There was love there, I know there was. I can’t figure it out, but there’s something strange going on here,” Dean said.
Mitch said, “Tell Jack to take whatever time he needs. Rick and I will handle things.”
“Thanks, Mitch. I’ll tell him,” Dean said.
After that day, Jack became determined to forget Sparrow. He kept his word and didn’t go to camp. He worked as many hours as he could as a deputy and when he wasn’t there, he worked like a demon around the ranch. At night rather than go home to the house where he and Sparrow were supposed to start their life together, he would go to the Watering Hole.
Sometimes he would fill in as a bouncer and began to understand why Sammi liked taking out her frustrations on those who didn’t toe the line. Meting out physical pain on others seemed to soothe his own hurt just a tiny fraction. When he was done at the bar, he would sleep in one of the cells at the sheriff’s office.
His strategy to keep as busy as possible worked to some extent, but Sparrow was always on his mind and she was still in his heart. He feared it would always be so.
Sparrow had a little tipi on the other side of the camp, as far as possible from Black Fox’s family’s tipis. This was a safeguard against her running into Jack just in case he did come to camp. She also didn’t want to run into Marcus or Claire. Her morning sickness wasn’t very severe, but she didn’t want anyone mentioning it to Marcus.
She made all sorts of garments for others in exchange for food and other necessities. Though she knew she couldn’t hide her pregnancy forever, Sparrow was going to keep it secret for as long as she could. She couldn’t help but love her baby despite who its father was. It wasn’t the baby’s fault and she harbored no ill will against it. She would love her baby and raise it the best she could.
She didn’t sleep much because thoughts of Jack tortured her. At night she dreamt that she was in his arms, feeling his lips on hers and hearing him telling her how much he loved her. Then she awoke to find that it was just a dream and her heart would break all over again. She now hated the moon and tried not to look at it when she had to be outside at night for any reason. Sparrow didn’t torture herself by asking it if Jack was watching it, too. No, those kinds of questions were better left alone if she wanted to keep her sanity.
By the time spring arrived, Jack could function fairly normal. He could laugh at jokes and kid around with his family and friends. He could now live in his house again without spending every second thinking about her. Jack forced himself to look at the moon and not ask those burning questions that used to plague him. He played with Seth and Maddie’s new little girl, Kayla. Seth had gotten his wish; a baby girl who looked like her mother.
Marcus came frequently in the evenings to sit on the porch with Jack and whittle. He tried to teach Jack how to do it, but Jack only succeeded in cutting his fingers, which they both found hilarious. He and Mike went fishing often and Jack grew to know his little brother much better.
Mike was thinking about asking permission from Jenny’s father to court her, but wasn’t sure if he should or not because they were young.
“Do you love her?” Jack asked one day when they were trying to catch catfish.
“Yep. I have since she moved here a couple of years ago,” Mike said.
Jack laughed. “Boy, you sure are sure about this. Does she like you?”
“I guess since she let me kiss her a couple of times, that means she does,” Mike said, which made Jack laugh even harder.
“Does she want you to court her?” Jack asked.
“She said she did, but she doesn’t know how her pa is going to feel about it,” Mike said.
Jack said, “Here’s my advice to you, Mike. If you love each other, don’t waste time. I’m not sayin’ to marry her tomorrow or anything. You’re too young for that. But courtin’ her for at least a couple of years would be good. Really get to know her, you know? And Mike, let her get to know you, too.”
Mike nodded. “Thanks, Jack. I appreciate the advice.”
“Anytime, little brother,” Jack said.
Sasha had come to love her hosts and dreaded leaving Dawson to go back to Nebraska. However, it was time and she began to prepare for the trip back. She had sent messages to the Lakota village with Raven asking Sparrow to meet her so they could talk, but Raven said Sparrow refused.
She didn’t feel comfortable enough to go to the camp, so there was nothing else to be done. There were things
she needed for the trip back, so she made a trip into town. When she went into Bradbury’s General Store, the owner, Elliot was behind the counter.
He smiled and said, “Hi, Sasha. How are you today?” His brown eyes were warm and friendly.
She sighed. “I’m getting ready to go back home.”
Elliot cocked his head at her. “You don’t sound very enthusiastic about that.”
“I’m really not, but it’s time. I can’t keep staying with Dean and Tessa and I need to get back to make sure everything all right with my home,” Sasha said.
“Oh. I see,” Elliot said.
“Pa! Pa!”
Elliot grinned and said, “Prepare yourself,” to Sasha.
Three-year-old Zachary Bradbury ran down an aisle and straight to his father. Elliot lifted the little guy and said, “What’s with all the shouting, mister?”
“Pa, look what me finded,” Zach said and went to hand something to Elliot.
Elliot held his hand out and watched as an orange salamander dropped into it. Elliot laughed and said, “Where’d you get that?”
“In the woods. Under a rock. Ma and me finded it,” Zach said. He looked over at Sasha and said, “Hi, pretty lady.” This was a familiar phrase that he had learned from Owl who called several different women that. Elliot’s wife Abby was one of them.
The child’s bright blue eyes and curly, sandy-brown hair were endearing and Sasha laughed. “Hello, handsome little man,” she said.
“See my ‘mander?” he asked as he pointed to it.
“Yes. It’s a very nice one,” Sasha said.
Elliot laughed. “He’s fascinated with bugs and creepy-crawlies. Any type of wildlife, actually.”
“Moose! Moose!”
Elliot looked at Sasha and said, “Prepare yourself. Again. Up front, Mouse!”
Abby didn’t notice Sasha as she came running up to the register. Her blue eyes danced as she said, “I have the most wonderful news!”
“Did you find a salamander, too?” Elliot teased. “Because Zach’s is really nice, so finding one nicer would be hard."