by Lisa Scott
Her mother was saying all the right words, but it didn’t help. “I know.”
Her mother sighed. “Honey, everyone gets last minute jitters. It’s just cold feet. This is normal. But you and Luke are meant to be together. Kevin is just a reminder of your youth, that’s all.”
Miranda blew out a breath and nodded. “You’re probably right. Thanks, Mom.”
“You’re going to be very happy with Luke. I promise.”
Miranda hung up and flopped on the couch. She grabbed one of the bridal magazines piled up on the floor. The ads for dresses and rings and favors only made her feel ill. She tossed it aside, rolled off the couch, and headed for the one person who would set her straight.
Her best friend, Jane, lived across the hall. They’d been friends since they were kids and went through chemo treatments together. Jane had spent the past few years keeping away obnoxious men who always seemed to swarm her when they went out. Jane knew everything about Miranda. She knocked on her door, and when Jane answered, she started crying.
Jane’s eyes widened and she held out her arms, folding Miranda into her embrace. “Did gas prices go up again?”
Miranda shook her head.
“Shit. The giraffe at the zoo died? He’s my favorite.”
Miranda cried harder and pulled away. “Your jokes aren’t going to work this time. I’m not sure I should marry Luke.”
“Damn. My jokes always work. This is serious.” Jane marched her to the couch. “Sit down. We both need a drink.”
After Miranda downed a beer and poured out her sorrows, Jane said, “I think you’re just worried I’m going to upstage you in my gorgeous bridesmaids’ dress.”
Miranda laughed through her tears. “You’re right. That’s what this is all about.”
“Maybe you’re just worried you’re going to start saying ‘mate’ and grilling stuff on the barbie. Honey, you can keep your New England accent even if you do move down under.” Jane patted her hand as they sat next to each other on her couch.
“Janey, you know what Kevin meant to me. You’re the reason we met.” Jane had gone to school with Kevin, and dragged Miranda to a school dance. When he first saw her and dropped his glass of punch—then hurried to clean it up—Miranda was smitten.
Jane’s smile fell. “Then why did you break things off with him? You never told me. I figured you were just ready to find someone new.”
Miranda rubbed her temples and groaned. “I was stupid. When my cancer came back senior year, I didn’t tell him. I just stopped talking to him.”
Jane’s hand went to her mouth. “You’ve never stopped loving him.”
Miranda looked up at the ceiling. “But Luke is so great. Right?”
Jane grabbed her hand. “You met Luke because hooking up with an Australian was on your dating bucket list. And I hate to say it, but I think you’re just the finishing touch for his picture perfect life. He doesn’t love you enough, Miranda. Look at me and Brady. We’re not engaged, but if he asked me, I’d say yes. I know we’re right for each other. You can’t say the same thing about you and Luke.”
“But that’s why it’s perfect. I don’t want someone who loves me too much. Someone who’ll be devastated when I die.”
Jane narrowed her eyes. “Stop it. First of all, you don’t know that you’re not going to live a perfectly normal, long life. And second, you deserve someone who’s crazy enough to fall into the lotus pond at the park trying to pick you a flower. Or mail you love notes. No one does that anymore. I was always so jealous when you told me about Kevin. Kevin will take care of you no matter what happens. What does Luke say about your leukemia?”
Miranda frowned. “He doesn’t know.”
“Are you kidding me? And what if it does come back? Do you really think he’s going to hold your hair back while you puke during chemo treatments—if you even have any hair? How do you think he’d like that?”
“Then he could leave me. I don’t care.”
“So why are you getting married?”
Miranda shrugged. “To make my mother happy?”
Jane rolled her eyes. “Oh, good. I thought you were doing it for the lovely china you registered for.” She sighed. “Tell Kevin how you feel. And tell Luke, too. At least tell him about the cancer and see how he reacts. Don’t settle, Miranda. You of all people shouldn’t settle.”
Miranda rolled her eyes. “Right. Because I’m pretty,” she said with disdain.
Jane touched her arm. “Because you’ve had so many rough spots in your life. You deserve nothing but the best husband who adores you. Someone who still makes you tingle in all the right places.”
Miranda blinked back her tears and shook her head. “I’m not ruining what Kevin has. He found a great woman, and they’re going to start a new life after their wedding. I don’t want to confuse him. He deserves to be happy, too.”
“How do you know he wouldn’t be happier with you?”
Miranda shook her head. “I’ll talk to Luke to give him fair warning. But I’m not talking to Kevin.” Because, really, how many times could she torture herself?
***
After work, Kevin thought about sending Beth her own bouquet of roses, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t pretend he was sorry because he wasn’t. And if she asked about Miranda, he wouldn’t be able to lie. If he were lucky, she wouldn’t ask. But was that fair? Didn’t she deserve to know that he still had feelings for someone else and decide for herself if she wanted to get married? He had to tell Beth what was going on.
Without calling, he drove to her apartment, took a deep breath, and knocked on her door. When she opened it, she frowned. “Anything else I should know about your old girlfriend?”
“Can we talk?”
She gestured for him to come in and he sat on the couch. She sat in a chair across from him and crossed her arms.
He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “Miranda called me after I saw her this weekend and I finally found out why she broke up with me back in high school. It wasn’t what I expected.”
“What was it?”
“She had cancer and didn’t want to put me through it.”
Beth pursed her lips and nodded. “So you still have feelings for her.”
“I do. And I thought it was only fair to tell you in case it changes anything for you. She’s getting married, so it’s not like we’re getting back together.”
“But if she wasn’t, what would you do?”
He rubbed the back of his head and didn’t say anything.
She laughed. “So basically, you’re letting me be the bad guy and call off the wedding because you’ve decided you still have feelings for someone else.”
“No! I wanted to be honest with you and give you all the facts first in case that changed things for you.”
“But it’s changed things for you! I don’t want you settling for me when you really want someone else—even if you can’t have her. Of course it changes things.”
“I love you, Beth.”
“But you still love someone else. Probably more than me.” She sighed. “Fine, are you going to make me do it? Make me tell all my friends and family that I called off the wedding?”
“No, I’ll do it.”
“Good. Because this is all your fault. So go ahead. Say it. I want to hear it.”
“Beth…”
“Say it.”
“I have to call off the wedding.
“Thank you.” She held up a hand. “And don’t worry. I’ll get over it. I’ll move on. That’s what I do. Maybe I can move to Philly sooner and put this all behind me.”
And he had no doubt she’d be able to. He looked down at his feet. “You can keep the ring.”
She slid it off her finger. “No, you take it and see what you can get for it. You’re going to be losing a lot of money on deposits.”
“Always practical.”
“You knew that.” She walked over and dropped the ring in his hand.
He reac
hed for her but she pulled back. “Please leave. I’ve got one-hundred fifty people to call and inform about our cancelled wedding.”
He walked out the door and she didn’t even slam it. She’d probably give herself three hours to be upset over this and then carry on. Here he’d been thinking she deserved better. Well, he deserved better, too.
He sat in his car for a few minutes, wanting to rush to Miranda and tell her his wedding was off. But just because he was still in love with her, didn’t mean she was still in love with him. He needed a night to sleep on it. To find the right words to say.
If he dared say them at all.
***
Luke was late, and Miranda paced her living room, worried that she’d lose her nerve to tell him. At ten o’clock, he finally stumbled in.
“Long day at the office?”
“Long night at the bar,” he loosened his tie. “But lots of business gets done at the bar, so I suppose you’re right.” He laced one hand around her waist and pulled her close, planting a whiskey flavored kiss on her lips.
She pulled back. “Can we talk?”
His brows knitted and he flopped onto her couch. “Sure thing, love. This about the sushi appetizers? It’s not my favorite, but go ahead and we’ll throw a few California rolls onto the menu.”
She rolled her eyes. “No, Luke. This is about me. There’s something I haven’t told you. Something important.”
He blinked a few times. “Sounds serious. Go on.”
She set her hands on her thighs, then looked up at him. “When I was kid, I had leukemia.”
He tilted his head and looked at her, like he was inspecting her for signs of the disease. “I’m so sorry, Love. But you’re okay now, right?”
She shrugged. “It came back when I was eighteen. And there’s nothing to say I won’t relapse again. Doctors say with recurring cancer like this, I could have a shorter life expectancy. Like forty.”
He just stared at her.
“And I’m not sure if it’s fair to you to marry a woman who might not be with you your whole life. And for that reason, I don’t want children. I couldn’t leave them motherless.”
“That’s fine. I don’t want kids either. And I’d be sad if you died, but I’d carry on, love. I’m strong.”
She nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“Listen, if the cancer comes back, we’ll get you to the best doctors in the world.”
“I could lose my hair.”
“I’ll buy you a wig.”
She forced a smile. “So, this doesn’t change things for you? You still want to get married?”
“Hell yes. Plus it’s all planned, isn’t it?” He popped up and gave her a kiss on the head. “Is that it, then?”
She nodded.
“If you don’t mind, I’m off to bed.” He tousled her hair and went to her bedroom.
She sat there; glad she’d told him. Even so, the back of her neck tingled and she couldn’t figure out why.
***
Kevin waited until lunchtime to call Miranda. He’d tell her he had to talk to her, and ask if they could meet at her place. The diner was too public a place for what he had to tell her.
She answered on the first ring. “I’m so glad you called, Kevin. I have to thank you for your advice to tell Luke about my leukemia.”
He paused. “You told him? How’d that go?”
“He was more supportive than I expected. Promised the best doctors and everything if I get sick again. He understands he could be a widower at a young age, and he’s alright with that.”
Kevin’s heart fell. He couldn’t tell her now. She loved this guy and he was going to do right by her. It wasn’t Miranda’s problem that Kevin was still in love with her. “That’s great. I’m so glad. Now everything’s out in the open.”
“Yeah.” She paused for a moment. “So, why did you call?”
Shit. “I meant to tell you not to over water the roses. Want to keep those Dream Weavers alive and well. I want all your dreams to come true, Miranda.”
“Thanks. For everything. I’m so glad we ran into each other.”
“Me too.” He hung up, went to the truck, and threw the remaining roses in the dumpster at the worksite.
***
As the wedding date approached, Kevin increased his daily beer consumption from one after work, to a six-pack, sometimes more. It didn’t help. Only made him sadder. He didn’t regret calling off the wedding with Beth. He just wondered if he’d ever be able to find someone who could make him happy when he’d always carry memories of Miranda with him.
The weekend of the wedding, his mother offered to fly up from Florida so he wouldn’t be alone, but he said no. He wanted to be alone. He thought about heading down to the Cape to hide out. But then he decided he wanted to see for himself if Miranda seemed happy on her wedding day. He wasn’t sure what he hoped to see—doubt in her eyes or joy in her smile. He wouldn’t crash the wedding, but no one would notice him outside in the church in the crowd after they tied the knot, right?
So the morning he should’ve been getting ready for his own wedding, he dressed in his best suit, barely able to button his shirt the way his hands were shaking. He slid on a pair of sunglasses and drove to the church a few minutes before the wedding started.
He sat in the parking lot, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel as people filed into the church. What would he do if she did look unhappy when she came out of the church, married? He’d be able to tell. When she was truly happy, the corners of her eyes crinkled, and her dimples deepened. What could he even do at that point if he didn’t see that?
If only she’d told him the truth when she got sick. They’d be married by now, he just knew it. But he didn’t know what she was really feeling, so he didn’t have a choice. And neither does she. Miranda needs to know the truth, just on the off chance she might feel the same way. And if she doesn’t, then at least they’ll both know.
He got out of the car and lingered in the parking lot. It was 2:15. The wedding was underway. Do people really bust in and yell, ‘Stop the wedding?’ Or does that just happen in the movies? Didn’t matter. He had to try or he’d regret it the rest of his life.
He jogged up the stairs to the church, and taking a deep breath, pushed open the doors. He hesitated before walking toward the aisle. He tried to find his voice. “Stop,” he said. “Stop the wedding.” But his voice wasn’t loud enough. Only a few people in the back rows turned to look at him.
He cleared his throat and thought of Miranda and the time they fell asleep under the stars and woke up in the park the next morning and he’d realized it hadn’t been a dream that she was his. And how she would look now if she really was his, waiting at the end of the aisle for him. “Stop the wedding.” His voice boomed in the church.
This time everyone turned around. Including the bride. But it wasn’t Miranda. The bride and groom looked at him, confused.
“Where’s Miranda? And Luke?” he asked
A tall brunette with a stripe of blue in her hair hurried back toward him and ushered him back out into the entryway. “What’s going on?” she asked.
“I had to tell the bride I love her and that she shouldn’t get married. Only, that’s not the bride. I know it’s the right day. I know it’s the right church.”
The girl nodded. “Wow. In all my weddings this is a first. Didn’t think people really charged in like that. Listen. The wedding that was scheduled for two o’clock was cancelled, so the twelve o’clock couple pushed theirs back to the two o’clock slot.”
“Cancelled?”
“Yep. A couple weeks ago. Trust me, it was a lot of fun calling all these guests to tell them about the new time, but the bride wanted it later in the day, so here we are.” She shrugged.
“Cancelled,” he said again, with a laugh.
She nodded. “Cancelled. I guess the bride called it off.”
“I gotta go. Thanks. Oh, and tell everyone I’m sorry.”
“Will
do. Hey, you don’t mind if I blog about this, do you?”
“Not at all.” And he dashed out the door and headed for Miranda’s apartment.
***
Miranda wondered if Beth had ever found a band to replace their DJ. She hadn’t expected to feel so down the day that should have been her wedding day. It’s not that she was so disappointed to have called things off with Luke. Her mother had taken it worse than he had. She was more upset knowing she’d never have a chance with Kevin. I just hope he’s really happy.
It was a silly thing to do given her emotional state, but she drove to Forest Park and thought about all the times they’d spent there. The long talks, the long kisses, the promises and dreams. She plucked a tiny daisy growing in the grass and spun it between her fingers. “I guess I’ll have to settle for daisies instead of roses,” she said to herself.
“No you won’t.”
She dropped the flower and looked up. “Kevin?”
He sat next to her.
“Nice day for a wedding, huh?”
“And why aren’t you at yours?”
“Because I was rushing to the church to stop yours.”
Her hand covered her mouth. “Are you kidding?”
“Nope. The nice couple who took the two o’clock spot has quite a story to tell about the fool who busted in to stop the wedding.”
Laughing, she leaned toward him. “Oh, my god. You didn’t.”
He put his arm around her. “Yep. After seeing you, I knew I had to tell Beth how I was feeling about you. I wanted to make sure she still wanted to go through with the wedding, but as she pointed out, that was a more appropriate question for me.”
“And you didn’t?”
He shook his head. “What about you? I thought Luke had been supportive when you told him about the cancer? The real reason I called you that day was to tell you I’d broken off my engagement. But you sounded so happy, I didn’t want to ruin things for you.”