by J. L. Berg
A new start.
But now, as the memories tumbled back and my old life threatened to take over, I felt as if I was being torn in two very different directions.
The life I had once led was vastly different than the one I’d begun to make for myself. How did I navigate? How did I find a path when my memories showed me one person and I wanted another?
I didn’t.
As soon as Trent reentered my life, I’d lost the capability of choice and everything had come down to one driving force.
Keeping Everly safe.
I’d taken a turn…gone down a dark path with my lunch date intended to rekindle things with Magnolia.
Was that really the man I wanted to be? Using someone to save my own ass? I’d sat across from her for two hours, and it made me remember what had drawn me to her in the first place. Once you got past the obvious beauty and flawless package, she really was fun to be around. Because I knew she’d been raised around that much affluence, I would have thought she’d be more of a demanding brat than a sweet girl next door.
After we’d said our good-byes, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. Keeping Everly out of Trent’s reach was my main goal. No one else needed to suffer at my expense.
If there was anything I’d learned over the last few months, it was that Trent was a crazy, manipulating asshole and would do anything to get his way. He’d had entire an entire waitstaff fired last week because his steak wasn’t rare enough. He treated women like they were disposable—breaking them one at a time. He never used his real name and he kept the drama far from the office, but I’d caught on swiftly when our late night meetings got too boring for him and he’d order entertainment.
God only knows what he did when I wasn’t around, when he didn’t need to hold up appearances and pretend to have a sliver of humanity left in that lifeless body of his. He wanted my penitence for the last two years I’d left him hanging, and right now I believed he’d do anything to keep me on that hook he’d left dangling out in front of him.
Including getting rid of any and all distractions I may have in my life, which was why I decided to let go of them myself. Better for him to think Everly had left me of her own accord than to assume she still had feelings for me. It was safer this way.
Seeing her arms wrapped around Ryan, though? Knowing his arms, his hands, and his body would always be what she reached for in the middle of the night?
It was the worst kind of pain imaginable.
I staggered to my desk, keeping my head low and my emotions in check. The last thing I needed was Trent on my ass at this crazy hour. It was too damn early in the morning for that. I just wanted to drown myself in a cup of coffee and the stack of papers on my desk and not talk to a single soul.
“Good morning, Mr. Kincaid.” A friendly voice brought my attention forward. Next to the little desk outside my office stood my elderly secretary, Cheryl.
She looked more like a cheery librarian, ready to help you figure out the Dewey decimal system, than a woman working for one of the most successful financial firms in San Francisco. But then, I was beginning to wonder if that was Trent’s strategy all along—keep the supporting staff small and stupid.
My secretary had been with us since the beginning and was old enough to be my grandmother. Her gray, stringy hair and wool pant suits reminded me of old sitcoms, where the only place women worked were either in the home or at a desk much like the one she sat at.
Cheryl didn’t ask many questions and she kept to herself—qualities she probably carried forward from another generation. In this office it was, no doubt, a good skill to have.
“Good morning, Cheryl. Have a good week with the grandkids?” I asked, remembering today was the day she was returning from her week-long vacation. With Trent breathing down my neck, I’d barely noticed she had been gone. At least someone would be around now to field my calls again. If only she could keep Trent from darkening my door like a creepy stalker every fucking hour.
“I did.” She smiled sweetly, a hint of sadness touching the corners of her wrinkled eyes. “They grow so much when I’m not around. Makes my heart ache, but I understand. Jobs are important.”
I nodded in agreement. I’d gotten to re-know several things about my charming secretary over the last couple of months in the few conversations we’d had. When I’d first met her, my immediate thought was to wonder what the hell she was doing still working. She had to be pushing seventy-five and was still the first person to show up to work. While most people her age were long since retired, making quilts and traveling to Florida or Europe, she was still working forty plus hours a week along with the rest of us who were less than half her age.
I’d then learned, as she’d rambled on over a cup of coffee, that her only son Brogan had moved away several years earlier, due to a job transfer in the software industry. His move left her alone in a large family house she was unwilling to part with, with no one to look after her since her husband had passed away ten years prior. The work she did here, I think, gave her something to do—someone to care for.
I guess I was that someone for her.
This poor woman.
“I’m going to head in and work on some things,” I said, effectively ending our morning chatter as I took the last remaining steps toward the door that separated my little circle of hell from everywhere else.
“Okay, sure,” she answered, turning away in disappointment. I knew she was hoping to talk more—to catch up and tell me more about her vacation, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t have it in me today—to be happy for others when my life was the exact opposite. Not so closely after seeing Everly in the arms of another, knowing soon she would be his…forever.
I just needed time. Time to heal and process. Time to refocus my priorities and shove away the sight of her body wrapped around his. Time to remember what I was doing and why I was doing it.
But today, I just wanted to sulk and loathe the life fate had given me.
“Mr. Kincaid?” Cheryl’s timid voice stopped me from taking the last step into my office.
“Yes?” I turned around.
“Before you go, I forgot to mention…there was a message for you on the voicemail over the weekend. Someone named Roger from an art gallery downtown? He said he sold one of your—”
“Thank you,” I said, quickly cutting her off before she could finish her sentence. I didn’t need her to say anymore. God knows Trent had ears everywhere.
How Roger had managed to get my work number was beyond me. It was something I needed to change, and quickly. Having him call here was not wise.
Walking back to her desk, I gave her a confident smile as I snatched the pink message slip from her hands and swiftly walked into my office, shutting the door behind me. Leaning against it, I took a deep breath and felt my back slowly melt into the solid grain.
Looking over the message, I felt my eyes widen in surprise. I read it over and over in disbelief.
One of my photographs had sold.
Mine.
It was a day I’d been waiting for for months. I looked around the room, the excitement bubbling up inside of me like a newly opened bottle of champagne. My heart beat loudly in my chest.
Pulling out my phone, I touched the keypad and paused, the harsh reality stopping me cold.
I had no one to celebrate this with. There was no one in my life I could call and tell this news to. There would be no celebratory night out. No happy phone calls or excited shouts of congratulations.
Because I had no one, and I could blame it all on one single person.
Trent.
Ambling across the floor I slumped into my desk chair, the perky pink note tumbling from my fingers as it fell to the desk—a reminder of everything my life could have been if Trent had just left me the hell alone.
I could have had everything.
Everly, a new career, and my memories.
I stared down at that single piece of paper, the rage and anger building inside of me, and fel
t it:
The all-too-familiar feeling of my past resurfacing.
My eyes started to blur, and the world tilted on its axis. Suddenly I was falling.
The music boomed as the bass vibrated down to my very bones, shaking nearly everything that wasn’t nailed down in the small house. Haphazard streamers and pink flamingos littered the walls and floor, as half-naked girls danced around carrying red solo cups in their hands, while guys tried to decide which ones looked hottest in a bikini.
My first college party.
It was fucking awesome.
Having been raised by two scholarly bookworms, the idea of a Friday night out in high school had mostly consisted of making my way to a football game or two—assuming all of my homework for the following week had been completed. I’d never complained, though. I understood the value of an education, and all that hard work and dedication had paid off in the end, earning me a full ride scholarship to Stanford, but damn if I didn’t finally deserve a break.
“Hey man, aren’t you in my economics class?” I turned to my left to find a tall, familiar=looking guy walking up to me. He held out a red cup filled to the top with frothy golden liquid and I took it with thanks, as he continued to shout over the popular music that roared through the sound system and people continued to dance around us.
“Did you make it through that last quiz? I’m pretty sure I left with my balls shoved firmly up my ass.”
Nearly choking on my beer, I laughed at his vivid analogy of our recent pop quiz. I had no idea what he was talking about. I’d walked out of there in record time, barely breaking a sweat, but I nodded, chuckling in agreement like I completely understood his pain.
“The name’s Trent. I’m a junior.” He held out his free hand.
I took it, shaking it firmly. “August. Freshman.”
He grinned, a knowing look in his eyes as we surveyed the crowd.
“Have you pledged yet?”
“To a fraternity?” I asked, as my eyes fell on a group of girls huddled around each other. I recognized a few from classes—one especially. She sat a few rows in front of me in English and I think I’d spent the majority of the semester observing the way her sweater always seemed to fall off her beautiful shoulder than anything the professor had said.
My parents would not approve.
“Yeah—I’m a brother of Kappa Sig and we’re always looking for new members, if they’re the right kind, that is,” he said with a laugh. “Someone like you? You might be just the kind of guy we’re looking for.”
“I’m not sure I’m the frat boy type,” I answered honestly, my eyes never leaving the group of girls I’d discovered. He’d obviously caught on to my new fascination because at that moment he leaned over, pointing to the long-legged girl of my dreams.
“If you were—a frat boy, that is—you wouldn’t have to be sitting here on the sidelines wondering what a night with her would be like. You could just have it. You could have it all.”
My eyes widened as I turned to him.
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. Go over there. Introduce yourself and tell her you’re a pledge. It’s going to change your life, August.”
Trent disappeared into the crowd as I downed the rest of the beer he’d given me. Liquid courage. I hadn’t had much experience with girls in high school. A few steady girlfriends, but actual dating and flirting? I had no clue. I was just the good-looking smart guy, like Trent had pegged me for. I had no game, no angle, and absolutely no idea what I was doing. The girls I’d dated in the past had always made the first move.
You could have it all.
I guess it was my turn to step up to the plate.
Feeling a bit brave, with the cheap beer running through my system and after the pep talk from Trent, I made my way to the other side of the room. Her back was turned as I approached and I took those last remaining moments to appreciate the way her bikini bottom hugged her round, curvy ass. Her long legs definitely still held my attention, going on for days as she stood among her friends in a large circle, drinking beer and bouncing around a beach ball.
A beach party in winter.
Fucking brilliant.
One of her friends caught sight of me first, and signaled my approach, causing her to turn as I took the last few steps toward her.
Shit, what do I say?
“I’m August. I think we have a class together,” I tossed out in a rush, the courage I’d brought with me fleeing faster than a dog with its tail between its legs.
She smiled, amusement painting her delicate features as she casually looked me over. She must have liked what she saw because she took a slow, sensual sip of her cocktail and replied, “Oh yeah? Which class might that be, August?”
“English.”
Her smile widened, as recognition washed over her. “You’re the one with all the answers.”
“Well, not all of them,” I admitted. “I’ve been a bit distracted.”
“Why’s that?”
“I can’t seem to keep my eyes off you,” I answered honestly, blush creeping up my heated complexion.
“Aren’t you a sweet talker, August. What’s your last name?”
“Kincaid. I’m a freshman. From the city—on a full ride and…” I hesitated before deciding my fate. “I’m pledging to Kappa Sig.”
Her eyes widened in interest as she slowly wrapped an arm around mine. “Smart and sexy. Well, I’m Jodi and if you’re good, maybe I’ll give you my number by the end of the night.”
“Deal.”
We spent the next two hours laughing by the pool over old childhood antics, sharing high school stories, and just getting to know one another. It was easy, and natural. The heat and passion I felt for her all those days I’d spent staring at her from across the room was still there—in spades, but now I saw her as the full package. A girl I could date, and someday really care for.
The night held possibility.
“I’m going to go refill my drink,” she announced, rising from our spot by the pool.
“Do you want me to come with you?” I offered, beginning to rise.
“No way. Save our spot. With all the crazies around here, it will be taken in seconds and then we’ll be standing for the rest of the night.”
Chuckling, I nodded. “No problem.”
“I’ll be back,” she promised.
I started to worry when thirty minutes passed and she still hadn’t returned. Self-doubt kicked in ten minutes later when there was still no sight of her. Had I misinterpreted the last couple of hours? Had she been bored? Was she just dying for an opportunity to escape me?
I got up and decided to search for answers. For all I knew, she could have fallen and twisted an ankle and I was out here, sitting around like a dumb ass while everyone rushed to her aid.
Or she could have bailed on me…
Passing through the living room and kitchen with no luck, I headed into the front room where I’d introduced myself, finding her group of friends in the same spot where we’d started.
Jodi wasn’t there.
Feeling frustrated and defeated, I went in search of my coat. It was California, but walking across campus in my shorts and flip-flops in fifty-degree weather didn’t sound very appealing. I’d been told our coats would be dumped in an empty bedroom at the end of the hall, so I was surprised to hear voices as I turned the door handle and entered.
Not as surprised as Jodi was when her eyes met mine.
Shoved against a wall, her bathing suit top was askew. A large male hand covered her naked breast. She rushed to cover herself as her partner adjusted himself and turned to greet me.
“Hey August.” A sly smile spread across his face.
“Trent?”
“I’m so sorry, August. I don’t know—” Jodi stumbled over her words.
Turning, Trent gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder. “Why don’t you give us a minute or two alone, sweetheart?”
She nodded, her eyes rounding at the near sight
of him as she quickly fled the room.
“What the hell, Trent?” I said angrily.
He held his hands up in surrender, a gentle chuckle falling from his lips. “Easy, brother.”
“I am not your brother,” I gritted through my teeth, beginning to stalk from corner to corner.
“No, but you will be if I have anything to say about it.”
Silence followed as I paced.
“You know, I did you a service here tonight.”
Trying to keep my chin from falling to the floor, I looked up at him in curiosity, waiting for him to explain.
“She wasn’t good enough for you—for a brother of Kappa sig. I saw the way you looked at her—you were already falling for her. I only did what any other brother would do for another. I put her to the test, and she failed miserably. Would I let a girl like that date any little brother of mine?”
I had no words. Was he for real?
His arm wrapped around my shoulder as he laughed. “Welcome to my world, August.”
“August!” Trent’s voice pulled me from the abyss. The normal gradual return I felt when tumbling back to reality was more like a free fall, and I suddenly felt nauseous and sick.
“What?” I answered as I quickly tried to get my bearings, looking around the office as my vision came back on board along with the rest of my senses.
“Where the fuck were you, man?” he asked, taking a seat in front of me as he fiddled with his phone. His fingers hitting the screen made a sharp sound as he tapped a message or e-mail. He’d made it a habit to never give one hundred percent of his attention to any one person or thing, unless you were a client and money was on the line. Then, you got the fucking world.
“Sorry, didn’t sleep well last night,” I lied, still blinking several times to adjust to the bright overhead lights.
“Well, do it somewhere else. This isn’t your fucking bedroom. I don’t pay you to sit around.”
I ignored those comments.
It was hard, but I did.
This business was a partnership. Trent had started this company and brought me in as an equal to build it from the ground up. I’d worked my ass off for this company, and because of my two year vacation, I was now thought of as an employee. Nothing more than a peon. Someone he could maneuver and boss around. I was starting to wonder if I’d been that all along and just hadn’t realized.