by Rayne, Piper
A tub of ice cream is in the freezer. Cookies are in the cupboard. An array of pizzas are stuffed in the freezer, so I don’t have to see anyone for days.
“Wine first,” I mumble, pulling out the cork, then I guzzle a huge gulp straight from the bottle. I reach for my phone and dial Dana.
“How are we?” she asks, and I can hear that she’s eating something—again.
“It’s done.”
“Good. I thought you’d cave and spend his final night with him.”
“I really wanted to.” One tear slips free. “Remind me of this moment should I ever come up with another brilliant idea of sleeping with someone I’m not in a relationship with, okay?”
“Gladly. I hate hearing the devastation in your voice. What’d you pick first?”
“Wine.”
“Good choice. I’ll join you.” I hear her open a bottle, and she swallows something. “I even forewent the glass.”
I let a sad chuckle loose. “How did you know?”
“It’s not the first heartbreak I’ve helped you through.”
“This one hurts the most though,” I tell her.
“Well, I think he might’ve actually been a good guy worth getting your heart broken for.”
I sniffle, trying to stifle the tears building. “I shouldn’t have begged him to stay, right?”
I think back over the weeks I smiled and assured him that he was doing the right thing by leaving, that he was making the right choice.
“Definitely not. Even if you guys would’ve worked out, he would have resented you at some point.”
I know everything she’s saying is right. I really do want Austin to be happy. To find whatever it is he feels he lost the day his parents died. That’s the only reason I kept my true feelings to myself—because he’s the kind of man who would’ve honored my wishes and stayed.
“Maybe I should’ve gone with him.” I lift the bottle to my lips again.
“Stop torturing yourself. I know it sucks.”
“Yeah.” I gulp down another glass’ worth, the sweet liquid coating my mouth.
“So, hunker down and don’t pull up Buzz Wheel. And no watching romance movies.”
I click on my Netflix, looking up romantic movies that make you cry. “Okay.”
“I mean it. Do not put on any Nicholas Sparks movies!”
“Okay.” I debate between The Notebook or Dear John. Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum? Decisions. Decisions.
“You’re doing it, aren’t you?”
“Yes.”
She blows out an annoyed breath. “Fine. Pick Dear John though. I can never get enough of Channing. Especially now that he’s single.”
I click on Dear John and put the bottle in my lap.
The movie begins.
“Hey, Hol?” Dana says.
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry.”
The tears I was trying so hard to keep inside fall free. “Thanks.”
I grab one of the two boxes of Kleenex I bought. After two boxes, Austin Bailey should be long gone from my memory and my heart.
I’m always the best at lying to myself.
Thirty-Nine
Austin
“That’s all of it.” Savannah bundles together all of the paperwork for the girls and puts it in her file folders. “I’ll have Sabrina make sure it’s all ready to go. Do you think after the season is done in a couple weeks, we could meet up in New York to find Sedona a place to live?”
“Sure.”
Rome comes into the kitchen with bags full of Chinese food. “Li sent you some goodbye food.”
“Did he think we were feeding the entire town?” Savannah helps Rome pull out the containers.
Rome dumps a pile of fortune cookies on the counter and I laugh, wondering what funny pieces of paper Li put in them this time around.
“Why were you there?” I ask.
“I was picking his brain on some fusion recipes.” Rome grabs a pair of chopsticks, while Savannah and I each take a fork.
“So how was that restaurant you guys went to look at?” I ask, grabbing us some plates.
Phoenix comes in and inhales deeply over the container of orange chicken. “Wok For U!”
“That must be the vegetarian in you speaking,” I say, and she rolls her eyes.
“Yummy. I’ll miss this in New York.” Sedona grabs a fork and pierces a piece of chicken.
We all pile food on our plates and sit down at the harvest table. Savannah’s eyes fall over each of our siblings, and I know what she’s thinking. This is one of our last times eating together before things change. Not that we’re not used to change. Everyone has had their turn to leave. Somehow things went on, and they will again.
“You going to Holly’s tonight?” Savannah asks.
“No. We said goodbye last night.” I concentrate harder than necessary on my fried rice.
“You know, I actually liked her. I mean, she was a little uptight, but so is Savannah.” Phoenix smiles.
Savannah throws her napkin at her. Phoenix dodges it.
“Hey!” Denver barrels in. “Li is the man.” He piles food on a plate then sits down next to Phoenix, giving her a noogie.
She wiggles out of his hold and punches him in the stomach.
“Juno’s just behind me.”
The words aren’t out of his mouth before she walks in and kisses my cheek before grabbing her own plate and sitting down. Emotion overcomes me, but I push it back, forcing myself to enjoy this dinner with my family.
“Kingston wishes he was here,” Juno says. It’s fire season, and we all understand why he can’t be here.
Brooklyn stomps down the stairs. “Hey, someone was supposed to get me.”
“You said you were on a diet, so you’d fit in your wedding dress,” Rome throws her words back at her.
“Tonight, is special.” She smiles at me.
Soon we’re all around the table. Everyone minus Kingston, but we spoke earlier, so I’ll take it. My siblings converse in ten conversations between each another. Rome is telling Juno about the building he has his eye on. Savannah’s telling Sedona she’ll pick out where she’s living, and Manhattan isn’t it. Denver’s razzing Brooklyn about Jeff and the fact that he’s not a real man. I lean back, my eyes finding Phoenix, who is also taking in the scene. She’ll be leaving soon too.
That tugging feeling grips my gut again. But I push it aside, helping Savannah reason with Sedona.
Savannah shoots me a thank you look when we finish.
And as we’ve done for the last nine years, the Bailey siblings endure change.
* * *
Rome tosses me a fortune cookie later that night when I’m sprawled out on the couch, watching the Cubs play the Brewers. “You didn’t open your fortune.”
I crack the cookie open and pull out the white paper.
It’s never too late to dream a new dream.
I look up, but Rome’s gone.
I place the paper on the table and eat my fortune cookie.
Damn Li.
Forty
Austin
I picked Denver to take me to the airport. He’s a safe bet to not make this emotional.
“Be safe and don’t forget to call.” He straightens the collar of my shirt, running his hands down my shoulders like a mom before her son jets off to college. He even imitates a mom voice. “Remember those girls only want one thing.”
I laugh and shake my head. “See you in a few months.”
He pauses like he wants to say something but doesn’t. “See you.”
I turn around and head through the sliding doors of the airport.
“Austin!” he calls, and I circle back.
“Be happy.”
“You too.” I nod, turning back into the bustling airport.
His words don’t register until I’m at the ticket counter.
Do people think I wasn’t happy in Lake Starlight? I was happy.
I check my bags and get my boardi
ng pass to head through security. I don’t know why it feels so final. This is the twenty-first century—I could come back in a day if I wanted.
I make my way through the airport, heading straight to my gate, and take a seat in front of the wall-to-wall windows so I can watch the planes take off. I’m only there for five minutes before I hear a voice I’d recognize anywhere.
“Excuse me. Yeah, I need to sit there.”
I look up to see the man next to me sliding over as Grandma Dori smiles at him, though he looks annoyed.
“Thanks. Your grandma would be proud,” she says.
“She’s dead but thanks.” The man is barely up before she sits down.
My face must be twisted in confusion. “Grandma?”
“Well, I have to say you’re a stubborn one. I can’t believe you’re here.” She pats my knee.
“You knew I was flying out today.”
“Yes, but I always thought you were a bright boy. Maybe I’m mixing you up with Rome or another one of your brothers.”
“How did you get through security?” I ask.
“Well…” She leans forward and whispers, “the Thompson boy let me through.”
“There you are!” Savannah stands at the end of the row of seats, gasping for breath. “It’s not cool to jump on the ride mobile and leave me to fend for myself, Grandma.” Savannah winds through the people’s legs. “Excuse me. Sorry. Excuse me.”
“Why are the two of you here? And I seriously think Duke Thompson needs to be fired.”
Savannah sits on the window ledge in front of me. “He was my first kiss, remember? Spin the bottle. Weak lips though.” Her face distorts into disgust.
“Let’s get back to why you guys are here…”
The gate attendant comes over the speaker and calls off the names of some passengers she needs to see at the kiosk before takeoff. I’m one of them.
Savannah looks at Grandma Dori. “Okay, tell him, Grandma.”
“Did you know that your grandfather didn’t want to take over Bailey Timber Corp?”
I stand and secure my bag around my shoulders. “Sorry, Gram, I don’t have time to go down memory lane right now.” Maybe the old bird is finally losing it.
“He didn’t. He wanted to be a fisherman. Work on one of those crab boats. He tried to convince his father to buy a boat so he could captain it. His dad said hell no and demanded he come work for the company.”
“So, what did he do, Grandma?” Savannah asks.
I shoot her a look to say why the fuck are you encouraging her? Savannah ignores me.
“He left.”
“Great story.” I pat her shoulder and step over the legs of a man reading.
“The story isn’t over.” Grandma Dori gets up. “Excuse me, do you think this is your living room? Sit up straight and pull your legs in.”
“Sorry,” Savannah says to the man.
I blow out a breath and turn to see them behind me.
“Let me finish,” Grandma says.
A few people file into a line at the kiosk.
“He came home for Christmas. Such a beautiful time of the year. All the snow had fallen, and well, I was ice skating on the pond over there by Hickory Lane. You know, where the elementary school is now?”
“Yeah,” I say.
Savannah smiles at Grandma as though she’s enjoying her story. Maybe they’re both losing it.
“I was a really good ice skater. Maybe even good enough to do those Ice Capades.”
I roll my eyes.
“He asked if he could buy me a hot chocolate, and I said yes.”
“Heartwarming story, Gram.” I kiss her cheek. “I’ll see you in a few months.” I take a few steps toward the kiosk.
“Austin Bailey!” she scolds.
I turn, as does almost everyone in the airport.
She points at the floor in front of her. “You will listen to me.”
Savannah laughs not embarrassed for me in the least.
I walk over to her. “What?”
“Hot chocolate turned to him asking to walk me home, which turned into asking to escort me to the dance, which turned into asking me to church with him on Sunday. Eventually he asked my daddy for my hand in marriage, he went to work for Bailey Timber Corp, and we built a life together in Lake Starlight.”
“I know all this. Well, I didn’t know about the crab boat thing and I’ve always enjoyed hearing your stories—”
“Do you think your grandfather resented me?” she asks.
More people pass me to line up for the plane.
“No,” I answer, speaking the truth. I saw it in my grandfather’s eyes until the day he died how much he loved my grandmother.
“So…?” Savannah says.
I blow out a breath. “I know what you’re trying to do but sliding through security and insinuating I need to do something now… it’s too late. I’ve accepted the job and she’s staying here. She never even asked me to consider staying. It’s not our time. She doesn’t feel that way about me.” I kiss my grandma on the cheek and hug Savannah goodbye. “Love you guys. I’ll call you when I land.” I turn and get in line.
“Austin!” Savannah screams.
I turn around.
“Just go read Buzz Wheel right now.”
I shake my head. “Can you not see I’m busy?”
I head over to the kiosk to wait until it’s my turn to deal with the airline employee. When I turn back around, thankfully my grandma and sister are gone. I need some caffeine.
The gate attendant told me I had enough time to hit the cafe next door, so when I reach the small coffee shop, I peruse the menu for food but decide to skip it. I can eat on the plane if I need to.
A girl probably only a little older than Phoenix and Sedona comes over to help me.
“Coffee. Black.” I pull out my wallet and grab some cash. A small piece of white paper floats from it to the floor.
The barista takes the cash as I bend down to pick up the paper—until I realize it’s the fortune I opened last night.
When did I put this in my wallet?
“It’ll be ready down there.” The girl directs me to the pick-up line, and I walk over, flipping the fortune over.
It’s never too late to dream a new dream.
I huff, stuffing it back inside my wallet.
With my coffee in hand, I make my way back over to my gate. A plane must’ve just landed, because swarms of people are walking toward me and dodging me. I feel like a salmon swimming upstream.
“Austin!”
I turn to see a woman who’s probably close to my age, wearing yoga pants and a large sweatshirt, her red hair pulled into a high bun.
“Austin Bailey, right?” she asks again.
One person hits me with their messenger bag as they pass me.
“Yeah?”
“You look the same as on Buzz Wheel.”
I draw back. “You’re from Lake Starlight?” Why does this woman not look familiar at all?
“I’m Dana. Holly’s friend.”
“Oh.” Just the mention of her name makes me feel things I shouldn’t. Regret being the biggest one of those things. “You’re coming to visit?” Holly hadn’t mentioned it.
Another person passes us. If I was thinking straight, I’d move to the side, but meeting someone from Holly’s world has me off-kilter.
“I’m here to pick up the pieces you left her in.”
I tilt my head. “What?”
She smiles. “Totally kidding. Yeah, I’m here for a visit.”
“Well… enjoy.” I don’t know what else to say. Give her a hug for me? Give her a kiss for me? It all feels so superficial, and what Holly and I shared wasn’t superficial. At least not to me.
“Thanks. I heard you have some hot brothers. Maybe one of them has a Jeep I can steam up the windows in?” Her laughter is so loud, twenty people look at us as they pass by. “I’m totally fucking with you.”
I smile. “You’re about as opposite of Hol
ly as they come.”
She nods toward the side of the walkway and I follow, weaving through the grumbling people I’m inconveniencing.
“I am. That’s why I knew this little plan you guys hatched was bullshit.”
“What plan?”
“The agreement. The whole ‘sleep together and not develop feelings’ thing.”
“Oh, right.”
She touches my arm. “Anyway, have a nice life. I’m glad I got to meet the infamous Austin Bailey before he bolted.”
“Infamous, huh?”
She smiles. “You seem nice.”
“You say that like you’re surprised.”
“It’s easier when the guy who breaks your friend’s heart is an asshole.”
I tighten my grip on the bag over my shoulder as my stomach churns. “What do you mean about breaking hearts?”
She covers her mouth. “Oops? Oh… hmm… I don’t know.” Her eyes say she does.
I step closer to Dana. “Is Holly upset?”
Holly has been nothing but encouraging. Never once, other than our moment in the truck the other night, did I see any semblance of her feelings being similar to my own. Even then, I thought it was just a goodbye thing. They suck no matter what. Is it possible she feels the same way for me that I feel for her?
“No.” Her face is void of emotion now. She steps backward. “She’s peachy keen. I need to go though. Karen is probably waiting for me.”
“Wait.” I step forward, my hand landing on her wrist. “Am I missing something?”
She smiles. “Don’t all guys? Really, Austin, have a great life. Knock California upside its head.” She turns then circles back around. “Do me one favor though?”
“What?”
She opens her mouth just to shut it again. “I know you owe me nothing, but for Holly.” She inhales a deep breath, her eyes locking with mine. “Don’t reach out to her.”
“What? Why?” This woman has me totally confused.