by Ginny Dye
Abby considered her words. She recognized the truth, but still resisted it.
May wasn’t done. “Fear is the brain’s way of saying there is something important for you to overcome.”
“It is?” Abby asked faintly. For most of the last several years, she had been the one helping others overcome their fears. The helpless feeling she now felt was as humiliating as it was terrifying. Yet she also felt an overwhelming gratitude that she wasn’t alone with it, and she was also aware there was no judgement in May’s eyes.
“You and Carrie taught me that, Miss Abby.”
“We did?” Abby whispered, gazing into May’s wise ebony eyes.
May nodded. “Before you got here, Carrie wanted me to learn to read. I was too scared because I just knew I weren’t gonna be able to do it. She sat me down in my kitchen one day and told me that courage didn’t mean I wasn’t plenty scared. It meant that I felt all that fear and then I just did it anyway.”
Abby smiled. She remembered the day she had told Carrie that very same thing. “So you just did it,” she said.
May nodded. “Now I read all the time, but I still had lots of things I was scared of. Right after you and Mr. Cromwell gots married and you moved into the house, I was fretting over something that I can’t even remember right now.”
Abby nodded. Her memory of that day was very clear. The remembering, and the realization that May couldn’t even recall what had her so frightened, began to shine a light onto her own fear.
“You told me that fear ain’t nothing more than an obstacle that stands in the way of getting where I want to get. You told me that every time I feel the fear and then keep moving forward, that I would get stronger and wiser.”
Abby’s smile was genuine this time. “That part was definitely true,” she said warmly. “You have become so strong and wise.”
May lowered her eyes for a minute and then raised them back up. “It’s going to get worse before it gets better, Miss Abby,” she said bluntly.
Abby sighed. She recognized the truth but she wished it weren’t so.
“Just like it took a whole war to make all the slaves free, it’s going to take a right long time for people to treat us like we’re free. There be too many people—especially down here in the South—who don’t think we ought to be free. They certainly don’t think we ought to be treated equal. They’s gonna fight it hard.”
“And that doesn’t scare you?” Abby probed.
“Well, of course it does,” May said promptly. “But my being afraid ain’t gonna change it, or help make it better. I can’t stop no one from hurtin’ me, and I reckon I can’t stop somebody who decides to kill me…” Her voice wavered, but her chin lifted. “There gonna be plenty of people who’s gonna die because them vigilantes don’t think we got a right to be free. If I happen to be one of them, so be it,” she said bravely. “I ain’t got no death wish, Miss Abby, but I ain’t gonna hide away from the world because I be afraid. Me and my people are just goin’ to keep movin’ forward. We have to believe that sometime it will get better. It might take a right long time, but at some point it will get better.” Her voice took on a slight edge of desperation. “It has to, Miss Abby. It just has to. Things be shifting in the world right now. It’s just gonna take some time to shift all the way.”
Abby listened with her whole heart, somehow knowing May was giving her the gift of courage that would carry her forward.
“You in just as much danger as me, though,” May added.
Abby didn’t question her statement. She knew it was true. Southerners angry about the freed slaves were equally angry at the whites who chose to support and help them. In some cases the violence and hatred seemed to be even more extreme because they saw it as betrayal. Jeremy’s beating had proven that. Abby had already been threatened, and she knew Thomas was at risk every day. The earlier fear that had almost rendered her paralyzed had disappeared into the background like a shadow disappearing from the rising sun. She didn’t question what made it run for cover. She would analyze it later. Right now she was simply grateful it was no longer gripping her throat like a vise threatening to choke the life from her.
Abby gripped May’s hand tightly. “Thank you, May,” she said. “I know you are speaking the truth. Everyone who chooses to stand up for what is right in our country is in danger. You’re right that many people are going to pay a high price.” She smiled as she borrowed her friend’s words. “So be it. I’m not going to hide away from the world. I’m going to believe with you that someday it will get better.”
May stared into her eyes for a long moment. Finally she sat back, a look of satisfaction on her face. “That’s the Miss Abby I know.”
“I’m so glad you were here today, May,” Abby said, her breathing once more steady. “I haven’t felt that kind of fear for a very long time.”
May nodded. “We gots to stick together, Miss Abby. That’s what you tell everyone. Women, especially, got to stick together.”
Abby smiled. “Women have to stand up for themselves. We have to stand up for each other, and we have to stand up for justice for everyone. That’s the only way things will truly change.” She felt a surge of power as she spoke the words. Taking a deep breath, she rolled them over in her mind. “Yes, that is the answer.” A sound in the distance pulled her thoughts away. She cocked her head and listened, a smile erupting on her face. “Was that…?”
“Yes, ma’am,” May said, jumping up and moving toward the porch. “That be thunder rumblin’. I think we finally gonna get some rain to wash away some of this blisterin’ heat.”
Abby and May were standing on the porch luxuriating in the stiff wind blowing from the east in advance of the storm when Thomas and Jeremy pulled up in the carriage.
Abby waved her hand. “Take the carriage around back, Spencer,” she called. “The horse can stay dry in the stable.” All her earlier fear had evaporated, disappearing like a vapor into the dark skies. She smiled broadly as Thomas and Jeremy jumped from the carriage and dashed up the stairs, barely making the porch before thick raindrops started to fall.
Abby hugged both of them and then leaned forward to watch the heavy drops generate spurts of dust as they hit the ground. She sighed happily as the drops came harder and faster. The sound of rain pounding on the roof and dancing on the magnolia leaves told her a cool breeze would assure sleep tonight for the first time in days.
May disappeared and then reappeared moments later with a tray loaded with lemonade, scones, and ham biscuits. “I don’t see no reason for y’all to have to come inside,” she said happily.
“Please join us,” Thomas invited, reaching forward to take a biscuit, his handsome face lit with a smile of appreciation. He shrugged out of his jacket and draped it over the swing. The wind ruffled his collar and blew his graying hair.
“No thank you, sir,” May said promptly. “I’s gonna cook some more biscuits while it be rainin’. The breeze blowing through the house will make it right nice in my kitchen for a change. Spencer already be eatin’ a pile of biscuits I put out for him.”
Jeremy grinned. “I’m not surprised he didn’t get past the kitchen,” he said with a smirk.
May eyed him. “You got something you want to say, Mr. Jeremy?”
Jeremy shrugged, an innocent look on his face. “Just making an observation, May. We’ve invited Spencer to join us for a meal many times. He never gets any further than your kitchen. I believe that means he really likes what is in the kitchen.”
“He likes my cookin’ just fine,” May said, but the flustered look on her face didn’t hide the glimmer in her eyes.
“He could get your cooking in the dining room,” Thomas replied mildly, a smile dancing on his lips. “Spencer hasn’t come any further than the kitchen ever since you treated him after the attack this spring.”
“Yes,” Jeremy agreed. “I do believe Spencer is sweet on you.”
May opened her mouth to protest, and then closed it, a satisfied look on her face.
“That Spencer be a good man,” she murmured. The screen door slammed behind her.
Abby turned to Thomas as soon as May entered the house. “Who are you waiting for?”
Thomas looked innocent. “What are you talking about?”
Abby just looked at him. She had seen him glancing down the road several times.
“Oh, why even bother?” Jeremy asked with a laugh that was slightly muffled by a huge bite of a ham biscuit. His blue eyes danced with fun while the breeze ruffled his blond hair. “You know she always sees right through both of us.”
Abby relaxed. They wouldn’t be laughing and teasing if it was anything to worry about.
Thomas sighed. “Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so transparent.”
Abby tapped her foot, knowing her stern look was tempered by the smile twitching her lips.
“Fine,” Thomas muttered. He turned away when the sound of carriage wheels rose above the rain. “Saved!” he cried triumphantly. “I told him I would keep it a secret!”
Abby moved to stand beside him, peering through the sheets of rain until the carriage drew close enough for her to identify the occupant. “Matthew!”
No one made an attempt to hide their laughter when Matthew ran up onto the porch, water streaming down his face. His clothes were soaked through, and his red hair was plastered to his head. The driver, eager to get home, had urged the carriage forward as soon as Matthew stepped out. It had already been swallowed by the storm.
Matthew looked down at himself ruefully before he joined in their laughter. “At least I’m not hot anymore,” he said cheerfully. “The driver offered me an umbrella. I turned it down. It felt wonderful!”
Jeremy clapped him on the shoulder. “I tried to persuade you to come with us, but no…”
Matthew shrugged. “I wanted to buy a train ticket before there were none available. It was worth getting wet.” He grinned as he pulled a waterproof leather packet from his coat.
“Going to Philadelphia?” Abby guessed, thrilled by the excitement she saw in his eyes. He had pined for Carrie for such a long time.
“Yes,” Matthew responded. “I can’t stand being away from Janie any longer.”
Abby smiled, and then sobered. “Did you get the news about the cholera hospital being burned?”
“Yes. I stopped by the paper’s office before I went to the train station to get the latest news. They found a building in another Philadelphia neighborhood. No one is happy to have it, but so far it has been left alone. There are now over one hundred patients there. They are expecting many more.”
“So it’s spreading,” Thomas said grimly.
Abby gripped her napkin tightly, glad her hands were under the table. It had been twenty-three years since her husband Howard died in the last cholera epidemic. She would never forget his agony, nor how swiftly he had died.
Matthew frowned. “I’m afraid so. The railroad has made it spread even faster than the epidemic in 1842. Cases have been reported in many cities. It’s already made its way to Chicago, but it’s also in New Orleans, and for the first time it’s in Texas.”
“In just three months?” Abby protested. “It has never moved so quickly.”
“It’s never had the means to move so quickly,” Matthew responded quietly.
“And Richmond?” Jeremy pressed.
Matthew nodded reluctantly. “The first case was reported on August twelfth.”
“More than two weeks ago. Where?” Abby asked, certain she already knew.
Matthew met her eyes. “The black quarter. They are going to be hardest hit because of the lack of sanitation in that part of town.”
Abby bit back a groan. Was there to be no end to the misery blacks would have to suffer? She knew the cholera would die out when cold temperatures returned, but tens of thousands could die before the first hard frosts came. The black quarters were bulging with refugees from the country who were convinced they would find a better life in the city. Her next thought was of Marietta. Her eyes flew to Jeremy’s.
“We both know she won’t quit going down there to teach,” he said steadily.
Abby eyed him. “You knew about the cholera already.”
“Marietta told me this morning when I walked her to school before I headed to the factory. I haven’t had time to tell you. I tried to persuade her to take some time off, but of course she wouldn’t hear of it. She insists she has learned enough from Carrie to both stay safe and help the people down there. She met with some people today about converting their school back to a hospital.”
Abby nodded again. The paralyzing fear was gone, but the feeling of sorrow for all the suffering people was as strong as ever. “Your father would like knowing his church was being used as a hospital again.”
Jeremy smiled. “Yes, I believe he would. He would hate the reason, but he would be very glad it was continuing to be useful. At least they won’t be treated on dirt floors. Carrie and Janie will be glad to know some of the men put in wood floors this summer. They are busy building beds now.”
“What about the students?” Matthew asked.
“They have freed up some of the classrooms in another church. I believe everyone realizes cholera is going to hit hard,” he said with a scowl. “The black population has grown so quickly. There is so much poverty and so little sanitation. Combine that with the heat, and…”
Abby controlled her shudder as Jeremy’s voice trailed off. She knew too much about cholera epidemics to not expect the worst. She wished she could pack up everyone she cared about and retreat to the plantation, but she knew that wasn’t possible. The only way to handle this newest situation was to go through it. She squared her shoulders and turned to Thomas. “Please call a meeting of all the employees tomorrow. They must be taught how to protect themselves and their families.” Then she looked at Jeremy. “Have Marcus set up meetings at the churches. Education is the best way to help people.”
Jeremy nodded. “Marcus will be here shortly,” he revealed. “He is walking Marietta home from school.”
Abby took a deep breath. Spencer was in the kitchen, and Marcus would soon arrive. That could only mean more trouble was happening, or was on the way. “We’re having a meeting tonight?” She hated the faint tremor in her voice, but already knew she would choose to simply go through whatever the night revealed.
Jeremy met her eyes with a look of apology. “I’m sorry.”
“Nonsense,” Abby replied briskly. “We must do whatever we can to help the freed slaves.” She did not have to reveal the fact that she was terrified by the price that might have to be paid. She had wallowed in her fear long enough. Now it was time to move forward in spite of her fear.
Thomas wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Jeremy, why not give Matthew some dry clothes? His luggage is in the carriage in the barn, but there is no reason to get any wetter. Our red-headed friend looks quite drowned enough as it is,” he said playfully.
Abby knew what he was doing. She turned to him as soon as the two men entered the house.
“You’ve had a difficult day,” Thomas said tenderly, pulling her down on the porch swing with him.
Abby leaned into him, letting the moist, cool air envelop her. “It’s become a much better day,” she murmured.
Thomas pulled back to gaze at her, his eyes dark with concern. “I could tell you were tense all day. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing that a little May therapy didn’t take care of,” she said lightly. Thomas listened closely as she explained more fully.
He gripped her hand when she talked about her fears, and smiled when she revealed what May had said. “So your words came back to you.”
“They did,” Abby agreed. “I had no idea how wise they were at the time.”
Thomas chuckled. “It’s good to be surrounded by people who love us enough to tell us the truth.”
“You’ve changed so much,” Abby said quietly as she snuggled closer, grateful for his solid warmth as the cool breeze washed ove
r them.
Thomas considered her words and then nodded. “You’re surprised I would say that about someone who used to be my slave.”
“Yes. I know how different you are, but sometimes I’m so proud of you I feel I could burst.”
Thomas smiled. “Sometimes I can hardly remember the person I used to be. I never want to forget how far I’ve come, though. It’s going to take so many people changing, just as I have, to make things better.” He gazed out at the rain as a loud rumble of thunder rose above the pounding on the roof and pulled Abby close.
Abby sighed with contentment. She knew nothing would stop the storms, but she also knew she wasn’t alone.
Dinner was a cold meal of vegetables straight from the garden. Thick slices of plump tomatoes joined a large platter of cucumbers soaked in vinegar brine. Carrots and radishes stored in the root cellar filled another platter. Thick slices of bread and ham completed the feast.
Silence fell on the table as everyone devoured the food. Marietta and Marcus had joined them just before May placed the food on the table. A cool breeze still swirled the curtains, but the storm had passed. Sunlight had broken through the clouds perched on the horizon, turning them a glorious dark purple, but darkness was falling swiftly. It promised to be a refreshing evening—the first Richmond had known in many weeks.
As the last morsels of food vanished from the platters, the kitchen door swung open again. May, a broad smile on her face, carried another platter to the table. “Since that rain cooled things off, I decided to give all of you a special treat.”
“Strawberry shortcake!” Matthew exclaimed, licking his lips with anticipation.
“You spoil us,” Thomas said, grinning as he reached for his plate.