by Ginny Dye
Matthew held her back just far enough to claim her lips in a warm kiss. “The good thing about being back in the North is that no one will be shocked to see me kiss my fiancée on the porch,” he said when he finally pulled away and grinned down at her. “They may turn their noses up, but no one will pull out their smelling salts.” His smile faded. “I missed you, too,” he said quietly.
Janie understood the yearning look in his eyes. They would already be married if the decision was up to him. She knew she loved this man with all her heart, but she also knew she wasn’t ready. Matthew was nothing like Clifford, but she was still jolted awake far too often from the nightmares her marriage had bequeathed her. She had fought so hard for her independence. It might be selfish not to be ready to give it up yet, but so be it. Matthew said he understood. She would have to trust he was telling the truth.
Matthew lifted his nose and sniffed. His eyes widened with delight. “Do I really smell an apple pie?”
Janie laughed and pushed at him. “I do believe you’re part hound dog. Does it come from being born in West Virginia? I remember Hobbs had the same kind of nose.”
Matthew looked smug, his blue eyes dancing with fun. “I prefer to consider it sensitivity for the finer things in life,” he drawled.
“Right,” Janie teased back, her joy almost pounding out of her chest. She nodded toward the carriage. “Are you going to make your driver wait all day, or are you going to let him go?”
“I totally forgot him,” he admitted. “That’s what you do to me, young lady.”
It was Janie’s turn to look smug. “I’m certainly not going to apologize,” she shot back.
Matthew ran down the stairs to claim his two bags from the carriage and pay the driver. When he turned back around, Janie was looking at his bags with a raised brow. “No, I’m not moving in,” he said, answering the question in her eyes. “But neither am I willing to be very far from you when I’m in town.” He nodded his head toward the elegant yellow home two doors down. “Abby convinced a friend of hers to let a battered newspaper reporter board with her.”
“You’re living just two doors down?” Janie gasped. “That’s wonderful!” Again, she saw a look flash through Matthew’s eyes. He wanted to marry her so they could always be together, but he was giving her the time she needed. She knew she couldn’t truly understand how difficult it must be for him, but it just made her love him even more. “And I will not hear anything about you being a battered newspaper reporter. You are on your way to being a celebrated author.”
Matthew grinned. “You got my letter. I wasn’t sure it would get here before I did.”
“It came just a few hours ago,” Janie said happily. “I’m so excited for you! Glimmers of Change is going to be an excellent book. More importantly, it is going to change how people see things in our country. Your stories are so needed, Matthew.”
“And the part about me still doing newspaper work?” Matthew asked hesitantly. He watched her eyes closely.
“I knew you couldn’t walk away,” Janie replied easily. “To not have your finger on the pulse of this nation would have driven you crazy. You needed to heal from your experience in New Orleans, but I knew you would be right back in the fray.”
“And you don’t mind?” Matthew asked somberly.
Janie regarded him for a long moment, melting at the look of vulnerability on his strong face. “I won’t pretend I won’t worry, but I also won’t ask you to be less than you are.”
Matthew reached out and pulled her close. “I have fallen in love with an angel,” he said thickly.
“And don’t you forget it,” Janie replied, her heart catching as she thought about the night before.
Matthew sensed the shift in her feelings. He held her away and gazed down into her face. “What is it?”
“I’m afraid I’m far from being an angel,” Janie said quietly. When Matthew didn’t respond, but just continued to watch her, she knew he was giving her time to explain. “Carrie and I had a disagreement,” she admitted uncomfortably. “We’ve never felt so differently about things before.” She fell silent and looked down the street, wondering for what must be the hundredth time where Carrie had disappeared to this morning.
“You haven’t talked about it?” Matthew asked after a long moment.
“We haven’t had a chance,” Janie replied. She explained how Carrie had left earlier with no explanation about where she was going.
“Are you worried about her?”
Janie shook her head slowly. “No. I suspect she has gone down to visit the two women who saved us when the cholera hospital was burned, but…” Her voice trailed away. “I’m afraid she is very disappointed in me.”
Matthew frowned, but he didn’t refute her statement. “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Janie looked down the road again, but she didn’t see Carrie coming. “It’s getting late,” she muttered. In spite of what she had just said, worry was beginning to build.
“It will still be light for more than an hour,” Matthew assured her. “Did Carrie go wherever she was going with a driver?”
“I believe so. She said something to Elizabeth about going to the livery this morning.” Janie wished she could push the concern from her mind. “I shouldn’t be so worried.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Matthew replied with a smile. “Our friend Carrie has quite a solid reputation for being both impulsive and rash.”
The glint in his eyes made Janie laugh. “That is true. Still,” she said, “I have no reason to believe anything is wrong. I think she just needed to get away so she could think.”
“About what the two of you fought about last night?”
“I wouldn’t call it a fight,” Janie protested. “I would call it more of a philosophical disagreement.” Matthew raised a brow and looked at her. “All right,” she amended. “I guess it was more like a fight. All I’ve done all day is think about you coming, and all the things Carrie and I said last night. It was a total mix of joy and regret.” The day had been exhausting.
“And make apple pie,” Matthew added, obviously trying to take her mind off the argument with her closest friend.
“I’m afraid I can’t take credit for that. Alice saw how you fawned over Annie’s pies on the plantation. She brought home some fresh apples that just came into the city from the mountains, and insisted on making two pies.”
“I will try my best to do them justice,” Matthew said solemnly.
Janie laughed again, so very glad he was there. “Would you like to go for a walk?” she asked suddenly. She needed to get away from the house and clear her head. Staring at the road was not going to make Carrie miraculously appear.
Matthew promptly deposited his bags in the foyer of Abby’s house, yelled hello to Janie’s housemates, and then joined her on the porch again. “Lead the way, my love.”
Janie shivered. “I don’t know that I’ll ever get used to hearing you say that,” she said. “I loved you for so long.”
Matthew pulled her close again and claimed her lips in another kiss. “Then we’ve got a lot of time to make up for,” he said tenderly. He ended the kiss and tucked her hand in the crook of his arm. “Tell me whatever you want me to know.”
Janie discovered she wanted him to know everything. They had walked quite a long way before the entire story had spilled from her. Matthew listened quietly, merely nodding his head occasionally to indicate he was listening closely. She felt herself relaxing as she talked. She and Clifford had been able to talk like this once, but it had been for such a short time after their marriage. The Confederacy’s defeat had made him bitter and angry—completely changing the man she had fallen in love with. Matthew had already been through the worst and come out each time a better man. Janie knew she could trust her future with him.
The cool front that had brought in the storm the night before had kept the temperatures mild. The searing humidity had escaped out to sea as if the tides had simply pulled it away. Laughte
r and conversation flowed from porches as they strolled beneath the overhanging trees. Window boxes were still full of colorful flowers, and the smell of apples and cinnamon gave testimony to the recent influx of fruit from the Pocono Mountains.
Janie finished her story, edging right to miss a hoop rolling down the street. It was being madly pursued by a young girl with long braids, her face flushed with exertion.
“Sorry, ma’am!” she yelled, a grin revealing a gap in her teeth.
“I spent hours playing hoops when I was a young girl,” Janie said with a chuckle as she watched the child dash off, expertly spinning the hoop.
“And I never saw one until I left the mountains of West Virginia,” Matthew replied. “All my free time was spent in the woods with my dog.”
Janie eyed him. “We are from different worlds,” she murmured with an appraising glance. “I guess it was all that time in the woods that made you so strong and handsome, so I’m not going to complain. I will take on the responsibility of teaching our children how to roll hoops,” she said playfully, before sobering as her mind was pulled back to their conversation. “So, what do you think?”
“Of our children playing hoops?” Matthew answered. “I’m all for it.” He reached down and squeezed her hand. “Or about Carrie and what the two of you talked about?”
“The latter,” Janie said. She squirmed under his sudden scrutiny but was so glad to have someone to talk it through with. She hadn’t felt she could talk to any of her housemates because she didn’t want them to feel they were in the middle of it, and she was also concerned with how they would react.
“What do you think?” Matthew pressed. “You’ve told me what was said, but you haven’t really told me how you feel about it.”
“I’m still trying to figure that out,” Janie admitted. “I know I feel terrible about having such a strong disagreement with Carrie…” Her voice trailed away as she tried to face her feelings.
“Because you believe you were wrong, or because you hate to have conflict with her?”
Janie searched her heart. “I certainly hate having conflict.” She paused for a long moment. “I haven’t decided if I believe I was wrong.” She stopped in front of a three-story brick building and stared up at it, glad for a distraction. “Do you know what this is?”
“The Philadelphia School of Design for Women.”
Janie stared with surprise at what must have once been someone’s mansion. “For women?”
“Yes. It was established about twenty years ago by Sarah Peter. It is actually the first art school in the United States.”
Janie stepped back and looked at the building with new eyes. “Are these women treated as badly as we are?”
“I don’t believe so,” Matthew replied evenly. “They are taught to design articles for domestic use, like patterns for wallpaper, carpet and woodwork moldings. Mrs. Peter realized the industrial revolution in the North could mean new opportunities for women. She has been a widow twice. Though she had financial means, she realized most single or widowed women have few resources. She wanted to change that.”
“And there are so many more of them since the war,” Janie murmured.
“Yes. Women have proven they can excel in these fields,” Matthew continued. “Most of the women who graduate from here have no trouble finding jobs.”
“Because they are doing something men believe is acceptable for women,” Janie stated. She was aware of the bitterness in her voice, but she couldn’t hide it. She realized suddenly that she wasn’t interested in trying. She had been forced to be someone she wasn’t when she was married to Clifford. Those days were behind her. She would never be anyone but herself again.
“You knew becoming a doctor would be difficult,” Matthew said.
“Did I?” Janie asked. “Or did I simply do it because Carrie was doing it, and because I didn’t know what else to do?”
“You’re the only one who can answer that question,” Matthew said gently, “but I do know you are quite gifted in medicine.”
Janie considered that for a moment, wondering if it was true. She sighed heavily and repeated what she had said to Carrie the night before. “The medical establishment here in Philadelphia is already trying to prove women have no place in medicine. They are fighting us at every turn. Now, Carrie is going to tell them they are wrong about one of their most established practices?” Her voice rose. “And that’s just one of the things, Matthew. She disagrees with much more.”
“And you think she is wrong?”
Janie was quiet for several moments, forcing herself to answer honestly. “I’m afraid to admit she is right,” she finally confessed, her cheeks burning as she faced the truth.
“Why?”
Janie suddenly chuckled. “I should have known falling in love with a journalist would be dangerous. Do you always ask so many questions?”
Matthew smiled. “I’ve learned it’s the only way to get information. I could tell you what I think, but it isn’t important. The only thing that matters is what you think.”
“I do want to know what you think,” Janie protested.
“And I’ll be happy to tell you—but not before you know what you think yourself,” Matthew answered.
Janie managed a small smile when she saw the twinkle in Matthew’s eyes. “I think Carrie is absolutely correct,” she said, finding relief in speaking her mind.
“And you’re sad about that?”
Janie shrugged. “Left to my own devices, I don’t believe I would choose to rock the boat. I don’t necessarily believe that’s a good thing, but it’s the truth. Once it has been rocked, however, and the wrongs have been pointed out to me, it would be nothing but cowardice to look the other way. That doesn’t mean I don’t wish I could do just that, though.” She stepped back and stared up at the School of Design. “They couldn’t have had it easy,” she murmured as Matthew turned and began to walk back in the direction of the house.
“No. They didn’t fight the same deep prejudices you and Carrie are fighting, but they were taking jobs that had always been considered just for men. Of course, it helped that so many of our men died fighting in the war. Industry was forced to consider a different option if they were to continue moving forward at the same pace as before.”
“Do you think I’m an awful coward?” Janie asked uneasily.
“Never,” Matthew said fervently. “You are a strong, beautiful, talented woman.”
Janie heard the words, and she appreciated his support, but she didn’t see herself that way. She let her thoughts take her where they wanted to as they walked through the deepening dusk. “Carrie is right,” she said suddenly, growing more certain by the moment. “But I still don’t know what that means. If we want to become doctors, we have to graduate from medical school. How can we do that if we don’t believe what the doctors are teaching us?” She ground her teeth with frustration.
“There might be another way,” Matthew informed her, “but I think we’ll have to continue this conversation later.”
“Why?” Janie looked at him with surprise.
“We’re back at the house,” Matthew replied, “and Carrie is sitting on the porch.”
Janie gasped. She had been so lost in her thoughts she’d had no idea they were so close to the house. A quick glance told her Matthew was right. Carrie was watching them from the porch, but Janie couldn’t read her expression because dusk had cloaked her in shadows. It didn’t matter. She knew what she had to do. “Carrie!” Janie dropped Matthew’s arm and ran forward to envelop her friend in a warm hug. “I was an idiot last night. Will you please forgive me?”
“You were not an idiot, and there is nothing to forgive,” Carrie replied. “We had a difference of opinion. Certainly our friendship is strong enough to handle that.” She kissed Janie on the cheek, and then turned to Matthew. “Welcome home.”
Matthew smiled. “Yes, it is home, isn’t it?”
“Is it?” Carrie teased. “I saw your bags in the foy
er. Northern society is more accepting, but they may frown upon a single man with five women.”
“Wouldn’t it be fun to give them something to talk about?” Matthew asked with a laugh, and then explained his boarding situation two doors down.
“Wonderful!” Carrie exclaimed. “And you’re here for a month?”
“That’s the plan, but we all know things could change. That’s the reality of life for a newspaper reporter.”
“But not for an author,” Carrie protested.
“How did you—”
“Know about your book deal? You couldn’t possibly think Janie didn’t announce it to our housemates as soon as she got your letter. They spilled the beans when I got home.”
“Home from…?” Janie asked tentatively.
“I’m sorry I worried you,” Carrie said contritely. “I went to visit Biddy and Faith today. I needed some time to think, and I needed to hear the rest of their story.”
“And did you?” Janie watched her closely.
“Have time to think? Yes. Hear the rest of their stories? I heard the rest of Biddy’s. Faith wanted hers to wait for another time. I think she knew I had quite enough to process.”
“And did you find what you were looking for?”
Carrie hesitated. “Let’s say I know what I need to do, but I’m not at all sure how to go about doing it.”
“Matthew has an idea,” Janie said quickly, grasping Carrie’s hand. “I’m so sorry about last night. I was feeling particularly scared,” she admitted. “I knew what you were saying was right, but I just didn’t want to rock the boat. After everything that happened during the war, experiencing the difficulty of being a woman in medical school felt like quite enough. I had no desire to make life more difficult.”
Carrie gazed at her with soft compassion. “That’s completely understandable.”
“Stop it!” Janie scolded, laughing when Carrie’s eyes widened. “I was acting like a coward last night, but that is no reason to treat me like I might break. I’m not a natural-born rebel like you are, but that doesn’t mean I can’t see the light. You were absolutely right. I was absolutely wrong. Can we leave it at that and just move on?”