by Ginny Dye
“Did he protest loudly?” Janie asked with anticipation.
Carrie gave a mock frown. “He didn’t protest at all, which somewhat diminished the victory, but Rose definitely looked more rested after the four days, and she was deeply grateful.” Her frown was captured by another smile. “I declare, Moses absolutely dotes on that little girl. I think he was glad for a reason to spend more time with her, even if it meant doing it in the middle of a cold winter night.”
Janie smiled wistfully.
Carrie raised a brow. “What is that smile about?”
Janie hesitated and looked away.
Carrie felt a twinge of alarm. “Janie, is something wrong?”
“No,” Janie said quickly. “I’m sorry, I’ve just been thinking quite a bit about having children lately,” she said.
“Is that a bad thing?” Carrie asked.
“Not at all, but first I have to get married…”
“And you’re still afraid.”
Janie looked away again before she swung her eyes back. “I know it’s silly.”
“It’s not silly.”
“But it is,” Janie cried. “Matthew is the most wonderful man I know. He loves me so much, and I know without a doubt that he would never hurt me. He also encourages my independence. I know he would never try to take it away from me.” Her voice trembled as she added, “He’s perfect for me.”
“Then why won’t you marry him?” Carrie asked.
They broke out of the woods and onto the bank of the James River. Carrie smiled as she watched chunks of ice bob along in the gray waters, the sluggishly moving river seeming to blend seamlessly into the clouds hovering low over its surface. Janie walked up to the edge of the river and stared out over the water.
Carrie could tell her friend’s fists were clenched in her mittens. “Janie?” She reached out to put a hand on her shoulder.
“I’m scared,” Janie admitted in a low voice, every word coated with pain. “I hate it, but I’m scared.”
Carrie thought about the many times she had heard Janie give the same excuse for her refusal to marry the man she loved. She thought about the aching desire she saw in Matthew’s eyes when he looked at his fiancée. She knew he was willing to be patient, but she also knew how hard this was for him. The time for sympathy was over. “So Clifford wins after all,” she said flatly.
Janie spun around to stare at her. “I thought you said you understood.” Anger laced her voice.
“I did,” Carrie agreed. “And then I realized my understanding was simply allowing you to keep living in your fear.” She wondered if she was doing the right thing when she saw Janie flinch, but she forged ahead, her instincts telling her to keep talking. “Clifford’s abuse left you with fear, but it is your own choices that are keeping you in fear.”
“How would you know?” Janie snapped.
Janie’s anger made Carrie realize just how close she must be to the truth. “Fear is fear,” she said. “You are letting your fears keep you from something absolutely wonderful. So even though Clifford is no longer in your life, he is still controlling you every day because you are letting him. Is that really what you want, Janie?”
Janie gasped and turned away, her rigid shoulders revealing her fury.
Carrie waited quietly, thinking of all the times Janie had helped her work through her own fears. It was natural to be angry if you were challenged to let go of something you believed was keeping you safe. She knew she couldn’t really understand what Janie had been through, but she completely understood what her friend was missing by holding Matthew at arm’s length. She began to shiver as the wind picked up on the river, kicking the calm surface up into whitecaps that blended with the ice chunks, but still she waited.
When Janie finally turned to look at her, her eyes were swarming with tears. “I want to stop being afraid,” she whispered.
Carrie moved forward and clasped Janie’s hand firmly. “Then do it.”
Janie blinked and looked away. “How?” Her whisper was a cry for help that was picked up by the wind and whisked into the clouds.
Carrie was glad the waiting had given her time to think about what her answer would be. “Change the story.”
Janie turned her eyes back. “Change the story?”
“Yes,” Carrie said. “You have allowed the memories of Clifford to become the only story playing through your mind. Every time you think about marriage, you think about his anger and abuse. Of course it scares you.” She took a deep breath, praying she would say the right thing. “Every time that story starts, you need to stop it and tell yourself another one. The new story should center on how wonderful your marriage to Matthew will be. You’re going to tell yourself the story of what it will be like to crawl into bed with him every night.”
Janie blinked again, but the tears had disappeared in the wake of a new light in her eyes.
“You’re going to tell yourself the story of what it will be like to bear Matthew’s children… To watch him hold your babies… To hear the laughter of your family in your home.”
Janie held her free hand up to her heart. “Oh, Carrie… That is what I want more than anything.”
“Then go get it,” Carrie said. As she watched, she saw the shadow of fear begin to creep back into her friend’s eyes. “Tell yourself a different story right now,” she commanded. The shadow retreated as Janie obeyed. “It will take some time,” Carrie continued, “but it won’t take long.”
Janie’s eyes sought hers. “It won’t?”
“It won’t.” Carrie’s voice was loving, but firm.
Janie stared at her. “How do you know?” Her voice trembled with hope.
Carrie chuckled. “I’ve lost count of the times I have let fear stop me from doing something. You have helped me so many times. It was Abby who taught me the power of telling myself a different story. When I keep telling it to myself, the new story becomes my reality, and it washes away the fear so that I can move forward.”
Janie listened intently. “I will do it,” she promised.
“Starting now?” Carrie pressed.
“Starting now,” Janie said, her eyes glowing with determination.
Carrie eyed the smoke coming from the chimney.
“We could be inside where it’s warm if you want to change your mind,” Marietta offered.
Carrie smiled. “Too soft for a little winter weather?”
“Certainly not!” Marietta retorted, her blue eyes flashing with fun. “Where are we going?”
Carrie nodded toward the barn.
Marietta narrowed her eyes. “You made me put all these clothes on and come out into this cold just for a stroll to the barn?”
Carrie felt a flash of remorse, but it was quickly followed by the excitement of her idea. “I did, but you’ll understand why in a few minutes.”
The barn, protected from the wind by sturdy walls, felt almost warm in contrast when they walked in. The horses snuffled a greeting, but quickly turned back to their feed. Carrie had seen Clint leave the stable just minutes before she invited Marietta for a walk, so she knew they would have some privacy.
Marietta turned on her as soon as they walked inside. “Out with it,” she ordered. “Why are we here?”
Carrie spoke quickly, not at all certain someone wouldn’t choose to follow them.
When she finished talking, Marietta was already bobbing her head up and down. “Absolutely. Yes!”
“It might not happen,” Carrie reminded her again.
“But if it does…” Marietta murmured. She clapped her hands with delight.
Smiling, they clasped hands and walked back to the house.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Marietta took a deep breath and turned toward the mirror in Carrie’s room. She gasped as she saw her reflection in the gleaming glass. “Oh, my…” she murmured.
“‘Oh, my’ is correct,” Abby breathed. “You look absolutely stunning, Marietta.”
“You’re the most beautiful th
ing I’ve ever seen,” Amber cried with wonder.
“I’m so glad I didn’t let my mother send me a dress,” Marietta whispered as she twirled slowly, letting the wispy softness of the ivory-colored dress float around her, soft lace whispering a song through the room. Flames from the fire sparkled off glass beads, making the dress seem alive. “Abby, I don’t know how to thank you for letting me wear your wedding dress. Jeremy wanted to buy me one, and I know he can afford it, but having something from the family is so much more special.”
Tears gleamed in Abby’s eyes. “You have no idea what that means to me. I always dreamed of having a large family. Howard and I couldn’t have children, but the dream never died. Now I suddenly have a huge family. I felt silly keeping that dress all these years. Now I know why I did.” She walked forward to clasp Marietta’s hands. “You’re stunning, my dear. Jeremy isn’t going to know how to feel when he sees you.”
“On the contrary,” Carrie chuckled. “I think he’s going to know exactly how to feel.”
Marietta blushed but met her eyes squarely. “Is it wonderful, Carrie?”
Carrie nodded, aware Amber was in the room. “It’s more than wonderful.” She locked eyes with Abby. “Wouldn’t you agree?”
Abby laughed. “Though it feels a little odd to confirm that in front of my husband’s daughter, yes, it is wonderful!”
“I know what you’re talking about,” Amber proclaimed. “Don’t you know I learned all about sex when Eclipse took care of the mares this spring? Isn’t that what you’re talking about? I’m not a little girl,” she added. “You don’t have to talk in riddles to hide things from me.”
Carrie managed a small laugh as she nodded her head, completely at a loss for what to say.
Abby took care of it for her. “Come here, Amber.” Amber walked over and stood beside her. “You are most definitely not a little girl. You are a very smart young woman, but sex between a man and a woman is much more special than what you see Eclipse doing to the mares. It is something to be cherished, and you will always deserve to have a man treat you very special. I know your mama would tell you the same thing.”
Amber was quiet for a long moment. “I reckon you are right,” she said thoughtfully. She looked at Marietta. “Does Jeremy feel that way about you?”
“He does,” Marietta confirmed, her face glowing with a warm smile.
Amber cocked her head as she stared at the bride-to-be. “I want that, too,” she declared with a grin. “I wasn’t really looking forward to what Eclipse does.”
Carrie couldn’t help laughing.
Marietta laughed along with her and then turned to twirl in front of the mirror again. Lantern light caught her reflection and sent it spinning back toward her. She quit spinning and walked forward slowly to caress the mirror. “Your mirror is extraordinary. Did I hear you say one day that this treasure has been passed down from your family?”
Carrie nodded as she exchanged a glance with Abby. “Yes, it came over from England. My great-great-grandmother refused to leave it behind when they came to America. She received it as a wedding gift from her parents.”
Marietta examined it more closely. “This mirror is quite valuable,” she murmured, gazing at Carrie with a curious expression. “Excuse me if this seems rude, but your bedroom seems a rather strange place for it to be. It seems as if it should be downstairs where everyone can see it.”
“My mother quite agreed with you,” Carrie replied. “I’m certain my grandmother felt the same way.”
“Then…”
“The Cromwell men refused to have it moved from this room.” Carrie grinned as Marietta’s expression grew more confused. “I suppose now that you’re going to be a member of the family it is time for you to know the secret.”
Marietta shook her head. “The secret?”
“There’s a secret?” Amber cried.
Carrie had almost forgotten Amber was in the room when Marietta was asking about the mirror. “You’re family, too, Amber. You should also know the secret.”
Amber’s eyes widened. “I’m family?” Her expression was a mixture of longing and disbelief.
“You are,” Carrie said. “You may be someone else’s daughter, but Robert and I love you just like you were our own.”
Carrie smiled as Amber’s face glowed a little more brightly, and then she strode forward, reached for the hidden handle she knew so well now, and tugged it gently. The heavy mirror swung open soundlessly, revealing the gaping corridor hidden behind it.
“A tunnel!” Marietta cried, moving forward to peer into the darkness.
Amber jumped up and ran to stare into it. “Where does it go?” she breathed.
“To the river. My great-great-grandparents built it when they built the house. The original idea was to protect them from Indian attacks, but it has served many more purposes than that,” Carrie said with a smile.
“Will you tell me the stories?” Marietta asked eagerly.
“Me too!” Amber echoed. “I want to know all the stories!”
“Perhaps after the wedding?” Abby asked in an amused voice.
Marietta grinned. “Definitely after the wedding,” she answered. “Quite a few days after the wedding,” she added, batting her eyelashes.
Rose found Jeremy out on the porch, bundled heavily against the cold. “Hello, brother.”
Jeremy glanced around with a smile and drew her close with his strong arm. “Hello, sister. I thought you would be upstairs with the women.”
“I was for a while, but then all I wanted to do was come find my twin brother.”
Jeremy smiled and continued to stare out over the plantation. “It’s funny how life has come full circle,” he murmured.
Rose could feel the depth of emotion in him. She stood silently, waiting for him to continue.
“Do you think our mama knows?”
“That her baby boy who she lost when he was only a day old is back on the plantation getting ready to be married to a beautiful woman who is perfect for him?” Rose asked. “Yes, I believe she knows.”
“How?”
Rose shrugged. “I won’t even pretend to know the answer to that question. There have been so many times when I needed Mama since she died.” Her voice trailed off as the memories flooded her. “Whether I simply saw her in my mind, or whether God opened a veil to the Universe to let me see her, I don’t know. I just know that sometimes I can see her, and that I can hear her.”
“Do you see her now?” Jeremy asked eagerly.
Rose shook her head. “I’m not the one who needs to see her,” she said. She reached up and laid her hand on Jeremy’s cheek. “I do know that Mama would be so very proud of you. I believe she knows we’re together again, and I believe she knows how much our world is changing.”
Jeremy nodded. “There are still times I feel like I’m being selfish to marry Marietta.”
“Then you’re not as smart as I thought you were,” Rose said.
Jeremy stiffened, but relaxed just as quickly. “You sound like Marietta.”
“Good,” Rose said crisply. “I suspect it will take two strong women to keep you from thinking ridiculous things like that.” She interpreted the look of protest in her twin’s eyes. “I already know you and Marietta have had many conversations about your marriage putting her, and the children who will follow, at risk.”
“Did she tell you about them?”
“She didn’t have to. You’re not the kind of man who would not be concerned about what could happen to a white woman who marries a mulatto.”
Jeremy sighed. “I hate that word.”
“I do, too,” Rose agreed. “We’re just people. You happen to look white. I happen to look black. Either of us could have children that look completely different from us. You would be careless if you didn’t at least consider it.”
“Did you?” Jeremy asked.
“Certainly. Right before John was born I was terrified he would come out looking white. I didn’t know how Mos
es would handle it, and I was scared for what it would mean for my baby as he grew up.”
“And now?” Jeremy’s eyes blazed with intensity.
“And now I simply rejoice when a child is born. It’s not that I don’t think about it,” she added. “Hope could have been born looking more white.” She considered her next words. “It just doesn’t matter anymore. I figure if God wants my baby to be born looking different than Moses and I, that I don’t have the right to question it or be upset about it. I will love that child as equally as I love my other two. I will treat them the same, and I will do everything I can to raise them to be good, loving people.”
Jeremy was silent for several minutes. Rose continued to stand quietly, letting him think through her words.
“My sister is a very wise woman,” Jeremy finally said.
“I am,” Rose agreed, chuckling almost as soon as the words escaped her mouth. “You’re going to be an amazing husband and father, Jeremy. You and Marietta will deal with whatever comes because you love each other.”
Jeremy nodded. “Thank you.” He glanced at the house, his smile suddenly eager. “Isn’t it almost time?”
“I believe it is. Perhaps you would like to come out of the cold so that your cheeks aren’t bright red when your bride comes down the stairs. That’s not a problem for me, but you white people are different…”
Jeremy exploded into laughter and pulled her into the house.
Carrie found Felicia staring up at the Christmas tree. She laid her hand on her shoulder. “Does it meet your approval?”
Felicia grinned. “Next to the Leonid Meteor Shower, it is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” she whispered.
The twelve-foot-tall Christmas cedar was indeed beautiful. The children had started by using everything in the attic to decorate the tree. It was dressed with cotton balls, gilded nuts and berries, paper garlands, colored pieces of glass, and white lace. But then they had taken it from beautiful to spectacular by adding tiny sculptures the children had created from pine cones and nuts. Swatches of pink, white and blue dried flowers nestled in the branches. To finish it off, they had directed the placement of hundreds of tiny white candles that were gleaming and twinkling in preparation for the wedding that was about to take place.