“Y-yes. Please.”
“I’ll raise your head some,” the nurse said.
Lainey closed her eyes as her head began to rise to an accompanying whirring sound. When she was positioned in a half-sitting position, she opened her eyes, and someone held a cup of water in front of her. Her lips closed around the straw, and she sighed inwardly as the cool liquid slid down her parched throat.
“That’s enough,” she said, pulling away and glancing up. It wasn’t the nurse who held the cup, but Ash. His red-streaked eyes, his uncombed hair, and his general unkempt appearance startled her. “You look tired.”
The nurse chuckled as she lowered Lainey’s head a bit. “He should look tired. He wouldn’t leave your side all night long. He sat in that chair and watched every breath you took. You must be very special to him.”
Ash turned away to set the cup on the table next to her bed but not before she saw the flush that covered his unshaven cheeks. Lainey tried to think of a response to the woman’s statement. But there was no way to convey the complicated relationship she had with Ash. When she spoke, it wasn’t what she’d intended to say at all. “He’s my brother-in-law.”
The nurse laughed. “Then he must like you a lot. My brother-in-law won’t give me the time of day. I can’t stand the guy.”
Lainey nodded. “Yes, Ash is special.”
Ash cleared his throat and turned back to face the nurse. “I’ve been watching Lainey’s monitors, and it appears that her vital signs are returning to normal.”
“Yes. Everything is looking good this morning, and she’s breathing on her own now. That’s why we removed the breathing tube.” The nurse tucked the covers around her and smiled. “You just relax now, and we’ll get you something to eat in a little while. The doctor should be in before long.”
“Will I get to go home soon?” Lainey asked.
The nurse’s smile grew bigger. “I don’t know what he’ll say. We have to wait and see.”
With that, she turned and walked from the room. For a minute neither Lainey nor Ash spoke. Her head felt clearer now, and she turned her head to stare at him. He looked as if he was about to fall asleep on his feet.
“Thank you for staying with me last night.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, and he sank down in the chair next to her bed. “I’m so sorry, Lainey.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“I promised I would protect you, and I didn’t. If you had died, it would have been my fault.”
She reached out and put her hand on his arm. “You can’t blame yourself for that. It was an accident.”
He shook his head. “It was no accident. That snake was put there to bite you.”
Her mouth gaped open, and she stared at him in surprise. “Ash, don’t be ridiculous. It was. . .”
He held up his hand to stop her. “No. Casey figured out that kind of rattler doesn’t live in this part of the state, and then I got an email from Eve confirming that it was meant to be there.”
“So you’re saying. . .” She stopped mid-sentence, afraid to voice the words. She covered her eyes with her uninjured hand and shook her head. After a moment she lowered it and stared at him. “I thought we were safe at the center.”
“I thought so, too. And I blame myself for not watching you more carefully.” He scooted the chair closer to her bed. “But I promise I’ll do better in the future.”
Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh, Ash, how are we going to stop this killer?”
“I don’t know. Yet.” He raked his hand through his hair and let out a ragged breath. “Lainey, have you ever had a severe allergic reaction to an insect sting or bite?”
She blinked at the unexpected question. “Yes. About three years ago. I keep an inhaler in my purse.”
“Why haven’t you told me?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never had to use it, so I guess I didn’t think to mention it.”
He let out a long breath before he reached up and pressed his fingertips to his eyes. After a moment, he pulled his hands away and straightened in his chair. “I was so scared, Lainey. I didn’t want. . .”
He choked on the words, and her heart pounded as his gaze raked her face. “You didn’t want what?”
“I didn’t want you to die,” he whispered so softly she almost didn’t make out the words.
Her heart lurched. He’d thought she was going to die, and he was scared. “I’m sorry, Ash. I should have told you about the inhaler. I went into shock, didn’t I?”
He reached for her hand and held it in both of his. “Yes. I’ve seen men die before, Lainey, and it’s always been bad. But nothing like last night when I thought Max and I might lose you.” His fingers tightened around hers, and it seemed as if all the years of being apart had vanished. They were together again. She’d hardly dared let herself think Ash would forgive her or that they could ever find what they’d once had. But the scared look on Ash’s face told her something had happened to him while she was unconscious.
She smiled at him. “I’m going to be okay, Ash. I’m sorry I gave you such a scare.”
His fingers kneaded her hand, and he stared down at them. “I was afraid I would never get to tell you what I’d intended to in the meditation garden last night.”
“What was it?”
He took a deep breath. “I’ve acted like a jerk for ten years and blamed you for things that were really my fault. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
Tears stung her eyes. “Of course I forgive you, if you’ll forgive me for keeping the truth from you. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I really thought you didn’t care, and I didn’t want Max hurt.”
He nodded. “I know that now.” He took a deep breath. “All I want is to be a part of his life. To get to know him. To have him in my life. That’s all I want.”
The tiny flicker of hope she’d had that they could find their way back to each other died with his words. He didn’t want her. He only wanted his son. And why would he want her? She’d hidden Max’s identity from him, and she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to trust her again.
She stretched her mouth into what she hoped looked like a sincere smile. “I want that for you, too, Ash. And I promise we’ll make that happen.”
He released her hand and nodded. “And one more thing, Lainey. I don’t want to interfere in your life. I’ve caused you enough unhappiness.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about how selfish I was about Sam. He’s a good guy. If you think he’ll make you happy, I won’t interfere again.”
Her heart thudded. So instead of wanting her he was openly giving his blessing for her to marry another man. The thought made her head hurt, and she closed her eyes.
What could she say to that? She’d married one man she didn’t love out of what she thought was the best choice at the time. Richard had been wonderful, and she had come to love him like a brother. But never with the deep passion she’d had for Ash.
Sam had also been wonderful to her for the last few years. But marrying him was an entirely different situation than it had been with Richard. Could she find happiness with Sam?
She stared up at Ash, the expression on his face telling her he was waiting for some kind of answer. She gave a small nod as best she could. “Thank you for telling me how you feel, Ash.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “Now I think I’ll sleep a bit more before the nurse brings me my breakfast.”
“Lainey,” he whispered. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all.”
She didn’t open her eyes. If she did, she would burst into tears. Be happy? The only thing that would make her happy was for Ash to tell her he’d never quit loving her and that he wanted the three of them to be a family. But that was never going to happen.
As she had done for years, she banished her thoughts of Ash to the hollow place in her heart that had grown larger through the years. For now, she wouldn’t think about him or what she wanted. Max was the important one. She had to protect him from whoever wan
ted to kill them. And she would. Then she could decide what her future held.
<><><>
Ash wanted to say something else to Lainey, to assure her that he meant it. He didn’t want to interfere in her and Max’s lives. He only wanted a chance to get to know his son and share time with him. Of course there was more that he wanted, but it didn’t matter at the moment. That was nothing but a dream, and it had died years ago. He’d been foolish to entertain the thought that he and Lainey. . .
He shook his head. Best to forget what he thought. He’d made Lainey unhappy enough in the past, and he wasn’t about to do it again.
He watched the rise and fall of her chest for a few moments. When he was satisfied that she was breathing normally and that she’d drifted off to sleep again, he dropped back down in the chair next to her bed. His body ached as if he’d been involved in an all-night fire fight. He needed sleep, but he couldn’t give in yet. He had to stay awake to make sure no harm came to Lainey.
A movement at the door caught his attention, and he glanced up to see Sam walking in the door. His eyes flitted over Ash and then back to Lainey who stirred in her sleep. He gave a curt nod to Ash and then eased up to the bed and stared down at Lainey, his gaze focused on her.
The look that Sam directed at Lainey left no doubt as to how he felt about her. Even a stranger would have been able to see the love that shone in Sam’s eyes. Suddenly Ash was sorry he’d told Lainey he wanted her to be happy even if it meant her being with Sam. He didn’t want her to marry Sam. She was his, had been from the first moment they met years ago. Even when she had been married to his brother, he had still known she was the only woman he would ever love. Now a man, his best friend from childhood, wanted to marry her, and everything in Ash rebelled at the idea.
“How’d you get in here?” he asked. “I didn’t think they’d let anybody but family in intensive care.”
Sam glanced up at him, and his mouth tightened into a thin line. “I’m the sheriff. A badge will get me any place in this county that I want to go.”
He glared at Ash for moment before he inhaled a big breath as a momentary flicker of pain darkened his eyes. The muscles in his throat constricted as he swallowed, and then he reached out and covered Lainey’s hand with his.
He didn’t turn his head as he spoke to Ash. “She’s so pale. What’s the latest on her condition?”
Ash pushed up from the chair where he’d been sitting and stood on the other side of Lainey’s bed facing Sam. “Her vital signs are better. The doctor hasn’t been in yet, but we expect him any time.”
Sam glanced up at him and frowned. “You look worn out, Ash. Since I’m here, why don’t you go eat something and get some some sleep? Maybe go back to the Firebrand Center. I’ll stay with Lainey.”
Ash shook his head. “I can’t leave her. I want to make sure she’s okay.”
Sam cocked his head to one side and arched an eyebrow. “You’ve always been good at leaving, Ash. You haven’t cared enough in the last ten years to find out what she’s gone through. Then all of a sudden you show up, and you think you’re in charge of Lainey and Max. Well, I’ve got news for you, buddy. Some of us didn’t leave. Richard was here to take care of her, and when he was gone, I took over. We made it fine without you, and we can do it again. So why don’t you go on and leave before Lainey and Max get too attached to you.”
Ash clenched his fists at his side and glared at Sam. Where did he get off deciding if Max should get too attached to him? Even if Lainey married Sam, Max was always going to be his son. He opened his mouth to tell him to stay out of matters that didn’t concern him when his assurance to Lainey that he wanted her to be happy flashed into his head.
As much as he wanted to, there was no way he could undo the past ten years. If Lainey wanted Sam, Ash was going to have to be strong enough to accept it. Ash dug his fingers into his palms and took a deep breath. “You’ve been a good friend to Lainey, Sam, and I appreciate that. All I want is for Lainey and Max to be happy. I want to be a part of Max’s life, and Lainey has told me I can be.” He took a deep breath and hoped he could say the words he knew he had to. “So, if she loves you and wants to marry you, I won’t do anything to change her mind.”
Sam blinked and looked at him as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you serious?”
Ash nodded. “I am.”
“You won’t try to persuade Lainey not to marry me?”
“If that’s what she wants, I won’t do anything to influence her differently.”
Sam narrowed his eyes and studied Ash for several moments before he finally held out his hand. “Thanks, Ash. I appreciate that.”
Ash hesitated for a split second before he reached out and grasped Sam’s hand, and they shook. At that moment, Lainey’s eyes blinked open, and she stared up at their hands clasped above her. “What’s going on?” she murmured.
Ash shook his head and pulled his hand back. “Nothing, Lainey. Sam just got here to visit you. I’ll leave you two alone so you can talk. I need to find something to eat and maybe get some sleep.”
Lainey raised her head from the pillow and propped herself on the elbow of her uninjured arm. “You’re leaving?”
“Not for long.”
A look of panic crossed her face. “What does that mean? Ten minutes? Ten hours? When will you back?”
Ash touched her shoulder and eased her back down on the bed. “Don’t worry. You’ll be okay with Sam here. He’s not going to let anything happen to you.”
She cast a quick glance at Sam and then back to him. “I know, but. . .”
He leaned over and stared into her eyes. “Just relax. I’m only going to get some breakfast in the cafeteria and call Reese. I want to check on Max and ask Reese to bring me some clean clothes. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“So you aren’t going back to the center and leaving me here alone?”
He frowned and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “No. I’m not leaving here until I can take you back to Max. Okay?”
Her lips trembled, but she smiled and exhaled a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Ash. I don’t mean to be such a baby, but I feel better having you here.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Ever again, Lainey. I’m going to be here for you and Max.” He glanced up at Sam. “I won’t be gone long.”
Sam nodded as Ash strode around the end of the bed and out the door. Once in the hall he forced himself to walk to the exit door from the Intensive Care Unit and then down the hall to the elevator. When the doors opened, he stepped into the empty elevator and watched the doors slide shut. Only then did he sag against the wall and close his eyes.
When he’d left to join Firebrand, he’d been cocky enough to believe that no matter what he did Lainey would never turn to another man. Coming home had made him see that everything that had happened since that day had been his fault. He wished he could turn back the clock and relive that day, but he couldn’t. He had to live with what his actions had caused.
Now he was going to have to learn to live with something else. Lainey had moved on with her life, and he had to accept that. As much he didn’t want to, he had to pretend that he was happy for her and Sam. He didn’t know yet how he’d do it, but he would.
Chapter 13
Lainey smiled up at Sam as he covered the hand on her uninjured arm with his. The muscles in his throat constricted as his gaze drifted over her face.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. I was in a meeting in Asheville, and I wasn’t able to leave.”
Lainey smiled and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. There’s nothing you could have done, and I’m fine now.”
His eyes darkened, and he gave a slight shake of his head. “I was worried sick when I got the call that you’d been taken to the hospital. I wanted to make sure you were taken care of.”
Lainey’s breath hitched in her throat at the concern she saw in his eyes. “I was taken care of. Ash was there, and he and Reese got me here as qu
ickly as they could. Ash hasn’t left the hospital since we came in.”
The mention of Ash produced a quick change in Sam’s features. His body stiffened, and he straightened to his full height as he released her hand. Whereas moments ago he had been apologetic for his absence, now he appeared angry and defiant.
“That’s Ash, isn’t it? Always rides in to be the hero. The only problem is he doesn’t have any trouble riding out again and leaving somebody else to clean up the mess he’s left behind.”
She felt a flash of anger and she glared at him. “I know better than anyone else what he’s done in the past, but he’s not the only one who’s made mistakes. I share a lot of the burden for what happened.”
His mouth pulled into a grim line. “You mean because you married his brother while you were carrying Ash’s child?”
She gasped. “How did you know that?”
Sam snorted in disgust. “I was there. Remember? And I can count. Max was born eight months after Ash left. There’s no way he could have been Richard’s child. Besides, anybody who bothers to look twice can tell that Max is Ash’s son. He looks just like him.”
His words shocked her and Lainey’s mouth gaped open. If Sam could see, then others must have guessed her secret, too. She struggled to ignore the pain that shot up her arm as she tried to push up on her elbows. “Sam, please. You can’t tell anyone. You know how fast gossip spreads in town. I don’t want Max finding out from some kid at school that the uncle he adores is really his father.”
The anger that had lined his face disappeared. He stared at her for a moment before he turned his back to her and raked his hand through his hair. Then slowly he faced her again. “I’m sorry, Lainey. I would never do anything to hurt you or Max. I want to marry you and be a father to Max. But I don’t want to worry all the time about when Ash is going to show up and turn our lives upside down.”
Tears stung her eyes. She reached out and trailed her fingers over his hand. “I’m sorry, too. Sam. You’re a good man, and you’ve been kind and patient with me. But I understand how you feel. For what it’s worth Ash didn’t know about Max until a few days ago. Now he wants to be a part of his life, and I have to let him do that.”
Targeted (Firebrand Book 1) Page 17