He told himself they were just friends, again, just so his heart didn’t get any ideas. People danced all the time. It didn’t mean anything.
Looking into her face, he didn’t see shame painted on it like he would expect. He didn’t see regret or sorrow. He saw a softness that said she’d been missing this. A warmth radiated through his biceps, through his hands that were on her waist. The song lulled them into a quiet solace, something both had been missing.
When the song ended, they silently parted, neither knowing what to say. He didn’t want to admit what his heart was feeling, didn’t want to admit he could feel the friendship status between them threatening to become something more.
He wouldn’t do that to her.
Besides, what would ever become of it? He would always be Tim’s best friend in her eyes, and that would prevent anything from happening.
Not that he wanted anything to happen.
But as she pulled away, he could still feel her tight waist in his fingers, smell her perfume floating up from her neck. He could see those perfectly pink lips. He wondered what they would feel like...
“I should go,” he said before he was swept away, before he ruined everything between them.
She nodded, the glow in her eyes slowly fading into confusion.
“Thanks for dinner. I’ll call you?”
He rushed out the door, not looking back. The song had changed to a more upbeat song, and the moment was over.
Or was it?
_______________
The night of the pot roast, of the dancing in the kitchen, had thrown him a bit. He’d managed to convince himself his visits were all about helping Sophia, all about his sense of duty to Tim.
Now, though, he couldn’t stop thinking about her waist between his hands, about the way her eyes looked up at him. He silently asked the question he’d been avoiding, the “what if” question.
He stopped himself. This was madness. He wasn’t this kind of man. Hell, he wasn’t even a good enough man for Sophia, even if she weren’t his best friend’s wife. He was a broken-down excuse for a man, a lost man. He, as he had told Sophia, was no saint.
He was a wreck, flailing through life, trying to figure out where he was going. Sophia’s life was already complicated and dilapidated. She needed a man who was settled, who was perfect. Not him.
Try as he might, he couldn’t stop himself. Like his addiction to the feel of alcohol gliding down his throat, he was addicted to her presence.
He recommitted to his “just friends” theory, promised himself the night of the roast had been a moment of weakness. It wouldn’t happen again.
So a few nights later, when Sophia called out of the blue and asked if he wanted to go out for dinner, he accepted. He tried to ignore the fact he was smiling from ear to ear at the sound of her voice, tried not to stress out over what to wear or what cologne to spray on.
He tried not to think about it like a date.
His heart, well, his heart was a different story.
_______________
“Well, I do hate when you turn down my dinner invitation, but I will let it slide this time,” his mom replied. She’d called to invite him to dinner—meatloaf.
“Don’t make a big deal out of this, Mom. We’re just friends.”
“Okay, whatever you say. But tell me, when are you going to bring her over for dinner? Oh, maybe you could skip the going out thing and just come over for meatloaf?”
“No.” In hindsight, he should’ve just told his mom he had to work when he turned down her dinner invitation. What the hell had he been thinking? He hadn’t.
“Well, you can’t keep this girl to yourself forever.”
“She’s not my girl, Mom.”
“Bring her over. And soon.”
“Okay. Gotta go. I’m picking her up soon.”
“Flowers? Did you get flowers?”
“Mom...”
“Listen, friends or not, every girl loves flowers. Go get some. I raised you to be a gentleman, didn’t I?”
He sighed. When he talked to his mom, he always felt like he was fifteen again. Perhaps that was her goal. “Okay, Mom. I’ll get flowers.”
“Is that Jackson? Does he have a date?” His sister’s obnoxious voice blared in the background. His mom turned from her conversation with Jackson to fill Gretta in. While he was still on the phone.
“Mom!” he yelled, trying to get her attention, listening to Gretta and his mother plan and plot about what was not even a relationship.
“Sorry, honey. We’re just so excited for you. Okay, you two lovebirds have fun. Don’t get too wild. Or do. I mean, if she’s gorgeous...”
“Okay, I’m hanging up.” He clicked the phone, squeezing his brow, trying to shuck the idea his mom just hinted at sex from his mind.
He would never publicly admit it, but he did decide his mom was right about a few things.
One: Flowers wouldn’t be a bad idea.
Two: Sophia was gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous.
_______________
“Thanks, Jackson. You didn’t have to do this,” Sophia said when she answered the door. She was wearing skinny jeans, knee-high boots, and a royal blue sweater. Her hair was down, disheveled in a sexy way. She looked perfect.
Of course, his feelings were strictly platonic.
He shrugged, handing the white daisies to her. They were simple. Friendly. Non-romantic.
“So are you ready?”
“Yeah. Let’s go.”
“Where to?” She’d never really specified where she wanted to go.
“Well, I was hoping to go to Sean’s.”
“Really? Are you sure you don’t want to go somewhere nicer?” Sean’s was a run-down local restaurant, known for its basic bar foods and sometimes unsavory crowds.
“No. I kind of wanted low-key.”
“That low-key?”
“I’ve heard they have good wings. And... well... to be honest, I’ve never been there. It’s one of the places around here Tim never would take me.”
He smiled. She wanted somewhere without memories. He could understand that.
“Okay. Let’s go.”
She paused.
“What is it?” he asked, waiting for her at the door.
“I’m sorry. This... I just feel... is this weird for you?”
He shrugged. “No. It’s two friends going for wings.”
She nodded, seeming to think for a moment. “Okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m being all crazy.”
“You’re not being crazy. Let’s go have some wings.”
“To the wings,” she said, following him to his truck.
_______________
Three dozen wings later, they were laughing at the horrific entertainment—a biker gang band, by the looks of it, singing on the karaoke machine up front—and some of the sketchy patrons. They probably should’ve been terrified. The crowd was certainly eying them with suspicion.
“I feel like we’re going to end up in a horror novel,” Sophia laughed. “Guess this is why Tim would never bring us here.”
“I mean, the wings are good. If we survive,” he whispered, laughing. He was thankful for his military training and muscles at this point. Most of the sketchy patrons were either scrawny or really old. He felt like he could take them.
“This was a terrible idea,” she said. “I’m sorry. I just thought... I thought if I went somewhere new, I wouldn’t be thinking about him all night.”
“It makes sense.”
“Yeah. But we shouldn’t have to come to some creepy place just so I don’t bring him up.”
“Stop being so hard on yourself,” Jackson said, putting the wing down.
“I know. I just... I just feel like I need to be normal again. Do normal things. Go out. It’s just so damn hard.”
“It’s always going to be. It’s okay to struggle, Soph. I get it. Please don’t feel like you can’t struggle. You don’t have to be perfect.”
She smiled, nodd
ing. “You’re right. You’re so right. Thank you. You want to get out of here? Go somewhere else?”
He looked at her, thinking. “No. I don’t think I do.” The biker gang had finished their final Sonny and Cher song, and the machine was empty. He wiped off his hands, and ordered her to do the same. She looked at him questioningly but complied.
He yanked her out of her seat, heading up front.
“Jackson, what the hell are you doing?” she hissed, her face paling.
“Come on. Let’s do something crazy,” he said, grabbing the mics up front. The rest of the bar stared at them like they were aliens.
“How you all doing tonight?” he said into the microphone. He handed the other one to Sophia. She refused.
“No way.”
“Come on. You’ve got this. Plus, we don’t know anyone here.”
She sighed. “I don’t sing.”
“Me neither.”
“Then what are we doing?” She tried to look dismayed, but he saw something beautiful on her face.
Excitement.
“We’re doing something different, something crazy. Do you have a preference?”
She eyed him, probably thinking about turning him down.
But then, a fire sparked to life in her. He saw a glimpse of the girl she probably used to be, the girl who was spontaneous, spunky, and carefree. She headed over to the karaoke machine and made a selection.
Michael Jackson came on the system.
“Really? This is your pick?”
“Oh, don’t tell me you don’t like a little Michael Jackson? Come on. Who are you?”
He grimaced, looking up at the ceiling. The patrons of the bar glared at him, drinking their beverages and probably contemplating his murder.
“All right, I’m Jackson. But not Michael Jackson,” he announced to the crowd, laughing at his own joke.
The patrons at the bar didn’t budge, didn’t give him a single laugh.
Sophia elbowed him. “Okay, no more comedian. Let’s just sing.”
Jackson would like to believe they made a perfect duo, singing on key to “Billy Jean” so well that the gruff men leapt to their feet and cheered at the bar.
In reality, the microphones’ feedback blared. They forgot some of the words. He started to sweat.
In the middle, Sophia grabbed his hand, squeezing it. He finished out the song with her, holding on to the last note.
No one clapped or said anything when they exited the “stage” area, but it was okay.
“Oh my God, that was so fun,” Sophia bubbled. “Can you believe we did that? We were awful. But it was fun.”
He laughed, happy to see her happy. She was energized. She was having fun. She wasn’t thinking about what she’d lost, at least for a few moments.
It was worth it. He’d take on every man in the bar. He’d sing Britney Spears’ songs all night. He’d do the moonwalk if he could get her to smile.
When he dropped her off at her house an hour later, she was still beaming. “Thank you. I’m so glad we went out tonight. I haven’t had so much fun since...” She froze, getting back into her head.
Jackson just nodded. He stood for a long moment outside her house, not sure what to do, how to act. He looked at her, her perfect skin, her bright eyes.
For a brief moment, he considered kissing her. She looked back, standing still, perhaps thinking the same thing. They stood in a moment of silence, gauging the situation, thinking about the night.
He stopped himself. He snapped out of it. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t ruin this night for her, wouldn’t taint their good time.
“I had an amazing time, Sophia. Scary biker dudes and all.”
“Maybe we could go out again sometime? You know, as friends.”
“I’d like that. I like spending time with you.”
She grinned, seemingly content with the outcome.
It was good enough for him. All he wanted was for her to be content. She went inside, and he glided back to his truck, back to his apartment to think about their night together.
He realized he wasn’t lying. He had an amazing time. It wasn’t the hot wings. It definitely wasn’t the karaoke or the atmosphere.
It was her. She made everything better. She made his life seem better.
She made him better, he realized. She was making him into a better man, a selfless man, a man she deserved.
Life was complicated, and they were both dealing with so many demons. But he couldn’t deny that together, nothing seemed so bad.
CHAPTER TWELVE
JACKSON
“Can I please have another chocolate milk, Daddy?” Logan pleaded with his father from his high chair at the table, and the waitress smiled, looking to Jackson for an answer.
He should probably say no. Chloe would probably say no. But those eyes, the word “Daddy” coming out of his mouth. He just couldn’t resist. “One more before we have to get going. We want to have enough time at the zoo.”
“The zoo! Sounds awesome,” a voice called from a few feet away. Jackson turned around to see a familiar pair.
Stella and Sophia.
He’d decided to bring Logan to Christine’s Coffee for breakfast before their zoo adventure. He wanted to make the most of their day together before he was due back with Chloe.
“Hey, you two.”
“Who’s this?” Sophia asked as the two women crowded around the table. The waitress headed off to get the chocolate milk refill.
“Hey, this is Logan. Logan, can you say hi to my friends Stella and Sophia?”
“You have pink hair,” the boy said, pointing to Stella.
She laughed. “Yes I do. And you have gorgeous curls.”
“He’s adorable,” Sophia said, eyeing Jackson. Jackson beamed with pride.
“Yeah, he’s pretty cute. Bad sometimes, but cute.”
“I don’t believe it,” she said, smiling.
“Do you want to come to the zoo?” the boy asked Sophia.
“Sounds like fun. I love the zoo.”
“Yeah, Logan loves animals. I figured since it isn’t too cold out today, we would go walk around for a bit.”
“Come with us,” the boy implored, his toothy smile warming Jackson’s heart.
“Buddy, I’m sure they’re busy.”
“Well, I am. I have a date with Larry. This one is free, aren’t you?” Stella said mischievously, gesturing toward Sophia.
“I don’t want to intrude,” she replied bashfully.
“You wouldn’t be. But I don’t want you to feel like you have to come.”
“Will you two stop already? You love zoo animals. It’s a zoo, not a private wedding ceremony. You’re not intruding. She doesn’t feel obligated. You two make everything so difficult.” Jackson and Sophia stared at Stella, who was shaking her head. “Honestly. She’ll be over after we finish our coffees.”
Sophia opened her mouth to say something. Stella just shoved her toward a booth. Sophia peered back, shrugged, and waved. Jackson smiled.
He knew the pink-haired girl would be a good thing.
The waitress delivered the chocolate milk to the table.
“Anything else?” she asked.
“Yeah. See those two women? I’ll take their check please.”
_______________
“Squirrel!” Logan yelled as he raced to the enclosure.
“Buddy, it’s a prairie dog,” Jackson corrected.
“Squirrel!”
Jackson laughed, ruffling the boy’s hair. “Squirrel it is.”
Sophia smiled at him as the two walked behind Logan. Logan was entranced by all of the enclosures.
They’d gone to one of the indoor buildings to warm up. It was an above-average day for January, but a biting chill still hung in the air. It was a good thing Sophia reminded Jackson to bring Logan’s hat and mittens.
They walked and laughed, eyeing the animals and smiling at Logan’s amazement.
“This is fun. I’m glad Logan invited me,”
she said, her black sparkly hat making her blonde hair pop even more.
“I’m sorry if you felt obligated to come.”
“Are you kidding? I love coming here. Tim would sometimes bring me even though we didn’t have kids. I love animals.”
“You should have told me. It’s so close to home.”
“I didn’t want you thinking I’d totally lost my mind.”
“I wouldn’t think that. I love coming here, too. If you love animals, why don’t you have a pet?”
Sophia shrugged. “Tim always wanted a dog, but we were so busy. I was always busy at the shop, and he worked such long hours. I didn’t feel like it would be fair.”
“Is that why you guys were waiting to have kids?”
She looked away from Logan. “No. We were dealing with some issues. We were starting to seriously pursue adoption when... well, you know.”
Jackson’s stomach fell. “I’m sorry. I guess I have a knack for saying the wrong damn thing.”
“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay.”
They walked in silence, her hand on his arm as they chased after Logan. “He’s adorable, you know. He looks just like you.”
“Poor kid.”
She nudged him. “Anything easing up with Chloe?”
“Are you kidding?”
“Sorry. Dumb question.”
A zoo worker took Logan to a nearby enclosure, showing him the tortoise.
“Daddy!” Logan screamed. “Can I feed him?”
The zoo worker nodded, hinting that it was okay and that she would help him.
“Sure, bud. That’s fine.”
Jackson turned to Sophia, standing back and watching Logan with his peripheral vision. “I’m going to get the ball rolling on the appeal soon. I think I’ve shown the courts I’ve settled in, established myself. I’m working steadily at the restaurant. I’m making good money now. I’ve moved up to master chef.”
“Really? That’s awesome. Congratulations!”
“Yeah. I’ve decided I’m not ready to give up hope yet.”
“What changed your mind?”
He stopped, turning slightly. “You.”
She looked baffled. “Me?”
“Yeah. I see the way you haven’t lost hope, the way you keep moving, keep going on.”
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