by Lexy Timms
I was beginning to fall for Hailey.
I reached down, pressing one last kiss to her lips before I tumbled off to the side. She instinctively curled into me, not bothering to get up and clean herself off. I felt the exhaustion I had seen in her eyes barreling over my body.
And still, she was pressed into the crook of my body, sleeping soundly on my sweating chest.
I pulled the covers up over us and began drifting off to sleep. I could already see Hailey’s smiling face as she took my hand, running us around in a field before I scooped her up into my arms and twirled her around. My heart leaped in my chest as I pressed a tired kiss to her forehead, and the moment she sighed and curled deeper into me, I knew what I was going to do.
I was going to tell the world that I adored Hailey, and nothing was going to stand in my way of keeping her by my side. She transformed something within me. I could feel it. She was taking my darkness and crushing it with the light she was casting into my soul. I didn’t know how she was doing it and I wasn’t sure if it was going to last, but while I had it, I wanted the world to know it.
I wanted the world to know that I adored Hailey Ryan, no matter the consequences.
Chapter 22
Hailey
The colors came alive as they splashed onto the canvas. I started with his eyes, painting them with the sorrow they were filled with that evening. Dark. Mysterious. Brooding but in a soft way. I painted his hair almost Lego-like. The way he’d had it gelled down that evening for the ceremony shone underneath the one spotlight illuminating his body. His muscles came to life as he held the beer up in the air, his jaw set in silent determination while his eyes searched for someone in the crowd.
My brushstrokes were thin. Light. Delicate after I’d painted the black backdrop his body stood against. One by one, his features came to life underneath the stroke of my brush, painting a picture from that evening I would never forget. I could still feel the tension in the room. I could still close my eyes and see the way his eyes were scanning the crowd. I could feel the shiver that slid up my back as his eyes connected with mine, giving me a silent nod of appreciation before he went back to talking.
Why in the world did I tell him I wasn’t there?
I traced the outlines of his body, careful to take deep breaths and keep my fingertips steady. The intensity of his gaze and the chiseled muscles on his body were nothing compared to imitating the tattoos that were exposed that night. I wanted to get them right. I wanted to shade them the way I knew they needed to be shaded. I wanted to capture his essence from that ceremony, the pain that was stricken behind his eyes as he poured his love out for his brother on a stage.
The bravery it took to stand up there and say the things he’d said still held me to my seat in awe.
I’d been in awe of him that night and of every word that came tumbling from his lips. I saw John in his smile and in the way his eyes seemed to focus. I saw John in the way he stood tall, with his shoulders rolled back. I saw John in the way he articulated himself. His brother always had a way of expressing himself that was unlike any man I’d ever come across.
When he wasn’t high, of course.
I lost myself in the blending of the colors as the intensity of his eyes came to life. It brought tears to mine, remembering how lost and saddened he looked while he was regaling the crowd with his memories. Bryan and his brother had been close, that much was easy to tell. But I don’t think I’d ever really realized the toll his brother’s death took on him until his face was fully shaded in.
The sadness in his eyes brought tears to mine until I heard his voice behind me and jumped.
“Figured I’d find you in here.”
My heart raced, and my stomach lurched into my throat. I felt him walking up behind me as I tried to cover the painting with my body. If he recognized the painting, if he recognized the stance and the venue, everything would come crashing down. He’d be angry and upset. He’d know I lied, and he would demand to know everything.
Everything I wasn’t ready to remember yet.
“Whatcha workin’ on?” he asked as he stood behind me.
I slowly looked up at him as his eyes danced along the painting. I saw his jaw clench and his eyes grow stoic, and I knew this was it. This would prove I was at the bar, which meant he would know I’d lied to him. Every excuse and every explanation started to rattle my brain all at once. My hands grew clammy as I set my brush down, and I willed them to stop shaking as my breathing sped up. I blinked rapidly, trying to keep the tears at bay as I watched his fingers reach out for the painting.
He’d want to see all my other paintings, and I couldn’t travel that road with him yet.
His fingertips danced across the dried black paint that made up the background. He scanned the painting, but other than growing stoic, he didn’t seem to recognize it. I breathed a small sigh of relief as I studied him, watching his eyes dance rapidly around the painting. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling, and it scared the living breath from my body.
The only thing I knew to do was apologize.
“I’m sorry,” I said breathlessly.
“For what?” he asked.
“For, um, painting you without your permission. I wanted it to be a surprise to you eventually, but now I’m realizing maybe I should’ve gotten your permission first.”
“Don’t be sorry for something like that,” he said.
“You seem upset.”
“Is this how you see me?”
I wasn’t sure what he meant. I looked back down at the painting, his fingers hovering over his eyes. I looked up at his gaze and realized he was locked onto it, and in that very moment, I realized what he was talking about. He was registering the same type of inward pain I was attempting to convey in the picture, and while I patted myself on the back for being able to portray it, I could tell it was bothering him.
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“The black background. The stoic features. The sadness in my eyes. Is that how you see me?” he asked.
“You say it like it’s a bad thing.”
“Well, it’s not a good one, if you’re asking,” he said.
“Why not?”
He picked up the painting, and I turned myself toward his body. He leaned up against the wall and lost himself in it, trying to figure out where I might’ve seen that look on his face. I could tell he was trying to put pieces together. Trying to make sense of what he was looking at. I felt frozen in my place, like a small child hiding from a robber who was walking along the edges of the bed I was tucked under. I felt like I was two seconds away from being exposed. Being forced into a conversation I didn’t know if I could ever have again with anyone, much less him.
I still had nightmares about that night.
“The brushstrokes are light and fluid,” he said.
“You can see that?” I asked.
“Yeah. You can see it in stenciling and shading as well. It captures an emotional truth I thought I was hiding well.”
“Why would you want to hide an emotional truth?” I asked. “It’s your truth, Bryan.”
“Because the truth isn’t always a good and bountiful thing,” he said.
“Why does it have to be good to be worthy of a painting?” I asked.
“Do I seem this sad to you all the time?”
“There is a sadness about your soul, yes. But it’s not constant. It’s there, and I have a feeling it has something to do with your brother, but that isn’t all there is to you, Bryan. I enjoy being around you. I enjoy the time I spend with you. I enjoy talking with you and opening up to you. We have good times together, and that matters as much as the sadness. That matters as much as the darkness.”
“The darkness,” he said.
“We all have it.”
“You don’t.”
“You’d be surprised.”
His eyes panned over to me, and I was concerned I’d said too much. His dark brown eyes hooked heavily onto mine, and his
hand reached out to hand me the painting back. I took it between my fingertips, studying him intently as I turned and sat it back down on the table.
Then, I felt his hands crawl up my back before he began massaging my shoulders.
“I worried you would be upset with me. It’s why I hid it from you. I’m sorry,” I said.
“Out of all the things I’m concerned about getting angry over, you’re nowhere on that list,” he said. “If it was supposed to be a surprise, of course you would hide it.”
“What do you get angry over?” I asked.
“It’s been years since I’ve been truly angry, but it’s mostly to do with my brother like you said. My anger. My sadness. It all ties back into him and how my parents process his death. I’ve tried throwing myself into work. I’ve tried cathartic releases of my emotions. But the pain ...”
“Doesn’t go away?” I asked.
“Maybe you do understand a bit. I’m sorry, for whatever brought on that knowledge.”
If he only knew he was apologizing for the same circumstance.
“You help. A lot,” I said.
“I was just about to say the same thing,” he said, snickering. “My relationship with you is about the only thing that helps me to forget for any length of time.”
“I’m glad I can provide some sort of solace,” I said.
“And I’m glad I can give the same in return.”
I felt him twirl the seat until I was facing him. I craned my neck back to find his gaze, and I caught a glimpse of something brewing behind his eyes. A smirk donned his face just before his finger hooked underneath my chin, and I saw his face slowly dip down to mine. All the noise of the construction had faded away over the course of our conversation, and as his lips descended onto mine, I could feel that slow-growing burn in my pelvis.
But there was something else. Something that clenched my chest tight. A feeling that robbed me of the very breath I was taking as our lips moved in tandem with one another’s. I felt my heart speed up as my hands began to tremble. I felt my toes tingle as my knees grew weak. Suddenly, I felt as if I was both sinking and flying. Soaring through the air and falling to the floor of the ocean. Tears crested my eyes as they fluttered open, and I could see my emotions echoed in Bryan’s beautiful eyes.
“I love you, Hailey,” he said.
I couldn’t think. I couldn’t think, and I couldn’t breathe. Everything in my body screamed at me to say it back. My heart leaped into my throat, and my fingertips caught on fire. I ran my hands up his chest, fisting his shirt as I pulled his body closer to mine. My head fell into the dip of his strong chest as his long arms wrapped around me, pulling me close to him as his body stepped in between my parted knees.
I was about to cross into territory I knew I’d never return from.
But he was worth it.
He was worth every glorious moment I could spend with him before it all came crashing down.
“I love you, too, Bryan,” I said breathlessly.
The words hit me like a ton of bricks. His hand slowly caressed my hair, pulling it from its bun before his fingers started running through it. The little white lie that started when he first knocked on the door of this rickety shack had grown into something that threatened to destroy us both, and I had no idea how to stop it. I had no idea how to stop fueling it. I was clinging desperately to him as the rift beneath our feet grew to epic proportions, threatening to swallow us both whole as it called out to me.
Liar.
Coward.
Accomplice.
I loved this man with every fiber of my being and with every atom that vibrated to bring my body to life. His arms pulled me close, and I could feel his heartbeat underneath my cheek. I ran my hands underneath his shirt, feeling the sweat from his body as it dampened my fingertips. I traced every single ripple of his abs, feeling him sigh with relief as my skin grazed against his. The flush that slowly crept over my body drifted up my neck, as he began to massage me.
His touch electrified me unlike any man I’d ever allowed this close to me.
“Wait here for a moment,” he said.
He kissed the top of my head and pulled himself from my body. I reached out to him, trying to find his comfort again as he slipped out of the room. I closed my eyes and trembled, trying to hold back the tears of sorrow as I allowed the love I had for this man to saturate every inch of my body.
How in the world did things careen so out of control?
How in the world had they fallen so far off course?
I heard him come back into the room, and I opened my eyes. The gallery was completely silent, and the lights were off, and I watched as he locked the door behind him. I furrowed my brow, confused as to what he was doing, and he turned toward me with a grin on his face while his eyes danced around my body.
“I went ahead and sent the guys for their lunch break,” he said.
“Isn’t it a bit early? It’s not quite noon, I think,” I said.
“I think they deserve a long lunch break, don’t you?” he asked.
“I guess. How are things looking out there?”
“Pretty good. The outside of the building’s done. I can’t wait to show it to you. I’m working on the sign all day today while they move inside and begin painting the walls. You know, after lunch.”
“That’s so good! Oh, I can’t wait to see it,” I said, smiling.
He slid between my legs again, only this time, his hands fell to my waist. His fingertips pressed into my malleable skin as his eyes devoured my presence. I recognized that look. I’d seen it many times since we started seeing one another. I was shocked that he wanted to do this now with the looming threat of someone walking in and seeing what we are doing.
“Bryan?” I asked. “Is this appropriate?”
He lifted me from the chair, and I wrapped my legs around him. I couldn’t help but giggle with delight as his lips planted into the crook of my neck. He pressed me against the wall, and I could feel him growing to life against my leg. I knew what he was wanting to do.
And his words only confirmed it for me.
“I want to experience life with you,” he said as his face hovered over mine. “I want to take it as it comes like you do.”
His pulsing breath upon my lips trembled my jaw. I nuzzled his nose with mine, feeling the way his body responded under the smallest touch of my skin. His hands grasped my thighs, hoisting me farther up the wall before he planted his hands beside my head.
Then his lips crashed into mine, and everything else running through the back of my brain faded to black like the backdrop of his portrait.
Chapter 23
Bryan
My lips connected with hers and the fires in my gut burst into a forest of flames. Her legs squeezed me beautifully, and I could feel their thickness melding into my hips. I ran my hands up her shirt, trying to feel every inch of her I could as our tongues battled for dominance.
She was a radiant woman unlike any I’d ever known. She made me feel things I’d never felt before and made me recognize things I’d never dreamed I could see before. I loved this woman with a burning passion that had been lit the moment I knocked on her door all those weeks ago. The way her purple hair had caught my attention was only the beginning. Her free spirit and her passion for helping others rounded out the beautiful body I was sinking my fingertips into, and I could feel her shivering against me as she worked her shirt off her body.
I pulled her bra down and allowed her breasts to spill out. I drew one between my lips, feeling how her fingernails raked over the top of my scalp. I loved how she dug into me. How she fucked me with the same passion she threw into her artwork. It was like I was her blank canvas and her warmth and scent was painting onto my blank space time and time again. Every time I lay with her, it was a new experience. It was different, and carnal, and never devoid of emotion. She showered me with lust and poured her dedication over me.
In the arms of this woman, I felt strong and important. In the
arms of this woman, I felt capable and tall.
In the arms of this woman, I felt happy and grounded.
Hailey had come into my life like a whirlwind of giggles and plans and fantasies that seemed unable to be harnessed. I was hesitant to take on a project like that. Most clients who whirled about with fantastical thoughts and outcomes were hard to please. If there was one lesson I learned as I was starting this company, it was to get everything in writing from the get-go. When you had a client who was unsure or stuck in their heads, you needed to outline every single detail and get them to sign off on it. That way, if they changed the plan mid-game, you could legally charge them for the extra time and materials.
I’d been worried Hailey would be exactly like that, another one of those clients who whirled around with her head in the clouds and had no idea about what she truly wanted. But when she asked me up to her apartment on that very first date we had together, I saw the glint in her eye. I saw her going after what she truly wanted, and I knew then and there she was unlike any client I’d ever had.
I knew she would change my life somehow. I just didn’t realize that meant I would fall in love with her.
Her back arched into me, and I could feel the warmth between her legs growing. My mouth devoured her breast, suckling and marking as my hands drifted all over her body. She pulled my face deeper into her skin, deeper into the milky softness I lost myself in every single time my lips connected with hers. I grasped her beautiful ass, hoisting her from the wall as she fell into my face.
Her arms wrapped around my neck while she giggled, and I placed her quickly onto the table as I scooted the painting over.
It pained me a bit that she was scared of my reactions, like being scared I would’ve gotten upset with her over painting me. I wanted to hide my sadness from her. I wanted to hide my dark side from her. But her light was so enticing, and when you stood in the light of someone who shone as brightly as Hailey did, they were bound to see your flaws underneath their microscope. Hailey had managed to capture the very sadness I held close to my heart. The very stoic nature that brewed right behind my eyes. Her intuitive nature was something I couldn't hide from, and as she peeled back the layers of my clothing every time I made love to her, I felt as if she was pulling back another layer of myself I’d thrown up to keep myself guarded.