They used the head of beer in a mug next to them as a cream and made a working shave of it.
I winced more than once as the axe drifted dangerously close to Farnik’s nose.
When he was done, Granite handed the axe back, lifted Farnik by his hips up over his head, and shouted, “Look’it the wee baby!”
Farnik howled with laughter, and the entire place just unloaded whatever was in their mouths. Food. Alcohol. Vomit. A combination. It was a great time.
At some point that night, fifty-one Dwarves, a drunk Dragon Beast-kin, and a drunk as shit Kitsune stumbled into the Mugfist compound as quietly as bears trying to mimic loud-ass raccoons in a garbage can.
All I remember is making it to my bed, then passing out while trying not to vomit.
After a few hours—I hoped—I woke up to clanging and shouting.
I didn’t need to dress, as I still wore my clothes, so I rushed toward the sound of a familiar voice.
“–THEN YOU WAKE ME UP AFTER I HAD BEEN UP DRINKING ALL GODDAMNED NIGHT WITH YOU. AND YOU.” Muu advanced rapidly on a Dwarf with a shield and hand ax. “YOU DRANK MORE THAN ME, AND YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT YOU’RE READY FOR THIS SHIT?!”
I watched as Muu parried a chop at his chest with ease and jabbed forward with his spear. The Dwarf skirted the blow, then tried to back further away.
“OH, no you don’t.” Muu lunged forward, still shouting, “YOU wanted this, sister—I’m just here for a good fucking time!”
“Dude!” I roared, then winced at the volume. “Shut the fuck up!”
Both of them turned to see me standing there with my axe at the ready.
“Fuck you too!” Muu shrugged nonchalantly and brought his spear back into a ready position. “Besides, I just got a new ability that I can’t WAIT to use.”
“Can you at least wait to start shouting like that, you stupid bitch?” Yohsuke grumbled beside me. He was dressed in chef’s attire already and was blearily looked around. “May as well go check on the food I put in to stew overnight. If you need help beating his ass, let me know.”
“No help needed.” I growled and stepped forward menacingly. My head felt thick, like my tongue. I needed to pee. And my head—oh fuck, my head. I didn’t need this shit. “Back off, bud.” I shooed the Dwarf away. “I think I’ll have a go.”
“See?” Muu motioned brightly. “It’s working already!”
I stopped, clearly confused. “What is?”
“My ability—it’s called ‘Rant’, and it lets me just rant at people and so long as I do, it makes people want to attack me. Pretty cool, huh?” Muu grinned. “There’s a duration of ninety seconds, but the cooldown is two minutes, so it seems like I won't be able to use it too much.”
“The fuck are you talking about?” I growled again. “I just wanna beat your ass for waking me up!”
“See, still in effect.” His smug-looking face looked real punchable in that moment, and I lunged forward.
I ran headlong into a wall of Dwarves that I hadn’t seen because I was so focused on Muu.
“Let it go, lad,” one of them ordered. “He’s go’ the right of it. Yer brain is mead-addled and his Rant ability was more effective than he thought’.”
“The hell are ye doin’, lad?” I heard Farnik’s voice, but I saw a shaved Dwarf with a few bits of gauze here and there dried to blood. “Why’re ye tryin’ta beat yer friend?”
“Because he pissed me off and he doesn’t understand that people are trying to sleep!” Then I felt the anger ebb from me and grinned. “So it was an ability. You asshole.”
“Shut up, boy.” Shellica yawned as she walked through the gates with Granda beside her. “Not his fault ye can’t hold yer mead.”
“I’ll beat your ass too,” I spat, my anger returning slightly. “What do you want?”
“Do ye nae want yer weapon, lad?” Granda asked with a small smile on his face.
That stopped me cold, and my anger fled. “Nope, I want that.” I turned to the Dwarves holding me. “I’m cool guys. Lemme go.”
They released me from their collective grasp and stepped aside quickly.
“So it were true,” Granda spoke quietly as he stepped closer to Farnik. He put a hand on the shaven clan leader’s face and closed his eyes. “Ye did a brave thing, lad. Yer a good Dwarf. I be honored to walk the Way with ye.”
“Thank ye, Granda.” Farnik clasped hands with the elder Dwarf, and they began to walk inside.
Those of us relevant to what happened next began to file after. The Dwarf who had been sparring with Muu had left with the ones that had tried to hold me back.
“Should someone go and wake the others?” Muu asked.
“I’ll let them know,” I said and used my telepathy earring to relay my message, Hey guys, Granda and Shellica are here. Come to the meeting room.
Five more minutes, dad, James grumbled into my mind.
I’ll be there in a couple minutes, Jaken said. I’ll grab James too. I can still hear him snoring.
Thanks, bud. You coming, Bokaj? I asked.
Tmont wouldn’t give me my fucking bed last night after I came back from patrolling, so I’m there already. Bokaj yawned into all our heads.
I smiled at the thought of the great cat hogging his bed and not biting my tail.
What a dickbag. Yohsuke chuckled. I’ll bring you guys all some food here in a few. Start without me, and I’ll catch up.
We walked through the doors to the meeting room we usually used to find Bokaj sitting on the small couch wrapped in a blanket, and a pillow tossed to one side.
“Morning all,” he greeted us blearily. “What’s up?”
“We be letting ye pay fer yer toys, lad.” Granda smiled and walked over to greet him kindly with a shake of the hand. “And ye can have ‘em, I s’pose.”
“Good enough for me, Granda. Good enough for me.” Bokaj grinned and stretched as he stood up.
“Well, we not be standin’ on ceremony,” Granda looked at Jaken first. “Yer sword were a treat ta make, Jaken. Keeped it a wee secret. I gived it to Shelly-lass fer enchanting as ye asked, an’ here be the result.”
He pulled the sword from his inventory and sat it on the table. The blade was long and straight, easily a foot wide at the base by the hilt that led to a boxy tip. The blade was made of mithral, same as his other items, but this one’s engravings were large and grand. They spanned the length of the entire item.
“The core was treated special to keep it from bein’ too stiff. The cuttin’ edges be sharper than a berserker’ blade, bet yer life.” Granda pointed to the hilt of the weapon. It was long—nearly two-feet long. “This was me grandchild’s thinkin’ an’ I liked it. Yer gonna be able ta have more control with it bein’ so long. Yer strong enough ta handle it.”
“Thanks, Granda,” Jaken whispered softly as he touched the weapon reverently.
“As per your request, the weapon has been made lighter, sharper, and is more durable than typical mithral,” Shellica explained. “Take good care of it, lad.”
“How much do I owe you both?” Jaken opened his inventory.
“Bah, ye put your coin purse away, boy,” Granda ordered. “Ye can sort that after all is given.”
He pulled the next items out of his inventory. A large sack of something metallic clanked on to the table. Then a sack that he sat down gingerly.
“Bokaj, I felt so bad the last time I saw ye here and nothin’ fer ye that I had me kin makin’ arrowheads fer ye.” Granda pulled one out to show it to him. The metal was black with red veins throughout it. “These be Mage killers. Made from metal called Mage bane. It ignores a good amount of magical defenses. It were a good thing fer me people ta work on, as we don’t get the call fer arrows as Dwarves—aye?”
Bokaj nodded to the elder Dwarf in appreciation and picked up an arrowhead to examine as Granda moved on.
“This was a joy ta make as it were quite the tinkerin’ challenge for me ol’ self.” Granda grinned ear to ear as he
pulled out a fist weapon that mimicked the one I had enchanted for James. The wrist portion was a little longer over the wrist and thicker as well.
“There be a mech’nism like the one in Muu-boy’s shield.” He nodded to Muu. “‘Preciate tha’, lad. Now, ye have yer standard punch plate, here. Then when ye squeeze this here lever, the blade appears.”
He handed it to James to put on and try out. The lever was inside a gloved portion of the weapon that responded to the pressure of a closed fist, then a flick of the wrist.
“Call it Dragon’s Tooth,” Granda said proudly, but James and I snorted a bit. “Wha’?”
“That’s similar to the weapon I enchanted for him.” I offered.
“Well, that’s the name!” Granda growled. We held our hands up to appease him. “Movin’ on. Shelly-lass?”
“Aye, Granda.” Shellica moved over to James. “This item is enchanted to assist you in beating through Mage defenses, specifically the bladed portion.”
“Ooooh,” James and I both whispered.
“Next, we have Zeke’s weapon, right proud o’ this’un, I am.” Granda pulled a weapon from his inventory and sat it on the table with a grin.
It was a bo staff. Granted, it was a metal one. The metal had deep grooves that looked to be some kind of rune work that I wasn’t familiar with. There was also a black leather grip wrapped around it and grafted under the metal somehow.
“This looks great, Granda—but are you sure this wasn’t meant for James?” I asked skeptically.
Shellica and Granda howled in delight, and the old Dwarf began to dance.
“The hell is going on?” I picked the weapon up.
Magus Bane
+13 damage against magic, +10 damage to casters
Weapon has a one in five chance to drain mana from an injured caster to give to the wielder. A one in three chance to take mana from destroyed spells.
Engraved with the names of the Dwarves whose sorrows abounded, this weapon cuts through magic the same way the wielder cut through centuries of misunderstanding. Good job, lad.
Great Axe crafted by Grandmaster Smith Granda Stone Hammer, enchanted by Grandmaster Enchanter Shellica Light Hand.
“Just like I said, lass, I said ‘nae even he can see the blade’.” Granda continued his little dance.
“That you did, Granda.” Shellica grinned. “That you did. I’ll let Granda explain, lad. You can imagine why I gave this weapon to you enchanted as I did.”
I nodded and looked to the elder Dwarf who had stopped dancing and looked around curiously.
“Farnik, lad—Could you get me a mug o’ celebratory mead?” he asked.
“Aye, breakfast’ll be here in a moment. I’ll run and get the drink now.” Farnik smiled.
As soon as Farnik had left the room, Granda’s demeanor changed, and he began speaking in low tones, “I trust the lad, but this cannae leave this room, aye?” All of us nodded, and he continued, “The items Shelly-lass enchanted fer me worked so well that I could make this alloy for the first time. The lava did the trick. While I be beating on it, the metal were gray, but once I finished it and sharpened it—it turned invisible. Luckily, I were finished with it.”
“There is that, thank you, Granda.” I looked the weapon over again. “It’s perfectly balanced, so how do I know which side is which?”
Granda leaned over me and pointed to a glyph that looked like the head of an axe with the blade on one side, and the other had a hammerhead.
“This is amazing.” I pulled Granda close to my body and hugged him. “You too, Shellica, come here.”
“I’ll have ye enchanting things day and night if ye touch me, lad,” she growled in warning.
“Well, I’ll just go fuck myself then,” I said pleasantly.
She eyed me oddly. “No! Not like that! Oh my Gods, ew.”
“Just shut up, dude!” James grunted.
Muu was all but bouncing now. “My turn?”
“Aye, yer turn, lad.” Granda smiled and began to pull three items from his inventory. One was fourteen feet long, slightly blue-ish but looked like crystal and looked like one of the lances old-timey knights would use. The second item was an almost exact replica of his original short spear
“This be yer lance that ye asked about,” Granda explained. “Has ice elemental damage and is made out of pure crystal. The hand wrap is attuned to yer touch. Shelley?”
“If anyone touches it, they will likely lose their hand, as would anyone you might attack.” Shellica then motioned to the next items. “I also enchanted these for you. The short spear is enchanted to do lightning damage and has a chance to paralyze your foe. The shield has poison damage and impact reduction.”
She reached into her inventory and pulled out the same mildly-spiked armor that Muu had worn the night before and sat it on the table.
“Your armor has been lightened considerably, the defense is higher, and it is more resistant to magical damage,” Shellica’s explanation ended abruptly as Muu shrieked in joy. Then she continued, “The same for the leg armor. Your boots were harder. I had to choose between a set of jumping boots and sticky foot. So I chose the jumping enchantment, and I am giving you a ring that will allow you to stick to things for a short time at a small mana cost to you.”
“That’s fair.” Muu nodded. “I really appreciate it, Shellica.”
“I told you I liked you, lad.” Shellica patted his cheek. “I also have two gifts for you. I heard from Granda that, like an idiot, you didn’t request a helm be made for the armor you will wear. So, I commissioned one for you. I enchanted it to be lightweight, increase your accuracy, and protect you from blunt damage.”
She pulled the item from her inventory and pressed it to his body. He equipped all of the armor and cut quite the intimidating sight. The helmet conformed to his draconic head and had a set of horns that came out from a little above and behind his visor that curved back like a Dragon’s horns might.
“Very nicely done, Granda,” Shellica nodded to the smith, and he smiled, “but if he is to gain the favor of a Dragon of his brood, wearing black scales could be offensive. This is my second gift.”
She pulled a strange liquid from her pocket and sprinkled some on each piece of armor before muttering a phrase in dwarvish. There was a muted “pop” and Muu’s armor was as green as his scales except for the horns and the shield.
“Woooooah,” he whispered as he looked himself over. “Thank you, Shellica!”
“You’re welcome, lad,” She patted his cheek again. “I discussed the price with Granda, and after your discounts with each of the clans, we decided on a flat rate of one thousand gold pieces.”
Muu whistled low, the rest of us nodded. That was a damned steep price. “Let’s all put in one hundred and eighty. That makes it an even thousand and a forty gold tip for these two to give to anyone else who did good work for them,” Bokaj explained.
All of us nodded and began to withdraw the funds. Granda and Shellica didn’t try to argue—they knew better by now how stubborn we were about paying for quality work. I ponied up Yoh’s share so he could pay me back later or not—the dude fed us all.
We all sat our coinage on the table in front of them and let them sort the division of it out.
“This item is also for Yohsuke.” Shellica handed me a bracelet with a round shield engraved in it.
I put it on the table to give to him later, then she turned to look back at Muu.
“I have one last set of things to give you, Muu,” Shellica said. She passed him an earring that looked similar to our telepathy earrings, but his was simply a stud. And also a small bundle. “That bundle is from Natholdi, Granite, and Fainnir. They asked that I tell you, ‘If ye donnae come back alive, they’ll kill ye. And that ye have to visit to tell Fainnir stories.’”
“Oh, for sure.” Muu reached down and took Shellica into a hug that she returned. “Hell, I’ll write it all down from the beginning while we’re on the road. I’m sure he will have a lot of f
un reading it. And if not? Well, I’ll beat the hell out of him. With love.”
Shellica laughed at that, and she turned her gaze to me. She walked over and wrapped her arms around me.
This doesn’t feel too bad at all. All of my party members turned to look at Muu. On the ridge just above his ear hole was the stud. I bet I look so fucking good in this shit.
He turned and noticed everyone staring at him oddly. What are they looking at me like that for?
Out loud, “What?”
“You silly bastard,” Yohsuke almost fell over from laughing so hard after he set our food down. “You’re projecting your thoughts with the earring. We just heard all of that.”
“Nope,” Muu refused. He shook his head and waved his arms in front of him in denial. “Not possible.”
“You thought, and I quote, ‘I bet I look so fucking good in this shit.’ Then you wondered why we were looking at you.” Jaken grinned so wide the smile could’ve swallowed his face.
What the fuck? How did he know that? Muu thought quickly.
“Dude, stop using the earring!” James smacked Muu’s shoulder. “It takes an act of will to use it.”
“I’m not trying to!” He looked genuinely distressed. “I mean, I can feel it in my ear. Maybe, focusing on it being there is it?”
“Yeah, a new piercing will do that,” Bokaj agreed. “You just have to learn to ignore it.”
Ignore it, got it. Muu nodded his head as if he understood.
The rest of us either groaned or rolled our eyes. This was going to be an interesting time.
Chapter Sixteen
We spent the rest of the morning with the Mugfist Clan, eating and planning. So far as we were aware, we were going to be traveling south to try and find this giant snake, serpent—whatever it was—to see if we could find us a green Dragon or something akin to it that might be able to help.
Who knows, maybe we would find a minion of War! But still, I was hoping it was some kind of Dragon so we could get into the Hells.
Into the Dragon's Den (Axe Druid Book 2) Page 37