“Learn.” I closed my eyes and tried not to think the man was crazy, but it was hard.
“You know, I know this guy from the club, and he paid a sub to have his baby. They didn’t know each other at all. They had a baby, and only a few months after he was born they got married. They’re like happy as shit now.”
“Great,” I mumbled as sleep was taking me over. “I’m happy for them. Night, Jett. No baby-talk right not. Love you.”
The things billionaires would pay for was staggering. The list just kept growing. Men who’d pay a complete stranger to have their baby? What else would they pay for?
Jett’s lips touched my cheek. “Okay, I get it. I do. You need it all. You need a real commitment from me first.”
I rolled over to face him and managed to open my eyes. “I don’t want a commitment just so you can have a baby. When and if we get to that stage, I want you to ask me to marry you because you can’t stand to live without me.”
“I see.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “Well, I’m probably that way now.”
“Probably. See, you don’t know yet, and I don’t either. Time, Jett. We need some time.”
He turned over and closed his eyes. “Fucking time! The root of all evil. Good night. I’ll leave you alone about it.”
I knew I was right about not having a baby. I knew what I was saying was sane, rational, even very smart. But seeing Jett disappointed was hard to take.
There he was, supposed to be relaxed and falling asleep. Instead, his body was rigid, his arms crossed over his chest, his lips forming a hard line. He was anything but relaxed.
Lying next to him, I could feel the tension radiating off him. I hated it.
Easing up to him, I pulled one of his arms around me and laid my head on his broad chest. “I love you.”
“I love you.” He took in a breath, sniffing my hair. “Get some sleep. We have a long ass day tomorrow it seems. I get to meet the parents. That should be weird.”
“Yes, it should. Night.”
He was quiet for a minute. But his body wasn’t relaxed. I wasn’t sure why that was until he whispered, “If you’re still awake just nod if you’ll think about talking about having a baby in the not too distant future.”
What was I supposed to do?
I could act as if I was asleep. He wasn’t sure if I was or not. I could nod, but would that be fair to myself?
My plans didn’t include babies. Not in the near future, anyway. I knew I wanted kids someday. Not that day, or even year. I had another year of school to get through. And now I had to incorporate Jett into that too. Adding a pregnancy and then a baby to that workload would be stupid and really hard.
But I nodded. I nodded because making Jett happy was what I had done since the get-go. I was his purchase, that was what I was supposed to do. Just because we said some words that were supposed to make that fact go away, it hadn’t been erased from my brain.
Do as Jett wants, keep him happy. That’s your job.
But that wasn’t supposed to really be my job any longer. We were dating. A couple, not a Dom and his sub. Yet, there it was, me nodding to make him happy.
And when he sighed and held me tighter, it made me feel great. I’d made him happy.
Good girl.
But I didn’t feel like it was mentally healthy for me to strive to be a good girl. Not if it meant putting my dreams and aspirations to the side to make him or anyone else happy.
I had to do what was right for me. And that was to get through with school and get going on my career before I committed to anything else. A marriage or a baby.
Jett Simmons had some hard facts that would come his way soon. My agenda was important. I had things to do. He was a summer project, meant to fix my financial situation.
It was bad enough I’d fallen in love with the man I was never supposed to. But I wasn’t throwing my life away by handing myself over to the man.
Here you go, Jett. Here’s my body. Do with it as you want. Put a ring on it. Put a baby in it. Anything you want.
He nuzzled me and whispered, “I wish there was a way to show you how much I love you. I wish there was a way for me to fast-forward time to the place that would be perfect for all I want with you. But there’s not. So, all I can do is tell you the words and hope you believe them. We’ve both told lies, but never to each other. I’m never going to let you go. Not unless you make me.”
I tried not to let that sink into my head and affect me. I failed and kissed his chest. “I’ll never make you let me go, Jett. I love you. And I know time is a hard thing to take. Especially when you’ve lived like you’re married. But I don’t want to go out in a blaze of glory. We burn too hot. I don’t want to burn too fast as well.”
He kissed the top of my head. “I know. You’re right. I’m spoiled rotten.”
Maybe he was spoiled. Maybe he was just too used to getting what he wanted when he wanted it. Money could do that to a person.
“Don’t talk like that about yourself. You’re not spoiled.”
“I am, Asia. And I’m bratty, obsessive, compulsive, controlling.”
I hated when he did that. He was so hard on himself. “Sweet, caring, handsome, fun, wonderful, generous.”
“I’m not so generous. Where you’re concerned, I am. I’ve never been that way with anyone else. With you, I’m a better man. I don’t know how you found that guy inside of me. I never knew he was in there. I’ve been self-absorbed, self-serving, and just plain selfish. And I’m sorry for trying to force things to move faster. I’ll try harder not to do that. That’s the selfish man inside of me doing that.”
Looking up at him, I found myself sad. “I don’t care what you say, I know you’re a good man. We’re supposed to be going to sleep you know. This isn’t the time for reflection.”
“Yes, Mom.” He kissed me sweetly on my lips. “I’ll go to sleep now. And even though I know I shouldn’t say this, I will anyway. You’re going to make a great mom. Whenever you decide the time is right for that.”
With a little smile, I laid my head back on his chest. At first, I felt great. I thought we’d made some good strides. Then I felt kind of shitty. Kind of selfish.
I wasn’t thinking like a couple. I was thinking like a single person, the way I always had. His wants, needs, opinions mattered just as much as mine did.
Being a couple was hard to learn how to do. I thought I’d talk to my sisters about it. They’d been married for years. Surely, they’d have some great insight on the subject.
But I couldn’t tell them Jett wanted us to have a baby. Not so soon. They’d freak the fuck out.
I was caught in a rough spot. I needed people to talk to but couldn’t reveal what Jett and I had really done. The things that made us so close so damn fast.
I’d been dead tired and about to fall asleep. Now I was wide awake and thinking I had no one to talk to about any of this.
How’d I gotten myself into a situation that would be so hard to fucking explain without getting some horrible looks and harsh words? And if I said a thing to my family I could add in mandatory therapy.
I’d really screwed myself!
Jett
The drive to Spring and Max’s house was hard for me the next day. Asia’s parents had arrived, I was about to meet them. The thought of looking her father and mother in the eye, knowing I’d bought their daughter, was eating away at me.
“Okay, so we met online, a dating site.” I hit the button to roll the window down. “I need some fresh air.”
“Why are you acting so nervous, Jett?” Asia tossed her hair over her shoulder and looked at me like I was crazy. “It’s just my parents. They’re nice people.”
“Oh, I’m sure they are. And I’m not nice people. I’m a man who purchased their daughter from a fucking BDSM club.” I wiped sweat off my brow.
“They will never know all that. Stop worrying.” She reached into her purse and pulled out some tissues then wiped my forehead. “I’ve never seen you l
ike this.”
Glancing sideways at her, I felt a knot forming in my stomach. “The guilt is getting to me. I can’t seem to stop it.”
I didn’t want to go to that house. I wanted to keep on driving until we got back home. Home, the place where Asia and I could be all alone and not face anyone we didn’t want to. A place we could hide away from it all. A place I felt safe with her.
Why did we meet on circumstances that no one could ever know about? Why did I go looking for a fake wife? Why did I take on a sub? Why was I so damn evil?
“Jett, don’t let guilt get to you. You’ve been so nice. You’re like the least dominating Dom I’ve ever heard of.”
“That’s actually very hurtful to hear. I was a good Dom. I was stern, strict as hell, and I never got emotionally involved with any of my subs or the women at the club I had sessions with.”
“I guess you’ve moved past all that. I suppose you no longer need that since you’ve found love.” She looked out the window and noticed the fact that I was driving right past her sister’s house. “Jett, stop! That’s it right there.”
I put my foot on the brake, slowing to a stop. “Oh.” Backing up, I parked next to the curb, hesitating before getting out of the car. My hands gripped the steering wheel.
Asia reached over, laying her hand on top of mine. “It’s going to be okay, Jett. I promise you, it will.”
The sound of her voice was convincing. The touch of her hand soothed me. The guilt retreated a bit. “I can do this, right? I can look your parents in the eyes. I haven’t ever hurt you. I’ve never made you feel controlled or dominated. I’ve been good to you.”
She nodded. “Yes, you have been very good to me. You can face them. You’ve never hurt me, Jett. You’ve only done nice things for me.”
Guilt bubbled. “I made you lie.”
“I don’t think that’s so bad. You had your reasons for it. And they don’t have to know about all that mess. Here, with my family, you and I are the real versions of ourselves. You can feel free and easy with them. No pretending. Come on. It’ll be fine.”
Nodding, I had to agree with her. We were mostly on the up and up. “Thanks. You’re helpful, baby. Come on then, let’s go inside.”
Once we stepped out of the car, the front door was flung open, and her mother rushed out to greet us. “There’s my baby girl!”
Asia was caught up in her mother’s arms as I waited for their hug to end. Then I was caught up in her mother’s arms. “Hello,” I said as surprise took me over.
“Hello, indeed!” Her mother let me go and held me at arm’s length to look me over. “My goodness, Asia, you caught yourself a winner!”
Asia laughed and stole me away from her mother. “Yes, I have. How’s our new baby doing today, Mom?”
“Great. He’s sleeping.” Her mother followed us inside and closed the door behind us.
A large man with tree trunk arms sat on the sofa. He started to get up, but I quickly stopped him. “Hello, you must be Mr. Jones. I’m Jett Simmons, sir. It’s an honor to meet you and your lovely wife.” I shook his hand and tried not to give off a nervous vibe.
“Jett, nice to meet you.” He nodded at his daughter. “Asia, you look well.”
She smiled and hugged her father. “Daddy, you do too.”
“Asia, can you come here?” her sister called out from her bedroom.
“Coming.” She kissed my cheek and hurried away, leaving me all alone with her parents. People who were looking me all over.
“You must work out,” her mother said.
I took a seat on the chair in the corner. “I do. Every single morning.”
“Did someone teach you how to do that?” her father asked.
“I have a trainer I work with back in Los Angeles. I follow his program.” I crossed my legs and put my hands on my knee, not sure what to talk about.
“Max was a coach,” her mother said then looked at the hallway.
“Yes, he mentioned that yesterday.” I also looked toward the hall, hoping anyone would come out of it and end the awkward conversation I was barely having.
Her father moved around a bit, trying to get comfortable on the old sofa. “I wonder if he could be a trainer.”
“I don’t see why not. If he knows his way around the human body and all of its muscles, he’s a great candidate for the job.” I thought I heard the bedroom door open and keened my head, praying someone was joining us.
Her mother whispered, “You should tell Max about that, Jett. He needs some guidance in the job department. I bet he’d listen to you.”
“Sure, I’ll say something about that.”
Then the door did open, and Asia came out, carrying the baby and making my heart do flips. “He’s awake, Jett. You’ll get to see his eyes.” She came right to me, and I stood up to look at the cute baby.
“Hi there, Ray. It’s nice to see you again.” I ran my finger over his tiny chin as he looked at me with almond shaped, doe-like eyes. “He’s got the Jones’ eyes, I see.”
“He sure does,” her mother agreed.
“He’s a handsome kid,” her father added.
I caught Asia’s eyes as she looked up from her nephew. “He’s the first. All of Bow’s kids look like their father.”
Nuzzling her, I whispered, “I wonder who our kids will look like.”
A blush covered her cheeks, making my heart pound.
Take it slow, Jett!
Asia
“We can go pick up things to bar-b-que, Max. Do you think you could start a fire in the pit in the backyard?” I asked my brother-in-law. Dinner time was approaching, and there was a houseful of people to feed.
“I can do that. Let me grab you guys some cash to buy the food.”
Before he could take two steps, Jett stopped him. “I got it, man. It’s not a problem. How about some brews to go along with that?”
“That’s nice of you. I’d love to toss back a few with you. Hurry back, and I’ll teach you how to make a mean chicken leg.” Max gave Jett a high-five, and it made me smile.
Jett was getting along well with my family. And when he mentioned something about becoming a personal trainer to Max, I was kind of surprised at how excited Max got about the idea.
When we got to the grocery store, Jett pushed the basket while I grabbed things off the shelf. “I like being all domestic with you, Asia. In fact, I like everything we do together. And I like your family too.”
“They sure do like you too, Jett.” I wasn’t lying. My parents thought he was great. So did my sister and Max. Even the baby felt comfortable in his capable arms.
He moved up beside me, bumping my shoulder with his. “It feels natural. Don’t you think?”
I smiled at him and ran my hand over his cheek. “I do.”
“I do.” He looked at me with soft eyes. “I could say that over and over to you, my little Asia.”
I knew what he was getting at. Marriage. A real one.
But I wasn’t going to get into that today. I wanted to have a great time with my family. The next day we’d be heading back home to get ready for his high school reunion that would be in Jersey.
Back to one night of lying. I wasn’t looking forward to it. Then there’d be a wedding that we’d have to lie at too.
In the back of my mind swirled the fact that if we stayed together, we’d have to eventually come out with the truth. But I didn’t want to talk about it yet. I wanted things to settle for us first.
Things were so damn complicated. Maybe too complicated to all work out without things getting very messy. I wasn’t sure how we’d pull things off or how people would perceive us if the truth came out.
I thought maybe a fake divorce followed by us getting back together might work for his family. But we’d always have problems with getting our families together. A thing both sets of parents were keen on.
That was the first thing my mother said to me was that she wanted to meet his parents. And his parents were set on meeting mine.
I didn’t know how we were going to handle all that.
Things would have to get messy or worse.
As much as I wanted things to work out, I knew there was a huge chance they wouldn’t. It certainly would be easier to walk away after the last function and call it quits. The lie was too big to overcome.
My heart, the naïve thing it was, told me anything could be overcome. The truth will set you free.
That may be so, but that freedom would come at a great cost. No one would look at Jett or me the same way again.
As we stood in the checkout line, Jett ran his arms around me, kissing the side of my head. “I think I might like to do something nice for your sister and her little family, Asia. Do you think giving them a house would be too much?”
I choked on the laugh the came out of me. “Jett, that’s too much!”
He nodded. “Yeah, I was afraid you’d say that. But I feel like I could do something to help them get out of the hole they’re in. I’m not the kind of person that generally thinks about things like that.”
“My family doesn’t need you to come in and start throwing money around.” I was incensed. “Being poor isn’t as bad as it seems to be.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.” He let me go and started to unload the basket onto the conveyor belt. “I’ll just leave things alone. I’m sorry.”
I was fuming mad and not sure why that was exactly. Jett had money, my family didn’t. He was being nice. So why was I so mad? And who was I to tell him he couldn’t do something he wanted to?
But I didn’t utter one word. I held my tongue. It was far too complicated to talk about or understand. At the simplest form, I didn’t want Jett too intertwined with my family. I didn’t know what would happen with us after all.
Buying one sister, a house, meant he’d soon buy one for my other sister. Mom and Dad would get one too, and that would leave me beholden to the man forever.
No, it was best that I let that lie right where it had fallen. He didn’t need to buy any member of my family anything. That was that.
As we loaded the groceries into the car, I noticed how quiet Jett had become. It made me feel bad. “Hey, you know I love you, right?”
Filthy Commitments: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel Page 15