She could not win, Kimi realized that. Even if she let Rand send her off to school, turn her into a lady, his mother would never accept her. Hadn’t she known that all along? “What is it you want me to do?” She was resigned to defeat. All this could only hurt Rand.
Kimi wondered what had happened to that long-ago slave girl? Jon Erikson must regret his bargain. No wonder he drank. But Kimi had seen her future in Rose Erikson’s cold eyes. No matter how much she loved Rand, this was never going to work out. She wasn’t part of this aristocratic life, and the stubborn set of Rose Erikson’s chin let Kimi know the social leader would see to it that Kimi was never accepted. All she could do by staying on was create more problems for Rand. Perhaps his mother was right; perhaps he would be better off with Lenore. Should she tell Rand about this conversation? What good would it do? It wouldn’t change anything.
“Tonight we all have an invitation to the Carstairs for refreshments. I understand Judge Hamilton invited you also.”
“You want me not to go?”
Mrs. Erikson shrugged. “Of course you will go; it would create too many explanations if you didn’t. We intend to announce my son’s engagement to Lenore at the Harvest Ball we are giving here Saturday night.”
“You want me to be gone by then?”
The woman nodded as she went to the door, turned. “Tell Rand whatever you like; just leave here in the next day or so. I will offer you our hospitality, tell you how welcome you are to stay, but of course you won’t accept my offer. Please do not leave any clues as to where he can find you. I want this to be a clear break.”
Kimi closed her eyes a long moment, seeing Rand’s beloved face in her mind. She could not win. The Eriksons, the Carstairs, and all their family friends would be allied against her. In the end, she could only make Rand unhappy. “I love your son; but that doesn’t matter to you, does it?”
“Not one whit!” The woman paused, her hand on the doorknob. “I am doing what I have to do, just as Jon’s mother did. If you tell my son about our little conversation, I’ll deny it. Rand has always been wealthy. I don’t know how he would survive if he were to be disinherited. Do you understand me?”
Unable to speak, Kimi could only nod.
“The carriage will be ready at six,” Rose said.
“I don’t think I feel like going to the Carstairs,” Kimi said.
“Oh, but you must! I want you to see what you’ve been up against from the start.” She left the room with a rustle of hoops and skirts.
Kimi collapsed on her bed and wept.
When Rand knocked on her door later and said, “Kimi? Can we talk?” She pretended to be napping and didn’t answer. She didn’t want to face him alone. If he took her in his arms and kissed her, her resolve would melt, and she might not be able to leave. Where was she going to go? What did it matter? That was the least of her worries. Perhaps she could find a job in another state as a maid or helping in some small shop.
Tomorrow, she thought. Tonight I will get through this thing at the Carstairs and tomorrow I will tell Rand I really don’t care about him and am going away.
The evening came too soon. Millie helped her bathe and dress in the low-cut green dress Vanessa had given her. Kimi put her medicine charm on the slender gold chain and hooked the clasp around her slender neck. It lay in the hollow of her throat just above the swell of her breasts. Rand tried once again to talk to her, but when he knocked at her door, she called that she was busy getting dressed and she’d see him downstairs when it was time to leave.
Finally it was time and Kimi was ready. Millie smiled, showing white teeth in frank admiration. “You looks good, Miz Kimi, much prettier dan de gal his mama chose.”
“Pilamaya.”
“What you say?”
“It’s Lakota. It means ‘thanks.’ ” Kimi felt too heartsick to care how she looked.
She waited until she was sure everyone else was ready and the carriage waiting out front before she came out of her room in a swirl of willow green and hoop skirts. But Rand waylaid her in the upstairs hall. “Why have you been avoiding me?”
She looked away and tried to pull out of his grasp. “We’ve both been so busy.”
He pulled her to him, kissed down her neck and along the swell of her breasts. “You were wonderful this morning and a little outrageous, too.”
His mouth covered hers for a long moment and she swayed against him, weakening at the insistent pressure of his hard body against her. She forced herself to pull away. “Really, Rand, someone will see us.”
He was breathing hard, his eyes intense with longing. “I’m not sure I care what’s proper anymore.”
“Your family would. I can just imagine the servants’ gossip spreading all over the county that Marse Rand was making love to that no-count white savage girl in the upstairs hall.” With that, she forced herself to pull out of his arms and hurried down the stairs and out to the carriage.
They drove over with little conversation except between Vanessa and her mother about fashions and social events. Kimi wondered resignedly if the two shallow women ever talked about anything else. When she caught Kimi’s eye, Mrs. Erikson’s gaze was triumphant and self-satisfied. Rand stared out across the beautifully manicured meadows and white-fenced pastures, boredom etched on his handsome face. His pitiful father had already been drinking this evening. Kimi could smell it on him.
It was dusk as they drove down the lane under a long expanse of giant oaks so big their branches met in the middle and provided a canopy. Absently, Kimi clutched her medicine charm and peered at the house as the carriage approached an imposing brick mansion with big white pillars, a large glass conservatory on the east side. Somewhere a cicada began its rhythmic chirping, and a tall black butler waited on the porch to welcome them. Strange tattoos were etched on his stolid, square face. He looked almost menacing.
Kimi was struck with a sense of deja vu as if somewhere in her past, she had experienced a home like this one. Of course you have, silly, she reminded herself, it’s a lot like Randolph Hall. Perhaps all Southern plantation homes seemed much alike. She wasn’t looking forward to this evening.
The carriage stopped and the butler opened the carriage door. He didn’t speak, he only nodded as he assisted them from the carriage. Had the Carstairs’ butler come to Randolph Hall in the last day or two? Yes, that’s where she must have seen him. Or maybe the Randolphs had a servant who looked a little like him.
They went in to be met by Judge Hamilton in the front hall with hearty greetings. “Welcome! Welcome! Elizabeth is waiting in the music room.” He took Kimi’s hand warmly. “Great Caesar’s ghost! Glad you were able to make it, young lady, that was quite a ride this morning.”
“Yes,” Mrs. Erikson said, “I understand she made quite a spectacle of herself.”
“Now, Mother,” Rand began.
“What did I say?” Mrs. Erikson feigned hurt astonishment.
The judge seemed to decide to smooth things over. “Let’s go on in. Lenore will be down in a moment. Here, young lady, I admire your feisty nature. Let me escort you.” He offered Kimi his arm and she took it, noting in the meantime the annoyance on Mrs. Erikson and Vanessa’s faces.
About that time, Lenore swept down the stairs in an elegant daffodil yellow gown of rustling silk–a grand entrance that Kimi was sure had been perfectly planned. “For pity’s sake! Am I late?” she cooed. “I do apologize.”
There was an exchange of greetings, during which Lenore ignored Kimi. Then she took Rand’s arm and led the way into the music room. She walked with a mincing, off-balance step, Kimi thought, and it dawned on her that Lenore was attempting to downplay her large feet by wearing shoes that were much too small. No wonder there seemed to be a perpetual frowning expression on her pretty face.
There was something almost hauntingly familiar about this room, Kimi thought as she entered and looked around. She couldn’t remember whether Rand’s home had a music room or not. Perhaps she had heard one describ
ed or dreamed of one like this. It was done in pastels, fine Oriental rugs with a large fireplace and glimmering lamp light, not the gaudy, dark Victorian look that Rand’s mother favored.
The others were busy greeting each other. Shelby Merson arrived, bringing with him the aroma of cheap hair oil. Before she could finish looking about, the judge diverted her attention. “Here, my dear, I want to introduce you to Mrs. James Carstairs, mistress of Carstairs Oaks. Elizabeth, this is the young lady I told you about.”
“Hello, Kimi. So glad you could come.” She held out a frail hand and Kimi took it. The elderly lady peered at her a long moment. “Have we met before?”
“Not if you weren’t on the fox hunt this morning.”
Mrs. Carstairs laughed easily. “I heard about it. Pierce said he hadn’t seen such spunk and spirit since I took a whip away from a slave trader to save a boy’s life.”
Kimi wondered what had happened to the young boy. Then she looked up and saw the strange, tattooed butler look with adoration at the old lady and knew. She hadn’t been prepared to like Lenore’s grandmother, but she found herself warming to her in spite of everything. There was something haunting about this majestic lady, Kimi thought as she accepted a glass of sherry. If she could choose a grandmother, Elizabeth Carstairs seemed to fit the image she had pictured.
Then Kimi caught sight of the big grand piano near the fireplace. “Oh, may I?”
“Do you play, my dear?”
“I–I don’t think so.” Kimi shook her head, fascinated by the instrument. It was as if there was some magic here that pulled at her. Without thinking, she walked over to the piano, put down her glass of sherry, and stroked the keys with her left hand. Rose, Lenore and Vanessa smirked, obviously thinking she was about to make a fool of herself again.
Kimi ran her fingers over the ivory keys, liking the feel of them. She struggled with her thoughts for a long moment, realizing the others were staring in silence. She didn’t care; a memory was trying hard to surface. Slowly she picked out a melody, one slow note at a time with her left hand: Alas, my love, you do me wrong to caste me off discourteously, and I have loved you for so long. . . .
She heard Mrs. Carstairs gasp, and when she looked up, the elderly lady had gone pale and the others were frowning. “Have I done something wrong?”
Mrs. Carstairs took a deep breath. “I just haven’t heard anyone but me play that in many, many years.”
“It was his favorite song,” Kimi whispered.
Elizabeth Carstairs stared at her. “How do you know that? Who are you speaking of?”
Kimi blinked uncertainly. “I don’t know.” She had to find that shadowy memory that came and went. She had to. She began to pick notes out again: Greensleeves was all my joy, Greensleeves was my delight. . . .
Lenore glared at her. “What kind of cruel joke is this?”
Mrs. Erikson took a deep, wheezing breath and her hands fluttered. “I must apologize for my houseguest, Elizabeth, but she doesn’t know any better.”
Rand shot his mother a black look and said gently, “Kimi, I don’t really think you should play Mrs. Carstairs’ piano without her permission.”
“I’m sorry, I meant no harm,” she turned toward the old lady, realizing the others in the room were glaring at her in grim disapproval.
Mrs. Carstairs cleared her throat, touched her lips with a handkerchief. “My little granddaughter was left-handed, too. She used to sit on my lap and pick that out. It was her father’s favorite song.” She gestured toward the painting on the opposite wall.
For the first time, Kimi saw the painting. Almost in a trance, she moved across the room to stare up at it.
Rand watched her. What on earth did Kimi think she was doing? The judge and Mrs. Carstairs stared at her, the others were glaring in frank disapproval of her rudeness. “Kimi,” he said, and went to her side, “I think perhaps . . .”
Kimi seemed entranced by the painting as if she had not heard a word he said. She clasped the gold charm in her hand and turned very pale as her gaze swept over the portrait.
Rand paused, looking up at the painting. He had grown so used to it hanging there, he hadn’t really looked at it in years. He just barely remembered that it was a portrait of Lenore’s family who had left many years ago. Rand had been a small boy then. He took a good long look at the people in the portrait, the gold fob on the man’s watch, the beauty with the white flowers tucked in the low bodice of her dress. Kimi reached up to put her hand on the beauty’s face. “She would never let us call her ‘mama,’ ” she whispered. And then she said her own name. “Kimimila.”
Rand glanced at the white blossoms in the beauty’s low-cut bodice and an impossible idea came to him. “Mrs. Carstairs, what—what was your daughter-in-law’s name?”
The old lady was already on her feet, her lovely face pale as the snowy blossoms. She looked from Kimi to the painting. “Camelia.”
Kimi nodded, still lost in the painting. “Camelia, and Sister and Daddy and little Laurel.”
Rand stared at her. Camelia. Kimimila. Could it possibly be–?
The judge cleared his throat. “This isn’t funny, young lady. I’ll not have you upsetting Elizabeth–” He paused, took a really good look at Kimi. “Great Caesar’s ghost . . .”
The elderly lady looked visibly angry. “What is it, Pierce?” She crossed the room to Kimi’s side. “Now, see here young lady, I don’t know what kind of prank you’re pulling, but it’s gone far enough–”
At that point, she seemed to see the spirit object hanging on a chain around Kimi’s neck. With a cry, the old lady gasped and fainted dead away.
The next several minutes were a blur of confusion to Kimi, with maids running for smelling salts, Mrs. Erikson and Vanessa’s shocked faces, and Lenore screaming that this primitive savage couldn’t possibly be her missing baby sister. Rand didn’t say anything. He only stared at her with wide eyes as if he’d never really looked at her before.
Kimi felt bewildered as the memories came flooding back and she answered questions. She didn’t have very many answers.
Lenore’s pretty face screwed into a mask of jealousy and anger. “I think she’s a fake! She doesn’t remember very much.”
The judge looked Kimi over. “A two-year-old wouldn’t remember very much, I’m afraid, but she looks like Camelia, except for the eyes. No wonder we all keep thinking we’ve met her before. I’d say she’s a Carstairs: green eyes like Jim’s, left-handed, and she’s got the gold acorn from his watch fob.”
Elizabeth Carstairs lay on the sofa while the judge rubbed her frail hand. Obviously the shock had been almost too much for her. When she recovered somewhat, she plied Kimi with questions. “What–what do you remember besides what you’ve told us? Do you remember the night you all left here? The trip?” She looked almost afraid that Kimi might.
Lenore stuck her face close to Kimi’s. “Yes, tell us about that night. Do you remember the thunder?”
“Thunder?” Kimi asked, bewildered.
“Never mind, Lenore,” the judge said hurriedly.
Kimi shook her head. “I–I don’t remember much except a man carrying me in his arms. He hummed my spirit song.”
Mrs. Carstairs looked questioningly at Rand. “Greensleeves,” he explained. “Mrs. Carstairs, how old would your missing granddaughter be?”
Before she could answer, Kimi answered that herself. “Eighteen winter counts.”
The white-haired lady blinked. “That’s right.”
Rand slapped his hand against his thigh. “I’ve been three kinds of a fool.”
Kimi stared at the painting, still dredging up forgotten memories. “Lost. Thirsty, very thirsty.”
Rand stepped in at that point and volunteered what little he knew of old Wagnuka’s husband finding the child in a dying man’s arms out in the wilderness, the bodies scattered along the trail as if a wagon train had gotten lost and the people tried to walk out.
Elizabeth sighed deeply. Tragedy w
as etched in the wrinkles of her lovely old face. “I suppose I always knew it. Somehow I just kept hoping–”
“But what about the rest of them?” Lenore demanded, pushing her face close to Kimi’s. “What about Camelia?”
She tried to remember, then shook her head helplessly. “I don’t recall anything else.”
Vanessa and Mrs. Erikson still looked skeptical. The older woman fanned herself and wheezed. “Surely, Elizabeth, you aren’t going to take the word of this waif that she’s your missing granddaughter?”
Mrs. Carstairs glared at her. “Rose, you knew my daughter-in-law and my son. Can you not look Kimi in the face and see she looks like both of them?”
“Now, Mrs. Carstairs,” Vanessa soothed, “maybe you’re seeing a resemblance that’s not really there; I mean, just because this ragtag girl has green eyes. Why, look at Lenore; you know she’s your granddaughter and while she looks more like her mother than this Kimi does, she doesn’t have green eyes and isn’t left-handed, so that doesn’t mean anything.”
Kimi saw Elizabeth Carstairs glance toward Judge Hamilton. A look passed between them that she couldn’t quite understand. The old man stroked his gray mustache. “If you want to know what I think, Elizabeth, I would stake my life that this is Laurel.”
“What I never understood, Elizabeth,” Mrs. Erikson mused, “was why Jim and Camelia left so suddenly in the first place?”
The old lady hesitated and the judge stepped in. “Like she’s told everyone many times, they had made plans months before to go West. Jim had a hankering to take the Oregon Trail. They were going to send for Lenore later and then come back and visit when they finally got settled.”
“Oh, don’t lie, Pierce. Yes, there was a family fuss,” Elizabeth admitted grudgingly, looking at Rand’s mother. “If you remember my daughter-in-law, we never got on well.”
The other lady nodded in sudden understanding. “Well, of course everyone knew she wasn’t from as fine a family as the Carstairs. But she was such a great beauty, that none of us were surprised when Jim met and married her so quickly over in Memphis.”
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