She said her good-byes and watched Pierce and Laurel drive away in the carriage. Quickly, she gave instructions to Nero. He frowned, nodded, went up the stairs.
She really should help him search, but she was so very weary from everything that had happened tonight. She went back into the music room. The big painting seemed to draw her like a magnet. She went over and stood before it.
Her son’s green eyes seemed to speak to her. “Jim,” she whispered, “in spite of everything I tried to do, it all came to naught.”
Her son lay in some lonely grave a thousand miles from here, instead of the family plot at the church. Camelia’s golden eyes seemed to mock her. Elizabeth stared at the beautiful but faithless wife and the two little girls in the painting, one with her father’s eyes, the other with eyes like her mother’s. Elizabeth had kept silent even though the moment she had first seen the baby she had known why Camelia had rushed Jim into marriage. Her son had seemed blind to the obvious because he loved the beauty so. But Elizabeth had known her husband’s father and grandfather. It was in the bloodlines; a heritage that had been passed down through generation after generation; all the Carstairs had green eyes.
Twenty-two
Kimi thought the judge seemed unusually preoccupied and quiet on the drive to Randolph Hall. “Is there something wrong, sir?”
“Uh, no, of course not; just tired, that’s all. I must say you look beautiful tonight, my dear. In fact, I was just thinking how much you remind me of your lovely grandmother, although you have your father’s eyes.”
“Thank you,” she responded warmly, trying to get her mind off the party. This was going to be a miserable evening. She should have stayed home. “Did you know him well?”
He nodded. “He was like the son I never had. I looked after him and his mother. You know your grandfather was killed before Jim Junior was born.”
She reached to touch her medicine charm. Now she knew where it came from. That made it even more special to her. “I’m surprised Grandmother never married you. She’s been a widow most of her life, hasn’t she?”
“Why do you think I never married? I kept thinking I could wear her down; change her mind. Elizabeth’s heart belonged to only one man. She could never love another.”
Like me, Kimi thought and blinked back a tear. She had refused to see Rand the last time he had called. Tonight, she supposed, his mother would announce his coming wedding. Could Kimi behave like a lady and congratulate them both, even though her heart was breaking? She must, no matter how much it hurt to do so. She would not bring dishonor on a proud family name. She was suddenly aware, as the carriage clopped along, that the judge was studying her.
“This is going to be a real ordeal for you tonight, isn’t it? Most girls would have been suddenly taken sick and stayed home.”
Kimi swallowed hard. “I won’t disgrace my grandmother or cause gossip by not attending when the Eriksons might be making a surprise double announcement.”
“Spoken like a true Carstairs,” the judge said with evident satisfaction. He patted her hand and cleared his throat several times. She had a feeling he was trying to get up the nerve to talk to her about something he found distasteful. “Laurel, dear, I’m the nearest thing to a grandfather you’ve got, so I’m going to take the liberty of discussing something personal with you. You’ll probably think this old goat should mind his own business.”
“If it’s about Rand Erikson, I’d rather not—”
“No,” he shook his head, “that I feel is out of my hands. I want to talk about your father—the past.” He hesitated again. “Someday you may hear things....”
Baffled, she waited for him to go on but he seemed to be fumbling for words. “Gossip, cruel gossip. Lenore may even say something to you.”
She was even more mystified. “I don’t understand.”
She heard him swallow hard. “I—there are some things I can’t tell you. . . .”
She waited, wondering what it was he was trying to say. The sound of the horses’ hooves and the squeak of the carriage seemed loud in the silence.
He cleared his throat. “After your grandmother is finally gone, there may be some big surprises in her will—”
“I’m not after her money,” Kimi said quickly.
“I know that, my sweet dear; I’m sorry I can’t say the same for Lenore. A lot of things may come out then, and I won’t be able to stop it, although I’ll do the best I can to protect the Carstairs. In fact, it seems I’ve spent my whole life doing that.”
She had no idea what he was talking about. Perhaps the old man was getting a little senile. “If you’re telling me you or Nero or Lenore are getting everything, that wouldn’t bother me.”
He chuckled. “I wish I could say the same for your sister.” He hesitated a long time and she listened to the carriage creak as they drove along. “Laurel,” he hesitated. “If you were to end up with all your grandmother’s wealth, what would you do with it?”
Her mouth fell open. “What about Lenore?”
“Answer my question,” he ordered sternly.
“I’d probably give it away. Money and possessions don’t mean much to me. I suppose it has to do with being reared by the Sioux.” She thought of them with nostalgia. “Indians give away much of their wealth when a relative dies.”
“Then you’d approve of turning Carstairs Oaks into a school or hospital, giving the money to worthwhile charities?”
“I certainly would. Is old Nero taken care of?”
“Yes. Your grandmother has provided well for all her employees, but especially for Nero. He’s been with her since he was a boy.”
“But what about Lenore? I don’t understand—”
“Please don’t ask any more questions, my dear.” He patted her hand. “Yes, you’re a Carstairs, all right, I never doubted it for a moment. If Lenore only knew . . .”
She waited for him to go on, but he only stared out into the crisp, moonlit night as if remembering something that had happened long ago.
“Judge Hamilton, if you have any influence with Grandmother, and I think you do, tell her to give my share to Lenore. The money means a lot to Lenore and it matters little to me. I think I’m going away.”
“Love him that much, do you?” He put his pipe in his mouth, but didn’t light it.
She smiled ruefully. “Does it show so much? I can’t stay and watch them marry, think of them together. And frankly, from what I’ve seen of this rich white society I’ve been thrown into, I don’t think I like it, much less want to stay and be a part of it.”
He grunted agreement. “Believe it or not, there’s not a person who hasn’t dreamed of running away to a happier place, a place free of restrictions, responsibilities, realities.”
He was speaking of her father, she thought. Kimi shook her head. “I’m not running from reality, I’m facing it. I could only make Rand unhappy because I don’t fit into his world.”
“You’re serious about going back to the Indians?”
Kimi nodded. “If Rand marries Lenore, eventually he’ll forget about me. I’ll only be a fond memory to think about when he’s an old man bouncing grandchildren on his knee.”
“Young Rand may have more guts than you think,” the judge said, taking the pipe from his teeth, “he may want to marry you instead.”
She shook her head. “Eventually, he’d regret it. His mother would see to it that he’s disinherited, and besides, I would only be an embarrassment to him. I can’t even read and I don’t know how to needlepoint or which of a dozen forks in a table setting to use—”
“Those things can be learned.”
“I know that, but as much as I love Rand, I don’t want to live in a crass, superficial society that judges a person on things like that. Lenore was born to this life. She fits in well. Besides how would everyone treat Rand if he married me instead and was disinherited by his mother? I think he would end up regretting his choice.”
“Well, if you have your grandmother
’s money—”
“If Rand’s the kind of man I hope he is, he wouldn’t live off a woman’s wealth. Besides, I don’t think he is willing to throw everything in his whole world away for me.”
The judge sighed. “Young lady, he might surprise you. There are people who are willing to sacrifice everything for love.”
“And I’m one of them,” she said with conviction. “I won’t put him in that spot; I’ll make the choice. Before he has time to think about it, I’m going to tell him it’s over. More than anything, it is important to me that he be happy.”
“And you think that being master of Carstairs Oaks, having money and Lenore is what happiness is to Rand?”
“I don’t see any middle ground. I’m not a white; I’m a Sioux Indian with pale skin. It’s a very hard, dangerous life, but it’s the one I know. It’s insane to think that he would be willing to give up a life of ease and luxury and go back to the wilderness with me.”
The judge sighed. “I reckon you’re right, Laurel. A man would have to be crazy or hopelessly in love to throw all this away for a woman. All right, I’ll not attempt to dissuade you. After all, you’re probably as stubborn as your grandmother, a Carstairs to the bone.”
The carriage pulled up before the palatial home. Lights streamed from all the windows and the sound of music and laughter drifting on the crisp October air:
Weep no more my lady, Oh! weep no more today! We will sing one song for the old Kentucky home; for the old Kentucky home, far away. . . .
The French doors leading out onto the third floor balcony of the ballroom were open with several couples visible standing out there enjoying the moonlight. Kimi wondered again why Lenore had driven herself as she looked around and saw the other carriages and buggies parked about the grounds. The buggy Lenore had driven stood off alone under a tree, almost hidden in the shadows.
If she could only get through this evening with dignity and grace, tomorrow she would make up some excuse and go away forever. She wasn’t even sure she could tell Rand. Perhaps it would be better if she led him to believe that she had never really cared much for him. In the meantime, she would have to see Rand at this ball tonight, Lenore no doubt holding onto his arm possessively. More than anything, Kimi wanted to turn and run away, but she forced herself to alight from the carriage in a swirl of peach-colored skirts as they stepped out onto the flagstones that paved all around the entry drive and around the side veranda.
Then the judge turned and looked at Kimi. “Are you all right, my dear?”
“Certainly.” She took a deep breath and pulled herself together. She had no idea what all that talk about inheritance had meant, but it didn’t matter. Even she realized that Elizabeth Carstairs had strong family pride. She wouldn’t leave a blood relative out of her will, no matter how angry she might get with her older granddaughter.
Kimi took the judge’s arm, and they went in to be greeted by Mr. and Mrs. Erikson and then up the stairs to the giant ballroom on the third floor.
Rand must have been watching for her because immediately she saw his tall frame standing near the door. His eyes lit up and he came over. “Well, so glad to see you, Judge, and you, Kimi, or should I call you Laurel?”
She looked helplessly at the judge, but he only smiled. “I’ll bet you two have a lot to talk about, so I’ll get some punch.”
Even as she opened her mouth to protest, he disappeared into the crowd. Rand took her arm. “Let’s dance, shall we?”
“I really don’t know how.” She had to escape from him before her resolve melted away.
“Nonsense. This music is slow and there’s a big crowd. No one will notice.” He pulled her into his embrace and out onto the crowded dance floor. “This is called a ‘slow waltz,’ ”—he grinned,—“considered quite daring only a few years ago because the man puts his hand on the lady’s waist.”
She managed to follow his steps, but her mind wasn’t on the dance. His arms felt so powerful, so protective. Once again she thought of all those nights up in the Dakota Territory, making passionate love to him, sleeping safe in his embrace.
Everyone they danced past seemed overly polite, nodding to the couple.
Rand smiled wryly. “It is amazing how peoples’ attitudes change when word gets around that you’re the missing granddaughter and entitled to half the Carstairs wealth, doesn’t it?”
“You said that, I didn’t.” In spite of being in his embrace, or maybe because of it, she was miserable. She didn’t like hypocrites who were friendly to her now only because she suddenly had wealth and social position. “I’m still the same person I always was.”
“And that’s what I love about you,” he whispered close to her ear.
“Stop it, Rand, people will talk!” Was that her heart beating or his, pounding against her breast?
“I don’t care if they do!” He sounded grim and determined.
They danced past his father and mother standing near the refreshment table. His father looked drunk and sadder than usual. His mother shot dagger looks at Kimi.
Kimi nodded politely to her. Even if I am in for half the Carstairs estate, his mother would prefer Lenore.
She must do this. Kimi managed to keep her body rigid, keep it from melting in surrender against him. She could only be thankful the chatter and music kept those nearest them from hearing their conversation. “Look, Rand, I don’t know what you expect, but tomorrow, I’m going away.”
He stopped in midstep. “Going away? You can’t do that. I—”
“Oh, but I can!” She managed to keep her voice cool as if she didn’t care what he thought. “Grandmother has offered to send me to a fine finishing school back East if I wish, so I can learn all the things a Southern belle should know.”
“You at a finishing school?” He looked down at her as if he couldn’t believe it.
She bristled. “Does it seem that preposterous?”
As if he realized people might stare at two people on the dance floor standing and staring at each other, he began to dance again. “It just doesn’t sound like you, Kimi.”
“Money changes people, Rand.” She shrugged and kept her voice brittle so it wouldn’t break. “I may come back in two or three years, or I may meet some suitor up there in Boston and never come back, but let me be the first to offer my congratulations on your upcoming marriage to my sister.”
They had danced near the edge of the floor close to the balcony doors. Rand glanced around as if to make sure no one was looking, pulled her out through the open doors. “We have to talk.”
“I doubt that we have anything to talk about, and anyway, what will Lenore say?”
He swore under his breath. “Damn Lenore.”
If there was anything she didn’t want to do, it was stand out here under the stars alone with him. She forced herself to turn away, looking out over the vast holdings of Randolph Hall. All this would be half his someday—if he weren’t disinherited. And of course, if he married Lenore, he would have all the Carstairs fortune once Kimi went away. She tried to make sense of what Judge Hamilton had said in the carriage, and then decided it didn’t matter.
It was chilly outside in the October night after the hot ballroom. Kimi shivered, and immediately he came up behind her, slipped his arms around her, and kissed her bare shoulder.
“We must go in,” she said, trying to keep her body rigid, which was difficult with his warm lips caressing her skin. “Someone—someone will have seen us come out here.”
“I don’t care.” He whirled her around. “Look, Kimi, I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going to marry Lenore.”
“You’re making a snap decision you’ll only regret later.” She tried not to melt as his lips moved along her throat. He held her so closely she arched against him, feeling his hard body down the length of hers.
“I’ll be the judge of that.” His eyes looked troubled. “Granted there’ll be a lot of gossip, and maybe some homes we won’t be invited to, but that doesn’t matter. I just wa
nted to make sure you felt the same way about me before I created an uproar.”
It would be an uproar, she thought—a scandal the likes of which the county hadn’t seen in a while. It might embarrass her grandmother. It would certainly bring Mrs. Erikson’s fury down on Kimi. She would never be accepted by that cold lady, never.
He kissed her, hot and deep, his tongue caressing the velvet of her mouth while his hand went to stroke the rise of her breasts. She loved him more than anything in this world, loved him enough to give him up. It took all the inner strength she had, but Kimi managed to pull away, laughing. “Oh, Rand, perhaps you didn’t understand. What we had was nice, but there’s a whole, big world out there waiting for a girl with money. I intend to take full advantage of it.”
He looked stricken. “I can’t believe you’re saying this. What’s happened to you, Kimi? You’ve changed.”
“That’s what I keep trying to tell you.” She forced herself to shrug as if his feelings didn’t matter to her. She straightened the lace of her ball gown. Her skin still seemed to burn with the warm passion of his kisses. “Now hadn’t you better go back inside? My sister will be looking for you.”
“Why you heartless little—! I’ve been three kinds of a fool! And to think I was ready to throw it all away when you care nothing for me at all!” He turned on his heel and went back into the ballroom.
Kimi clenched her fists at her sides to keep from running after him, declaring her love. She must carry this charade through for his own good. Tears began to run down her face. She would stand here a moment and compose herself. After all, if the announcement was made in a few minutes, Kimi would have to go forward, offer her best wishes to the two happy couples. Kimi intended to put on such a good show that Nana would be proud of her.
Shelby handed Lenore a cup of punch. “You are incredibly beautiful in that green satin gown. Must have cost a fortune.”
She looked pleased. “Like it? I had Camelia’s dress copied. You know, the one in the painting.”
Sioux Slave Page 34