“I want to go to college.” For half a second she almost looked pleased, as if she had won. “On the East Coast,” I finished and held my breath for the reaction I knew was coming.
Her arms uncrossed and her expression became even more pinched. “Absolutely not. You think after everything, your father and I are going to let you traipse off to the East Coast? So you can what? Party it up? Embarrass us further? Completely destroy your reputation and add another blemish to our name? You’re lucky as it is, young lady, that we were able to keep this latest indiscretion under wraps.”
“That’s not … I know I messed up,” I admitted, the shame and regret still hot and thick as ever. “But I really think I need to do this. I promise I won’t let you guys down again. There’s this school in South Carolina–”
“No. I’ve heard enough. You will pack your things and come home for the remainder of the summer. This fall you will join your brother and sister at Stanford. Your father was able to pull some strings and get you admitted despite your less than stellar academic records.” Like always, she was putting her foot down, and her word was final. But my mind was made up and I was done capitulating to her. Just as much as I was not pastel, I was not Stanford, would never be Stanford. Why couldn’t my parents accept that?
“Mom, I’m not going to Stanford. We both know I don’t belong there.” I watched as her brow raised in surprise.
“Excuse me?” She took another authoritative step toward me. “I don’t know if I made myself clear, but this little vacation of yours is over, Cecilia. It’s time for you to come home, and you will do what is expected of you.”
Vacation? That’s what she thought these past ten months had been for me? She knew nothing of how I’d suffered, of how every day instead of it getting easier, the events of last year only grew harder to live with. I shook my head, my eyes pleading with her to understand for once. “I can’t. Not this time.”
“You can. And you will.”
“Dammit Mom, I’m nineteen. I don’t need your permission, but I hoped to have your support.”
“Watch your tone and your language with me, young lady.” My mouth was just one of the many things she disapproved of.
I ignored her. “I need to get away from here. Please try to see that. I’m not doing this to hurt you or Dad, or embarrass you.” Not that my father deserved even the least bit of consideration in all of this. “I just can’t stay here after everything.” I held her cold stare, though it was almost unbearable. “It’s too fucking hard. I need change.”
She gave another disgusted look at my choice of words. “And just how do you think you’re going to manage on your own? How do you plan to get into school without your father’s influence? How will you pay for it?”
My eyes shot back up.
“I see.” She smiled smugly. “You thought your father and I would pay for this little escapade.”
“You pay for Mitchell’s schooling, and Tabbi. And I already found a school. Like I was saying, it’s in South Carolina. Aunt Liza helped me to research it.”
My mother let out an indignant snort. “I’m sure she did. I never should have agreed to letting you move in with her.”
“This isn’t her idea,” I insisted. “This is what I want. I’ve applied to the university. I was accepted.”
“And what are you going to study? Do you have any idea what you’re going to do with your life?”
“I have time to figure it out,” I said meekly, because it was my life.
“I thought as much. Which is why your father and I will not be throwing away a single penny on this– this, ridiculous scheme of yours. Honestly, I don’t know what’s gotten into that head or yours. Your father and I did not raise you to be this reckless, irresponsible, stupid child. You don’t have what it takes to make it on your own, and we both know it. So, do yourself a favor; come home, go to Stanford. With any luck, in a year or two you’ll find someone willing to look past your shortcomings for that pretty face. We’ll get you back on a meal plan to help you shed the weight you’ve put on and you’ll make someone a nice trophy wife if nothing else.” She said this as if it was all I could hope for.
“I want more than that, Mother. I deserve more out of life than settling for a man to put up with me.” I had no intention of following in her footsteps. She’d gone that route and look where it had gotten her. Married to a cheating bastard. My parents’ marriage was a joke. They both knew it and yet neither one seemed to care. My mother put up with my father’s “dalliances” as she called them, because being Mrs. Rhoades was more important to her than having the respect and fidelity of her husband. My father stayed because it meant he got to have a respectable wife on his arm in public and fool around with his mistresses in private. I’d never get married and allow myself to become someone’s possession, relegated to a subservient role, expected to know my place and be grateful for it.
“Yes, well, it’s time for you to wake up to reality, darling daughter.” I wondered when my mother had woken up to the reality of her life, if she’d gone in knowing what she was getting herself into marrying my father. Probably all she’d seen was the dollar signs and prestige.
“How could you wish for me what you have, Mother?” What kind of mother wanted that for her daughter?
Her hard look didn’t soften at all. “You can either be the wife or the mistress, my dear. At the rate you’re going, it’s not hard to tell which one you’ll be. If you don’t want that, then I suggest you forget about this foolishness and come home at once.” God forbid I desire a life with anything resembling passion, or adventure, or hell even just the independence to make my own damn choices.
“I’m doing this, Mother. I’ve made up my mind. I’ll show you and Dad that I can make something of my life. I know I’m capable of more than what you see for me.”
With a short huff, she closed the space between us, looking down her elegant nose at me. “You won’t,” she said matter-of-factly. “And if you insist on throwing away everything that your father and I have done for you, then I’m afraid you’ll leave us no choice but to cut off your trust as well.”
I could tell she meant it and tears pricked at my eyes. I could also tell she thought it would be enough to change my mind. For half a second, I actually hesitated. I didn’t know if I could make it without my parents’ support. If she went through with it, I would be effectively broke. I’d never held a job a day in my life. I didn’t possess any skills that would get me a decent one. I would well and truly be on my own. That was both terrifying and thrilling and altogether overwhelming.
The one thing I knew for sure was that I couldn’t go back to their house. I couldn’t go back to that life, and I couldn’t stay here in limbo at Aunt Liza’s. I’d never move on that way. I couldn’t take another day of waking up with this soul crushing despair and regret. If I ever hoped to atone for my mistakes, then I had to do something with my life. Something more than what my parents had in store for me.
“Tell Dad …” that he’s a right prick and an asshole, then demand a divorce. “That I’m sorry,” I replied hoarsely, staring out the window to my right that overlooked the veranda and the extensive lawn. I felt her glacial stare on me another minute before she turned and stormed out of the room. I couldn’t watch her go. While this was the outcome I’d expected, tried to prepare myself for, I’d held out hope for something else. I should have known better.
The tears that stung the back of my eyes finally fell once I heard the car pull out of the drive. Crying wasn’t going to change a thing, and I’d spent too many days and nights drowning in my tears. It was time to move on, and I just couldn’t do that here. I drew in a shaky breath and swiped at my eyes, turning to leave the room. I stopped short when I spotted Aunt Liza in the doorway, her face awash with sympathy.
“I’m sorry, baby,” she murmured.
“Did you hear everything?”
“Enough.”
“Well, there’s nothing to be done about it,” I force
d out with more fortitude than I felt.
She nodded sorrowfully. “But you’ll be alright, dear. I know you will, and I already mailed the check for your first semester.”
She’d known all along what was going to happen when I confronted my mother this morning. My lips trembled as I attempted to speak. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know I didn’t. I wanted to. That will give you time to get settled and figure out your options. You know I will help you any way I can, sweetheart. You deserve this opportunity to leave all the hurt from this past year behind you. You deserve a fresh start, and if I can help give that to you because my brother and his wife won’t, then I’m going to.”
“Thank you.” I was full on crying when I went to her and wrapped my arms around her. I wouldn’t have made it through this past year without her. She’d done so much for me, more than my own parents, and I was determined not to let her down.
She believed in me, and I wanted to prove to her and my mother that it wasn’t a mistake.
Five
Cici
Present
The bright lights of Nashville lit up the night sky before us as Luke navigated the car into the heart of the city. After almost eleven hours on the road, between stops for food and gas and to stretch our legs, I was more than ready to put on my boots and see what this city had to offer.
“Where are we staying?” I flipped around in my seat to ask Shae who was directing Luke through the streets from the navigation on her phone.
“The Downtown Hostel,” she replied smoothly.
My brow crinkled. “Hostel? Like in the movie Hostel?”
“Yes, only this is America, not some sketchy, foreign country, so I doubt we’ll be murdered.”
“You say that now …” I mumbled, turning back around in my seat.
“Hey, it was the closest thing to downtown. You wanted the Nashville experience, so you’re going to get it.”
“I’m just not sure it’s the experience I had in mind,” I said, mostly teasing.
“What I read online said it was worth it to stay at the hostel. It’s within walking distance of everything. It’s only two blocks from Broadway, which is supposed to be like Nashville’s version of The Strip. Turn right here,” she directed Luke. “Then make a left on First. It will be right on the corner.”
“There’s nowhere to park,” Luke pointed out when we found the place. After making a few circles and coming up with nothing convenient, he pulled to a stop right in front of the building, ignoring the no parking signs.
“We’ll unload our bags and then I’ll find somewhere to park.”
Shae, looking slightly sheepish, apologized. “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”
“All part of the adventure.” Kellen winked at her and then helped Luke haul bags out of the back.
Two guys who appeared in their mid to late twenties sat behind a desk inside the old, converted brick building when we made it inside. It looked a lot how I remembered the common rooms in the University dorms–couches, pool table, foosball table, a row of computers. The area was occupied by various travelers ranging in age and ethnicity. It all seemed normal enough.
Shae checked us in and by the time we had key cards in our hand, Luke was back from moving the car. We were given a brief tour and rundown of the rules before we were lead down a sketchy hallway to an elevator that I only hoped lead somewhere less foreboding. This was starting to match up with the picture in my head.
When the door to elevator slid open, I was ready to turn around and walk back out. It was a boarded-up box. Only after Luke nudged me in the back did I step forward and enter the death trap.
“Don’t mind all the boards, it’s a glass elevator and we’re still renovating some of the floors. We don’t want the construction crew banging up the glass.” Our host’s explanation made me feel marginally better. I was relieved when the elevator spit us out safely on a much nicer floor than anything we’d yet seen. This floor had obviously already seen renovations and the room we were taken to was very clean and modern.
“No food in the rooms and the Wi-Fi password is ‘backpack.’” With that, our host, Zack, left us alone in the room with four bunk beds. One set already had suitcases at the foot even though the room was currently deserted but for us.
“Guess we have roommates.” Luke tossed his bag down beside one of the unclaimed beds.
“I thought it would be fun to meet interesting new people.” Shae plopped down chipperly onto the bottom bunk of one vacant set of beds.
“And get robbed in our sleep,” Luke mumbled. I nudged him with my elbow. “What? I can’t be the only one thinking it.”
Shae rolled her eyes and lay back. “Nobody is going to jack our stuff. Look, they left their bags out. We could just as easily steal their stuff. If you’re so worried, Zack said there were lockers somewhere.”
At that moment, the door clicked open and a tall girl with long, bleached dreads entered the room. Her face split into a bright, friendly smile as she took us in. “Hi, my name is Zara,” she spoke with some sort of European accent. “They said more people were coming tonight. My boyfriend and I have been the only ones in this room the past two nights.”
Shae hopped up and introduced herself first and the rest of us followed suit.
“Where are you all from?”
“South Carolina,” Shae offered. “What about you?”
“Switzerland. This is our first time to the United States.”
“Enjoying yourselves so far?” I asked.
“Yes, it’s very different than Europe. This is the first place we’ve been. Next week, we’re flying to New York. My boyfriend has a friend there and we are to stay with him for a week. Then we fly to California. I really want to go to Disneyland.” She smiled, almost embarrassed with childlike excitement.
“We’re headed to California too,” I told her. “But we’re driving.”
“That is very long drive. What is in California for you?”
“I wish we were going to Disneyland. You’ll love it. We’re attending my sister’s wedding. My family is from California.”
“Oh, then you must tell us where to go. We are to spend two weeks in California.”
“Then you should check out Universal Studios too, if you like theme parks. And you must go to the beach. Laguna, Coronado, and Venice Beach are all great. You could also tour wine country if you like wine. San Francisco is a fun city too.”
“Yes, yes, the bridge. We want to go there.”
“Yeah, the bridge,” I chuckled.
“Are you coming out tonight?” Zara looked around at us.
“We planned to clean up a bit from the drive and then head over to Broadway and see what’s going on,” Shae answered.
“Then you should come with me. I just came back because I forgot my phone. My boyfriend is waiting at Tequila Cowboy. The music there is good tonight. You should all come meet Marco and have drinks with us.”
The four of us exchanged brief looks. The guys shrugged and Shae gave a ‘why not’ smile.
“Okay, we’re in. If you don’t mind waiting for us.”
“Not at all. Marco is used to waiting on me, and he has food so he is happy.” That finally got a chuckle out of the guys.
Less than fifteen minutes later we were back in the elevator that let us out once more in the sketchy, horror movie hallway.
Warm air hit my bare skin when we pushed through the doors outside into the night. Glancing up at the sky, I hoped we wouldn’t get hit with a summer rain. I’d forgone a jacket over my red sundress. I took a second to look down at my feet and appreciate the moment; my boots were kissing the ground in Nashville. That was a bucket list check for sure. I could already feel the country vibe infusing my blood. Stick me in a country music video, because this girl was ready to shake it and ride a cowboy to save a horse. When in Nashville and all that.
It was a short walk to Broadway. My eyes darted every which way, trying to take it all in.
Live music could be heard as we passed bars with open doors, and it seemed that every other business was a boot shop or gift store. Even for a Wednesday night, there was plenty going on.
I wanted to stop in every place we passed, but our group followed Zara toward the brighter lights and busier street ahead. The neon glow beckoned us.
“I think we should come back here so you two can dance on the bar.” Luke jerked his head at the entrance to Coyote Ugly with a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows as we approached it.
I stopped. “You mean you haven’t seen enough of me dancing on bar tops?” It was meant to be funny, but for a second, his playful expression slipped. Only a second though, and then the easy-going grin was back.
“Maybe I miss seeing you do your thing. Not something a man could ever get tired of.” He let those now hungry green eyes trail down my body before coming back to meet mine. “What do you say? For ol’ times’ sake, dance for me?” He teased with the low, heady rumble of desire in his voice.
I let it roll right off me with a laugh. Two could play this game. “We’ll just have to see where the night takes us.”
“Come on, you two,” Shae said and the three of them continued on.
I gave Luke a saucy wink and he laughed, tucking me under his arm as we followed. I slid one hand into the back pocket of his snug jeans and then, biting back a grin, I gave his ass a pinch.
“Hey!” His hips lurched. “Just remember I’ll do it back, and I’ll do it harder.”
The bar Zara led us to was one of the first on the street lined with brightly glowing signs that beckoned passersby inside with the promise of alcohol and live music, which could be heard spilling out onto the streets filled with groups hopping from one locale to the next, all at different levels of intoxication. It truly was like a scaled down Strip.
Like Vegas, it didn’t seem Nashville cared what day of the week it was. The drinks were served, the bands played, and the people came. Entering Tequila Cowboy felt like entering a country-western night club. There was even a disco ball suspended from the ceiling, scattering bits of colorful light every direction. A bar took up the center of the room and another ran along the wall to the right. That was the direction Zara led us in.
Anywhere With You Page 4