Even now, I felt on the edge of my seat, dying to know what it was. It overshadowed everything including the kiss and thoughts of anything more happening between me and Meg.
“Okay. I can accept that. I’m going to grab something to eat and then I want to go call my parents and let them know how well today went. It really has been an incredible few days.”
Meg left me standing at the bar and immediately I looked toward the bathrooms, searching out Ci. I worried I was going to find her standing off to the side having watched the whole exchange and kiss, but she wasn’t there. She should have come back from the bathroom by now.
I felt this sense of urgency to go find her. Somehow, I knew if I waited at this bar all night, she wouldn’t come back. It would be just like her, so close to something, something big and then she’d run scared rather than face it.
Ci was Meg’s opposite. Anything but mild mannered and uncomplicated. Nothing with her was easy or nice, but rather than go after Meg and tell her I had a different answer, it was still Ci I went after. I needed to know. So much, but mostly I needed to know if I was crazy. I wanted to believe I wasn’t.
And then I discovered the reason she’d been waylaid. Six feet and roughly one-hundred ninety pounds of douchebag. If I remembered correctly, his name was Tyson, and Ci didn’t look all that regretful about being detained by him.
So much for our talk and me thinking anything was different.
She appeared to be having a good time, nestled in the little group of models and authors, everything from our talk at the bar already forgotten.
What was I even doing? Didn’t I know better?
Apparently not, but I should.
I found myself backtracking to the bar and ordering a whiskey. It was as the bartender was pouring my second one that Kellen and Shae found me.
“What are you doing at the bar drinking alone?” Kellen may as well have tacked on, you pathetic asshole, to the end of that.
“Where’s Meg? I thought I saw her a little bit ago?” Shae glanced around the bar.
“Don’t know. She bailed. Wanted to call home or something.”
She gave a slight nod. “And have you seen Ci?” There was something almost anxious in the way she asked.
“Yeah. I saw her.”
“But she’s not with you now?” Again, it felt like there was something behind her question.
I took a look around the bar for show. “Don’t see her, so I guess that’d be a no.” I threw back the second glass of Jack Daniels.
“You don’t know where she is?”
“Last time I saw her, she was being friendly with that model and his group.”
“Oh.” Shae frowned, whether because this bit of news bothered her as much as it did me, or she heard the bitterness in my voice, which courtesy of the two glasses of booze I’d downed, I wasn’t trying to mask.
“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m already over this after party. It’s been a long day. I don’t have any more peopleing left in me. I feel like heading back up to the room.”
“Sounds good to me.” As if Kellen would ever object to what she wanted to do, especially if it involved them alone in a hotel room.
“Yeah. I think I’m out of here too.” No point in me hanging around.
“Should we go find Ci? Let her know we’re taking off? See if she wants to leave too?” I didn’t know why Shae was looking at me.
I shrugged. “I guess.”
It only took us about two-point-five seconds to locate her sitting around a table on the other side of the casino. There were six of them siting together. I supposed if this were high school it would be the cool kids table. Funny how that doesn’t change. Throw a bunch of people in a room, teenagers, or adults, it doesn’t matter, and watch the cliques form. The level of drunkenness was apparent in each of them, in how animated they were, how hard they were laughing, the way some of them were sliding off their seats. Everyone was having a good ol’ time. And then there was Ci right in the middle of all of it. Stone cold sober from what I could tell and staring off into nothingness as if she were apart from it all. I doubted she even knew what the conversation taking place at the table was about.
She only seemed to snap out of her mental wandering when the three of us shadowed the table. It was all friendly faces when they took in Shae, scooting chairs almost immediately to make room for us to join.
Disappointment rang out all around when Shae broke it to them that we weren’t joining. “Sorry, we’re actually saying goodnight. Have to get an early start in the morning. But it was so much fun meeting ya’ll. Hopefully I’ll see you at another one of these.” There were promises of connecting on Facebook and emailing before Shae’s attention traveled to Ci. “You going to hang out a while longer, or come back with us?” There was a subtle urging in her tone.
“Don’t say goodnight yet,” the douchebag protested. “Let’s move this party to the hot tub like we were talking about.”
Ci wasn’t even looking at the guy, but he didn’t seem to notice as he pressured her to stay. Her eyes flicked momentarily to me, and then away just as quickly.
“I think I’ll hang out for a little while longer,” she told Shae.
Shae hesitated, and I almost thought she was going to argue. Hell, I wanted to argue, but not in front of these people.
“But if we’re moving to the hot tub, I need to go get my suit,” she was now talking to Tyson and everyone at the table. A moment later they were decided, and Ci and the lot of them were following us back into the hotel.
“What floor are you on?” I heard Tyson’s low voice when he climbed into the elevator with us behind Ci.
“Six,” came her soft reply and she pressed the button as the doors closed behind the two of them, standing cozy, shoulder to shoulder.
“Perfect. Me too.” Though I couldn’t see his smarmy face as he stood with his back to me, I could hear his grin. And it bugged the shit out of me.
A week ago, this would have been nothing. I’d have ignored the two of them. He would have been just another asshole in a long line of assholes she wasted time on. Nothing about this night was any different than any other night we’d gone out and she’d picked up one of them. Except it was because she was different. Because she’d been different for weeks now.
Something had been changing in her. Something I was pretty sure I’d been waiting a long time for, and tonight I thought we’d reached a pivotal moment. I’d seen it in her eyes earlier, and now that I had, this thing with the pretty-boy douchebag was all wrong.
The elevator spit us out on six. Tyson jerked his head to the left. “I’m this way.”
“We’re down here,” Ci indicated the opposite direction.
“Meet you back here in ten?”
She gave him a nod.
We’d see about that.
I stalled at our door, taking time to retrieve the key that was in my pocket. I waited until Kellen had let himself and Shae into their room and closed the door behind them. Then, I turned on Ci, knowing that Meg was probably inside our room and that what I wanted to say was for Ci’s ears only.
“What the hell, Ci?” I said.
“What?” she played dumb.
“You know damn well what. You went to the bathroom and never came back.”
“I did, but you looked busy,” she raised her chin stubbornly.
I blew out a breath and raked a hand through my hair. So, she saw.
Shit.
“That wasn’t,” I started, but then stopped because I didn’t know how to finish it.
“Doesn’t matter.” She pulled her own key out and let herself into the room. Instead of following her, my feet stayed rooted where they were. The door fell closed behind her and then I sagged against the wall.
Fuck.
If she saw the kiss, it was no wonder she bolted, and straight to Tyson. I practically shoved her right at him the moment I didn’t shove Meg away.
Shit, what did I do?
; Ci reappeared moments later, a loose tee thrown on over the top of her bikini, a pair of flip flops on her feet and a towel thrown over her arm.
I shoved off the wall. “Ci, wait.”
“Why?” She folded her arms across her chest.
“Because we weren’t done talking. I’m sorry you saw what you did. It wasn’t what you think and it doesn’t change that I want to finish our conversation.”
The hard look slipped from her face. “Why did you kiss her?”
“You gotta believe me when I tell you she kissed me. It was unexpected.”
“I saw, Luke. I. Saw. It. She may have initiated the kiss, but you kissed her back. Tell me why.” There was a pleading in her soft voice.
I exhaled a heavy breath. “I don’t know.”
Shutters came down over her face. It wasn’t the answer she wanted, but I didn’t want to lie to her. I could have said it meant nothing. I could have said I felt nothing during the kiss. I could have said a lot of things that wouldn’t have been true.
Her next question was so quiet I almost couldn’t hear her. “What are we doing?”
I took a step toward her, but she took a step back. “What are we doing, Luke?” This time the question came out bolder, almost angry even. “We both know better. We should just forget we ever talked. Keep things the way they’ve always been.”
She couldn’t be serious.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“It’s too late for that, now.”
“No, it’s not. You’re acting like something happened between us that didn’t. Nothing has changed,” she muttered, but there was something off in her voice. She didn’t even believe her own words.
“Yes, it did,” I muttered weakly, because whether or not we got to finish that conversation, we both knew where it’d been headed. And that did change everything. It had to. Had to. Because I’d been waiting for this night for six years.
“No, it didn’t. Because I came back from the bathroom and you were kissing someone else.” She said matter-of-factly.
“I’d take it back if I could.” That was the truth.
“You had your chance for that. All you had to do was push her away. But you didn’t. You’ve known her two days, and you kissed her and touched her in ways you’ve never touched me. And that means something. It means I was right all along.” She started to walk away.
“Because she let me.”
Ci stopped and turned slowly. “What?”
“You asked why. Because she let me. And you never have.”
She blinked and jerked slightly, almost like my words had been a slap. “What?”
“I’m answering both your questions. Why I kissed her, but have never kissed you. That’s why. If I had, you would have run.”
She shook her head.
“Don’t deny it, Ci. For six years, I’ve only been able to get as close to you as you’ve allowed. If I even so much as hinted at wanting anything more, you pulled away. So, I learned to stop. Until tonight. Tonight, I thought you were finally ready.”
“But you kissed her.”
“Yes, I did. Because for six years the woman I’ve wanted to kiss has kept me at arm’s length, and then Meg caught me off guard. I was weak, and I’m sorry that hurt you. But forget about Meg and the kiss. Tell me what you wanted to tell me.” It was a struggle to keep my voice even, to keep from sounding like I was begging, but God, I was. “Tell me I’m not wrong. Tell me the last six years I’ve spent waiting for this night, weren’t for nothing.”
I don’t know how much time passed where she just stood there, looking at me, a multitude of emotions passing over her face, none of them encouraging. And then finally she uttered the words that were like a knife to my insides.
“I can’t. Tyson’s waiting.”
“Don’t do it, Ci.” I took a step toward her. “You don’t even know the guy.”
“That’s the best part of it. No one gets hurt that way.”
“You’re wrong. You do.” And I do. But I doubted she was all that concerned with hurting me at the moment. In fact, that’s probably what she was aiming for.
“No. Tyson can’t hurt me. I didn’t think there was anyone left who really could. But I was wrong.” And the knife twisted.
“So, is this payback?”
“Just go inside, Luke. Meg’s in there.”
“Stop playing this fucking game, Ci. You’re better than this. I already messed up tonight, thinking for a second that someone else could be a substitute for what I really wanted. Don’t do the same thing.”
“What you don’t seem to get is that it’s never been a game. It’s self-preservation.” She turned and this time I knew nothing I could say would make her stay.
“You’re running. Again.”
Twenty-One
Cici
Four years ago
April
He had to stop looking at me like that. It was doing ridiculous things to me. I shifted on my stool and focused my attention on Jess and the story she was telling, or trying to tell through her tears of laughter. I was sure it was funny. Everyone else was barely holding it together. Me, I had no idea what the story was even about, although from the grumpy look on Leo’s face, I suspected it was at his expense.
I couldn’t focus on anything except the little pinpricks of awareness running up and down my spine.
What had gotten into him tonight? I’d never seen Luke like this in the two years I’d known him. He was always so cool and laid back. Nothing ever seemed to ruffle his easy-going and carefree nature.
Tonight was different, and if I thought about it, something had been different for the past few days. He’d been more intense lately, like something was heating up inside him. It looked like whatever it was, was ready to ignite. And the focus of this new intensity, was me.
Laughter exploded, snapping me out of my thoughts. Jess must have finished her story, because she was full on snorting and crying, and Leo rose from his stool and walked away from the small circle of tables and chairs we’d pushed together, and slipped behind the bar where he grabbed himself another beer.
The club was closed for our private celebration tonight. It was Luke’s birthday. Or tomorrow was, but since he’d be with his family, we surprised him tonight.
“Anyone else need another?” Leo looked up.
A few called out requests and he slid the bottles across the bar. I noticed Luke didn’t grab one. I didn’t think I’d seen him have more than one beer all night. Which meant, like me, he was completely sober. Although I didn’t feel it. I was warm, too warm, and I was having trouble thinking straight.
I dared another look in his direction and felt a slight shudder when I met his heated gaze. I hadn’t seen that look since the night we met two years ago. Luke had looked at me a lot of ways since then. I’d seen him stare at me with lust and desire, the way every man who set foot in this place and watched me dance did. It didn’t mean much, except that he was a warm-blooded male.
I’d seen him watch me in amusement on the several occasions I’d embarrassed myself in front of him. I’d seen frustration in his eyes when we argued, which was another regular occurrence. I’d seen the protective side of him come out the few times a member had been foolish enough to harass me. I could make him laugh, drive him crazy, annoy the shit out of him, provoke him, and turn him on any given night of the week. Sometimes all in one night. But this look was none of those, and yet it was as if everything I’d ever made him feel was coming through all at once. It was scary and heady and it was turning me the fuck on.
There was so much desire in those green eyes which appeared several shades darker than usual, but it was unlike any desire I’d ever seen in them.
In the two years I’d been working here, I’d become attuned to the looks in a man’s eyes. I’d learned how to read them quite well, which is why I knew the subtle difference between how Luke looked when I was up on stage, and how he looked right now. The look in his eye right now meant so
mething more. At least I thought it did.
Dear God, dare I hope?
How many times had I wondered over the last two years what would have happened if I’d taken the date instead of the job? Too many, but it was hard not to question my decision when Luke turned out to be so different than I thought. I wasn’t sure that half the girls that worked here weren’t in love with him. He was unlike anyone I’d ever met.
He was rich and confident and could be cocky as hell at times, but there was no sense of entitlement with him. No belittling or superiority complex. He was funny and down to earth and if you didn’t know he had millions, you’d never suspect it, looking at him or talking to him.
He regularly dressed in faded, ripped jeans or cargo shorts, and tees and flip flops, or occasionally scuffed up boots. Most of the time he looked more like a surfer bum than a businessman. His version of dressing up, meant wearing the jeans without the holes and pulling his sandy locks into a ponytail.
He was smart, but he never used his intelligence to make anyone else feel less so. He never looked down on anyone, and he didn’t tolerate the men who walked in here thinking their money gave them the power to treat anyone they wanted like shit.
And he was so good with all of us girls. We all trusted him. Even the more skittish girls who had serious issues. He could put anyone at ease, even me. Especially me. For two years, I’d been fighting my attraction to him, because he’d made it clear on day one, it was the job or him. One or the other, and if I took the job then nothing would ever happen between us. At the time, I’d decided nothing could happen between us anyway so I might as well take the job, but now …
Was I changing my mind?
Had he changed his mind? Was this thing with us as hard for him to fight as it was for me?
What would happen if I stopped fighting it and instead let myself feel everything I’d been denying for two years?
I started to panic just thinking about what it could mean, and all the ways it could end badly.
“Cake!” I hopped off the stool, needing something else to focus on. “I think it’s time for the cake.” I hurried around the bar and pulled the pink bakery box from the bottom shelf in one of the beer fridges. Then I found the bag I’d shoved under the counter that had the numbered candles I’d bought when I picked up the cake. I also grabbed the knife we used to cut lemons and limes.
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