by K. D. Jones
She thought about her feelings for ConEL and wondered how things had escalated so fast. She had not developed feelings for her husband this quickly and that made her feel a little guilty.
Her husband, Stephen. He had been her high school sweetheart. When he went off to join the army, she joined, too. They had been apart for almost two years while both of them did their training and received deployment paperwork to their assignments.
At one point they had broken up for a bit. He had been seeing other women without telling her about it at first. He came begging for her forgiveness a few months later. They married and were able to transfer to the same base. There they both worked to get on the same Special Forces team. Of course, Stephen was more readily accepted on the team than she had been. It wasn’t until Jaxon’s Air Force team came for a joint mission that she realized she and Stephen needed to have some things separate. Stephen moved on to work with Ranger team while she continued with the joint/combined teams of the Army and Air Force.
Then the worst news came to her. Her husband’s team had not reported from their mission crossing enemy lines. She wanted to go after her husband, but they didn’t know where to begin to look. She made several attempts anyway only to be stopped and nearly killed herself. It took another two years before Intel came to them with a location of prisoners of war.
Jaxon convinced her superiors to let her led the joined team members for a retrieval attempt. She had not been sure if her husband was alive or dead. Two years of being held by the enemy could do things to a person. Jaxon tried to convince her not to come, but there was no way she would stay behind.
The day she retrieved him would always stay with her for all her days. It was the worst possible scenario. They had broken him in every way. She and Jaxon snuck into the compound and while Jaxon got the key to release the prisoner, Lucy searched the area for Stephen. He had not been with the others.
What she found still made her sick to this day. Stephen was being raped. She lost it. She went in and shot every person in the room in the forehead. Whether they were hurting Stephen or not.
Stephen had been tied down. He was bruised and bloody. He didn’t know who she was at first. She approached him as if coming up to a wild, injured animal.
Once he was free, she thought maybe things would be better. However, it didn’t get any better. It got worse. No amount of counseling helped. He refused to sleep in the same room with her. He retreated from her more and more.
She threw herself into her missions. She volunteered for as many as she could. The more dangerous the better. It was while she was on one of her more dangerous missions, that Stephen decided he had had enough. He jumped from one of the tallest buildings on the base. He lived for fourteen hours. She arrived back to base just as the doctors called his time of death.
She had made it two months when she sunk into a deep depression. She didn’t want to go on anymore. Not without Stephen. She decided to end her own life. Lucy attempted it twice, but both times Jaxon had intervened and saved her life. She owed that woman everything. She would have succeeded that last time with the pills if not for Jaxon breaking though the window to get to her.
She went through intensive therapy for the following twelve months before her superiors would let her start back training. She learned a lot from all of that. One of the biggest was that she was able to have a life without Stephen. It wasn’t always easy and there were more times than not that she was lonely. However, she was able to keep going. She realized how precious life, especially her own, was. She never wanted to take it for granted again.
Maybe that’s why she felt a connection to ConEL. His trauma was similar to Stephen’s and he too tried to take his own life. She knew pain and devastation. She knew what it was like to want to end it all. So yeah, she connected with him, but that was it. He didn’t want to actually have a relationship with her. She had to accept that and move on. At least now she knew where she stood with him. Sleep finally came for her and she welcomed it.
*****
“What do you mean you have not seen her?!” ConEL practically yelled at the females when they came for the Evening Meal. He had not seen Lucy all afternoon. Not since he left her after their sexual encounter. He had wanted to apologize to her afraid that he had hurt her feelings. It was the last thing he wanted to do, hurt her. When he had no luck finding her, he spent time with TorEL training him. However, it bothered him that he had not run into Lucy at all.
“We have not seen her since the Midday Meal,” one of the therapists said.
He looked at Dr. Garrett who shared sleeping quarters with Lucy. She shook her head. “She wasn’t in our sleeping quarters when I went back to get ready for the Evening Meal.”
Commander TylOR came over to their table. “May I join you?”
“Yes.” Everyone moved to make room for him. The short woman with big blue eyes moved further away from him.
“Commander TylOR, have you seen Lieutenant Daniels?”
“Yes, she’s in the Medic Wing.”
She was injured. Why was he not notified of this. “I’ll be right back. TorEL, you stay with Dr. Garrett until I come back.”
“I want to see Lucy, too,” TorEL complained.
“I’ll bring you to see her later.” Con stood and walked out of the Meal Room. He started to run. He worried that something was seriously wrong he had no idea. Something built inside of him. An urgency to get to her, protect her. He growled at the males who were in his way. He must have been quite a sight because the males all jumped out of his way.
He barged into the Medic Wing scaring the medics who were sitting down at a table. “Where is she?”
“Prime ConEL, are you injured? Do you need our assistance?” one of the medics asked.
“Where is Lucy? The female warrior?”
“She is resting in the second room on the left. We gave her a tray of food and she just finished it.”
“What happened to her?”
“We are not at liberty to discuss her ailment with you.”
“Fine!” He turned toward the closed door. He stormed to it sliding it open without knocking first.
“What the hell!” Lucy was startled from her reading. She looked up to find ConEL standing in her doorway.
“What happened?” Con came into the room. His big body made the room feel smaller.
“Nothing.”
“You are not in the Medic Wing for nothing.” He looked at the bandage on her hand. “What happened to your hand?”
“It had a disagreement with a wall.” She didn’t feel like telling him a lie.
“What happened?”
“It was nothing.”
He was close enough to reach out and grab her arm. She struggled to get free, but he was stronger. He used his other hand to unwrap the bandage.
“What in Kitana happened?”
She sighed pulling her hand free from him. “I got angry and hit a wall, okay.”
“What made you angry? Who made you angry?” He had a sinking feeling. His suspicion was confirmed with her continued silence.
“Tell me what happened?”
“No. It’s none of your business. Go back to Dr. Garrett.”
What did Dr. Garrett have to do with any of this? It just didn’t make any sense to him.
“Why are you bringing up Dr. Garrett?”
“I saw you…okay.”
“You saw us…what?”
“I saw you with Dr. Garrett.”
He was confused.
“Never mind. It doesn’t matter anyway. We just had a good time. You can be with anyone you want. I don’t care.”
Now he was getting angry. “It doesn’t matter?”
“Nope.”
“You don’t care?’
“Not one fucking bit.”
“Then why is your hand hurt?”
She opened her mouth but said nothing.
“Medic!” ConEL yelled out for one of the medics. A young male came stumbling in.
> “Yes, sir?”
“What happened to her hand?”
“I am not at liberty…”
“Bullshit! I am acting in Prime Commander KydEL’s behalf on this mission. Lieutenant Daniels technically reports to me since I am the senior officer. I want to know what in Kitana happened to her hand and when this happened!”
Lucy felt dread. The medic was going to cave in. There was no way under that kind of pressure he wouldn’t.
“Stop yelling at the medics. You can leave.” She dismissed the medic who looked extremely relieved to be able to leave.
“I hit a wall with my hand. I came here and they fixed me up.”
“Why in Kitana would you hit a wall?”
“I have a bad temper. I lost it and this is what happened.” She held up her bandaged hand.
“What made you angry enough to hit a wall?”
She was silent. Lucy was not going to admit that she was angry, hurt, and jealous. No way.
ConEL ran a hand through his hair. The female was driving him crazy. Her silence bothered him the most.
“Lucy, what made you angry?
“You did.”
He was shocked. What had he done to make her react so strongly? “Was it because I left so abruptly after we shared sex?”
Lucy blushed. “It was part of it.”
“What’s the other part?”
Fine, she’ll tell him. Then he’ll say she was just a temporary thing and that will be that. “I saw you and Dr. Garrett come out of the sleeping quarters together.”
He frowned wondering why that would bother her but then a realization came over him. She was jealous. It pleased him and worried him all at the same time.”
“There has never been anything going on sexually between me and Dr. Garrett.”
“Then why were you with her a few hours after leaving me?”
“I needed some…counseling.” He didn’t elaborate. He shouldn’t have to.
Lucy stared at her bandaged hand. She was glad to know nothing was going on between ConEL and the other woman, but it didn’t really change things. He left her as soon as he got what he wanted. But she wanted to hear it from him so there was no more confusion.
“Okay. You’re not fucking, Dr. Garrett. Were you planning to continue things with me or was it just a one-time thing?”
He turned his back on her. How was he to answer that? Goddess KatieRI, help him find the words.
* * *
Chapter Fourteen
“I do not know.”
“What do you mean you do not know?”
“I am confused and torn.”
“I think it’s pretty damn simple. Either you want to keep fucking me and only me with a goal of building something more. Or, you want to fuck me just that once and move on.” She was being harsh and crass but she was tired of tiptoeing around the issue.
“I am working out my issues, but I may never be able to have a real relationship with another female.”
“Then that is just too damn bad.”
“You do not understand what I am going through.”
“The hell you say. I know all too well.”
He frowned. ConEL had never really asked her about her life on Earth, so much he still didn’t know about her. That needed to change if he ever hoped of having something more with her. Obviously that was what she wanted or she wouldn’t have crushed her hand in a wall. He grabbed a chair and pulled it up beside her bed.
“Then tell me how you know so much about what I am going through.”
Lucy gulped and looked away. She had not planned revealing this much about herself, but maybe it was time. She would lay it all on the line.
“I was married once.”
“Where is your mate?” He was feeling angry that she would keep this from him.
“Dead.”
ConEL didn’t say anything. He stared at her as if seeing her for the first time. Maybe he was. He stayed quiet afraid that if he spoke, she would not continue her story.
“Stephen and I had a rocky marriage, but I loved him. He was in the army like me. He was captured and kept a prisoner for two years.”
“Like me?”
She nodded her head. “The things that were done to him were inhumane. When we were finally able to rescue him and the rest of the prisoners, he was broken inside and out.”
“Did he get counseling?”
“For a year, but it did him no good. He killed himself.”
ConEL felt like the floor was ripped out from underneath him. Was he just a project, since she couldn’t save her husband, she was determined to save him?
Once she started talking, she couldn’t seem to stop. She told him everything. Even the ugly parts of having to identify the body. She then told him about her attempted suicide. It caused some kind of reaction in him, but he was having a hard to controlling it. She wasn’t sure if he was angry with her or not.
“Why would you try to end your life?”
“I felt guilty.”
“But you did nothing wrong.”
“I lived, he didn’t. It didn’t seem fair to me.”
ConEL was grateful he was sitting down. Hearing all this would have sent him to his knees. It wasn’t just that he reminded Lucy of her dead mate, but ConEL reminded her of herself. She really did understand.
“What about the rest of your family? Were they there for you?”
“No. My parents divorced when I was sixteen and moved away. I stayed with my aunt until I graduated high school. My aunt died not long after that.”
“You had no one to help you through all that?”
“Jaxon and a few friends were there for me. Jaxon was the one that found me after I took the overdose and she got me to the hospital in time. I would be dead if not for her.”
“It is a good thing she was such a good friend to you.”
“I’m grateful now for that. However, at the time, I was angry with her. I even told her I hated her guts.”
ConEL snorted. “How did she take that?”
“You know Jaxon. She said that it was fine with her because she had too many friends as it was.”
ConEL laughed. “I can hear her saying that. She’s all tough on the outside, but I have noticed how she truly cares for her family and friends.”
Lucy nodded her head and smiled. “That’s Jaxon. Once she cares about you, she cares about you. She even asked me to look after you while we were gone.”
“Really? Because she asked me to look after you.”
They both laughed at that. The tension eased between them some. However, ConEL still needed to know.
“Are you interested in me only because I remind you of your broken, dead mate, Stephen?”
“Of course not. I mean, you both had similar things happen to you. So did bring back memories. Both of you tried to end your lives. I was unable to stop Stephen so I am glad that I could save you, but it’s more. From the moment I heard your voice on board the Morin ship, something inside me sparked to life. I can’t explain it. I am drawn to you. Even when I went to Southside, my thoughts were constantly of you. Now that I have been in your arms, have had you inside my body, I cannot think of anyone else.”
ConEL sat in silence staring at the beautiful female who said words that touched in a way that even his dead mate had not done. She was so much more than someone he shared sexual relations with. He wanted to tell her that but the words were stuck in his head. Nothing came out of his mouth.
“I feel…“
“Excuse me, Prime ConEL,” a medic called from the doorway.
Con looked over at the male in anger. “What?”
“Commander TylOR requested that you come to the operations room immediately.”
Kitana! “We’ll finish this discussion later.”
“Okay.”
She was pretty frustrated. She laid herself bare for him and he hadn’t said hardly anything in return. He looked uncomfortable, too. Was he about to end things with her? She sighed. This was
why she didn’t get involved with men. They were too much trouble.
*****
ConEL passed Dr. Garrett and his son TorEL in the corridor. “Would you watch TorEL just a few more minutes? I have to report to the operations room.”
“Of course. It’s no trouble.”
“I want to go with you. You keep passing me off to other people, but I came here to get to know you.” TorEL folded his arms across his chest.
ConEL felt like he failed again. Could he ever do anything right by his son? “As long as Commander TylOR is okay with you being there. But if he is not, you will need to return to our quarters.”
Tor nodded his head excitedly. “Okay.”
They said goodbye to Dr. Garrett and made their way quickly to the operations room. Commander TylOR was speaking to two of his Lieutenants. He motioned for them to sit down.
ConEL looked around. This was the first time he had been on a Kiljorn Transport or in a Kiljorn operations room. It was very similar to a Katieran’s. There were a few differences in their instruments though.
Commander TylOR turned his attention on ConEL. “Thanks for coming.”
“No problem, Commander. What can I do for you?”
“We have picked up partial messages but are not sure if they are friendlies or Morin. I was hoping you could listen in on what we have recorded.”
“Absolutely.”
Commander TylOR nodded his head at one of his Lieutenants who then entered a code into the computer. The sounds that came over the speaker in the room had a lot of static to it, but through the static, ConEL could make out pieces of what was being said.
“Are the…in…?”
“Yes…Leader…”
“Be ready to move.”
The recorded conversation only lasted about a minute. Half of that was so filled with static that you couldn’t make anything out. But the parts that were clear rang in ConEL’s ears. He looked down at his son who had turned deathly pale. He recognized Krosis’s voice. He shouldn’t have brought Tor with him.
Commander TylOR wasn’t aware of the distress that ConEL and TorEL felt by listening to the message. “Was that a Katieran transmission?”