by Limey Lady
The town did look good today, she had to admit. There had been a sudden cold snap and it had been snowing on and off all weekend, settling to a depth of two or three inches. At least it had down there. Up here, high in the hills, it was much, much deeper. And Goodness only knew how deep it was on the other hillside, which was higher and whiter still.
‘It really is a fantastic sight,’ she said. ‘Well worth the mountain climb to get here.’
‘It’s not that steep.’
‘Tell that to my legs and lungs.’
‘Excuse me, legs and lungs, but it’s not that steep.’
This time her laugh was longer and a little warmer, which was a good thing, because it was freezing on this exposed outcrop. The sun was shining for now but more clouds were advancing down the valley from the direction of Keighley, pushing an icy wind ahead of them.
‘More on the way,’ she predicted. ‘We’d better make sure we’re not up here when it starts again.’
‘Don’t worry yourself. I’ve done survival courses. We could stay here all night if we had to.’
‘Do you mean without a tent or anything?’
‘I’ll dig us a hole in the snow. You’ll be surprised how warm it can be, huddled up in a snowdrift.’
‘No I won’t, because it’s not going to happen. My mum’s doing roast beef and Yorkshires for Sunday dinner. That’s a far more attractive proposition.’
‘I still think it’s strange, having Sunday dinner at teatime.’
‘It’s not nearly as strange as wanting to sleep in a snowdrift.’
They chuckled together and kept on watching the clouds.
‘This was my mum’s favourite place,’ Jamie said eventually. ‘My natural mum, I mean. Dad scattered her ashes from here.’
Natalie glanced at him sharply. ‘You never told me that. In fact you’ve hardly told me anything about your natural mum.’
‘Like I said before, I was too young. I didn’t really know her. My sisters remember things, but I can’t even pretend to. All I have are a few stories from my dad.’
‘So your dad tells family stories involving pagan altars.’
‘Not rude ones, I’m afraid.’
‘Jamie!’
‘Well he doesn’t. So far as I know, it was Samantha’s favourite place because here’s where they sort of got engaged.’
‘I see. It was part of their whirlwind romance . . . apart from the “sort of” bit.’
‘You could say that. Apparently this is where they were when Dad told her he wasn’t joining up after all. According to Dad, she immediately dropped her plans to go to university. And that was it. No actual exchange of rings or anything.’
‘Sounds very much like a “sort of” engagement to me.’ She looked at him levelly. ‘Are you going to tell me you’re abandoning Queen and Country?’
‘I’m not as prone to whirlwinds as my dad.’ He laughed. ‘And even he waited two years before telling my natural mum. That still gives us another twenty months.’
‘Have we got another twenty months?’
He turned to her, suddenly alarmed.
‘Of course we have. We’ve got as long as you want.’
‘Have we really? Just lately I’ve been wondering if we’ve got another twenty days, never mind twenty months.’
‘Is this about Jayne again?’
‘No. It’s about everything, not Jayne.’
Jamie still had hold of Nat’s right hand. Now he took hold of her left hand as well, holding her so they were face to face on top of the altar.
‘I am joining up,’ he said. ‘I’ve told you that all along.’
‘I know. And I’m not trying to sway you.’
‘Aren’t you?’
‘No. If you cast your mind back, I might have been occasionally despicable, but I’ve never denied you anything. And I’m not trying to change the rules now.’
‘So what’s your problem, if it’s not Jayne?’
Natalie blinked back a tear. ‘I’m hovering on the border of falling for you,’ she said finally. ‘I know I promised I wouldn’t, but it is happening. The way I see the situation, we should end it now, before it’s too late.’
‘I don’t want us to end it.’
‘Neither do I, but I can’t see any future.’
*****
Benjy had never seen Pat McGuire so angry. Come to that, he didn't think he'd ever seen anyone who’d been anywhere near so angry.
‘Look mate,’ he said. ‘Let me go and we'll sort it . . . all right?’
‘Sort it!’ McGuire barked. ‘It's not something you can just fucking sort.’
The crazy glint in McGuire's eyes was starting to scare Benjy. So was the isolated location he’d been dumb enough to get brought to. Not that he’d had much say in the matter.
‘Well what do you want?’ He tried a little light humour. ‘Is it an apology? Okay, I'm sorry. I am really, really sorry.’
That was a big mistake. Benjy stared at the knife that suddenly appeared in McGuire’s hand. Dwyer's lads had acquired a bit of a reputation over the years. In Benjy’s circles it was common knowledge that at least one of them had retired Bunny Burrows in a hailstorm of lead. Fuck knew how many others they had taken out more quietly. Angel was supposed to be the worst of the bunch, but Pat had been there forever; Pat McGuire with his easy laugh and rugby player’s nose. Pat McGuire who everyone thought was such a nice guy.
Pat McGuire who was using that wickedly sharp knife to . . .
‘Ow!’ Benjy yelled, clapping a hand to the side of his head, feeling blood suddenly welling from the cut and seeing it spatter onto his shirt.
McGuire was holding something up for him to see. He realized in horror it was a freshly detached ear lobe.
‘You mad bastard.’ Benjy's eyes were darting around, looking for a way out. It was hopeless; he was trapped in this car in the middle of snowy nowhere . . . with a lunatic and a knife. Plus the gun the lunatic had used to force him into the car in the first place.
He did his best to be reasonable. ‘Look, if I sold you something that hit you bad, I’m sorry. It happens from time to time. Not often, but sometimes. It must have been shit bad luck. No-one else has been back complaining.’
‘I don't believe you,’ McGuire said. He sounded more rational now, and that worried Benjy. He'd also swapped the knife for the gun, and that was more worrying still. Benjy wondered about making a grab for the shooter. No, fuck that for a game of soldiers. McGuire was bigger, stronger and harder than him. If he kicked off it would only make things worse.
‘I'll tell you how it is,’ McGuire went on. ‘I was one of your best customers. I went to you because you've never tried to rip me off and the gear was always good quality. Not that last stuff, though. That fucked me up. And I reckon you gave it me on purpose.’
‘No,’ said Benjy. ‘That’s not right. You know who I work for; that’s not the way he operates.’
Without warning McGuire fired the gun. The noise inside the car was deafening. Benjy felt the bullet rip through the air, passing close to his face before exploding out of the passenger window.
That was when he lost control of his bladder and warm wetness filled his lap.
‘Let me spell it out,’ McGuire said in that same, terrifyingly rational tone. ‘Someone's played a trick on me. And it's either you . . . or someone who's used you to fuck me up. And someone's going to pay for it.’
‘It wasn't me.’ Benjy could hear the whine in his voice but couldn't stop it. ‘Honest, it wasn't.’
‘If it was you,’ McGuire continued. ‘I'm going to make you eat all the gear you've got on you. Then, in case that doesn't kill you, I'm going to shoot your cock off. Then I'm going to lock you in this car and torch the fucker. And then I'm going to stand back and watch you burn.’
He fired again, this time aiming down and hitting his Benjy in the foot. The pain was enormous, even worse than that time he'd broken his leg. He howled and only shut up when McGuire jammed the hot gun b
arrel into his face.
‘What's it going to be, Benjy? Is it going to be good to talk? Or do you want to get your gear out and start eating?’
Benjy had never fancied himself as a hero but had to at least try. ‘Honest,’ he whimpered, ‘it was shit bad luck. Not my fault. Not anyone’s fault . . .’
‘You got it from Painter, right?’
‘That’s not how it works . . .’
‘But you’re with Painter, aren’t you? Shall I take it up with him?’
‘Yeah, pick on him, not me.’
To Benjy’s amazement McGuire seemed to be ready to leave it at that. He nodded and put the gun away.
Fucking crazy, he thought. And thank God for that!
Brushing off the more minor discomforts (a throbbing ear and jeans soaked in fast-cooling piss) Benjy concentrated on his foot, which was currently being attacked by most of the devils in Hell. Fuck knew how much harm it had been done. It felt bad and looked it as well. A big chunk of trainer had vanished; along with a lot of hoof. What was left was mangled into a misshapen lump. He suspected he could see broken bones but couldn’t be so sure. It wasn’t very easy to tell between burst flesh and blasted Nike Air. At least it wasn’t easy to tell from the point of view of someone too scared to closely inspect the damage.
Benjy shut his eyes when the door opened and McGuire got out of the vehicle. He was going to come through this alive and with his cock still attached. Snowflakes were coming down again now; a few were getting in through the broken window, landing on his face. The effect was weirdly soothing.
Thanks God. I owe you. As many Hail Mary’s as you like. Give me a number and I’ll say ‘em tonight.
The reek of petrol opened his eyes again in a hurry. McGuire was transferring red plastic containers onto the back seat.
‘What the fuck are you doing?’ Benjy yelled.
McGuire ignored him and slammed the rear door before going back to the boot. Benjy scrambled wildly at his own door handle but it was useless. He already knew it had been fixed so it wouldn't open. Even if he hadn’t been cuffed to the handbrake he’d still be trapped in there.
‘For fuck's sake!’ he screamed as McGuire dumped a final container on the driver's seat and wound down the window before shutting the door.
‘What?’ McGuire said calmly, grinning in at him.
‘What are you doing?’
‘Destroying the evidence, Dumbo, what else does it look like?’
‘But you promised . . .’
‘I promised nothing.’ McGuire was holding something in his right hand. It looked like a grenade.
‘But . . .’
‘White phosphorus,’ McGuire said cheerfully. It'll get this lot going nicely. You won't feel a thing.’
*****
Jamie’s self-confidence was rocked. Natalie could see it in his eyes. For once he seemed uncertain. He looked down the valley, gathering himself before speaking again.
‘Of course there’s a future.’
‘With you off in Afghanistan or Iraq and me holed up in some crumby university?’
‘You’ll get into any uni you set your cap at.’
‘Like you’ll get into any girl you set your cap at?’ Natalie cringed even as she spoke. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I didn’t mean that. It came out too fast to stop.’
‘Nat, look, I know you’ve been talking to Jayne. I don’t know what she’s said, not exactly . . .’
‘She reminded me I gave you the go-ahead to snog her.’ Natalie blinked away more tears. Lots more tears. ‘And she said it got a bit heated. In fact she said she offered to run you all right through the Karma Sutra. Then she sort of left it with me to guess.’
‘It was a heated snog,’ he said. ‘That’s as far as it went. If you must know, I spent every last minute of Christmas missing you and regretting that snog.’
‘Is that what Uncle Rick told you to say? Stick as close as you can to the truth, make out you missed her every second she was away?’
‘I haven’t even spoken to Uncle Rick.’
‘You would say that, wouldn’t you?’
‘Nat . . .’
‘Don’t Nat me. Not when you can’t tell me the truth.’
‘I did miss you. And I never even looked at anyone else while you were away.’
‘Like you never spoke to Uncle Rick? And only ever snogged with Jayne?’
Jamie squirmed and wriggled a bit but wouldn’t let go of her hands. ‘We never actually did promise monogamy, did we?’
‘Not a lot of point, is there? Not when you’re determined to be blown to smithereens by a roadside bomb.’
‘I’m determined not to be,’ he countered. ‘There’s always a risk, but I’m not going to let a one-in-a-hundred chance put me off.’
‘Is that how you’re taking it with the other girls? There’s a one-in-a-hundred chance I’ll find out, so it’s a risk worth running?’
‘No,’ he said. ‘Of course it isn’t. But like I said, we never promised each other anything.’
‘And like I said, I’ve never denied you anything. Including snogging Jayne and doing God knows what else with her.’
‘Listen, Nat. As far as it goes with Jayne . . .’
‘No!’ she snapped. ‘I do not want to know. In fact I do not bloody well care!’
She angrily pulled her hands free. He tried his lopsided grin on her and, for the first time in recorded history, it didn’t work. Getting madder by the second, she glared at him until his expression started to get decidedly worried.
‘Please Nat. I don’t want to fall out.’
‘And I don’t want the whole world laughing behind my back. I’m sorry Jamie. It will be for the best if we call it a day.’
His expression was more than just worried now.
‘We do so have a future,’ he said. ‘And I’ll marmalise anyone who ever laughs at you.’
‘I should have guessed you’d resort to violence,’ she said. Then couldn’t stop laughing; it was the look on his face. She would have bet six months’ allowance that nobody had ever seen him looking so contrite before . . . or so utterly cute.
Her bubble of anger burst. Suddenly it was a struggle to keep glaring.
‘I’ll be good,’ he said. ‘I’ll stop beating up drug dealers in the street. I won’t even look at other girls, never mind snog them. I’ll take you to the Showcase to see soppy films . . .’
Natalie hesitated. She had agreed to today’s outing with one aim in mind. Jamie had sold it to her as a jolly, wintery jaunt, as if it would heal invisible wounds. In her heart she’d been ninety-five per cent sure it would be their last jaunt ever.
In fact she’d convinced herself Jamie would jump at the chance to be free.
Just as she’d convinced herself that would be best for her too . . . almost.
‘Maybe you mean it,’ she said. ‘And maybe you’ll be as good as your word. But it’s still all going to end in twenty months, isn’t it?’
‘Who knows where we’ll both be in twenty months? The world might have ended. I might have walked under a bus.’
‘Don’t say that. Please, Jamie. Don’t even think it.’
‘Thing is,’ he said, ‘I’m falling for you too. Let’s worry about the future at a later date, eh?’
‘And what do we do in the meantime?’
‘We make promises and stick to them.’
‘Huh! You would say that now, won’t you? What will you say the next time someone like Jayne drops her knickers?’
‘Whoops! Looks like you dropped something!’ Jamie’s grin was back, albeit tentatively. ‘Maybe I’m not perfect, Nat. But I like working to orders. Set me some rules and I’ll stick to them, no problem.’
She considered a moment.
Knowing she was going to give in.
‘Are you really falling for me?’
‘Lots,’ he said, ‘lots and lots.’
‘Is that as much as I’m falling for you?’
‘It’s a million times more,
at least.’
Off towards Keighley the sky had grown black. Natalie could see a sheet of snow slicing down from on high, moving along the valley bottom like a rolling barrage.
‘Is your natural mum really around here,’ she said, gesticulating over the end of the rock face.