‘Nothing happened,’ Ginny insisted.
Dani squeezed her hand. ‘Maybe we ought to get you checked out by a doctor.’
‘Seriously, no, guys. I’ll be fine. This is probably off your homebrew. I mean, who would spike me? The only people I was with were you lot, Ash and the rest of Black Halo. I hardly think any of them would slip me something.’
Dani was less certain of that, given all the things that had happened since the tour began. Someone close to the band was behind a whole heap of shit. Though what they hoped to achieve by spiking Ginny’s drink she couldn’t fathom, unless they simply aimed to screw up the guys’ lives in any way possible. Like they needed help with that. They were perfectly good at screwing things up for themselves.
‘Don’t you have any stuff?’ August asked her.
Dani shook her head. ‘Just myself. I am OK to join you, aren’t I?’
Hanne’s face lit with joy. ‘You’re kidding, right? That means we have a definite audience of two for our gig tonight.’ She wrapped an arm around Dani’s shoulders and gave them a squeeze. ‘I’ll warn you, it’s all a bit low-key compared to what you’re used to. We don’t even have any roadies.’
‘Or fans,’ Lykke added. ‘The few we did have only came to see Luthor, and he’s jumped ship.’
* * *
Ginny slept on the journey, leaving Dani to stew in her personal hell-hole of doubts. She woke as they were crossing the Oresund bridge, which August insisted was a significant landmark of Scandinavian Noir, whatever that was. He rattled off a string of other locations Dani had no clue about either. All she saw was an enormous bridge over a lot of water.
‘How are you feeling?’ Dani asked when Ginny yawned and stretched. Her eyes seemed much brighter, and the light was no longer making her wince. She didn’t look as if she were at death’s door any more either.
‘How are you?’
A fucked-up mess. She was sitting here putting on the performance of her life, pretending everything was fine while continual doubts ate away at her insides. She wasn’t mistaken about what she’d witnessed. Her actions were justified. But probably she ought to have said something before she ran away. And what the hell good had running away done her? She was cooped in a rusty camper van with a bunch of people she hardly knew, unable to think of anything besides Xane and the possibility that he’d never wrap his arms around her again. And that she’d never breathe in his scent, or smile until her cheeks ached simply from hearing him talk.
They’d never make love all night and wake in one another’s arms. Instead, he’d be doing those things with Luthor.
‘Figured,’ Ginny said in response to Dani’s silence. ‘What are you thinking? Do you want to talk to him?’
‘No. I don’t know.’ She covered her face with her hands. He was the one in the wrong. It ought to be him calling her. Except, of course, how could he when she’d left her phone behind on the bus? ‘What he did was wrong. Even if I forgive him, how am I ever supposed to trust him again?’
Ginny gently patted her shoulder. ‘By talking and being honest with each other. Look, I’ll call Ash and see what’s what. You’re both adults, you should be able to communicate with one another, even if it’s only to agree that you’re definitely over.’
‘Ginny, I …’ She wasn’t sure she was ready for this yet. Her insides knotted at the mere thought of hearing his voice. She shook her head. ‘Not yet. I can still see them.’ The memory of Luthor’s hand on Xane’s cock, their mouths glued to one another, made her eyes sting. ‘By all means speak to Ash, but don’t say that I’ll talk to Xane, or even that I’m with you.’
‘OK.’ Ginny dialled but got no answer, so she fired off a text instead. The response came back a few seconds later.
‘What?’ Ginny dropped her phone and had to bend to retrieve it from the footwell. ‘What?’ she screeched, glaring at the message, her mouth hanging open in outrage.
Dani nudged her shoulder. ‘What is it? What did he say?’
‘He just finished with me.’
‘Ash did? By text? Why?’ Dani snatched the phone from Ginny’s hand so that she could read the message for herself. Somehow she’d managed to ruin things for Ginny as well as herself.
Fuck off you two-timing bitch. Don’t call me again.
Crap, that wasn’t good. ‘What happened, Ginny? Did you have a falling out last night, or is this because of me?’
‘Why would he call me that if it was because of you? And you know I don’t remember a damn thing about last night. Shit!’ she screeched, making everyone’s ears ring. ‘Well, if he thinks I’m just accepting that, he’s got another thing coming. Two timing – I think he mixed me up with Xane.’
Chapter 38
Sweden
Xane prowled onto the stage in Gothenburg that night and tore the fucking hearts out of the devils watching them. Black Halo fans were accustomed to a souped-up horror show, but tonight was different. There were shards of glass beneath his skin, tearing him apart with every movement. He was beyond pissed, frustrated to the point of rage and teetering on the brink of despair. He didn’t want to be here, but there wasn’t anywhere else to go. He was trapped in this prison of sound. So he let the pain consume him, and the crowd watched as he drowned.
Perhaps they didn’t wholly understand what they were seeing, as he skewered them and himself with his lyrics, but they lapped it up in earnest. It was the wildest show Black Halo had ever performed.
When he swaggered off stage post-show, sweat-drenched and deranged, there was no man left, only beast – a beast who craved someone to love him.
Steve was gone.
Dani too.
And Luthor was showing some good sense at last and avoiding him.
When they’d reached Gothenburg that afternoon, Xane had wasted no time in opening the doors of the van and pulling everyone from their seats, but Dani hadn’t been there. For at least a minute he’d been completely paralysed. Then he’d made damn sure they all knew they needed to turn around and go back to Denmark to find her.
Dani was far more important than any gig.
What happened instead smashed him to pieces.
Graham Callahan had made some phone calls. Xane supposed he was trying to help, until he found himself caged in a room, ‘protected’ by an armed six-man security team. Apparently, Black Halo couldn’t afford for him to go AWOL again.
He’d been delivered to the stage a broken man.
Now he still hadn’t the means of finding her. It seemed unlikely she’d still be at the festival, after everyone else had moved on.
If she’d believed him a prick this morning, then what sort of shit did she see him as now, after he’d left her stranded, virtually penniless, in a foreign country with no obvious means of getting home? They’d driven off as if she meant nothing, when in truth she meant everything to him.
Xane bypassed the showers. He didn’t give a damn how bad he smelled, or looked. He didn’t need to look good for anybody, and though he’d done his duty and performed, he still wasn’t free to find her. How did you find someone when you weren’t sure where they were?
Would she even speak to him if he did find her?
He ought to have shoved Luthor away – though he still wasn’t sure that was what had caused her to leave. He’d discovered in her DVD player an alarming recording of a private conversation between himself and Luthor that made him damned irate and suspicious. He might be the biggest prick alive, but someone was stirring up trouble too. A heck of a lot of trouble, if he started to add up what had seemed minor and unrelated incidents.
Someone was determined to sabotage both his and Black Halo’s future, and they were doing a damned good job. There was no peace left in him, and little will either. It no longer seemed to matter if it all collapsed around his ears.
‘Where are you going?’ Ash and Spook trailed him out of the dressing room.
‘I’m not running away.’ At least, he wasn’t physically doing so. Mentally, he ab
solutely intended to check out. ‘I’m going to the bar.’ Getting slaughtered wouldn’t help bring Dani back to him, but it might numb him enough that he didn’t care about anything any more. Maybe he’d end up so wasted that the thought of sex with a stranger wouldn’t make him want to hurl.
Anonymous sex was his typical cure-all. It had always worked, albeit fleetingly. But not this time. He didn’t want to cheat on Dani. He’d never intended to cheat on her, but somehow the guy managed to tie him in knots.
‘Wait up, I’ll join you.’ Ash grabbed a jacket and fell into step beside him.
‘Are you sure?’ Ash had only stopped puking a half hour before they went on stage. He still looked as ghastly as Xane felt. Not that their goth-filled audience had noticed. They accepted his sallow, sickly appearance as normal.
‘Frightened I’ll show you up as a lightweight?’
‘No. I’m just not looking for a conversation.’
‘Fine by me. I’m not looking for one either.’
Spook fell into step behind them, no doubt tagging along to keep them both out of trouble. It reminded Xane vividly of the old days, except Steve would have been with them too.
The three of them hit the venue bar, damn near causing a riot, but Xane’s new security contingent stepped in and calmed things down. Apparently he still required supervision. ‘Ain’t going nowhere,’ he told them. ‘Dunno where she is.’ If he had any inkling, then things would be different.
Xane rejected the thought of beer, which just made him pee constantly – he didn’t fancy fighting his way to the gents at regular intervals – and quickly knocked back four shots of vodka. Apparently drinking himself to death was OK, but not doing anything useful like finding and apologising to the woman he loved.
‘What the hell happened?’ Spook asked. They’d been in the bar perhaps twenty minutes, soaking up the noise and not saying a lot to one another. All Xane had focused on was the line of drinks he kept racking up.
‘Ash?’ Spook prodded his bandmate in the ribs. Ah, it seemed the question hadn’t been aimed at him.
‘What? I said I didn’t want to discuss it.’
‘Iain’s hands in her knickers,’ Spook nevertheless prompted him. ‘Is there a reason why you haven’t decked him, fired him or told him to go screw himself?’
‘He didn’t know we were dating.’
‘He knew you’d been all over one another all night.’
‘Yeah, well, he thought I’d agreed to a threesome.’
‘What’s with this band and the obsession with triangles? Maintaining a relationship with one person is difficult enough, contenting two is next to impossible.’
‘When was the last time you had a relationship?’ Ash remarked, which instantly silenced Spook.
‘He’s a dick,’ Xane said, meaning Iain. ‘How much had Ginny had to drink? Are you sure he didn’t take advantage? Because I wouldn’t put it past him.’
‘Not a lot. Same as me?’
‘Uh, huh.’ Xane nodded sagely. Because for someone who hadn’t been drinking, Ash had sure done a lot of puking. ‘And what else were the pair of you doing?’
‘Nothing!’ Ash stared at him, outraged. Xane let him grumble and snarl at him. Ash was many things, but a liar wasn’t among them. He was prepared to take him at his word, even if that left a gaping hole in the explanation for Ash being ill all day.
‘Need me to sack Iain?’ Xane asked, relishing the prospect. Iain pissed him off, and he fancied tearing a strip off someone. It’d make him feel less impotent.
Ash shook his head, turning down the offer, the same as Xane had stupidly done when Ash had offered to get rid of Luthor the day before. If he’d accepted, he might still have a girlfriend.
‘Sure?’
‘Yes. I’ve already had it out with him. He’s said his bit. I’ve said mine. We’ve moved on, and I don’t want to think about it any more. I knew the whole relationship thing was a mistake, and guess what – it was.’ Ash sighed into his beer glass. ‘I’m so over dating chicks. Finito! I’m done. Ain’t never happening again.’ He slapped his hands down on the table in front of them and shoved it forward, rather than moving his chair back so he could stand up. ‘Wanna get laid?’ he asked Xane.
Shocked, Xane stood, though somewhat unsteadily. ‘Are you asking me to fuck you?’
Ash rolled his eyes and mock punched him. It was still enough to knock Xane back into his seat. ‘No, stupid. I’m asking if you want to go look for some pussy. You ain’t never getting your dick near my arse again.’
‘Again?’ Spook enquired, but they both ignored him.
* * *
Vodka was magic stuff, at least if you drank enough of it to fell an ox. Xane rolled out of the bar feeling toasty warm inside, as if he was swaddled in an enormous jumper. Although that might be due to the entourage he had welded onto his arms, rather than the vodka. He wasn’t sure where they’d come from and he had no interest in any of them. Nor apparently did his dick, since none of them could get a rise out of it no matter how much groping they did. Interesting, given that he’d always dealt with shit in his life by pursuing pointless pleasures. It was ingrained into him, like a Pavlovian response. Crap happened, and he got laid. The worse the situation, the more sex he sought, but tonight his synapses weren’t playing to type.
He only wanted Dani.
Unfortunately, Dani wasn’t here. He’d lost her, and didn’t know where to find her. Leave them alone, and they will come home … Crap, now he was reciting nursery rhymes. He had to be pretty fucked up to be doing that. Until this point, he hadn’t realised he knew any nursery rhymes. One of his many, many nannies must have taught him some.
‘Where are we going?’ he asked.
‘Tour bus,’ Ash replied. He was similarly attired in fawning women.
That was right. Xane continued ambling in that direction. His bed was on the bus. His bed he shared with Dani. But Dani wasn’t on the bus … Shit! The notion stopped him dead in his tracks, which dislodged a few of the crabs clamped to him. ‘Off,’ he insisted to the rest. Most of them scuttled over to join Ash, who seemed to be lining up enough entertainment to keep him busy until lunchtime tomorrow. Xane watched the laughing group carry on ahead of him and settle into the tour bus.
‘Come on,’ Ash called, waving at him encouragingly. But Xane didn’t want to follow and end up in the middle of an orgy. He still belonged to Dani, whether she wanted him any longer or not.
‘Two ticks. I need to piss.’ He wandered around to the back of the bus instead, thankfully without anyone attempting to escort him. The ladies were all jostling for position and he’d managed to leave his security force back at the bar. Evidently they didn’t think he needed watching over, given how many women were keeping their eyes on him.
Slap! He stumbled straight into Luthor, causing him to drop the bottle he’d been carrying. It must have hit a rock as it fell, because it smashed, showering them both in glass.
‘Xane?’ Luthor peeped warily at him from behind his stupid fringe of hair. He inched back a little, his arm outstretched as if to fend Xane off.
‘You ruined everything,’ Xane said.
‘I know. And I’m sorry. It wasn’t what I wanted to happen. I’m as concerned about her as you are.’
‘Are you? Why would you be?’
‘Because I care about her. We’re friends.’
‘Did you leave her that recording of us in the loos at the Paradiso?’
‘What?’ Luthor brushed his hair back and stared at him as if he’d grown two heads. ‘What recording? Someone recorded what we said? Is that why she’s missing? I thought you thought she’d seen us this morning.’
‘I do,’ Xane insisted, closing in on him. ‘Both things probably played a part.’ He shoved Luthor, sending him crashing into the side of the bus. ‘Why couldn’t you have left me alone? Why did you have to keep pushing things? Have you any idea how long it took me to find her? We’ve only been together a few months.’
‘A
nd I’ve been looking for you again for years. I thought the three of us could have something good together.’
‘No.’ He shook his head, and couldn’t seem to stop. His vision was blurred, he wasn’t sure whether with alcohol or tears. His cheeks were wet. ‘Not with Dani. She doesn’t …’ He couldn’t seem to express what he wanted to say. ‘She hates that I like men too. That I’m even interested in you.’
‘Do you really believe that?’ Luthor’s words made him genuinely question that. ‘Because, honestly, I think she’s just scared by the idea. She’s frightened of taking a chance. Frightened she might get hurt, but we’re all fucking hurting at the moment anyway.’
‘Because of you,’ Xane snarled accusingly. ‘You’ve pushed things to this point. You’ve made things impossible.’
‘I haven’t made anything impossible, Xane. You can’t force someone to be attracted to you. The desire is there on your part, you want what I’m offering, or you’d have got rid of me. Oh, I’m sure you’ve persuaded yourself that you couldn’t dismiss me for a whole host of reasons, but be honest – do any of them have any real weight? I doubt it. The fact is, you want to fuck me. The very notion makes you hard.’
‘After what happened with Steve and Elspeth, I swore never again. Getting involved with two people at the same time was a foolish mistake. I’m not about to repeat it.’
‘It’s what you need. Tell yourself otherwise, but you’re not just bisexual, you need both a male and a female lover to be fulfilled.’
‘That’s not true. I was happy with Dani until you showed up.’
‘And yet I only have to touch you and you’re hard.’ Luthor brushed his hand against Xane’s face. He swept his thumb downwards to Xane’s lip piercing and, just as he’d claimed, Xane felt the heat of arousal suffuse his groin. Numerous women pawing at him had done nothing, but Luthor made him hard simply by tracing his fingers over Xane’s lips. His cock swelled as he looked at the other man. If Luthor knelt now, he knew he wouldn’t stop the other man unfastening his fly. He’d hold Luthor’s head in position and ravage his mouth, take every bit of pleasure he could from the act, and for a few fleeting moments it would be bliss.
Come Together Page 28