Who We Were

by Christy Sloat

  “Do you know him?” I said puzzled.

  She laughed. “No. I showed him these babies.”

  She pulled back her thick hair and revealed two purple hearing aids. “It’s really the only good thing about these things. Well that and they help me hear. I show ‘em off and get up front at concerts all the time.”

  I hadn’t seen her wearing them before, and if she didn’t show me, I wouldn’t have known she had them at all. Nothing about Kyleigh said deaf. She was well spoken and seemed to hear me just fine.

  “That’s why I’m terrible with names. What I hear is different. Like last night I thought your friend said her name was Leslie, and then when you corrected me, I thought you said Lizzie.” She started laughing. I smiled, but I felt awful. How could I not know she couldn’t hear me?

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you couldn’t hear,” I admitted.

  She waved her hand, “No big deal. No one knows. It’s not like I go out and tell everyone I meet. But once I become your friend, you sort of need to know,” she paused. “I guess it’s not really a big deal for most people. I can hear pretty well with the hearing aids in, and I can read lips like a champ. If I don’t have them, forget it, I can’t hear you at all.”

  “Do you sign?”

  “No. I never needed to. I read lips instead. When you need to tell me something, make sure I’m facing you, ‘kay?”

  I nodded, fascinated with this beautiful girl who didn’t let anything stop her.

  The local band went off the stage and Kyleigh clapped and whistled for them. We had a while before the next band, so we talked about school. She told me she thought Dorian Gray was a jerk and I agreed. “He’s so not what I thought he would be,” she told me. “He’s like every other guy in the world. He wants to possess beauty.”

  It was so true. “I know, right?”

  We laughed about how terrible the writing assignment would be for this project and somehow got on the subject of Nash.

  “I saw you two getting pretty cozy last night by the dock,” she teased. I blushed because things like this usually embarrassed me, but I don’t know why I was shy about it. We weren’t doing anything besides tickling. It wasn’t like I was on a kitchen table half naked with him.

  That reminded me. I needed to know more about Oliver and what type of guy he was. Nash wasn’t opening up to me, maybe Kyleigh would.

  “What do you know about Oliver Kasen?”

  She froze and eyed me suspiciously. “Uh, I thought you liked Nash. Am I wrong? Do you like Oliver?”

  I shook my head. “No. I don’t like Oliver. He’s sort of with Lily, and I’m just looking out for her,” I explained.

  “Thank God! Because all of the girls know the douchebag award goes to Oliver Kasen. I don’t really listen to school drama, especially when it comes to boys, but I do know about him.”

  My heart sank at the news. Why couldn’t he be as sweet as he was suave? Why did he have to be a jerkbag? She got closer to me like a person would who had fantastic news to share, except her news was awful.

  “He’s just about dated our whole school female population, except for me, and he isn’t exactly the best boyfriend. Last year he dated Gwynnie Myers for a few months. The first month they were so in love and everything was perfect. Then Gwynnie started acting weird.” She paused.

  “She came to school wearing big sunglasses and always wearing scarves. We all thought it was to hide the bags from staying up to late and hickeys on her neck. Well, mid-year they broke up. People said they argued a lot. I never really saw it because Gwynnie stopped hanging out with us. She was always with him or at home because he wouldn’t like her out without him.”

  A guy came on stage to announce Arms of Chance, but I couldn’t care less. I wanted to know what happened to Gwynnie and Oliver. Finally the guy left the stage and the band came on playing softly.

  “Go on,” I urged.

  “Well,” she said louder as the music turned up. “She never came back to school after they broke up. She went to the private school in Dixon and didn’t return our calls. She ditched everyone.”

  “Why would she do that?”

  “My friend Alyssa said she heard Gwynnie had to put a restraining order on Oliver. I guess he was so obsessed with her he couldn’t stay away.” Kyleigh turned and faced the stage and started singing along with the music. I tried to focus on the banjo and guitar melody being played in front of me, but all I could think of was the fact that Oliver Kasen was dangerous for Lily.

  ***

  We walked the park after Arms of Chance played their thirty minute set. My stomach ached, and I needed to see Lily. I wanted to tell her what I’d heard and wanted to see if she was okay. I glanced at my watch and saw it was nearing nine o’clock; I felt exhausted. It felt later; probably because I was up most of the night and early morning.

  “You look tired,” Kyleigh observed.

  “I’m beat.” I yawned. “Sorry. I think I’m gonna go.” All I wanted was my comfy bed and to close my eyes.

  “Me too. Wanna hit the lake tomorrow?” She read my mind. I needed the lake badly. My whole body craved the sun and the water.

  “Absolutely I do,” I said with a smile. She hugged me and said, “Text me tomorrow around ten o’clock. I can’t wait.”

  We said goodbye, and I headed to my car. I fished my keys out of my purse and noticed my phone light up. There was a missed call from Lily. I dialed Lily’s number first.

  “Hey,” Lily answered. It was such a relief to hear her voice.

  “Hey back. How are you feeling?”

  She sighed. “Hungover and horrible. I meant to call earlier, but I was embarrassed. I was a total idiot last night; I’m so sorry, Sadie.”

  I didn’t expect to start crying when I spoke to her, but the exhaustion and fear that I felt after the experience caught up with me. I struggled to form words. I couldn’t talk.

  “Sadie, you there?”

  “Yeah,” I croaked. “I’m here.”

  “You crying?”

  “I was really scared last night, Lily. I’d never seen you that way, and I hope I don’t have to ever again,” I forced out.

  She took a breath. “Me too. I never meant to upset anyone or scare you. I just wanted to have a good time. Oliver kept handing me shots, and I kept taking them. I should have slowed down.”

  Oliver. The jerk. I should have known he was feeding her alcohol.

  “Where did he go last night?”

  “What do you mean?” she asked.

  “Well, I asked him to call 911, and he ran off.”

  “I don’t really know. I don’t remember that part. He came over today though. Brought me flowers, isn’t that sweet?” She mused.

  Yeah, real freakin’ sweet. I decided not to comment about Oliver until I found out the truth about him. If I had the whole truth about his relationship with Gwynnie, then I could tell Lily about it. The real reason the girl got a restraining order on him and ran away.

  “Want to come with me to the lake tomorrow? I’m meeting Kyleigh there,” I said.

  “That sounds like fun. What time?”

  I told her I’d call her, and we’d find a time. I expressed to her all about Kyleigh and how cool she was. I hoped that if I brought more people and more fun into Lily’s life she’d forget about Oliver.

  Nine

  I picked Lily up on the way to the lake. She looked so much better than she did the last time I saw her. She looked alive. She looked sober.

  “This weather is absolutely perfect for the lake, right?” she mused as she hung her hand out the car window.

  “I can’t wait to get some color on these legs.”

  She laughed with me at how white my legs were this summer. Normally we were both a golden tan by now. Lily’s color was always a golden tan, thanks to her Hispanic heritage, but I, on the other hand, was pale like a ghost, thanks to my Irish heritage.

  “So is your mom mad that you went to the party the other night?” Lily
asked. I was stunned by the question. Was my mom mad? How mad were her parents?

  “Well, we worked it out. She’s just upset that I wanted to go out and be free. She’s not ready to let go of me just yet,” I said as I turned onto Kyleigh’s street. “She’ll have to deal with it because I plan on doing more things with you this summer … besides the lake.”

  Lily’s face flashed with disappointment, but I said nothing in reaction. Was she not looking forward to spending time with me?

  I ignored her and looked for Kyleigh’s house, a small blue house with bright yellow shudders. I found it right away. It stood out like a sore thumb in the all-white or tan housed neighborhood she lived in. Her house was the only one with any color. I instantly loved it.

  As I pulled in, Kyleigh came running out in an adorable blue polka dot bikini with matching skirt.

  “Hey girls!” She got in the back seat and waved to Lily. “I’m Kyleigh.”

  Lily smiled, but as soon as she faced forward, her face turned sour.

  “I remember,” she moaned.

  The tension was thick, but only coming from Lily. Kyleigh was fresh as a daisy and cheerfully friendly. Lily was being a rude snot, and I wasn’t sure why.

  We hit the freeway and got to the lake before anybody else. I grabbed my blanket, chair and bag containing books, magazines, tanning oil, sunblock, and water. I was prepared and so were the other girls.

  “I brought my iPad so we can listen to music and take pictures if we feel like it,” Kyleigh said.

  “I thought you couldn’t hear,” Lily rudely asked.

  My face burned with embarrassment. I felt like Lily’s rudeness was somehow my fault. I had invited Lily and told her about Kyleigh’s hearing loss.

  “I can hear the music as long as I have my hearing aids in,” Kyleigh explained, not seeming hurt at all by Lily’s comment. Perhaps she was used to being asked these questions.

  We found a spot and plopped down in the sand. I set up my chair and laid my blanket in front. Kyleigh sat to my right and Lily to my left, neither one sitting by the other. Great, I was in the middle. I silently prayed that they would get along for at least a little bit.

  The sun was pouring into my skin, and I felt so relieved. It was such a great feeling to finally be here on the lake. The small sound of the water hitting the shoreline was heaven to my ears.

  I tried to forget that tomorrow was a school day and tried to ignore Lily’s incessant talk about Oliver. Oh, I wished I could shut off the sound like Kyleigh did a few minutes before. She told us she needed a “break from noises” and pulled out her hearing aids. Lily went on and on about how perfect Oliver was. Then she confessed that she went all the way with him at the party the other night.

  “On the kitchen table!” I shrieked.

  “Keep your voice down,” Lily laughed. “No. It was before that and in his room.”

  She smiled like she had just announced the best news ever. I’m sure my frown was evident. Lily always told me she knew when I was unhappy. She said that it showed all over my face, so I’m sure she noticed now that I was not thrilled. But she kept going, telling me all the dirty details about her first time.

  “He was so sweet about it … and careful,” she promised. I couldn’t help but cringe.

  “Then he got you drunk and left when you needed him most,” I blurted out. Her face scrunched up, and she turned away from me.

  “It’s not like that.”

  I sat up and faced her. “No? Then what’s it like, Lily?”

  She stood and threw the sunblock down on her towel. Her face was red now, and I could tell I had angered her. We never fought. Sometimes we’d have an occasional disagreement, but never a fight and never over boys. We got along like sisters.

  “He got scared. He didn’t like to see me like that, and he doesn’t know how to deal with scary situations very well.” I could tell she was lying for him. I hated to do this to her and make her face the truth.

  “He’s a jerk, Lily. He may have gotten scared, but no matter what the situation, you don’t run off when the girl you just had sex with is dying on the grass of your house.”

  Kyleigh put her hearing aids back on and said, “Whoa, ladies. What’s going on?”

  “I’m simply telling her that Oliver is a jerk, and he shouldn’t have run off the other night.” Lily turned to look at Kyleigh then back at me. I could see she was mortified that Kyleigh was now in the middle of our argument.

  “I don’t need this crap! Especially from you, Sadie. I mean, what are you doing with Nash, huh?” She placed her hands on her hips.

  “What does that have to do with this?” I asked hesitantly.

  “You think Nash is such a good guy? You want to compare boys? Then get your facts straight,” she spat. “Nash took off too if I remember correctly.”

  I shook my head and stood.

  “Not the same thing, Lily. Nash wasn’t sleeping with you.” I tried to keep my voice down but I couldn’t. Thankfully the lake was full of screaming kids by now and no one could overhear our conversation.

  “You’re just jealous! You’re mad because I have a boyfriend and you don’t. Like always, no one’s into you. Nash doesn’t want you and you’re mad.”

  I stepped back, her words hitting me in the heart. I couldn’t believe she would think that. I couldn’t believe my best friend was saying this to me.

  “Like always? What is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that no one likes you at our school and no one likes you at Alcott either. Just because you’re at a different school doesn’t mean you change. You’re still the same cold Sadie and the boys all know it.” She pulled her towel up and flung the sand into my face. I didn’t even feel it.

  “I’m not jealous. I’m not cold,” I whispered. Kyleigh stood behind me now with her hand on my shoulder for support.

  “You are jealous! And if you didn’t take me to the hospital, I wouldn’t have a curfew now. My parents wouldn’t know I drank so much. It’s all your fault,” she yelled.

  “My fault? I guess I should have let you die on the ground then,” I screamed at her.

  She laughed. “You’re always so dramatic, Sadie. I was fine. Oliver told me I was. He said you got all crazy and called the cops for no reason. I was just drunk.” Is that what he told her? I would kill him!

  “Yeah, you were totally fine. Because puking in your hair and your eyes rolling back into your head is totally normal,” Kyleigh chimed in.

  Lily swung her bag over her shoulder and said, “Who the hell are you anyway, Kyleigh? Huh? You’ve known her a minute? Just wait, she’ll drag you down with her. She’s constantly trying to change herself into something she’s not, and you’ll get tired of her soon just like me. I need a break from you, Sadie,” she said now facing me. “Don’t call me.”

  “Don’t worry, I won’t. And I won’t miss you either. I don’t need your drunk ass around!” She pulled out her cell, dialed a number, and asked for a ride, no doubt from her precious Oliver.

  She flipped me off as she stormed away toward the little diner across the street. Once she was out of sight, I fell into the sand.

  ***

  I found myself sitting in my room all the rest of the evening, crying. Yeah I was mad as hell at Lily, but more so hurt. I wouldn’t lie and say that it didn’t affect me or that her words weren’t like tiny daggers. Was she right? Was Nash not into me because I was cold? I’d never thought about it that way before. Now that my best friend, the girl who knew me best, told me this, I assumed it to be true. No one knows you better than your bestie, right?

  Was I jealous of her and Oliver? I knew that answer, no. I wasn’t jealous of her. Worried? Yes. I was worried for her. Lily had never been the one to go out to parties or hook up with boys she hardly knew. But now that I thought about it, how much had she been hiding from me? Kyleigh told me she saw Lily drink like a pro.

  I threw my book across the room in frustration. How much of Lily’s life was she hi
ding from me? Would I ever find out?

  I got up and picked my book up off the ground. I dove into the next few chapters as a distraction. Instead of a distraction, I found myself comparing Dorian Gray to Oliver Kasen. I hated Dorian Gray now. I hated all that he stood for and all that he was, the way he treated his fiancée’ and the way he thought of himself. I didn’t care that he was a fictional character.

  I threw the book again and turned out my light.

  Ten

  The next morning was like waking up after only two hours of sleep. I’d actually slept for more than twelve hours, but felt exhausted. I dreamt of Lily all night, her dying in the grass while Nash and Oliver laughed at her. I kept trying to save her, but I couldn’t. She kept dying over and over in my arms.

  I showered and dressed, keeping my clothes simple today. I didn’t feel like impressing Nash, or anyone for that matter. I actually wanted to skip school today. If I didn’t need the credits, I’d quit the whole class altogether. But alas, I needed them. I wanted to graduate early, especially now that there was nothing at school worth staying for. The only reason I dressed, showered, and ate my measly breakfast was because I would only be at school a half day next year. If I quit now, I’d be there the whole day. The thought that this was a means to an end fueled me. And I realized as I washed my bowl, this was the end of my need to be around Lily. I had relied on her for all of these years. Now, I would only rely on myself. Sure, I’d be friendless, but maybe that was how it was meant to be.

  The more I thought about what she said, the more I realized she had been holding those thoughts inside of her for a long time. She meant what she said. She thought I was cold and that I was dragging her down. No need to worry about that any longer, I wouldn’t stand in her way, and she could go as high on the social ladder as she wanted.