***
We got to the cottage, and it was empty, thankfully. He switched on all of the lights and got us snacks. I followed him up to his room where he handed me a warm pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. I changed in his bathroom and realized his clothes smelled fantastic. The sweatpants were huge on me, but I didn’t care. I rolled them at the waist and soon after headed back out. Nolan looked up at me from his reading area and a huge smile spread across his face.
“You look adorable in my clothes, but something tells me they’re a little big on you,” he joked. I picked up the closest pillow and through it at him. He dodged it, but I had another in hand and hit him square in the face. It felt good. I needed to get my frustration and anger out; I just didn’t mean to do it to him. He didn’t seem to mind since he was laughing at me.
I sat across from him on his comfy bed. The comforter was so plush I could tell it was down, which made it more expensive than anything I owned in my room. As I looked around, I could point out several things that were worth more than anything I owned. But looking at Nolan as he stretched out into his reading chair, I could tell he didn’t let money go to his head. He was privileged, but didn’t seem like a snob about it.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked catching me off guard.
“Just looking at your stuff. Does your room at home look like this too?”
“Like what?”
“Full of expensive things.” I wondered if I was being nosy.
He sighed, “Yeah. It does look the same. It’s bigger and my bed at home is too big. I like it here because it’s less fancy. What’s your room like?”
I thought for a second and answered, “It’s girly. Nothing pink, but I do love purple. I have a twin bed with a Target comforter. Nothing fancy, at all. My mom is single and she works hard, it just seems like we had more money when my parents were together.”
“So, they’re divorced?”
I nodded. I didn’t like talking about my parents with anyone. I hated that word divorce. It was ugly and mean, and it wasn’t something anyone likes hearing. When they first separated, I used to think that it was only temporary, that they would get back together. Little did I know that it was over way before that.
“My parents almost split up last year,” Nolan told me. “I’ve never told anyone that.”
“I won’t tell anyone.”
He smiled. “Thanks.”
“So what happened? I mean, how did they fix it?”
I knew more than anyone that you can’t fix love. If it’s gone then it’s gone forever, but some couples stayed together for their kids. I almost wished my parents did that. It would be easier for me if they did. For them though, not so much. They would eventually grow to hate each other more, and what sort of role model for marriage would that be for me or my sister? No, my parents did the right thing, I suppose.
“I got sick. Really sick and the pressure was too much for them,” he said quietly. “But they got it together I guess. At least I hope so.”
He had mentioned getting sick before. The first time he brought me here, he told me he was sick last year so his mom gave him this room. Now curiosity had a hold on me.
“Sick? Like how?”
He brushed his hair out of his eyes and sighed.
“I had a seizure during practice one day. It came on all of a sudden. No one had a clue what was happening, especially me,” he laughed. “The coach drove me to the hospital. I can remember waking up in the cab of his truck thinking, Where am I?” He stopped, but then continued again. “I couldn’t even remember the date. They were asking me all sorts of questions and running tests on me. I felt like a freak.”
I could hear in his voice how afraid he was. I couldn’t imagine the fear he must have felt while they ran tests on him.
“Turns out I had a tumor in my brain, and they had to remove it. The big problem was where the tumor was located. If the surgery went bad, I could have been … done.”
“Done?” I asked, shaking my head thinking done as in done for.
“I would have had to relearn how to walk and talk; that kind of done. Worse than dead,” he noted as if he knew what I was thinking. “Somehow, by the grace of God, or someone equally awesome, I survived. I came out better than before.”
I sat back on his bed and let the headboard slam into me. He had survived brain surgery that could have ruined his whole life. He was sitting here today talking to me. He was a survivor. I watched him from across the room, his brown eyes sparkling even as he retold the horrors of the past to me.
“Coach won’t put me back on the team until he knows I’m one-hundred percent. I’ve got my one year checkup coming soon. That will be the decision factor.”
“Decision for playing football again?”
He nodded. “Yeah, that and if the tumor came back.”
“It could come back?” I almost shouted.
“Yeah, but we’re hoping it doesn’t. I wasn’t really feeling good, that’s why I didn’t go to school the rest of the week. My parents made me go to the hospital and get some tests done. Listen, I can’t always be talking so negative. I’m sorry.”
He was sorry for being honest about an illness?
I got up and joined him near the chair where he sat. He looked at me with a forced smile and I could see his eyes glistening. Talking about this scared him. I’m sure it scared everyone in his family, even Nash. Everyone processes fear differently and maybe Nash couldn’t cope with almost losing his twin, so he became a liar. Maybe lying helped him handle it. I was happy his parents worked out their problems though. Nolan didn’t need that stress on top of everything else.
“We don’t have to talk about it anymore, not unless you want to. But I’m really happy you told me,” I said. “And I missed you at school.”
I stood up and pulled Nolan up and out of his chair. He followed me out to his balcony and into the night air away from where the words of his sickness were just spilt. Outside it was free and there was no fear, just him and I and the stars above our heads.
I looked up at those stars and wished on them that Nolan would be tumor free at his next visit. I couldn’t handle losing him. To imagine a world where he didn’t exist with me was beyond belief. I felt his arms wrap around my shoulders, and he leaned his chin on my shoulder.
“This was the night from hell,” I told him. “But I’m glad I listened to you and let you explain.”
He nodded into my shoulder. “Me too.”
Fifteen
Nolan drove me home and we didn’t speak about Nash or his tumor any more. As far as I saw it, Nash was a tumor that I had avoided. Not, of course, in the literal sense. I was sort of happy to not have to worry about avoiding him at school on Monday. Now, I could walk to class and happily pass him by. I would join Kyleigh and Nolan and enjoy the last week of summer school with the both of them.
He pulled into my driveway, and I saw a quick flash of the curtains moving in my living room―my mom checking on me. I turned to Nolan and said, “Thanks for saving me from your cheating brother tonight.”
He laughed and squeezed my leg.
“Anytime! You just let me know if anyone is cheatin’, and I’ll be there to scoop you up.”
I laughed with him and realized he still didn’t remove his hand from my leg. Were we having a moment?
What do I do now?
Instead of giving into what I really wanted to do, I leaned down and grabbed my purse from the floor. I opened the door and Nolan removed his hand, awkwardly running it through his hair then placed it on the wheel. I wanted to grab it and hold it to my heart and leave it there all night. But instead, I left his car.
“Bye. See you Monday,” I said before I closed the door. He waved and then backed out of my driveway. I watched him drive away, and I stood there for a few moments after. My head felt fuzzy and my body ached. Was I tired? No. No, I wasn’t tired. I wanted to have Nolan come back. I was missing him. I couldn’t feel this. Not now. I had just met him. I we
nt way too fast with Nash and look where that sent me, down Heartbreak Avenue. Thank goodness I wasn’t too into him or else I would have spent this night crying in my bed feeling sorry for myself.
I didn’t have any experience with relationships, but I knew I couldn’t rush into feelings for someone when I was just into their brother. No, I would wait. I would see what happened between us, see if he felt the same way before I let myself fall for him, and see if he maybe had a girlfriend first. Yes. That’s step one in Sadie’s Dating Guide for senior year. Step two: take care of my heart and guard it. Make sure it doesn’t get crushed.
***
My mom swarmed me with questions about how my date went, all weekend long. I told her it went okay, but that I didn’t think it would work out between us. I hoped that would end her questions, but no, it only added more. “Did he try something you weren’t ready for?” or “Is he gay?”
Moms, I swear. They think they have the answer for every single problem in their daughter’s lives because once they were teenagers. But there was one problem with that theory; times change. Boys change. Girls change. In our society women are more forward than when she was a teen. Instead of waiting for the boy to come talk to you, like she instructed me, girls go and talk to the guy. Actually, they talk to all guys, not just one at a time. And they even are nice to the boys who like boys. It’s not so black and white anymore.
In my mom’s day, it wasn’t like that. I sort of like that women have more power now. We aren’t quiet, mealy mouthed girls. We are strong and vibrant, and I’m happy to be among this generation of women.
I would be strong and vibrant. I would live up my summer and start senior year as a new girl. It was happening.
I finished Monday with a bang and Tuesday came and went. Wednesday hit me so fast that I realized I only had two more days with Kyleigh and Nolan at Alcott. After that I would be spending the rest of my summer at the lake. My sister was coming home this weekend for the remainder of the summer after she talked to my mom. My mom talked her into coming home.
It wasn’t like I didn’t want Cara to be here, but I didn’t want to leave Alcott just yet. I wanted to remain friends with Kyleigh. And even though she swore we would keep in touch, I knew better. Friends are your friends as long as you see each other. At first maybe we would make time for each other, but then the demands of senior year would take hold and we wouldn’t have time. We would become busy and our friendship would float away. It pained me to think about it. Even as I sat next to her in class writing my final essay about Dorian Gray, I knew I should be focusing, but I looked at her and missed her already. Then I did the worst thing; I looked at Nolan. When I did, I noticed he was staring at me too. He didn’t look away though. Instead he kept staring at me, and a moment later a slow smile spread on his face. He reached down and pulled out his phone, tapping on the screen. My phone vibrated in my pocket, a text.
Nolan: Why are you staring at me?
Me: I’m not. I’m thinking really hard.
Nolan: Liar!
Me: Maybe
Nolan: I’m gonna miss you. Is that weird?
Me: The weirdest.
Nolan: Yeah, I know.
Me: Guess that makes me weird too because me too.
He didn’t respond. He just looked down on his paper with a grin on his face.
***
“That was the worst day of writing I’ve ever had!” Kyleigh exclaimed as soon as we left school. “It was like my brain wasn’t functioning or something. How’d you do?”
I shrugged. I actually found my text session with Nolan pretty inspiring, and I wrote a huge chunk of my essay on romance. Ugh, thinking back now, maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. While there is romance in the book, it’s not about the romance at all.
“I’m not sure,” I answered honestly.
“Hey, how about we go out for Ice Cream?” She asked jumping up and down on the balls of her feet.
“Where?” I asked, biting my lip. Please don’t say Scoop’s, please.
“Scoop’s has the best chocolate ever.” She did it.
“Who said Ice Cream?” Nolan asked over my shoulder looking cuter than ever. Kyleigh and Nolan knew each other since they had classes last year together. I was happy they got along.
“I did. We’re going now, come on, Sadie. Nolan, you too,” she demanded. I followed her to the parking lot where I saw Nash standing near his truck. The whole week went by, and I hadn’t seen him yet―not since that night. But Kyleigh’s car was parked two away from his.
His eyes met mine, and he said something to Oliver and willfully came toward me.
“Oh God, Kyleigh,” I said nervously. She looked and witnessed Nash headed toward me. She got in the car and locked the doors. “What the hell?” I yelled.
“You have to talk to him. Tell him what he did was wrong, Sadie!” She yelled through the window.
She was right. I had avoided this moment for the past three days. He didn’t have to exactly face me or apologize. He hadn’t called or texted. For him there were no repercussions for his actions, and that wasn’t fair to me. So I turned and faced him. Nolan walked around toward my side of the car, keeping watch.
“Hey, little brother,” Nash said. “You hangin’ out with these two today?” The way he asked it wasn’t like a joke, more like Nolan was privileged for being in our group.
Nolan nodded. “We’re going out for Ice Cream. What about you?”
“Going to Oliver’s house. I have to study for a test,” he said. He pinched the space between his eyes with his fingertips. Studying, for Nash, was probably a new thing. He was stressed, but I didn’t care.
“Sadie, can I talk to you real quick?” Nash asked me. Nolan got into Kyleigh’s car, but didn’t take his eyes off of me.
I folded my arms across my chest and nodded. He looked at me like he was regretting something. Good.
“About Friday,” he started. “I’m so sorry that things got so messed up. I wanted to be with you. I did. I didn’t want to get back together with Amelie.”
“Then why did you?” I asked simply.
“We’ve been together for so long. She is different and a lot of people make fun of her. Because she’s so proper, ya know?”
I shrugged. “No. I don’t know because I don’t know her. I mean it would have been nice to have been introduced properly to her instead of how you went about it.”
He nodded. “I know. I’m sorry. She was there and begging for me to take her to Clear. I already had plans to go with you, so I lied to her. I told her I had to pick up Nolan’s girl and take her to Clear. Instead of her opting out like I’d planned, she decided she wanted to go too. It took me by surprise because normally she doesn’t like to be near new people. She has low self-esteem and all. And by then I already told her I had to pick you up; I was stuck.”
I leaned back and took all his words in. He was telling the truth.
“She seemed like a really nice girl. I don’t know why you broke up with her, but that’s not my business. What you shouldn’t have done was lead me on. You should have told me about her the minute you met me, and the minute you got back together with her, you should have informed me that you were no longer available.” I uncrossed my arms. “And you should have texted me to tell me you couldn’t take me to Clear, instead of driving me all the way out there like you did. That was a horrible thing to do. Plus you left her in the parking lot with me!”
It felt so damn good to get all of this off of my chest. I realized then that I was now screaming and people were starting to stare. I didn’t care I was on a roll.
“Your lame excuses are not valid enough. I don’t feel sorry for myself, I feel sorry for Amelie, actually.”
His eyes darted up toward mine, and he said, “You do? Why?”
“Because if given the chance, you would have cheated on her. You’re only upset because she wanted to go with you to Clear. If she hadn’t, would you have told me about her? Would you have kissed me?”
“I think this is good for you, Nash. You’re too high up on a pedestal around here. These people look at you like your some kind of god, but you’re not. You’re just a sad guy who can’t be honest. You’re kind of an asshole.”
I was done. I had said what I needed to. I stood up for myself and for Amelie, who probably had no idea what was going on.
Nash nodded and didn’t say another word. People around me laughed and some girls even clapped. I supposed that Nolan was right when he told me a lot of girls were caught in Nash’s spell. I wasn’t one of them, that was for sure.
I watched Nash walk toward his truck and noticed Oliver leaning on the door, watching the whole thing go down, his face an evil mask.
“What are you looking at?” I asked him.
“Just watching the show, sweetheart. Why don’t you come over here and let me use that dirty little mouth of yours.”
Oh. My. God. I could have thrown up right there on the pavement.
“You’re a vial and disgusting creature,” I spat. I haven’t ever been more disgusted with a human being before. And to think that Lily slept with him and spent her time with him; it made me ill.
He laughed and got into the truck with Nash, and they sped off. Nolan got out and pulled me into a quick hug.
“You did good, girl. I have never seen my brother so shocked before in my life,” he laughed. “He deserved it for sure. I’m just so damn happy you were the one to do it because if I did, it would be pretty horrible.”
I imagined that if two twin brothers got into it, it might end their bond for a while. I didn’t want to come in between that. They were blood after all.
***
We ended up at Scoop’s afterwards. I was so happy to find that Lily wasn’t working that day. So happy in fact that I relaxed and had an Ice Cream cone. During the drive over I was a tense ball of nerves, and no one talked to me about what happened.
Who We Were Page 10