“Hey, Ma,” I replied while letting her go.
“You lookin’ good, son,” she stepped back and said with a smile.
I wished I could say the same for her. Her face looked sunken in. I hoped she wasn’t out there smoking again. “You look good too, Ma,” I said, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
“Yeah, right, boy. You don’t have to lie to me. I know I look bad.”
“Naw, Ma, you look a’iiiight. You done lost a lot of weight, but other than that you still strapped,” I joked.
My mom laughed until she started coughing.
“You okay, Ma?” I asked, patting her on the back.
She shook her head yes as she continued to cough. After catching her breath, we laughed, talked, and ate everything we could out of the vending machine for the next two hours.
Ten minutes before visiting hours was over my mom looked over.
“You okay, Ma?” I asked, concerned.
“Vomo, I got somethin’ to tell you,” she said.
“What is it, Ma?”
She looked at me while she tried to find the right words to say.
“What is it, Ma?” I asked again in a raised tone.
“Two months ago the doctor diagnosed me with pancreatic cancer,” she blurted out.
It took me a few minutes to process what my mom had just told me. “You’ll be okay, Ma,” I said hopeful. “Don’t they have some medicine out there that will help you live longer? Find out how much it cost and I’ll pay for it.”
My mom grabbed both of my hands and held them inside of her tiny hands. “It’s stage four; there’s nothin’ they can do for me,” she replied.
I refused to believe what she had just told me. “Well can’t you find out, Ma?” I said as tears filled my eyes. I refused to cry; that’s all one of these niggas needed to see and I would be bitch meat for real.
“Vomo, baby, I’ve tried everything,” she said shaking her head.
“How long?” I asked carefully, not knowing if I would be able to handle her answer.
“Any day. I’m just waitin’,” she replied.
“Wow, Ma, why you wait so long to tell me?” I asked, hurt.
“Because I wanted you to have a good visit, baby. I didn’t wanna worry you with all this mess. You got enough on your plate already,” she said, forcing a weak smile.
I didn’t know how to react knowing this might be the last time I seen my mom. “Who gon’ take care of me when you gone?” I asked.
“You a grown man, Vomo. I’ve been preparin’ you for my death ever since you were a little boy. Do you remember me always tellin’ you I wasn’t gon’ always be around for you to lean on?”
I slowly shook my head yes. I could remember hearing my mom telling me that at least a thousand times but it never registered until now that it was really happening.
“Visit over,” the CO called out.
“Listen, baby, I just want to apologize to you in person for not bein’ a good mother, but all I knew how to do was to do my best. I’m goin’ to put your money in a bank account so it will be there when you get out. I will keep puttin’ money on your books until I’m not able to.”
“Okay,” I responded, not knowing what else to say.
“Please, promise me that you will get your life together and take good care of my grandbabies when they let you outta here.”
“I promise,” I said, hoping I could keep it.
“Visitors, let’s go!” the CO yelled loudly.
My mom stood up and wrapped her frail arms around me. “I love you, Vomo.”
“I love you too, Ma,” I said as she turned to walk away.
She looked back at me one last time before heading out the door. My heart was so heavy as I watched her walk away. I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that my mom would no longer be around to rub my bruises or heal my broken heart. She was all I had. With that being said, I went back to the pod and waited for my cellie to leave for rec and for the first time in a long time, I cried like a bitch!
Chapter 10
Caught
“Blu, where the fuck the rest of my shit at!” my mom busted into my room yelling, waking me from a deep sleep.
“What shit you talkin’ ’bout?” I asked annoyed.
“My dope, that’s what shit I’m talkin’ about,” she yelled.
“I don’t got yo’ shit,” I said, frowning.
“I just reweighted my shit and it’s all short. Blu, you got my shit and I want it!” my mom said angrily.
“I don’t know what the fuck you talkin’ about,” I said, lying back down and closing my eyes. Big mistake; my mom jumped on top of me and began choking the shit out of me.
“Bitch, you think I’m stupid don’t you?” she said as she continued choking me.
“Mom, get off her,” Miguel yelled, running into my room, trying to pull my mom off of me.
“I’m ’bouta kill this bitch,” my mom said as she choked me with one hand and slapped me senseless with the other.
Craig must have heard all the commotion going on in my bedroom because he rushed in too. “Stacey, get the fuck off that girl,” he said, using all of his strength to pull her off of me, with the help of Miguel, knocking her onto the floor.
I jumped up holding my neck and gasping for air.
“Bitch, I want you out of my house,” she said, struggling to get up off the floor. “And don’t come back!”
“I won’t,” I said, throwing on some clothes.
“This bitch thinks she gon’ be livin’ up in my shit stealin’ from me?” my mom fussed as she walked out of my room.
“You okay?” Miguel walked over to me and asked.
“Yeah, I’m cool,” I replied, as I looked around my room for my shoes.
“Yo’ face is red,” he said, feeling sorry for me.
“It’s cool,” I said, putting on my pink and white Chuck Taylors.
“Man, she be trippin’. You just need to wait until she calm down so y’all can hash this shit out,” Miguel said.
“Can you go get me some trash bags for my clothes?” I said, ignoring what he was talking about. This was the last time she was gon’ put her hands on me and I meant that. I was about to start treating her like she treated me, just like any old bitch in the street. I walked over to the closet and grabbed my money and dope and waited on Miguel to go get the bags.
Miguel walked out of my room and returned with five trash bags minutes later. I began stuffing the bags with everything I could fit into them.
“Where you gon’ go?” Miguel asked, concerned.
“I don’t know,” I said and continued packing.
“You gon’ go back to Nikki’s house?”
“Hell naw, fuck Nikki, too,” I said. She was still my girl and all but I would never forgive her for how she treated me when I was living with her.
After filling only two trash bags with my clothes, I carried them to the front door with the help of Miguel. I looked over at my mom who was sitting on the couch puffing on a cigarette. I wanted her to stop me because reality had set in. I didn’t have nowhere to go. She didn’t even look my way. I shook my head and opened up the door before grabbing my bags of clothes.
“You really gon’ make her leave?” Miguel looked over at my mom and asked.
“She gotta get the fuck outta here,” she said and continued puffing.
“Where she gon’ go, Momma?” Miguel asked, desperately.
“I don’t know and don’t give a fuck,” she replied, nonchalantly. “She betta go stay wit’ one of them niggas she fuckin’!”
“I’m cool, Miguel,” I said to my brother, seeing that he wasn’t getting anywhere arguing with our momma.
“Call me when you get to where you goin’,” Miguel said. He looked back at my momma and shook his head.
“Okay, I will,” I said, walking out into the hall. I walked over to the elevator, climbed on when the doors opened, and rode down to the first floor. Still unsure of where I was hea
ded, I walked over to the bench and took a seat. I tried my hardest to figure out where I could go and even looked through all my contacts in my cell but still came up empty-handed. I guessed my only choice was to go to a shelter because I wasn’t old enough to get my own place.
“Wassup, sis?” I heard a familiar voice say.
Even through all the pain I was feeling, I managed to smile when I looked up and saw Budz.
“Hey,” I said, sullenly.
“What you doin’ takin’ the trash out?” he asked, referring to my trash bag of clothes.
“Naw, my clothes in here. My momma just put me out,” I replied, hurt.
“What?” Budz frowned. “For what?”
“She tried to say I was stealin’ her dope,” I answered.
“Was you?” he asked.
“Yep. I was breakin’ off her shit resellin’ it for a cheaper price. Shit, she shoulda been sellin’ her own shit,” I said, uncaringly.
Budz couldn’t do nothing but laugh. “Shit, sis, you gangsta!”
I laughed too. “It is what it is.”
Budz expression became serious. “Where you gon’ go?” he asked, concerned.
I shook my head, unsure. “I don’t got nowhere to go. I guess to the shelter,” I replied.
“Naw, sis, you ain’t goin’ to no shelter. You can come stay wit’ me ’til you find someplace to go. I’ll be damned if I let my nigga’s little sista go stay at a muthafuckin’ shelter,” Budz protested. “You know how nasty them places are?”
I was so happy Budz wanted me to come live with him I could barely contain myself. I didn’t want to show it in front of him so I kept my happiness under wraps. I shook my head no. I had never been to one. Unlike Budz, when he was younger him and his mother stayed in and out of them.
“Look, go take yo’ bags to my car and wait for me. I’m ’bouta run up here and handle some business with Miguel and I’ll be back,” Budz said, handing me the keys to his car.
“Okay,” I said, while taking the keys from his hand. I waited on him to get on the elevator before breaking out into the running man with one of the biggest smiles on my face. I was finally about to get my chance to be with the man of my dreams and I wasn’t about to let anyone get in the way of that.
Moving into Budz’s house wasn’t all what I thought it was gon’ be. I slept in his guest room while he was fucking every thot he could across the hall in his bedroom. If I would have known it was gon’ be like this, I would have gone on to the shelter. I tried everything I could to try to get Budz to notice me. I would walk around the house in nothing but my boy shorts and a wife beater. I even walked around in just a towel after getting out of the shower and he still wouldn’t make an advance at me. I started feeling like something was wrong with me, but the more I looked at the hoes he brought home from the clubs, I knew better.
One night I lay in the bed in a pair of thongs and cutoff halter watching TV when I heard Budz come in to the house. I didn’t hear any bitch giggling so I knew he was alone. He gently knocked on my bedroom door. I gapped my legs slightly before telling him to come in.
“You ’sleep?’ he asked, walking in.
I could tell his eyes were glued to my pouch. He smiled and quickly looked me in my face.
“Naw, wassup?” I asked, sitting up.
Budz walked over to the bed and sat down next to me. “We need to talk.”
Finally, I thought. He must have realized that I was all the woman he needed. “About what?” I asked, hoping I was right.
“Look, they not gon’ keep postponin’ my court date. Eventually I’m gon’ have to go to court and they gon’ sentence me to about six months, maybe nine, at the most.”
I sat quietly and took in Budz’s every word.
“And I’m gon’ need somebody I can trust to help run my business while I’m locked down.”
“Why me? How come you don’t ask none of them thots you be fuckin’ to help run yo’ business? How come Frenchie can’t help you?” I said sounding like a jealous child.
Budz laughed, sensing my jealousy. “Because, I don’t trust none of them hoes, that’s why I didn’t ask them. And plus, I know you can handle it. I’ve had my eyes and ears on you since I been home and I can tell you got this dope game down packed. Yo’ momma taught you well.”
Just hearing him mention my no-good momma made my skin crawl. “Well if you don’t trust this Frenchie chick, then why you got her name all tattooed all on yo’ neck and shit?”
“Look, Frenchie is a part of my past that I don’t wanna talk about. We talkin’ about me trustin’ you, not Frenchie,” Budz said.
“Yeah, well why you trust me so much? I did rob my own momma,” I wondered.
“True, but see yo’ momma won’t put a bullet in ya head; I will.” He winked and stood up from the bed.
If I didn’t know anything else about Budz, I knew he would kill me and anybody else who tried to cross him in a New York minute.
“You in or what?’ he looked down at me and asked. “Before you give me your answer, just know once you in you in and ain’t no gettin’ out!” he warned.
I didn’t know if I liked the sound of that. The thought had me shook because I really didn’t know what I would be getting myself into. I was used to selling twenties and fifties, but Budz’s business consisted of selling weight, and lots of it.
Budz must have seen the look of uncertainty all over my face. “If you ain’t ready for what I’m offerin’ say you ain’t.”
“What are you offerin’?” I inquired.
“More money and loyalty than you will ever see in ya lifetime,” he answered.
The thought of having more money than I’d ever had made my pussy wet. But the thought of a nigga, especially Budz, being loyal to me was an offer I couldn’t resist. “I’m in,” I replied.
Budz sat back down on the bed beside me and looked me in my eyes. “Are you sure?’ he asked.
I bit down on my bottom lip and slowly shook my head yes. “Yeah, I’m sure,” I replied.
“My nigga.” He smiled and leaned over and kissed me on the lips. The thought of all the money we were about to make must have had Budz feeling some type of way too because before long, we were rolling around the bed fucking like two wild dogs. I can’t lie; Budz fucked me like I’d never been fucked before. After giving me what I’d been yearning for and trying to get for the longest, Budz got up, and took a shower before going into his bedroom and shutting the door behind him.
The thought of Budz fucking me and leaving me to lie alone in my own wetness had me feeling like a two dollar ho. Niggas did that to me all the time and I couldn’t care less, but I woulda never thought Budz would. Hell he was starting this loyalty shit off on the wrong foot already.
Chapter 11
Keepin’ My Eyes on the Prize
For the next week and a half, Budz schooled me about his business. He introduced me to his whole squad and let them know that I was second in command. I got dirty looks from some of them, but I didn’t care. I guessed they were feeling some type of way because he chose me to be his partner instead of them. He also introduced me to one of his connects, which was surprising. He showed me the proper way to weight the dope and even though I already learned how to cook dope from my momma, he showed me the secret ingredient he used to blow it up with. I thought I knew it all, but Budz taught me shit I didn’t know anything about. I went on all the runs with him and even though sometimes it was scary, I knew Budz would protect me.
That wasn’t the only thing he put me up on. He told me that if I was gon’ be representing him, I would have to learn how to dress the part. I thought I done all right dressing myself and I loved wearing my singles twist, but Budz thought otherwise. So he took me on a shopping spree and bought me more clothes than I’ve ever had in my life, got my hair laid by one of Chicago’s finest hairstylists, and put me in a new Kia Optima. It wasn’t a Benz or a Lex, but it was mine. I had to promise to go down to the BMV and get my license ASAP so
I could start driving legal when we hit runs. Budz was impressed by my transformation and so was I. I thought I was the shit. Budz was right; my life was changing quicker than a blink of an eye and I had no control over it. All I could do was sit back and enjoy the ride.
Speaking of my life changing, I hadn’t been around Nikki and Sierra much ever since me and Budz started doing business together. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to; Budz just had me working around the clock so I didn’t have time for any extracurricular activities. I didn’t want to think I was better than them, but in a sense I was. My lifestyle was totally different than theirs was. All my ratchet ways were long gone. I had to conduct myself like a lady at all times especially around Budz. He wouldn’t have it no other way.
I did call them from time to time to check on them. Sierra told me that I had been acting funny ever since I got with Budz, but after explaining some of what was going on in my life, she understood. She also told me that Nikki went from smoking weed to primos. I would have never thought she would go out like that. She then told me that Budz was paying her rent and putting money in her pocket to let him set up shop at her house. No matter what she did, Nikki was still my girl ’cause anybody Budz trusted was worth keeping around. Me on the other hand, I didn’t trust my own momma, so I would definitely have to keep my eye on her.
One day me and Budz sat at the kitchen table counting money when his cell phone rang. “Wassup?” he answered.
I pretended as if I was still counting money and not paying attention to his conversation.
“What the fuck!” he snapped angrily. “What they say?”
I could tell by the tone in his voice that it was something serious.
“Well you already know what happens when a muthafucka starts fuckin’ wit’ my money. They gotta go!” Budz was furious.
I really couldn’t tell what was going on hearing only one side of the story but I knew it wasn’t good. I continued pretending to count when he got off the phone. Budz was so mad he began pacing the floor while talking to himself.
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