by Susan Laine
Toby faced Jimmy, who gulped, waiting for the blow to come. “The crew try to walk away from their past lives at first. They try to make new, better decisions to become better people.”
Jimmy sneered. “Bet their trip experiences some hiccups.”
Toby worried his bottom lip, his gaze glassy. “Yeah. They can’t remember their past, so they’re ill-prepared to face their numerous enemies, past mistakes, and events unfolding that they had a hand in.”
“Sounds kind of depressing.”
Toby narrowed his eyes, and Jimmy took on the full brunt of his sharp gaze. “Just because they’re forced to confront their past, that doesn’t mean that in the end they couldn’t make new and different choices. Who we are is not who we were in the past or who we’ll be in the future. We exist in each choice we make in the here and now. We reinvent ourselves with each decision. That crew could choose to be better men and women—and so can we.”
Now Jimmy understood what Toby was driving at. He bristled, turning the tables around to defy his own self. “And what does that mean for you, Toby?”
Toby blinked, appearing uncertain. Sadness returned to his eyes. Then he ducked his head and stared out at the woodsy horizon. “I know what I have to do. Running away doesn’t solve any of my problems. This trip was just a reprieve. I have to go back to Boston and settle things once and for all.”
Jimmy inhaled fast. He felt like his lungs had reduced two or three sizes. He couldn’t catch his breath. Toby was leaving? No, he was going back to the place where he’d been hurt. That was as foolish as it was admirable. Yet Toby seemed to have the strength to face the music.
Could Jimmy ever be that brave?
Chapter 14
HIKING IN the woods for a sunny afternoon lifted Toby’s spirits. Light streaming through the foliage, the rustling of wind in the trees, the crackle of sand and pebbles beneath his feet, warm air, birds singing and flying about…. He’d definitely missed this living in the city.
A few steps behind him, though, Toby felt Jimmy’s presence like a dark cloud hovering on the horizon, inching ever closer.
After Toby had declared he was returning to Boston, Jimmy’s mood had visibly sunk. He’d become sullen, gruff, and silent. He avoided all of Toby’s efforts to draw out responses. The ease of rapport between them had gone out the window. Even small talk had ceased.
Yet Toby did nothing to encourage more talking. He knew Jimmy was still stuck in a dark place, not having come to any conclusions or decisions.
Toby had come full circle. He knew it was high time to go back and see where the chips fell. He couldn’t blame or fault Jimmy for not having reached clarity. It was a process, slow or fast, different for all.
Nonetheless, they had rebuilt their friendship. With that in mind, Toby felt it was his duty to offer Jimmy consolation and perhaps some options too. Unfortunately, that required both of them opening their mouths again.
“Did you know that back in high school I often envisioned you as a paladin?” Toby asked, glancing over his shoulder at Jimmy, who started and stumbled, lumbering around like an ox—or a man carrying the weight of the world.
“Huh?” Jimmy frowned and cocked his head like a confused puppy.
Toby smiled, having succeeded at arousing his companion’s curiosity. “You know, a paladin. Not a defender of faith, mind you, but an advocate for noble causes.”
Jimmy’s frown deepened, and his mouth thinned into a disapproving, angry white line. But then he sighed and slumped, nodding slowly. “I guess that was my dream job back in the day.” He sighed with obvious longing. Then his eyes flicked over to Toby, and a familiar spark ignited. “So, uh, in your imagination, how did I look as a paladin?”
Toby gave him a leisurely once-over. “It varied depending on my mood. Sometimes you’d wear golden body armor from head to toe. Other times you wore green, like a knighted ranger. Then there were instances when you wore… nothing at all.” He waggled his eyebrows.
Jimmy laughed. “Wow, I must’ve been one awesome defender of justice if I didn’t even need any clothes to do it.” His gaze raked Toby from lips to hips, hunger darkening his eyes. “So… not even, like, underwear?”
Toby snickered. “Chastity boxer briefs made of gold and steel. I had the only key.”
Bending at the waist, Jimmy cackled so hard he wheezed, and tears ran down his cheeks. “I can’t even…. You’re one crazy son of a bitch.”
Toby grinned, glad he’d brought joy to Jimmy’s life. The little devil inside him enjoyed a red-in-the-face Jimmy too. “Don’t worry. Sometimes you also wore a helmet covering your face, so you didn’t have to feel embarrassed traipsing down the countryside in your altogether.”
“Oh, so I battled enemies without a stitch on? God, you’re cruel in your fantasies.”
Toby pouted, giving Jimmy an innocent look, batting his eyelashes. “I saved you. Each and every time. You were extremely grateful.”
“Was I?” Jimmy closed the gap between them, a smug smirk on his lips, his eyes dancing with mirth. “How grateful?”
“As a paladin, you’re sworn to uphold only noble causes. I begged you to rescue me from a terrible fate—by claiming my virginity. And you did, several times, like a perfect gentleman.”
“No doggy position, then?”
Toby shrugged, feigning innocence and purity. “Oh, I wouldn’t go that far….”
Jimmy hugged him from behind and planted a kiss below his ear. “You naughty pup.” He took Toby’s hand in his and twirled him around, as if they were dancing. Toby giggled. “Beautiful rascal.”
Toby pretended to be offended, a hand on his chest, and spoke with a fake aristocratic accent that really needed some work. “Ooh, you scoundrel, trying to seduce me. How dare you?”
“Like this.” Jimmy yanked Toby close, dipped him, smacked a showy smooch on his lips, and swooped him off his feet. Toby tittered helplessly, unable to be still. “Surrender, milord. There is no escape,” Jimmy threatened like a randy highwayman.
Toby glanced around, nervous. “Dude, c’mon. We can’t do it in the bushes here. We’ll get caught. They won’t just fine us. They’ll call the cops. There are kids around, for fuck’s sake.”
Shrugging nonchalantly, Jimmy didn’t seem to object. He grabbed Toby’s hand in his and headed back the way they came, which led to the parking lot. Toby blushed and snickered the entire time. They jumped in the car and drove off, sun beating down from the cloudless afternoon sky.
Inside, the SUV burned like a furnace. It took a moment for the air conditioner to cool things off. But even that wasn’t enough to get Toby’s little head to calm down.
In the end Jimmy swerved to a small side road behind a thick grove of trees that hid them from anyone passing by. With a ravenous growl, Jimmy maneuvered Toby onto the back seat and tore his clothes off. When Toby protested, having been willing to remove them himself, Jimmy shut him up with a kiss so thorough Toby felt like his tonsils were getting cleaned by his lover’s tongue.
Then said tongue traveled down his chest and belly to lick up and down his shaft. Toby’s objections died on his lips, smothered by moans of pure pleasure. God, but Jimmy was talented with his mouth. Jimmy sucked Toby’s cock, first the head, then the whole thing.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Toby exclaimed, throwing his head back and jolting like lightning hit him.
“Open this packet and get it on me,” Jimmy murmured, his voice hoarse, his lips dripping with saliva and precome.
Blinking in confusion, Toby snatched the condom packet from Jimmy, tore it with caution, and addressed Jimmy’s impressive length, which was jutting upward with a pearl of precome sticking to the slit. Toby swiped it off and brought his finger in his mouth, then rolled the latex on Jimmy’s cock.
“Oh fuck….” Jimmy stared at Toby with eyes burning with a dark flame.
Then Jimmy’s fingers, wet and cool with lube, probed Toby’s entrance. Toby sighed. This was what he wanted. He spread his legs wider an
d then hooked them over Jimmy’s shoulders, hitting the roof of the car. Jimmy hovered above Toby, his head also brushing against the ceiling.
Toby licked his lips, keen to get things moving. “Don’t need much prep. I’m ready.”
Jimmy nodded and replaced his hand with his cock. He pushed in, the entry swift, painless, and perfect, and didn’t stop until he was buried to the hilt. Jimmy crashed his mouth over Toby’s, conquering him with ease, and then cradled Toby in his arms, holding him tight. He started to rock back and forth inside Toby, his pace slow at first, but soon quickening. They were too horny to take their time.
When Jimmy licked a line down to Toby’s neck and nipped softly, Toby cried out. “Yes, oh God, please yes.”
“You taste so goddamn good,” Jimmy whispered between ferocious openmouthed kisses, leaving hickeys in his wake. “Can’t get enough. Want more.”
Jimmy pounded into Toby, thrusting his hips like a jackhammer, hard and fast and deep. Toby didn’t want Jimmy to stop. Together they rode the wave of sexual gratification all the way to the top. When their revelry crested, both moaned loudly, sloppy wet kisses aimed at each other’s lips, cheeks, neck, wherever they could reach. They gripped, fondled, and caressed each other.
Toby panted. His cock hurt from coming so hard he’d seen stars. His vision blurred, a dance of soap bubbles floating about him. The bliss he felt then and there had no comparison. Toby’s previous lovers had never taken him to where he flew now. Everything was sparking, inside and out.
“Holy. Shit. That. Was. Awesome.” Toby could scarcely draw breath. He’d never fucked in a car before. This was new. A whole new side of himself he’d never known existed. Adventurous and risqué and sensuous.
Jimmy still pumped his hips lazily even though he too had climaxed, the proof cooling inside the condom still buried in Toby’s channel. “Yeah. Best. Ever.” He was breathless too.
When Jimmy’s weight grew too heavy, Toby grimaced and grunted, “Please get off me. I have a crick in my neck, my back is killing me, and my legs are cramping.”
Jimmy lifted off Toby with trembling arms. “Sorry. You wore me out.”
Toby beamed. He liked the idea of being able to bring Jimmy to that same sexual headspace where Jimmy had taken him. “Since you were a proper Boy Scout and prepped for this mission in the woods, did you by any chance—”
“Here you go.” Jimmy handed Toby wet wipes and napkins, which they both then used to clean themselves up. Jimmy removed the condom, tied the end, and dropped the sorry sack right on the car floor with a moist splash.
Toby cringed. “Really?”
Jimmy huffed. “You see a trash can in here?”
Toby glanced around, though he knew there were none. The air in the car was smoldering, and the windows had fogged up. When he sat up, he supported himself with one hand and wiped away the steam with the other. He blushed as he relived the cause of said heated haze. Images of a naked Jimmy sure didn’t hurt Toby’s mood….
Once Jimmy returned Toby’s clothes, Toby inspected them with a disapproving frown. “I have to admit, I’m a little miffed. I would’ve taken these off myself. Now my T-shirt is mere rags. I don’t think it’s salvageable.”
Jimmy gulped, his cheeks turning beet red. “Sorry. Kinda lost myself there.”
Toby grinned. “Was I that irresistible?”
Jimmy ducked his head as he got dressed, but Toby saw the proud smile he sported. Guess they’d both really needed that.
“God, open the door, man. I’m dying in here,” Toby whined, drenched in sweat.
Jimmy chuckled and stepped out—just as a state police cruiser stopped at the head of the side road.
Chapter 15
“YOU ALL right there, sir?” the cop asked, studying Jimmy from head to toe with a sharp eye that didn’t seem to miss anything.
Jimmy swallowed. Then he plastered on a winning smile—blocking the view into the car where he could only pray Toby had his clothes on. “Yes, officer. Just, uh, switching wet swim trunks to regular clothes. The beach was packed. Figured it was best to do this a ways off the park, you know, in case of kids passing by.”
The young man quirked an eyebrow, his blond hair shining in the sun as he leaned out the window. “Very thoughtful of you, sir.” He cocked his head as if to see past Jimmy into the car. His eyes narrowed. Jimmy was sure he’d get arrested, even if he was fully clothed again. “Well, don’t let me keep you… sirs,” the officer said with a smile. “If you’re both done, move along.”
The officer put on his shades, and the cruiser began to move forward again, but at a snail’s pace. Jimmy blew out a relieved breath, slammed the back door shut, hopped into the driver’s seat, turned on the engine, and steered their vehicle to the main road. There he quickly yanked on his seat belt and followed the cruiser, which still drove leisurely ahead of them.
In the back seat, Toby whistled low. “Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick, I was sure we’d get fined for indecent exposure. That’s, like, hundreds of dollars, isn’t it?”
Jimmy grunted. “Try thousands, dude. Plus, we’d likely have gotten arrested too for public fornication or sexual misconduct, which are Class A misdemeanors in many states, so we could’ve ended up in jail for up to nine months.” He glanced over his shoulder at Toby lying on the back seat. “You didn’t get dressed yet?”
“I was about to,” Toby argued back, clearly indignant. “I was pulling on my shorts when the guy appeared. I didn’t wanna start yanking them on and rock the car. That would’ve been a dead giveaway something was up, don’t you think?”
Jimmy smiled at Toby’s sarcasm. “Probably, yeah. Wow, that was exciting. Now what?”
Toby sat up, apparently having finished buttoning his shorts. “I’m starving. It’s lunchtime by now, surely.”
Jimmy’s stomach rumbled on cue. “McDonald’s it is.”
“I’D HAVE preferred Subway,” Toby griped as they sat down with their trays.
The booth had red laminated plastic seats that left their hot skin sticking to it. Red-and-yellow see-through plastic lamps above weren’t switched on. Fake ferns grew by the front door and in between the seating areas. Not all tables were filled, though. Those that were occupied looked like tourist families, lonesome truckers, or locals.
“There wasn’t one conveniently close,” Jimmy replied with a growl. Waiting in line hadn’t improved his mood, which had deflated since their encounter with the law. “Just eat your damn fries so we can get going again.”
Toby picked at his fries, eating them one at a time, and barely took any kind of decent bite out of his buttermilk crispy chicken sandwich. At his pace, they’d be done tomorrow, if even then. “Listen, man, about that….”
Jimmy halted midmotion, his sweet barbecue bacon grilled chicken sandwich halfway up to his mouth. The smells of gooey white cheddar, smoked bacon, and crispy onions made his mouth water. But he couldn’t eat a bite without knowing what his companion meant by such an ominous statement.
Toby munched on his meal for a time, while Jimmy sat on pins and needles. “We talked about it, remember?” Toby looked up, his eyes glistening and sorrowful. “I can’t come with you. I need to go back to Boston and deal with things. I don’t want to waste the whole summer worrying.”
Jimmy blinked, not really seeing his hot food. Yet he dug into a mouthful anyway, mostly to buy time. Deeply disappointed, Jimmy had to admit that he’d hoped for a different outcome now that they’d had sex. He wanted to travel with Toby, see the sights, take it easy, have sex in the car, in motel rooms, wherever…. Had it all been a pipe dream?
After he’d chewed and swallowed, and quite slowly too, he murmured, “I remember. I wish you’d change your mind.”
Toby frowned and bit his bottom lip. “I almost did. You know, once we, uh, got together.”
Jimmy took a sip of his ice water. Toby being evasive? That didn’t bode well. “Hey, don’t sweat it. We both agreed it’d be just two guys having fun. No need to f
eel bad about it.”
Toby huffed out a half laugh, appearing vexed. “I don’t regret it. I don’t even feel ashamed for the, uh, the other thing before. You helped me exorcise some demons.”
“We sure did exercise,” Jimmy quipped.
This time Toby’s giggle was real and relaxed, complete with pinked cheeks. “Funny.” He grew serious and sighed. “I think deep down you know it’s the right thing to do too.”
“So… you’re gonna switch to another college, or what?”
Toby hesitated, seemingly uncertain. “I don’t know. I think I’ll talk to the dean directly. I need some assurances that this sort of shutting me out won’t continue. I’m not getting an education, and they’re not getting the best student I could be.”
Toby was so courageous. Jimmy was impressed. “You’re fearless, buddy. I doubt I could be as calm about it if our roles were reversed.”
Toby met his gaze head-on. “If our roles were reversed… I’d still go back to Boston.”
A cold grip squeezed Jimmy’s heart. Anger boiled inside him. “So I’m a fucking coward if I don’t go back?”
“I never said that.”
“But you meant it.”
Toby opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His brows kept knitting. He hedged. Finally he whispered, “Can I ask you a question?”
Jimmy bit back a bitter retort. “Sure.”
“Do you still want to be a lawyer?”
Jimmy bristled, sensing an accusation, though he wasn’t certain one had been made. “I’m still at Harvard Law, aren’t I?” he countered harshly.
Toby seemed to shrink. “I… I guess I’m just wondering what you’re going to do now.”
Jimmy fisted his hands on the table till he swore he could hear his tendons crackle. He let out a breath and tried to cool off. “I haven’t dropped out.”
Toby rested a hand over Jimmy’s. “Earlier you hinted at wishing you could take it all back. Since obviously that’s not possible, what options do you have? Other than doing nothing.”