by TW Brown
“They didn’t know. They said that she told them she was going out to keep a watch for the group that hadn’t returned. They probably just assumed she meant one of the teams that were out fighting those raiders.”
I felt sick to my stomach. Then another thought hit me. “How long have you known this?”
“About an hour.”
“Why didn’t you come get me?”
“I ran into Billy and he said to leave it to him. He said he would get a team together and be moving in minutes. When I asked about you, he said not to bother you and Dr. Zahn.”
I would deal with Billy later, but right now there was no way in the world that I was just going to sit around and wait for an answer. I wasn’t stupid enough to consider going out alone, so that meant I would need to find out who Billy had taken with him.
“You wait here,” I told Stevie, but he shook his head.
“I’m not gonna sit here alone. If you are going to go look for my mom, I’m coming.”
“No, you aren’t. You have never been outside the walls, Stevie. It is dangerous and I can’t risk something happening to you. Besides, anybody that I ask to help will demand that you not come along.”
He started to protest again, but a voice calling out interrupted him before he could start. “Hey, cupcake, what’s this I hear about Melissa leaving the compound?” Jim jogged up and his mouth slammed shut. The look on his face would have been funny any other time, but right now it was hard to find anything humorous. “Hey, slugger, umm…sorry about that.”
I began to wonder if Jim called anybody by their real names. Maybe someday life could slow down to the point where I could ask something so trivial.
“It’s not a rumor.” I glanced at Stevie and then back to Jim. It was no use trying to talk about this without my little brother being present. He wasn’t stupid; also I felt he deserved to know everything that was being done. Maybe if he saw how everybody was mobilizing, he might find some comfort in that and feel a little better.
We went inside and I sat down at the kitchen table with Jim and Stevie. I recounted what we knew and Jim listened, nodding a lot and pinching his lower lip in thought. When I finished, we all sat quietly for a few moments until Jim clapped his hands together.
“Well, I guess I will go get my field gear. Suit up, cupcake.” He stood and then looked at Stevie. “I know you want to help, Steve. But the honest truth is that you just ain’t ready to be out there. As it is, I am probably gonna get my ass chewed out for bringing your sister. The best thing you can do is be here in case your mom comes home. If you are gone, she may go right back out looking for you.”
Stevie’s head dropped, but he nodded. I was glad that Jim had spoken to him and explained the situation. I don’t think he would have listened to me for one; and for another thing, I had not even thought about Melissa coming home and finding an empty house.
Ten minutes later, I was back in my gear. It was smelling more than a little ripe. I really needed some time to get my stuff cleaned up. Also, if I thought about it at all, I was exhausted. I needed some serious down time. I think I had dozed a few times while I was sitting with Paula, but I was so hazy that things were starting to jumble together and not make any real sense or differentiate from one event to the next.
As I walked out the door, Stevie caught my hand and turned me back to him. “Promise me one thing.”
“Name it.”
“If you find her and she is…one of…them…” His voice became strangled and tears welled up and then overflowed in his eyes.
“It will be quick.”
“And you will tell me?” he asked.
“Of course,” I replied. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“I would rather know my mom was dead rather than not know anything.”
I kissed him on the cheek and walked out. Jim was standing on the front step and waited for me to shut the door.
“Jesus, how old is that kid?” he asked incredulously.
“Eleven going on thirty,” I replied.
Jim and I reached the gate just as it was opening. Since we did not make it a habit of opening the gates at night, it had to be Billy and his team, or, even better, Melissa.
The gates swung wide to reveal Billy. He and his team were there looking like they had just waded into a lake of guts. They were splattered and messy. Standing amidst them all was Melissa. She did not have so much as a drop of blood on her and seemed oblivious to the state of those around her.
“You two,” Billy called out, pointing to me and Jim. “Meet me in the conference center.”
I didn’t like how that sounded. Jim and I veered away and I watched as Melissa was handed off to one of the guards at the gate who was given some brief instruction by Billy before leading Melissa away towards what looked to be in the general direction of Dr. Zahn’s place.
When Billy arrived a few minutes later I saw that he had not even bothered to clean up. Out of habit I quickly scanned him to see if he might be hurt. He seemed okay, but my anxiety was cresting.
“Are you alright?” I blurted.
“Fine,” he answered. Then, before I could press the issue, he added, “We did not take any casualties, but it was close and hairy for a minute.”
“Where was she?” Jim asked.
“Heading down towards La Grande. And that is the problem. There is a very large herd headed this way.” He sighed and peeled off his gloves, walking in to one of the emergency decontamination stalls and stripping off the rest of his clothes as he spoke. “All children.”
I glanced at Jim who had a confused look on his face like maybe Billy had spoken in some language that he didn’t understand. He scratched his head and looked to be about to ask a question when Billy continued.
“We were just emerging onto the old highway when we heard her scream. It was too dark to see very well, so we were damn near in the middle of the bastards when we realized what we had. I guess the numbers to be several thousand. The herd stretched down the road much farther than I cared to go see.”
“And Melissa?” I asked, not really sure what my question should be.
“She was up on that damn bus. It was surrounded, but fortunately it was just the leading edge of the herd. Damndest thing…a bunch of them backed away when we approached like they were afraid of us. Sadly, the cats had no such compunction and we had to kill a lot of them before they got spooked enough to run.”
“And what about the herd now?” Jim asked.
“We have guys staying back and keeping an eye out, but it looks like they are moving on. What we don’t and won’t know probably until tomorrow is just how big the herd actually is…provided they continue on and don’t make some crazy random move and head in towards us.” Billy pulled on the chain and began washing up under the cold water.
That was always my least favorite part of the decontamination process—we use freezing cold water. When I asked about that a long time ago, I was told that hot water opens the pores in our skin and so cold is used to hopefully keep anything from soaking or seeping in and allowing for somebody to become infected. It seems a bit arbitrary to me, but who am I to argue with our medical people?
He continued to describe what happened and how they had escorted Melissa back home, but I only half-listened. My mind was turning things over and coming to a decision. At last he was finished.
“I am going to go tell Stevie,” I said as I got up. “He needs to know that his mom is back.” I started for the door and then turned to Billy. “And thank you. I’m not sure what he would have done or how he would have dealt with losing his mom.”
“I hate to be the one to say it,” Jim said softly, “but I think he lost her a while ago.”
“Until further notice, I am sorry to say that you are confined to the compound, Thalia,” Billy said as he emerged from the stall in a pair of baggy red sweats.
“What?” I snapped.
“You are all he has. You know the rules. Single-parent units are forbidden from being placed
on security or patrol details.”
I opened my mouth, but then I closed it and nodded. Maybe I am learning, but the little voice in my head was screaming that my being selfish and thinking only of myself had cause enough trouble these past several days. It was time to think of other people’s wants and needs and put them ahead of my own for a change.
“Yes, sir,” I said with all sincerity.
As I headed back to the apartment, I began to feel lighter with each step. Before I was halfway, I broke into a run. For the first time in a while, I actually had good news.
Melissa was alive.
13
Vignettes LXXI
The months seemed to fly by. Slowly, Juan’s injuries healed. He still had a bit of a limp, and as the bitter cold of another Alaskan winter began to set in, he could feel aches deep in the joints of his knees.
As for Gerald, things went even slower, and the difficulties began to mount. He went through long spells where he could keep nothing down. Through it all, Juan remained at the man’s side and acted as his caretaker. The girls helped, often taking turns sitting at his side and reading stories to the man.
One evening, after the girls had gone to bed, Gerald called Juan to his bedside. When he entered the room, Juan was instantly hit with the smell of piss and feces.
“Let me get the tub,” Juan whispered. “I will get you cleaned up.”
“Wait,” Gerald called.
Juan stopped in his tracks. He heard something in the man’s voice that made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He pushed aside the stink that threatened to make him gag and returned to the man’s bed.
“We are even, brother,” Gerald rasped. There were tears brimming in the man’s eyes and he could not meet Juan’s gaze.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you can stop trying to take care of me. You have done more than anybody would these days. It is a sad fact, but a person in my condition is a drain on resources. Like any animal that is suffering, the best thing to do is—”
“Don’t say it!” Juan snapped. “Don’t you dare give up.”
“I lost hope when they took both my legs at the knee. I have one good hand, and one that eventually had to be removed at the wrist. What possible use can I serve?”
“But you have made it through each one of those events. Each time, you fought your way back. This is just another rough patch. Give it a little more time.”
Gerald held up his one good hand, indicating that Juan needed to calm down. “I don’t want the girls to see this, but you need to finish me. I am begging you. If you really want to square any debts that you think that you owe me, then do me this one favor and put me down.”
Juan sighed. He took a closer look at Gerald, removing his own blindness to the man’s real condition. While the legs had both been amputated, it looked like the right one was once again losing a battle with infection. There was a smell under the urine and feces that hinted at rot and decay. Gerald had survived the attack of a bear and a zombie herd, but his body simply could not recover from all of the trauma.
There was a knock at the door, and Juan felt shame at the sudden relief. He gave the man a pat on the arm and went to answer the door. A bundled figure stood on the porch, fur-lined hood pulled tight and a protective facemask preventing anybody from being able to tell the identity…unless you knew the person well.
Over the months, Juan had built a kinship with Kit. The man had been the only person to support Juan’s decision to try and continue caring for Gerald. One night after a considerable amount of hard cider had been consumed, the two had discovered that they had been on the opposite sides of things before the apocalypse.
Kit had been a prison warden and a staunch supporter of harsh punishment for convicted criminals. Twice he had flown to Arizona to see some of the stricter and more unique forms of utilizing and controlling the incarcerated population.
They had a good laugh over it and then agreed that what was past was past. Both were committed to the future. When Juan made it known that he would not accept having Gerald dosed with a lethal concoction that would put him down, Kit had offered to help in any way that Juan might need.
It seemed like a strange coincidence that the man was arriving at this exact moment. After he shed himself of his protective gear and had taken a seat in front of the fire with a cup of hot tea to sip, the man reached in his pocket and produced a sheet of paper.
“You did all that you could, Juan” Kit said, handing the piece of paper to Juan as he blew the steam from his cup and took a sip.
Juan scanned it. He had been braced for this to be some edict from the council telling him that they would no longer supplement his rations to include Gerald. He’d actually been prepared for that and had started stockpiling extra food over the weeks. Instead, what he had was a scrawled note that looked as if it had been written by…
“One of my girls?” Juan looked up at Kit with a raised eyebrow.
“Denita brought this to me this afternoon. She said that Gerald helped them write it.”
Juan was floored. He did not know whether to be hurt, angry, or some combination of the two. How could that man expose his daughters to something so horrible?
Then it hit him like a punch in the throat. This was the New World. The days of being able to protect the children from the harsh realities of life could be a fatal mistake.
Just like the one that took Mackenzie, a voice whispered in the dark corners of his mind.
“He asked me to end it for him,” Juan finally spoke.
“And are you going to honor his request?” Kit pressed. “Or are you going to continue to think of yourself at his expense.”
“But I owe—” Juan began, only to have Kit cut him off.
“You owe nothing. Those days are gone. The codes that you still cling to mean nothing. It is about survival. Pure and simple. Sure, we have built a community here. We do not want for food or anything else. Granted, we don’t spend the evenings staring at our computer or phones, frittering away our lives on the so-called social media. However, we are now seeing more babies survive than we lose. And that goes for the mothers as well.
We have a school designed for the world that we live in. The children are taught to hunt, farm, and to be able to recognize herbs and things we need for the natural medicines to try and combat infection. Hell, we even have a dentist. Granted, he has to use a foot-powered drill, and the anesthesia is for shit, but we are making our way.”
“What does this have to do with Gerald?” Juan said, refusing to allow the tears to reach his eyes by biting down on the inside of his cheek.
“We still live in a Spartan society. The strong survive and the weak or infirm perish. You had just arrived, so you missed it, but there was an old man named Sammy Singer. The dude was a Korean War vet. One day, he said goodbye to everybody and walked out into the woods. He knew it was his time. Hell, the Native Americans and Inuit have been doing things like that for years before civilization came in with the messed up idea that we needed to prolong life to the last second. Squeeze every bit out of it that we could.”
Kit sat back and took another sip of his tea. His voice had begun to harden and grow louder. Juan felt himself start to bristle, but deep down, he knew that everything Kit said had truth to it. Sure, it may not all be a truth that he would personally subscribe to, but he did see the logic of the man’s words.
They sat in silence as the fire crackled and popped. Juan finished his tea and then rose without a word. He walked into the room where Gerald was asleep (or at least pretending to be so). Juan stared down at the man for a while. He lost track of time as he considered what he needed to do.
Through it all, his mind continued to remind him that this same man had rescued him from the brink of death. He had risked his life to do so. Then, he had given freely of his belongings to care for Juan and his daughters when Juan had not been able.
And now the situation was reversed.
“It is n
ot the same,” a voice whispered.
Juan looked down to see Gerald staring up at him. For the first time in weeks, the man’s eyes were clear and bright.
“When I took you in, you had a chance. And…you had those two little girls. I helped you because I knew that your injuries were not fatal. But…and make no mistake, if I’d felt for a moment that you would not pull through and be able to function, I would have either left you for dead, or I would have ended you right there.”
“But—” Juan started, but Gerald raised his one good hand.
“You came in here with a purpose. Finish this…for me.”
With that, the man shut his eyes. Juan stood quiet for several minutes. He was still standing there when he felt something tug at his left and then right hand. He looked down to see both his daughters at his side.
“The Grizzly Man is ready, Papi,” Denita whispered.
“I said a prayer for him already, so it is okay to send him to Mama and Jesus. He knows what to do when he gets there.” Della gave Juan’s hand a gentle squeeze.
The battle he’d waged all night to keep the tears at bay finally came to an end. Juan surrendered to his emotions. Only, as he began to let the tears flow, he was not sure who or what he was actually weeping for. He had been grateful to Gerald, but it was not as if they had grown close like brothers. They were both simply survivors. Maybe he was mourning the loss of one more survivor. He had no idea.
Juan drew the spike from his belt. He pulled the blanket up and covered the man’s face. Next, he pulled the pillow free. He did not think that he imagined the man lifting his head just a little to make the task easier.
Placing the spike right about where he imagined the center of Gerald’s forehead to be, Juan took a deep breath and held it.
“Our Father, who art in Heaven…” Della and Denita began to pray together. Juan said his own brief words to God, or whoever was out there.
“Please forgive me…”
With those words, Juan gripped the top of the spike with both hands and pushed down as hard as he could. There was only a slight resistance, and then the piece of steel plunged down.