Thank God there was no one in the downstairs bathroom. He locked the door and leaned against the counter, closing his eyes so he wouldn’t see himself in the mirror.
He was devastated but also so fucking angry, he wanted to punch through the wall, though he had no real reason to feel that way. Ace and Gavin had never actually said this was anything other than casual fucking.
They implied it. They asked you to the play and to this fucking party. They spent all day with you.
Fuck buddies do things together sometimes.
Even if it’s not serious, you’re more than just a piece of meat.
Tears stung his eyes, and he sank to the floor as anger gave way to pain.
CHAPTER NINE
Ace wanted to strangle Gary. Did he have to be such a fucking asshole?
“What have you got that I ain’t?” Gary asked.
Class. “To win someone like Jonathan, you have to show them respect and think about more than how to get their pants off.”
“Exactly,” Gavin said, looking thankful that Ace had stepped in.
Gary sputtered. “What the hell, man? You two have each other. What do you need someone else for other than a three-way fuck?”
“He’s a human being,” Gavin said. “Not a fuck toy.”
“Seriously? Because I can think of a lot of games I’d like to play with a boy like that.”
Gavin stepped right up in his face. “This isn’t porn. It’s real life. He’s a real person, one I care about, and I think it’s time you went home.”
Ace couldn’t help but smile. Gavin rarely got angry, at least not in public. He’d be embarrassed later, especially since they’d started to gather a crowd, but Ace had never been more proud of him.
He was so glad Gavin wanted the same thing he did, and he still couldn’t believe that when he’d thought he was securing a hot evening as an early Christmas present for Gavin, he’d taken a step that could change their lives. Because now, the best Christmas present ever would be for J to say yes to truly dating them.
An hour or so later, Ace was loading the dishwasher when Gavin walked into the kitchen.
“Was that the last of the guests?” Ace asked. He’d heard Gavin walking Penelope and Sharon to the door.
“I think so, but did you see J leave?”
“No. I figured he told you goodbye when I was busy.”
Gavin shook his head. “I haven’t seen him in a long time, and his bag’s gone from the bedroom. Did he really leave without saying goodbye?”
Ace’s stomach made an uneasy flip-flop. He pulled out his phone, hoping he’d missed a text, but no, there was no text or call from J. “Shit.”
“I don’t like this,” Gavin said.
“Me either. I’m calling him.” He tapped on J’s number. It rang. Once. Twice. More. Eventually, J’s voice-mail message played. After the beep, Ace said, “Are you all right? We didn’t see you leave. Give us a call.”
When Ace hung up, Gavin sank into one of the kitchen chairs, looking white as a ghost.
“What’s wrong?”
“Gary. What if that asshole said something to him?”
“Fuck.” Ace hadn’t thought about that. Would Gary go that far? He damn well better not have.
“Or what if he heard us talking to him in the kitchen?” Gavin asked.
“We put Gary in his place, though. Surely J wouldn’t walk away because of that.”
“Maybe he just got tired?”
Ace wanted to believe that, but he couldn’t. “He wouldn’t have left without at least texting us.”
“How did we manage to fuck this up?” Gavin asked. “He really seemed to like Penelope and Sharon, and we had fun making cookies.”
Ace sighed. Usually he was good at staying positive, but right then he couldn’t manage it. “He said he wanted to talk tonight about what was happening between us.”
Gavin nodded. “And I thought he wanted…that he…”
“Yeah.”
“Maybe he’ll call you back.”
If not, Ace would have to find a way to make sure he was all right, even if, for whatever reason, he didn’t want to talk to them anymore.
***
The next day, Jonathan was lying on his couch. A movie played on the TV, but he wasn’t really watching it. Instead, he stared into space, trying to convince himself he didn’t feel as shitty as he actually did, which was basically all he’d done since he’d left Ace and Gavin’s party. Well, except for replaying the horrid conversation from their kitchen over and over in his mind.
His doorbell rang, and he nearly fell off the couch.
When he’d decided he wasn’t actually having a heart attack, he debated whether to answer it. Who could it be? Ace and Gavin kept texting him, but they’d never been to his apartment, not that it would be all that hard to find his address.
Shit. What if it was them? Did part of him want it to be?
No. Not after what they said. But why had they said those things? Why hadn’t they told that asshole off? They’d given Jonathan so many signals that they wanted something more. Why would they do that and then…
Maybe I misheard. It had been loud in the hallway.
No. He knew what had been said, and he still remembered the sick feeling it had given him. Hell, he’d woken up in the night feeling exactly as he had then.
“Jonathan! I know you’re home. Open up, or I’m coming in.”
It was Maggie.
“Just a minute.” He dragged himself from the couch and walked to the door, though his legs felt like they were made of lead.
Maggie scowled at him as she entered his apartment. “You haven’t been returning my texts.”
“Sorry. I… I don’t feel good.”
She looked him up and down. “Jonathan, don’t try to lie to me.”
“It’s not a lie.”
“You’re not sick.”
“I didn’t say I was sick. I said I don’t feel good.”
She huffed. “What’s wrong?”
He shook his head. It was humiliating that once again he’d fallen for someone he was just supposed to be fucking.
“Jonathan, think of all the things I’ve confessed to you. Do you really think I’m going to judge you?”
He exhaled, and words tumbled out. “I went to Ace and Gavin’s Christmas party yesterday.”
“And I’ve been texting you to ask how it went.”
“Some guy asked them if they were fucking me.”
She scowled. “What kind of question is that?”
Jonathan ignored her. “Gavin seemed annoyed, but then they just joked about it, like it was great that they were getting some from a hot younger guy.”
Maggie frowned. “That doesn’t sound like them.”
“How would you know?”
Her eyes widened. “Wow. You really are bad off if you’re snapping at me like that.”
“Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to take this out on you. You’re right, it was strange. I really thought they felt like I did.”
“Like they wanted more?”
He nodded.
“So what happened?”
“I left.”
“Without talking to them?”
“I wasn’t going to listen to them bantering with this asshole.”
She studied him for a moment. “So you didn’t even hear the whole conversation?”
“No, I… I had to get out of there.”
“Did they call you?”
He dropped his head into his hands, not wanting to think about how hard it had been not to pick up the phone. “Yeah, like fifty times.”
“J, you’ve got to call them back.”
“What? Why? Did you hear what I said?”
“I did, and I also heard you say their behavior was unusual, and you didn’t hear everything they said.”
He turned away from her, not caring if he looked like a pouty child. “I didn’t expect you to take their side.”
“I’m not taking
sides. I’m saying they need to know how they hurt you.”
Jonathan stood and walked to the kitchen. He needed a drink. “Isn’t it easier not seeing them again?”
“You might think so now, but is that really how you want to leave things? They probably don’t even know why you’re mad.”
“They should. Do you want a beer?”
“Sure.”
He popped the top on two bottles and brought one to her, but he didn’t join her on the couch. After hours of lying there, he was suddenly restless.
Maggie took a few sips as she watched him pace. “Is there any chance you misheard them?”
“I keep asking myself that, but only because I wish I had.”
“You need to call them back.”
He sighed. “You’re probably right, but…” His stomach knotted even thinking about it. “I can’t.”
“Oh, J.” She set her beer down and stood, pulling him into her arms. As she held him, he finally let himself cry, sobbing until he’d soaked the shoulder of her sweater.
“Feel better?” she asked when the storm had passed.
“Not really.”
“Call them.”
He groaned.
“J, if you care this much, then you should talk to them.”
He did care, so very much. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Fine. I won’t mention it again today. We’ll just sit here and drink and watch sad movies, but tomorrow, I’m going to make you be a grown-up.”
Jonathan nodded, not wanting to think too much about what that meant.
***
Ace had business with Robert Carrington early the next week. He saw J while he was in the office, so at least he knew J was safe, but when their gazes met, J pushed back his chair and hurried down the hall, obviously not wanting anything to do with Ace.
That night when Gavin got home, he looked as depressed as Ace felt.
“I saw him today.”
Gavin looked up from pouring himself a drink. “And?”
“He ran.”
“Fuck!” Gavin slammed his hand down on the kitchen counter. “I can’t take this.”
Ace was hurting as much for Gavin as for himself. “Me either. It’s time to get serious.”
“What do you mean?”
“He won’t answer our calls, so I’m calling his friend, Maggie, the one who called us to check on him.”
“I don’t—”
“It’s that, or we track him down.”
Gavin frowned. “No, calling is better.”
“He’s obviously upset with us already. Calling Maggie isn’t likely to make it much worse.”
“I sure as hell hope not.”
Ace pulled out his phone and made the call. He wasn’t surprised when she didn’t answer. He doubted she’d saved his contact information, and she likely wouldn’t have picked up anyway. “This is Ace Crawley. You called me to check on Jonathan when we started going out, and I’m calling you to check on him now. Please call me back.”
When he ended the call, he pulled Gavin into his arms. “If she doesn’t call back, we’ll decide what to do then.”
“Okay. You know I love you, right?”
Ace kissed the top of his head. “I do, and I love you too.”
Ace’s phone rang while they were eating dinner. “It’s her,” he said. Gavin laid down his fork, not moving as Ace answered the call.
“Hello.”
“Is this Ace?”
“Yes. Maggie?”
“I almost didn’t call you back, but I’m worried about J.”
“Me too.”
“Well, you should be, and you should be sorry for not seeing how great a guy he is.”
Ace scowled at the phone. “Not seeing… What are you talking about? He’s the one who disappeared.”
“Yeah, after you made it clear what you thought of him.”
“Maggie, I don’t know what you’re talking about. We had every intention of telling him just how much he means to us after the party ended, but he took off without saying goodbye.”
“Because of what he overheard you say to your friend.”
Oh fuck, he had heard Gary and apparently hadn’t stuck around to hear them tell him off. “Gary is a dickhead who came with a friend. Gavin and I made it clear to him he wasn’t welcome here anymore.”
Maggie sniffed. “That’s not what Jonathan said.”
Fuck. “He must have left before he heard our response.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, Gavin told him we care about Jonathan and we weren’t going to listen to any more shit from him.”
Maggie was silent for several seconds. “Are you saying you’d like to see him again?”
“Yes.”
“What exactly do you want? Because if you’re not interested in more than—”
Ace wasn’t thrilled about saying this to Maggie before he had a chance to say it to J, but he needed her on his side. “We want to date him and see where things go. This is a lot more than sex for us.”
Maggie sighed. “All right. Whatever happens in the end, J needs closure if nothing else.”
“And we deserve a chance to tell him what really happened,” Ace insisted.
“I’ll warn you. He’s stubborn as fuck.”
Ace laughed, surprised he could when he was so scared of what would happen. “Stubborn I can work with.”
“All right. I’m going over to his place tomorrow around four to wrap gifts. Come over at five, and I’ll see that he at least gives you a chance.”
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“J deserves to be happy, and he seemed to be with you. Consider this my Christmas intervention.”
She gave him J’s address and ended the call.
“What did she say?” Gavin looked like he was ready to explode with curiosity.
“She wants us to come to his apartment tomorrow at five, but don’t you have the final meeting for the Lawson project then?”
“I’ll move it,” Gavin said.
“Gav, you’ve been working so hard on that account. I could just—”
“No, this is more important.”
Ace clasped Gavin’s hands. “You’re right. It is.”
“We have to get J a Christmas present.”
Ace nodded. “Yeah, but what?”
“Remember how much he loved the glass ornaments on our tree?”
“Oh, that’s perfect. I wonder if the shop is still open.” He glanced down at his watch, but Gavin was already tapping on his phone.
“Found it. They’ll be open for another hour.”
Ace pushed back from the table. “Let’s go.”
CHAPTER TEN
The next day, they knocked on Jonathan’s apartment door at 4:55. It had been all Gavin could do to keep Ace from going over there an hour earlier.
Gavin understood his anxiousness. He’d hardly slept, and the afternoon had crept along, but finally here they were.
“I’ll get it,” a woman’s voice called. That must be Maggie.
A tall woman with her hair pulled back in a ponytail opened the door and motioned for them to come in.
“Jonathan!” she called. “There are some people here to see you.”
“What? Who?” Jonathan leaned around the corner and froze.
“Maggie, what are you—”
“J, I told you I would do whatever was necessary to help you feel better.”
“This isn’t—”
“They’re here. All you have to do is talk.”
“At least tell us why you left,” Gavin said.
He scowled. “I heard you in the kitchen with Gary.”
“How much did you hear?” Ace asked.
“Enough to know how you felt.”
“Would you like to know what else we said?”
Jonathan didn’t answer. He just watched them warily.
Gavin noticed that Maggie was slowly moving toward the door. He moved a few steps closer to Jona
than, hoping he wouldn’t notice her retreat. “Ace told him we had the privilege of being with you because we treated you like a person, and I told him I cared about you and kicked him out.”
Jonathan’s eyes widened. “Shit. Really?”
Gavin nodded.
“But what about the things you said at first? I thought—”
“I get it. I should have told him off right away. And we should all have talked more about our relationship before the party. It was stupid to put it off.”
Ace sighed. “I wish you’d stayed a little longer. Gavin was so fierce when he told Gary to leave.”
Jonathan smiled and looked at Gavin. “Thank you.”
Ace ran a hand through his hair, looking more nervous than Gavin had ever seen him. “So you didn’t leave because you no longer wanted us. You left because you thought—”
“That all I was to you was a quick fuck.”
“But we said there was more to it than that,” Gavin said.
“Yeah, it confused the shit out of me when I heard you in the kitchen. But it didn’t stop the words from hurting. It actually made them hurt worse, because otherwise I would have assumed I’d misread everything like I usually do.”
“There’s nothing usual about what’s going on between us,” Ace insisted.
“I know, but… Shit, I’m just not cut out for this.”
Gavin brushed a hand over his shoulder. “For what exactly?”
J didn’t say anything else. He pulled away from Gavin, walked over to his Christmas tree, and picked up two packages.
“I want to give them to you, but then you should go. It was shitty of me to walk away and not return your calls, but I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have started it. I should never have been on that stupid app.”
“Why?” Gavin asked. “Because I…” He couldn’t bring himself to say he loved Jonathan. But he did. He was sure of it.
“I’m no good at this.”
“This being…?” Gavin could hear the pain and anger in Ace’s voice.
“Casual sex. Being a third for a couple. I always…” He turned away. “I always want more.”
“Wait.” Gavin laid a hand on his arm. “I know this started as casual, but now…” Gavin wasn’t sure what to say. He hated the tension he felt between them, especially when he knew they all really wanted the same thing. “The first night we were together I knew I wanted more, and after a few nights with you, I couldn’t imagine not having you in my life. I know that sounds crazy, but the way we fit together…that doesn’t happen easily.”
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