by Carol Lawson
He swallowed and his eyes flashed around the room. He had never experienced a moment like this. He knew the ancient Greeks had a word for it. Kairos. It was the idea of a pivotal moment, a way of perceiving time – not as a chronological sequence of events, but as individually important moments. This was his Kairos, a moment of decision that would alter his life, probably forever.
He had only a few seconds to consider, but everything piled up in a single instance. His life, his education, his job as an accountant, all of it weighed against this one woman with bleached white dreadlocks on the run from the police. He took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. Everything was clear, crystalline.
“I told you,” he repeated with a shrug, “I’m not abandoning you.”
She gripped his hand and they both left the hotel, her leading and Shane following close behind. Clearly she’d done this before, he guessed, as she pulled up the window in the hallway and slide through onto the steel grate of the fire escape. He followed after her and shivered as a cold wind bit down.
At the bottom rung Lily jumped and landed and he jumped after her. The impact of his feet on the cement was jolting and he felt a sharp pain in his heel that ran up his legs, and swore under his breath.
“C’mon, we have to hurry,” she said.
“Wait, let’s take my car, they aren’t looking for me,” he said, “you stay here, and I’ll drive around.”
She hesitated for a moment as if taking into account all her options, and finally nodded. “Okay, but hurry,” she hissed and crouched up against a green steel industrial garbage container behind the hotel.
Shane tried to walk as normally as he could around the hotel and saw that there were two cop cars parked outside the hotel already. There was a marshal holding up a picture to one of the guests who was smoking cigarette on the porch, and several more officers were inside questioning the freckled acne-faced kid behind the counter.
He held his breath as he walked past them and toward his Toyota that had been parked on the street just down the block. He thanked his lucky stars that none of the police seemed to notice him as he pulled around and tried to slowly make his way behind the hotel. Lily was waiting for him and threw herself into the backseat.
“Stay down,” he warned, “there’s two cop cars, I don’t know how many more.”
“Shit,” she said, plastering herself to the floor of the Toyota as Shane pulled back around and passed the hotel parking lot. He saw one of the officers raise his head and peer at him from behind black sunglasses, and it was enough to freeze his blood.
As they pulled onto the main street, he kept his eyes on the rearview mirror, but for all intents and purposes he was confident they’d made their escape. He didn’t stop driving until he reached a small rest-stop, just before the turn-off back to the cabin. He stepped outside and leaned over again, his hands on his thighs, and waited for the spell of nausea to pass. I can’t believe I just did that, he wanted to shout. He felt alive – it was horrifying, scary, stressful. But it was also real.
Lily appeared behind him and put a hand on his back. “Are you okay?”
“Just… overloaded, y’know?”
“Yeah, I do. Believe me.”
“I don’t regret it,” he said, trying to reassure her, “anyway, we need to figure out what we’re going to do next.”
She nodded. “Chris dumped the Volvo, but he has another friend in Port Angeles. He sent me a text saying he wants to meet up. We should wait for the police presence to die down though, they’ll probably be watching the highways. There’s another village, if we keep following his road. It’s right at the end, we can camp out near a lighthouse. For now we should find somewhere to lie low though. After that…” she waved her hand as if to indicate that anything was game.
“Okay,” he said, picking himself back up.
“You sure you’re okay?” she asked.
“I thought that was my line,” he said, hopping back into the driver’s seat. “I guess I don’t have to worry about work tomorrow.”
Lily smirked. “Still could, if you wanted to,” she said.
“No. Actually the idea of work now feels… ridiculous.”
“Funny how running from the cops can put things in perspective, huh?” she said.
“It is funny,” he agreed, “I can’t wait to see the expression on my boss's face when he realizes I’m not coming to work anymore. Not even resigning or quitting, just… just gone.”
“Think he’ll be pissed?”
“Oh god! I hope so,” Shane said, “hey, open the glove box.”
She did and he indicated the small Pentax camera. “I think we should celebrate our getaway, commemorate it with a picture, don’t you think?”
She laughed and turned it on, and then, leaning in close to him raised her two fingers in a peace sign and took a selfie of both of them. “I almost want to get this one framed,” she thought to herself.
Shane took the turn off that led back up to the cabin and Lily wordlessly acknowledged that it would be for the best. The police wouldn’t think to look up in the cabin, it was far enough off the grid and off their radar to function as an adequate hideout for the time being. As they pulled into the familiar meadow and made their way back to the cabin, Lily’s fingers twined between his own.
They found a few eggs, some extra bacon, and the last few vegetables from the grocery box. Lily also picked a handful of dandelions, and found several big handfuls of blackberries growing wild beside the cabin. It was a meager meal, but for some reason it tasted better than any Shane had ever had. Afterwards they simply left the dishes in the sink and Lily set up a fire again, and showed him the best way to light it without using any paper. She gathered several handfuls of tinder in varying degrees of width and in moments the fire was blazing again.
Shane sat down next to her and put the blanket over her shoulders, and she smiled and leaned against him.
“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” she asked.
“Yes,” he agreed, but both of them knew he was really talking about her.
“I… I’ve been alone for so long, Shane. I don’t really know how to… how to be with another person,” she admitted.
He shrugged and rubbed the top of her head. “If it’s any consolation, neither do I. I’ve been isolated for so long I don’t really have a clue myself. But I don’t think we have to worry. We just… go with it, and see what happens.”
“That sounds very unlike you,” she said, amazed.
“I know, right? I think you must be rubbing off on me,” he said.
“I like that idea, then,” she said and leaned up and kissed him.
He kissed her back and their silhouette danced in the shadow of the fireplace.
“I love you too,” she finally said, her voice quivering.
He smiled and leaned down and she folded herself out on her back. He kissed her again and his hands ran up her shirt, over her navel and against the bridge of her ribs, until his palm was cradling the naked rise of her breast. She wasn’t wearing a bra and she moaned as he pulled her shirt off and massaged her chest. Lily lifted her arms above her head and raised her chest toward him, as he kissed her neck and made his way down, felt the rough nub of her nipple brush against his chin.
“Shane,” she murmured with another moan.
He smiled and pulled off his own shirt and his hand found the zipper of her jeans. Gently he unzipped it and snuck his fingers under the lip of her panties. She made another bucking motion with her hips as his fingers trailed over her pubis, the thin mane of hair suddenly warm and soft under his touch.
“Touch me,” she whispered into his ear.
He kissed her chin and his hand went lower, found her ready as his fingers probed the soft labial folds of her vagina. There was a sticky wetness already there as he smoothly inserted her finger. Lily gasped as he went deeper, the rough pad of his fingers brushing across her clitoris and she sighed.
She opened her eyes and he stared down into their blu
e wells again, and she gave him a sleepy and happy look of amusement.
“I love you,” she repeated, and kicked off her jeans.
She sat up and fiddled with the belt on his pants and in moments he had shed them too. She gripped at his manhood, already hard with the effort of their kissing, and he bent down between her legs.
“Ready?” he said, and she nodded.
He felt her hand guide him inside her and the muscles in her jaw tightened as he plunged against her insides. She made another gasp, half in pain and half in pleasure, as he pulled in and plunged again, and her legs opened wider for him.
“I love you so much,” she repeated, and tipped her head back, her lips half open in a silent cry of desire as he folded his hands behind her back and lifted her into him, her breasts rising toward his mouth like succulent fruit.
She gripped at the back of his neck as he ground his loins against hers, until at last she let out a small whimpering scream and stiffened, the muscles in her legs quivering with the mutual orgasm, and her fingers digging in the back of his neck. He dipped his head toward her and slipped his tongue between her lips and both of them sighed into each other, exhausted and sweaty in front of the fire.
She kept her hands tightly wound around him, even after the climax had faded and they were both lying there, naked and content in the simple warmth of one another.
When she finally opened her eyes again she stared at him sleepily. “That was amazing… I can’t really do that by myself,” she joked.
“So there is some benefit to letting others help you once in awhile.”
“Just you.”
“I can live with that,” he replied, and kissed her forehead again.
“Tomorrow,” she began, “tomorrow is going to be tough, for you. I think. It was tough for me. The first time I realized I couldn’t go back to a normal life. It’s not easy for anyone.”
“I know,” he said, “but I’ve lived a normal life for so long. I think I’m ready for a change. I know that’s a bit of a simplistic answer, but… I’m going to be okay. Are you?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“Your sister, Lacey. Does she help you out a lot?”
“No, not really,” Lily said, rolling over toward the fire. “Partly because I won’t let her. She has a good job. And she’s a really good cop. She’s going to try to make detective next year. I can’t stop her from helping me, but… I don’t want to her to feel guilty either. I did what I did for both of us.”
“It was very brave,” he repeated, moving closer and spooning her. He wrapped one arm across her breasts.
“Necessary,” she corrected.
“So where do we go from here?”
“That’s another good question,” she said, “I guess… we should see what Chris says first.”
He nodded and dug his face in against the back of her neck. The small tightly wound dreads tickled his nose and he smiled and squeezed her.
“Okay,” he agreed.
The fire crackled in the fireplace again and slowly the embers died out, one by one, like stars blinking out of existence. Their short chemical lives extinguished in the ashes, and Shane stayed awake for several hours more, his arms wrapped around Lily under the blanket. He still couldn’t believe what had happened – but the more he thought about it, and about the girl beside him, the more resolute his mind became. He had made a decision, and it wasn’t a matter of right or wrong. That was how he had used to view the world. Polar opposites, black and white.
The world was a lot more complicated than that. It wasn’t about right and wrong. It was about people. I’ll protect you, Lily, no matter what, he repeated, over and over in his mind until at last he too fell asleep.
10.
The next morning Shane had a momentary panic attack when he realized it was nine o’clock and he was late for work, and then remembered where he was. Lily smiled at him and they both showered together in the cold spray, and started to laugh interminably.
When they got back into the Toyota, Lily showed him a trick to keep his car off the radar until they could find a new one. She pulled out an Oregon license plate from her backpack and with a small pocket knife unscrewed the back and front plates on the SUV, smartly switching them up.
“I stole this one off the back of the pickup that was outside the hotel,” she grinned mischievously, “you never know when a legitimate license plate will come in handy, like now.”
As the bumped all the way back down to the main road and took the left exit, heading west, they were both quiet again. But it wasn’t a forced silence, or an awkward one. It was comfortable, easy. Lily fiddled with his iPod until she found some music she liked, and turned the radio all the way up. Shane insisted that they at least listen to the news bulletin, to make sure there wasn’t anything on the radio about them – it seemed like a reasonable precaution, but luckily all the news they were able to glean was something about a football upset. Shane then insisted on listening to the weather channel, and Lily actually agreed with that and even went so far as to take down the extended forecast in her small notebook.
The drive to the lighthouse took longer than expected, but neither of them were in any particular hurry, and it was another beautiful day. To their right they could make out the rugged coast of Vancouver Island in the distance, like a shadowy behemoth rising out of the surf. Seagulls scattered left and right, and the beaches were gently rocked by blue waves.
To their left the high mountain ranges were still flecked with snow and the sun glinted precariously off of them. There was real wilderness up there, and Shane found himself undeniably attracted to their rising slopes and thick forested cliffs.
“We’re almost there,” Lily finally said after a time. She had her knees up and was sitting fetal in the passenger seat when he looked up and saw a turn-off to a lighthouse.
It was another hardly paved road that led toward some sand-dunes in the distance, but they could both see a car in the distance and waving was a broad armed bearded man that could only have been Chris.
When they stopped Lily jumped out and ran and gave him a hug and properly introduced him to Shane. Chris was still a growling giant, but he extended his hand and shook Shane’s gruffly.
“You sure about this, Lil?” he said again.
The plan was they’d take Chris’ vehicle, which was a Pinto colored Dodge. Clean plates, insured, and something the cops wouldn’t be looking for. In return, he’d take Shane’s car and take it a chop shop in Seattle. Shane felt a little sad at the thought of having his beloved vehicle dismembered, but at the same time he knew that his absence from work would eventually be noticed.
Lily smiled and helped to unload some of the supplies from the Toyota to the Dodge, and Chris motioned to Shane with his pointer finger. Reluctantly, Shane followed him several meters onto the sand where the older man was staring indignantly out across the dunes.
“She’s a good girl,” he coughed hoarsely.
“I know that,” he said.
“She’s had a helluva life. I’ve done my best to keep her safe. Keep her alive and out of jail. I’ll keep doing that until I can’t anymore. But you have to understand… she doesn’t have friends. Other than me and Lacey, she’s got no one,” Chris said, and turned his cold steel eyes toward Shane, “why are you helping her now?”
He took a moment to compose his answer. “Because I see her the way you do. And because I love her,” he admitted, “I guess that sounds a bit crazy, huh?”
Chris crossed his arms and Shane saw him actually smile under the white moustache. “Crazy, huh? There are lot of crazy things, and I should know. But loving Lily? I don’t think that’s crazy, son,” he said, “where are you two going next?”
He shrugged. “I don’t’ know. I need to empty my bank account before someone gets suspicious. After that, I think we’ll keep heading south.”
“Towards San Francisco?” he said, and the word was almost taboo.
Shane shrugged again. “Maybe, m
aybe not. We’ll go wherever we have to, wherever we want. Isn’t that how this works?”
Chris tugged at his beard. “Something like that. Funny how life works out, though.”
“Lily said that too. I think it is funny. And tragic. And awful, and beautiful. It’s kind of everything.”
The older man laughed and Shane jumped back. “That sounds like Lily. Alright,” he said and held out his hand again toward Shane who took it, “you keep her safe, Shane. That’s a promise you make to me.”
“I’ve already made it,” Shane said, and saw Chris grin.
“Alright, you two!” Chris belted out, and Lily looked up from the driver’s door of the Dodge and waved back, “You watch each other’s backs.”
Lily gave Chris another hug and then it was time to go. Lily insisted that she drive this time, and hopped behind the wheel, laying her foot into the gas pedal like a concrete block. Shane held on as she zoomed gleefully over the sand, kicking up a cloud behind them. In the mirror Shane watched as Chris disappeared, and eventually they were back onto the main road.
“What did Chris say to you?” Lily asked after awhile.
“He told me to protect you,” he said, knowing full well how she’d react to that.
“That’s not an easy charge,” she said, “and if you fail, you’ll have to answer to Chris. He’s not the type you want to disappoint.”
Shane leaned in and kissed her on the cheek and sat back down. The Dodge was an older model than his Toyota and had a slightly stuffy smell to it, like it hadn’t been driven in a while. He rolled the window down and felt the warm coastal air slap against his skin, comb through his hair.
“I don’t intend to,” he finally said.
Beside him Lily reached out with her free hand, her fingers sliding into the spaces between his. He squeezed it and watched her brush a single tear off her cheek. The sun was high in the sky, and burning down on them, and they had a full tank of gas. Shane didn’t know what the future held in store for them, but he had stopped thinking about the future for awhile now. The future was a myth, something that they’d prove true when they got there.