by Sarah Beard
“Did you say my name?”
The crease between her brows deepens. “No. Why?”
I sit still a moment, listening for the sound again. “I … I could have sworn someone just said my name. It sounded like …” I scan the trees around us, searching for Avery. But of course she’s not here. “Never mind. Whatever it was, I must have imagined it.”
Maybe I want to hear Avery’s voice so badly that my mind conjured the sound of it. I gaze through the trees at the silver lake, wishing I could see her through it like I used to. Over two months of Earth time have passed since I left her in Isadora’s cottage, and it’s torture to not know how she’s doing. I take a deep breath and remind myself that it’s better this way. Because if I could see her, I would watch her every hour of every day, and anytime she wasn’t happy or had a problem, I’d want to fix it. No—it’s definitely better that she live her life without me hovering.
“Is everything all right?” my mom asks, drawing my gaze back to her.
“Yeah. It’s just—” Before I can finish my answer, I hear it again.
“Kai.” Avery’s voice.
I rise to my feet. “There it is again. Did you hear it?”
“What?”
“Avery’s voice. Calling me.” I turn in a frantic circle, scanning the area for her or whatever is producing the sound of her voice. But I see nothing except the tree branches. “Something’s wrong. I need to talk to Charles.” I hold out my hand to her. “Come with me?”
She nods and takes my hand. I picture Charles in my mind, and then we quicken to him, finding him on a bench near the cliffs of Elysium.
He must see the worry in my face, because he stands. “What’s wrong?”
“I keep hearing Avery’s voice.”
His lips part in surprise for a moment, and then he presses them together and braces his hands on my shoulder like he’s about to deliver grave news. It makes my hands turn cold.
“I told you,” he says, “that you would know when she came.”
“What?” The word makes no sound, because all the air has been knocked out of me. I close my eyes and shut everything out, trying to sense her presence to see if what he’s saying is true. It takes a minute, and then a riot breaks loose inside of me, shattering order and reason, obliterating the bit of peace I’ve scraped together over the last few weeks. Because there, in the center of my chest, I feel it. Feel her presence in Demoror like a new sun in the sky, bigger and brighter than any other, shifting my center of gravity so that suddenly I’m falling toward her. Without another word, I leave Charles and my mom and surrender to Avery’s pull, quickening in an instant to where she is.
On the still shore of the silver lake, I find her. She doesn’t see me because she’s turned toward the water, gazing at something. Her hair spills down her back like a silk cape, shimmering gold under the sparkling sky. Her dress is like a white and iridescent moonflower, twisting at her waist and flaring at her calves. It reminds me of the one I pictured her in the day I sang to her on the cliff. Everything about her is soft. She is satin and snow, a lullaby and a whisper.
She’s close enough to touch, but my hand is a dead weight at my side. The warmth of her nearness burns in my chest, but my skin is as cold as the Briar. Because she shouldn’t be here. Not yet.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn to see that Charles and my mom have followed me here. Charles squeezes my shoulder and gives me a look that says, Calm down. But I can’t. “No,” I breathe, turning back to Avery as my vision blurs.
At the sound of my voice, Avery whips around. Before I can blink the tears from my eyes to see her face, she throws herself into my arms and cries out my name.
Her embrace softens the shock, and for a moment all the panic and questions take a backseat to the joy that’s humming in my chest like an amplified guitar riff. I let my arms do what they’ve ached to do for weeks now, and I gather her close, breathing in her presence, feeling her warmth spread through me, completing me like missing lyrics of an unfinished song. I bury my lips in her hair. This. This is what I’ve been waiting for. To be made whole by the certainty and permanence of her love, never to be lost. It just came sooner than I thought. Too soon.
As much as I want to keep holding her, my need for answers nags me like the whistle of a departing train. Reluctantly, I pull back and cradle her face in my hands. Her blue eyes glisten with tears, and she is even more beautiful than I remember. I breathe a sad sigh and brush the tears from her cheek with my thumb.
“What are you doing here?” I ask in a broken voice.
“I …” She shakes her head. “I don’t know. I was swimming, and then …” She seems confused and disoriented. I remember feeling the same way when I first came here. Even after Charles finally came to greet me, it took me a while to piece together the details of my death.
She swallows and blinks a few times. Then instead of finishing her sentence, she looks at the water near our feet. The glassy surface shows an image of her body. In the ocean, limp and entirely submerged.
“No,” I whisper, only because I feel too weak to shout. I shake my head, unable to accept her fate. I have the impulse to jump into the lake to return to Earth to help her. But there’s only one way for me to return to Earth now. And even if I went through the swamp in the Briar, I wouldn’t have the substance or the power to save her.
I turn to my mom, almost asking her to go back to Earth to save Avery’s life. That’s her job now, after all. But I stop myself. She hasn’t been assigned, and I can’t get her into trouble.
I cast a desperate look at Charles. “Why isn’t anyone assigned to help her?”
“I’ve called to Jerick, and he’s on his way. Maybe he can give us some answers.”
“Grim?” I snap bitterly. “All he’ll do is seal her death.” As my panic shoots up like a rocket, so does my creativity. It takes only a split-second for a plan to form in my mind, though it’s half-baked as usual. I don’t know if it will work; I only know that the girl I love still has a life to live. And I’m willing to pay any price to make sure she keeps it.
I take a half step toward Charles, then say in a hushed voice. “Charles, all the times you’ve told me that you trust me, that you believe in me, did you really mean it?”
His brows pull together. “Yes. Of course I meant it.” And then very slowly, he adds, “I still trust and believe in you.”
I nod. “That’s all I need to know.” I give him a hug, patting him firmly on the back. At the same time, as quick and furtive as the practiced pickpocket I am, I slip my hand in his pocket.
But the ring isn’t there.
“Other pocket,” he whispers in my ear, and when I pull back, expecting to see disappointment in his face, all I see is love. His hand comes to mine, and he slyly passes me the ring. I drop it in my pocket, choking back a surge of tears.
I have the ring, but it alone won’t be enough to save Avery. There’s one more thing I need.
With hands trembling, I gather Avery in my arms and whisper in her ear, “Go back through the lake to your body. I’ll meet you there.” I kiss her on the forehead, then turn to my mom. I don’t know how this is going to turn out, or what’s going to happen to me. So I tell her I love her and that I’m proud of her. She doesn’t even notice me feeling for the clasp on her wristband. Then, bracing myself for flight, I flick it open and swiftly remove it from her wrist.
She gasps and blinks in bafflement.
“I’m sorry,” is all I say, and then, giving one last look at Avery, I turn and quicken away.
I go straight to the Briar, quickening through the bramble toward the swamp. Thorns slash and slice into me as I fly through them, but there’s no time to waste on walking. Within seconds, I’m standing at the edge of the swamp, terror shaking me as I peer down into the black water. The thorns have torn me up, but that’s nothing compared to what I’m about to go through for the chance to save Avery’s life one last time. I shove my mom’s wristband in my pocket wi
th Charles’s ring so I don’t lose them. Then I conjure an image of Avery’s body in my mind so that hopefully when I emerge on the other side, I’ll be where she is. Then, bracing myself for the pain I’m about to feel, I dive in.
Not even the light of my pendant can ward off the dark. My hands over my ears do nothing to dampen the awful sounds. Screeching and breaking, an amplified train wreck. Metal scraping and glass shattering and lives being torn apart.
I’m in a dark room. The metallic taste of blood coats my tongue. A child screams. Helen’s little figure runs through the doorway. Heavy steps follow.
Dad in an orange jumpsuit. A glass partition between us. He’s pointing to the phone on my side, urging me to pick it up so I can hear his voice. But I’ve heard enough of his voice. Loud and clear and belligerent. I don’t want to hear it again. His hand comes up and slams the glass.
I’m digging through a clothes basket. No socks. Only mildew. Something sharp stabs my finger. I jerk my hand back. There’s a hypodermic needle stuck in my finger.
Huddled under a fern in the woods. Wolves howling. Helen and Jane crying. Running home in the dark. Dad in the doorway to meet us.
An open coffin. Mom in her blue dress. Eyes glued shut. Hair curled. Not like her. Only a shell now. My mouth is dry. I’m as cold and empty as her body. Sisters clinging to my arms. Aunt Laurel and Uncle Gerald lead them out of the room. I’m alone.
A boy lying flat beneath me, my fists pounding into his bloody face. I hate myself. But I can’t stop. Because I hate myself.
Shoving my belongings into a black garbage sack. Being ushered out of a foster family’s home. Again. And again. And again.
Standing in a crowded room, looking through a window, watching the girl I love kiss another boy. I want to die. But I can’t. Because I’m already dead.
In Avery’s arms. “Stay,” she cries. But she doesn’t have the power to keep me. And I don’t have the power to stay.
I’m in the ocean. I can’t move. My pendant lights up the water, but I’m still someplace very dark. Little particles float around me; the surface ripples above. I must be close to shore, because there’s sand about ten feet below. It looks and feels so familiar that for a second, I don’t know if I’m reliving my death, or if I’m actually in the ocean. The same fear that gripped me while I drowned grips me now. Only, I’m not struggling for breath. And this time, the fear isn’t for myself.
It’s for Avery.
I straighten and look around for her body, and find it a few feet below me, limp and suspended in the blue. She’s facing down so I can’t see her face. Just her long gold hair, half tangled in the reef, the other half slowly swaying in the current. Pain rips through me at the sight of her, and without wasting another second, I dig Charles’s ring out of my pocket and slip it on my finger.
I reach for her, but my hand sweeps right through her. The ring isn’t working yet. It’s too soon. It will take a couple minutes for my body to materialize, and I pray it won’t be too late. With my mom’s wristband, I should still have time to save her. When I was a healer, I used it once to revive someone who should have been far beyond the point of revival.
The sand beneath me begins to swirl and gather into a cloud, and as the particles rise from the ocean floor and start clinging to me, I stay near Avery’s body, trying every second to take hold of her as the pain of materializing sears through me. My hand starts to drag a little when it passes through her. Any second, and I’ll be able to take hold of her.
When I try grabbing her again, my hand closes on the back of her neck. I’ve got her. I take a handful of her tangled hair and tug hard. Some of the strands break, but she’s still stuck. As I dig my hands deeper into her hair and start yanking strands a few at a time, I see a flash of metal on the ocean floor. My hands freeze and my eyes go wide. A few feet down, there’s a pocketknife lying in the sand. I push away from Avery and swim down to retrieve it just as these temporary lungs start to burn for want of air. I kick back up to her and cut her hair free, then clutch her arm and drag her upward.
My lungs gulp in air as I break the surface, and when I look around, the shore isn’t too far off. I secure her to me with one arm as I paddle shoreward with the other, kicking my legs to keep us both afloat. If Avery dies now, it won’t be because I didn’t do everything in my power to keep her alive.
Soon I feel sand under my feet, and then I find my footing on the ocean floor. We’re in a little rocky cove where the waves are mild. I carry her to a cavern with dry sand and lay her down. The light from my pendant illuminates the cavern, and I see Avery’s body with heartbreaking clarity. Her eyes are closed, her lips blue. I press my fingers under her jaw, checking for a pulse. Nothing.
I look around for Avery’s spirit, but she still isn’t here. It doesn’t matter. Once I restore her life, her spirit will be brought back to her body.
I reach into my pocket and retrieve my mom’s wristband. If Charles’s ring works for me, then the power in my mom’s wristband should too. I circle it around my wrist. But when I try to close the clasp, I can’t connect the two ends. I try to squeeze them together. But her wrist is so much smaller than mine, there’s no way to make it fit.
Maybe I don’t need to close the clasp. I leave the wristband open and rest my hand on Avery’s stomach, trying to summon the power to heal her. But I feel nothing. Not the faintest stirring inside of me. No warmth. No energy. No power. Only cold emptiness. My shoulders sink in defeat. I pound the sand with my fist, then lift my face to the sky and roar in frustration.
I tear off the wristband and toss it behind me. I don’t have the power to heal her. But I have hands. And I have air in my lungs.
Wasting no more time, I lean over her lifeless body and put my hands and lungs to use.
veryone is looking at me. The dark-haired woman, the man named Charles, and the tall guy who just appeared and introduced himself as Jerick. But no one is giving me answers, and the looks on their faces have me panicking.
“Where did he go?” I ask again, my voice reflecting my rising anxiety. The anxiety of realizing I’m dead. Of imagining my family discovering my drowned body. And of Kai’s sudden disappearance.
They all look at one another, like they’re not sure who should answer my question. Finally, Jerick steps forward, holding some kind of scepter.
“Kai went exactly where we thought he would,” Jerick says dryly, clearly unamused. His towering figure casts a shadow over me, but it’s not the only thing about him that intimidates me. His icy-blue eyes seem to pierce right through me. And there’s a troubling absence of emotion on his face. Like a stiff suit, ready to close a deal that’s all business and nothing personal.
Lowering the scepter to his side, he comes closer. He settles a hand on my shoulder, heavy as a cannonball. “You’ll need to come with me,” he says grimly.
I don’t argue, because he seems like the kind of person you can’t win an argument with. I look to Charles for some kind of reassurance, and he gives a small but encouraging smile. “He’ll take you to Kai.”
I let Jerick take me by the arm, and he leads me back into the silver lake. We’re swallowed up in the still waters and my vision whites out. In the next second, I hear the sound of the surf. Details start filling my vision. We’ve somehow traveled back to Earth, because we’re now standing on a familiar beach surrounded by cliffs. I hear Kai’s distressed voice, saying my name, pleading with me to live. I look over, and there he is in the cavern. On his knees in the sand, leaning over my body, trying to revive me.
So this is where he disappeared to. He came back to rescue me. Again. Some kind of light is shining from his chest, lighting up the scene. My hair and clothes are soaked. My eyes are closed, my skin pale. My limbs motionless. It’s surreal and disturbing to see my own lifeless body, but I can’t look away. At the sight of Kai laboring over my body, I’m filled with a myriad of warring emotions. Gratitude and love, and a little bit of anger and disappointment. He’s already given so much fo
r me. When will it be my turn to give him something in return?
“Live, Avery,” he begs between labored breaths, so focused on his efforts that he doesn’t notice us behind him. “Come back. Please. Come back.”
“You have a choice to make,” Jerick says quietly beside me. He leans down and picks something out of the sand at our feet, then straightens and opens his palm. He’s holding the wristband that Kai took from the woman’s wrist. It’s like the one Kai wore when he was here with me those few days in June.
“What is that for?” I ask as the waves crash on the rocks outside the cove, drowning out my voice.
“It holds the power to restore mortal life. Any mortal life. So, should you choose to live, you’ll need to put on the wristband and lay your hand on your body, and the power within it will do what Kai here can’t do on his own.”
I take the wristband from Jerick, marveling at the power it holds. Is this what I really want? To be returned to my body? To the living world? I feel just as alive in this world as in the one I came from. And if I don’t use the wristband, I can stay with Kai. I look at him, at his hands beating into my chest, his face all torment and determination, and I know that it’s not what he wants. As always, he wants me to live. And I realize now that I want the same thing. I want to return to my body. I want my skin to turn pink, want my lungs to expand of their own accord, want my eyelids to flutter open as much as he does. Not only for my family, or the life I’ve yet to live, but because if I die now, then Kai’s sacrifices will be for nothing.
Slowly, I circle the wristband around my wrist and close the clasp. Then I step over to my body and kneel on the opposite side of Kai, facing him.
When he sees me, he doesn’t stop his efforts, only proclaims through labored breaths, “I’m not giving up.”
I hold up my wrist, showing him the wristband. “You don’t have to.”
He exhales heavily and rocks back on his heels, his chest heaving. “Well? What are you waiting for?” His hands are still over my body’s sternum, ready to keep pumping if needed.