by Jean Oram
"That is what you wanted, wasn't it?" Beth asked. "For me to follow my dreams? To leave you alone? To move on?"
"Beth." His voice sounded anguished.
"What?" she begged. "What Oz? You don't want me in your life and have chosen Mandy again. What am I supposed to do? You were right when you said this isn't us. Was I supposed to wait for you to push me away one more time?" Desperation welled around her like floodwaters and she longed for him to snip the final thread between them and set her free. But he kept holding on. She wanted to buck against that thread and snap it.
She glanced at the closed bathroom door again. Why couldn't she simply hang up and move on?
"For Christ's sake. Mandy's just a friend. And I was making a point," he said.
"With who? Me?"
"A slick in leather pants was calling down small-town girls. Calling you hicks," he slurred slowly. "I told him they were babes and that my ex-fiancée was small town and anything but hick." She heard him fumble the phone a few times as he relayed his story about how he felt the need to moon the man.
"Oz, tell me you didn't?" she groaned. Why on earth did he feel the need to defend her so-called honor at this late stage? Why her?
"Right there in the bar!" he said with something that sounded like pride.
"Are they charging you with public indecency?"
"I don't know. I see a judge in the morning."
A chill raced through her.
"I don't get it. Are they letting you out?"
"I'm not done my story."
"Oh, God." She buried her face in her free hand. "It gets worse?"
"I kinda lost my balance and fell over and my pants came down. A lot."
"Oh, Jesus." She could see it. How could he humiliate himself like that? "Tequila?"
"Shots."
"Oh, Oz. You know it makes you do stupid things."
"I might get charged with public indiscrepancy."
"Indecency." She sighed. Who was this new man? "If you're seeing a judge in the morning I think you have to stay overnight." She rubbed her forehead, imagining him sleeping in a cell. She blinked away tears. "Just... make sure you're honest with them, okay?"
"Yeah."
Silence.
Gripping the phone she asked. "Why did you call me?"
"I wanted to talk to someone who understands me."
"Oh, Oz," she said softly. "I wish I did."
***
Beth snuggled next to Nash by the Christmas tree in Cynthia's apartment. Nash was flying out in the morning to spend Christmas with his parents. And even though he'd tried to convince her to come along she'd insisted she couldn't possibly crash his family gathering despite her longing to do so. And so tonight they were having a family Christmas at Cynthia's with Gran and Dan. Despite it only being the five of them it still felt like Christmas, only a little less bustling than Beth had always dreamed. She'd thought by this age her Christmases would involve a house jam-packed with people and tons of excitement and bustle—kind of like last year at Oz's parents' place. Not this: five people and a tree crammed into her sister's miniscule apartment.
Cynthia handed Beth a tagless Christmas gift wrapped in newspaper, her expression blank.
"Is this is for me?" Beth asked, turning the small gift over in her hands. Her butt was getting numb, but there wasn't enough room to squeeze more furniture into the room.
Cynthia nodded.
"You run out of gift wrap?" she laughed.
"It's not from me, but I'm told you'll know once you open it." Cynthia trotted back to the loveseat she was sharing with Dan, making the tree's tinsel flutter in her wake.
Beth frowned at the gift and glanced at Dan who shook his head. She peeked at Nash whose attention was absorbed by the radio gadget he'd given Beth. Even though they'd been living together for only a little over a month, she knew he'd never wrap a gift in newspaper unless he was trying to throw her off. And seeing as she'd already received her gift from him, this was a mystery gift. With a thrill racing through her, she ripped the paper off the small box and flipped it over, her heart's rhythm becoming unstable. The boxed set compilation of various musical genres was dog-eared, but otherwise fine. She pulled out the first CD and a small card fell into her lap.
"Who's it from?" asked Gran.
Beth hesitantly opened the card. Tight printing dented the tiny card and made her chest feel shaky. She closed her eyes as though concentrating to remember a flavor.
Oz.
She glanced at Cynthia who was intently focused on the blinking Christmas tree. Nash leaned against her shoulder to inspect the gift.
"Oh, CDs. We can get that stuff on your new satellite radio." He held up the gadget he'd been playing with. "We can set up song alerts."
"It's for my patients," she replied.
Oz wrote love on the card.
Did that mean love-love, or was it a leftover habit? Something slightly more fond than sincerely?
She turned the box over in her hands. Had he found this in his uncle's store and decided to send it along as a Christmas gift, nothing more? Just a little something to ensure they could still be friends and remain civilly in the same town? An apology for the drunken phone call? Or was it a hint? A keyhole for her to peek through?
She sighed. Why couldn't he just say what he meant and skip the little things that made no sense to her? And why was she trying to read intentions into all his actions? The whole thing made her want to scream as well as flip him the bird.
Not like Nash. She smiled at her stable, reliable Nash. He didn't have weird stuff hiding under the surface that would mess up everything or cause her mass confusion.
Since the phone call, she'd stopped sheltering everyone from the fact that she was moving on with Nash. She no longer went out of her way to avoid ripples from her new life rocking Oz's boat. She no longer dropped Nash's hand in public, or refrained from kissing him in the grocery store. Protecting Oz had only landed him and his screwed up ass in jail anyway. She needed to live her life and be the Beth Nash had fallen for in Paris.
She set the CDs aside. Out of sight. Out of mind.
"You mean that was from your patients?" Nash touched a dog-eared corner. "Second-hand," he scoffed, superiority lilting his voice. He leaned against her, digging in his pants pocket.
She shoved her curls from her face and stated, "It's a rare compilation. My first set was stolen from Oz's truck."
Nash turned slowly, color creeping deep into his cheeks. "Oz?"
"Yeah. It's from Oz." She met his eye, jutting her chin. As long as they stayed in Blueberry Springs, the man would always be in her life one way or another, just like they would be in Oz's.
With a smile Nash squeezed Beth's arm and boasted, "I can top that!"
"Ooooh, this should be good." Gran placed her hands in her lap, a snifter of sherry perched carefully on the arm of her easy chair. "He's a good gift giver," she said knowingly to Cynthia. She raised her eyebrows meaningfully at the bottle of sherry Nash had given her.
Nash stood and adjusted his navy cable-knit sweater. Clearing his throat, he addressed her family, "Thank you for sharing your Christmas festivities with me. I hope to share many more."
He gestured for Beth to stand and hesitantly she obliged. "What are you doing?" she whispered. Speeches were a bit formal for the Wilkinson clan. She blushed, shooting her sister an apologetic look, but Cynthia kept her gaze focused on Nash, her eyes burning through him like they were secret-popping lasers.
Nash positioned an arm across Beth's shoulders. "As you all know, I love Beth very much."
Beth blushed. They'd only shared the L word a few weeks ago. She'd made them both wait, wanting to be sure it was an emotion she genuinely felt.
He lowered himself onto one knee.
Beth's pulse quickened like a panicked jackrabbit, and her eyes darted to the exit.
Gran squealed and clapped.
Her mind yelled run!
This couldn't be happening.
The
y hardly knew each other.
She still loved Oz.
No. No, she didn't. She couldn't love Oz any more. She loved Nash.
But Nash had to be joking. This was too soon.
She licked her lips and swallowed in an effort to moisten her dry throat. Her lungs became inflexible steel, refusing to draw air.
Oh, my God. She still loved Oz. Ohmigod. The room tilted dangerously to the right.
Nash was talking. Smiling. Looking up at her with such open trust and love.
Time. We need time.
Nash continued, smiling. In his sparkling eyes she saw calm, trust, stability, and love. Lots of love. And a chance. A chance to dodge everything from loneliness to heartbreak to infertility. With him she could be anyone. She could have her dream and the freedom and support to try new things.
Right now.
He gathered her sweaty hands in his own.
He was safe. He wouldn't hurt her. She focused on all she loved about him and that tiny, happy feeling deep inside her, beneath the worries.
"Bethany Anne Wilkinson, will you marry me?"
Her head started to bob.
She loved him.
Her voice wavering, she replied, "Yes," her head still bobbing.
Gran hooted and Dan gave a strange bird call in celebration. Nash slid a large ring onto Beth's trembling finger. The princess-cut diamond weighed heavy and swung upside down. Nash twisted the ring upright and it glinted in the room's light, the diamond perfectly proportioned and massive. She would never be able to slide her hand into her jeans pocket ever again.
The room tilted again. Beth swayed, unable to take her eyes off her finger.
This wasn't Paris. This was different.
She took a deep breath. Life was an adventure. She couldn't know what she liked and didn't like until she tried it. He was an amazing man and the potential was endless. And she loved him. This was just a ring.
"We'll get it sized," Nash said.
"Ha! Ha!" Gran shouted. "Guess what her new name will be?"
Beth closed her eyes and sucked in a sharp breath. Beth Leham. Bethlehem.
Oh no.
Tears stung her eyes as she folded herself into Nash's waiting arms, unsure whether to laugh or cry.
"So, what's the rush?" Cynthia asked quietly. "Are you pregnant, Beth?"
Beth let out a half-snort of laughter, unburying her face from Nash's sweater. "No."
Her sister watched the two of them clinging to each other. Dan slipped an arm around Cynthia's shoulder and gave the newly engaged couple a cheeky grin. "Why wait, Cynthia? Life's too short to wait around if you know who you want."
"Yes, but I worry..." Cynthia looked away from Beth and swallowed hard.
Nash's chest expanded like he was about to speak. She placed a hand on his chest and said, "You worry that I am on the rebound? That this isn't what I want?"
Cynthia gave a half-nod. "Sorry, Nash."
"It's all right," Nash said. "I appreciate your honesty. And I know you are looking out for your sister's best interests."
"Nash and I have been together as more than friends since Paris."
"I knew it!" shouted Gran, slapping the arm of her chair. "Woo!" She grabbed her wobbling snifter. "Close one!" She took a large swallow. She waved at Beth and Nash. "And in case anyone actually cares, I approve." She shot Dan a look. "He came by to ask permission. That man knows some manners."
Beth turned to Nash in pleased surprise. "You did?"
He gave a self-conscious nod.
She gave him a hug. "You're awesome." There was something about Nash that always made her feel honored and cherished.
Cynthia finally spoke again, "You two have only been together for two months?"
Beth nodded. "We've been friends for a long time though." She stared at her sister, daring her to say more. Dan's eyes rolled back slightly, like he was counting months in his head.
"I know," Beth said impatiently. "I get it. This seems rushed, but it feels right to me. Okay?" Tears pricked at the back of her eyes.
Nash spoke up. "Beth is an incredible woman. I will do good by her. We get along well and there is no reason to wait. It would be wonderful to be married before I finish my contract here in Blueberry Springs." He took her hand and smiled. "I've made up my mind and it sounds like she has, too. I'd like to make an honest woman of her." He gave her a wink and a kiss and turned to her family. "Can I have your support?"
"Got mine already!" said Gran, knocking back another snifter of sherry. "Damn fine stuff, my future grandson-in-law. As long as you keep me in this stuff you can have both the girls for all I care!"
"Gran!" protested Cynthia and Beth together, but only Beth laughed.
"Oh, don't go getting your panties in a knot. You know what I mean. Life's too bloody short. You both know that. If you've found yourself some love, eat it up."
Nash piped up, "Exactly!"
"There's always divorce if you mistake lust for love."
Chapter 15
Beth sat in the bedroom, twirling her engagement ring around and around her finger. Unspoken words circled her mind like a mantra: Live life. Have kids. Be happy.
Was life really that simple again? It was mind-blowing how in less than a year she was back to where she had started, only with a different fiancé. How did she get so lucky as to fall in love twice?
Sitting under the tree after all the gifts had been opened last week she'd been struck by something she hadn't expected. The need to stay in Blueberry Springs. Not just until Nash was done his temporary contract, but forever. The place, as crazy and buttinsky as it was, was her home. It always had been and it always would be. The people here knew her. Sure, they thought she was the same person she'd been as a teen and didn't see the girl who could break out and be adventurous like Nash did. But they also knew her history and the things she'd fought against. She didn't have to explain herself. This was the place where she needed to raise her family. The people here would take care of her, her family, her life. These were her people. As strange as it was to admit, Blueberry Springs was family. Her family.
She flipped open a thank you card she'd received last week from a former patient's grown-up son. The card had brought home exactly why she was still a recreational therapist and hadn't run off to become a nanny or anything else during her desperate moments. This card was proof that what she did every day made a difference in the lives of others. She could provide hope and meaning in a tough time. She had improved someone's quality of life just by being her and by doing her job. This was who she was. She was community. She was family.
And she didn't want to end up where she didn't know the people walking down the street. She didn't want to be anonymous and worry that nobody was looking out for her family. She wanted to be a longtime resident. Someone everyone knew and had always known. She wanted to fill the town with her people—for Blueberry Springs to be the place it was for Katie and Oz. She wanted to be connected.
The only thing she needed to do was convince Nash that Blueberry Springs was the place. Their place. And that it would be good for them both.
And the first step in showing him that this was their place would be convincing him to have the wedding here. The second step would be drawing Katie in to help her out. Yesterday she sent Katie a wine basket, barely refraining from adding a little white flag. Again, all she had to do was wait; the girl couldn't hold a grudge forever.
Nash entered the room with a cup of hot chocolate. He carefully handed it to her and sat beside her, flipping open a Moleskin notebook. "I called a friend in Dakota to see if we could get the stone cathedral on the corner of 23rd. Dates for the spring and summer are gone, but there is a cancellation in April and one in late August. Unless we want mid-week or an early morning wedding?" He glanced up from his notes.
Beth took a sip of her hot chocolate and shook her head. No way. A morning wedding wasn't the kind of affair she was looking for. That was for city people who were in a hurry. A wedding was an event.
"What we need to do," he continued, "is decide on a date. People are asking and it's been well over a week since our engagement." Nash straightened his faded med school t-shirt and paused to consult his list. He got up to flick off the overhead lights, leaving the bedside lamp to light up the room. Beth continued sipping her hot chocolate while he paced the room, pausing to tap his notebook thoughtfully.
She absentmindedly fidgeted with her ring. She liked the idea of a spring wedding, but it felt a bit quick. She didn't want to seem desperate, but like Nash often said, there were no guarantees, and if you wanted something and could have it, why wait?
"Once we set a possible date we'll go to Dakota and look at available venues."
Beth rolled off her socks, tossing them in the growing heap of discarded clothes near the laundry basket. "I thought we were getting married here," she said, slipping into her pajamas.
"Uh... in town?" Nash's brow furrowed, and his lips turned down. He dropped her crumpled clothes in the laundry basket and Beth laughed at his fastidiousness. She reached over and gave him a quick kiss.
"This is where most of our guests live and it's where we live." Seeing how he didn't look convinced, she continued, "It doesn't feel right to trek to the city for the wedding." She scrunched her nose at the idea of having to figure out the best cakes, facilities, flowers, and everything else in the city. That would turn her into a bridezilla for sure. She knew how to plan a wedding here. Not there. "We'd have to pay city people for flowers and cake and there are people here who could use the business." If she was going to start a life here, a wedding would say loud and clear that this was the place she planned to make her home. "It will be a lot cheaper here, too."
"This isn't about money, Beth. It's about presentation."
Beth laughed. "You sound like Katie."
"Did she reply to your gift?" Beth shook her head and Nash continued his argument, "Is it fair to have my guests driving all the way out to the middle of nowhere?" He scoffed. "Are there even hotels here?"
"Of course there is a hotel. There are rooms above the bar."
Nash snorted. "That might not be what my friends are used to."