by Ron Foster
“Shit, you a hard trader Ray, there’s no way I can make it back the 7 miles to my place by foot after the ordeal I done been through.” He said with lighting bolts coming out of his old grey blue eyes.
“I ain’t done with you, yet.” Ray said hitching his fingers under the straps of his overalls and toying with his quarry.
“ You going to get Davies’s bike out of the deal and we ain’t traded for that yet, nor the cost of your upkeep while residing on my place, oops, our place.” casting a glance at an intrigued, but correcting Martha.
“You’re gouging me, going too far.” Philburn said, apparently outraged, while trying to direct the conversation back towards a more palatable deal for himself.
“You have been screwing every one around here for years.” Martha looked at him intently. “’Fair will be fair’, as we see it or move on.” she said reproachfully and looking pointedly towards the road.
“Ok, name your terms.” a defeated Phil said.
Ray started counting on his fingers, “For a ride home, David gets the tractor and it better run.” he said looking at the misbegotten old man.
“It does, but uses oil.” Phil offered a bit cowed.
“Two,” Ray ticked off on his fingers, remembering how many times this old codger had got him on a deal or a loan payment. “My time or my money is not free, as you have been known to say so many times, we pay for convenience or we can go to the bank, as you used to like to remind me regarding interest rates or repayment schedules.” He spoke towards a thoroughly trapped loan shark and enjoying every minute of it.
A long pause occurred, as the two eyed each other, then Philburn busted out laughing and dug for his wallet saying, “Ok, now how much for the bike.” and grinning at Martha.
Dump had wandered back by now and had heard bits and pieces of the conversation. Phil noticed him coming up in back of him and said, “Damn Ray, you didn’t need to call the bouncer, I was agreeing.” he said jovially and extending his aged hand towards Truck.
“What did I miss?’ Dump asked softly, taking the man’s hand and looking towards Martha and Ray for explanations.
“Your friend might be riding home on a tractor, if this scalawag is telling me the truth.” Ray said leaning back in his chair and sharing a moment of mutual respect with what once was a feared bill collector.
“Oh, she runs, I guarantee that, or did. I don’t really understand how the Sun can affect technology yet, but you got my word that thing can drive down the road or did before this.” He said towards Ray, who was looking bemused.
“Ok, for bike rental or sale, you need to lend me a horse, so I can come to help you put in a crop with one of those other tractors, when I get around to peddling my way down there to see about you.” Ray offered.
“You are going to do that for us? As miserable as I have been?” Phil said, doing a bit of self reflection.” Bless you!” he said reaching slowly towards Ray.
“Times have changed, we all got to paddle the same canoe now.” he said now and looking off worriedly in the direction I had traveled.
15
LAWYERS, GUNS AND MONEY
This road looks pretty clear I thought, as I pumped the pedals along towards Newnan. I wonder what’s in back of me, people are either coming towards or away from a destination, I was thinking, as I saw my first group of travelers. A man had his suit coat slung over his shoulder and was leading, what I guessed was his family of a wife and two kids, down the road. He looked up at me as I was coasting down the hill towards them.
“Got a minute?” I asked while applying the coaster brake and slowing in their direction.
“Where you coming from?” the man replied, obviously put off about my strange presence on this bicycle and condition of my modified suit.
“Just checking on neighbors.” I replied, trying to act like I belonged there. “Want to share some water?” I said producing a 2 liter from my white floral emblazoned wicker basket.
“Awful kind of you.” He replied, still trying to get a understanding of the odd spectacle before him, as his wife reached around and gathered up the kids and moved closer to him.
“Dustin Majors.” he said offering his hand and taking the bottle from me.
“David Dupree.” I said looking down the road and returning the handshake.
“You got many Folks in back of you?” I attempted cheerily, so his wife would release her charges.
“What do you want?” he said making an obvious attempt at letting me see his shoulder holster and what might have been a Glock residing in it.
“Not a thing, I was just being civil.” I somewhat snarled back warningly, thinking I could beat him to the draw, if it went there.
“Hey, we’re sorry.” said the woman releasing her kids and stepping forward with a cautionary hand on the man.
“It’s been a bad day, I am Angela and this is Steve and Julie.” she said exposing the children.
“I agree, I just thought you looked thirsty and I wanted a bit of news.” I said keeping my eyes on the man, but physically relaxing and acknowledging the wee ones.
“My bad, friend, it’s a zoo back there and I am a bit jumpy after last night.” he said, still curious as to why I was not put off by the flash of his piece.
“What happened last night?” I said relaxing and watching them pass around the bottle of water.
“Damned group of punks wanted to fuck with us in the middle of the night, while we were trying to sleep. I almost capped one!” He said flashing his pistol again.
“Dustin! Watch the language!” his wife said, nudging him and drawing the kids nearer, like that was supposed to keep them from hearing.
I attempted to get the conversation on a more positive track and said, “Glad you didn’t have to, but you run them off anyways.” I offered.
“Oh, yeah, they took off like scalded dogs, when I fired a round off in the air.” He declared proudly and the wife and kids shuddered.
“So, have you seen a lot of travelers today?” I allowed scanning the road for others.
“We decided to take the road less traveled, but I am not sure exactly where this ends up, we were going to her mom’s at Fullers cross roads, which is in this general direction.” he said, wishing I would supply him more information.
“When you get to your second set of crossroads, that’s it. Only about two more miles ahead.”
“Hey, thanks I should recognize which way at the intersection.” said Dustin.
Good, they are not even going past Martha’s I thought.
“How did you come to get stuck in the monkey suit on this fine day,” I said gesturing towards my own dress pants and shoes.
“I am a lawyer, it’s a dress code thing.” he said, as if I was going to automatically start telling Lawyer jokes, which I got to admit, I did consider.
“Well, good luck to you folks and stay safe, I got some more rounds to make.” I said and began peddling away.
“Bye, David.” they all chorused.
What the hell, they’re probably armed for bear, too, by now. I thought when I turned off the road and into the driveway to signs literally everywhere. I almost fell over laughing at one: IF YOU LOOKING FOR TROUBLE KEEP MOVING ON
16
A WONDERFUL SOLUTION
“Hey, Dumpie!” I said as I wheeled around the bush he was attempting to hide behind and casually lowering his Marlin as he recognized me, or more probably, my conveyance.
“How’s, the road look?” he said with anticipation.
“Nobody seems to be using it, thank the heavens.” I said looking around.
“You kind of overdid it on the signs, didn’t you.” I said observing a “Burma shave” line that extended in both directions.
“That was Martha.” Dump said aggravated.
“She made us make and situate every one of those, because she thought that’s what you wanted, Dave.” he declared, like I had something to do with the printing press Martha had produced.
“Wh
at’s Phil up to, he recovering?” I asked as I started up the driveway.
“He is back In Korea.” Dump considered and draining the last of a hot beer. “Ray found him an old M1 A1 rifle and he is back in the zone giving advice, although he was a paymaster, not a foot soldier.” he said for update, as to what had transpired after I left,
“Hi, looks like Martha is keeping you busy.” I observed.
“Shit, she has been a whirl of activity since you left David, had me spreading mustard on sandwiches for people I don’t even know” Phil said resentfully to Martha’s returning glare..
“Hey Dupree, I cut a deal for you.” Ray said grinning.
“You are going to ride Papa Stiles back home on your bike.” said Ray carrying on knowingly.
“Do what?’ I said trying to imagine that crazy picture.
“It’s a fair trade.” Martha offered before giving Ray a chance to explain the convoluted deal that was made previously
”I wouldn’t mind doing it a bit under those conditions “ I carefully said
Phil looked up at me and said “you going to be able to peddle me all that ways, Dave?”
“Hell, I would find a way to carry you all the way, for the loan of that tractor.” I replied grabbing one Martha’s hefty sandwiches.
“Your buddy is a tough negotiator.” Phil said smiling at a grinning Ray.
“Appears to be.” I acknowledged. “You going to be all right to travel tomorrow, Phil”? I said, concerned about his health.
“As well as I will ever be. I might slow you down some, though. I will need to take several breaks. “He replied wearily.
“No problem, we will take as many breaks as you need.” I said settling back in the chair and thinking about tomorrow’s road trip.
“Looks like you get your scout pack back, Ray. I don’t think I could wear it without overcrowding Phil on that shortened banana seat.” I contemplated.
“I got a old Boy scout pack I will give you when I get to the house. And yeah, you can have it for free before any one asks.” he said smiling at everyone.
17
YOU GOT A TICKET TO RIDE
“Dump, I am going to miss you buddy.” I said looking at my trail companion and loading some water bottles into the flowery basket.
“I am going to miss you too, now we got our own personal adventures starting again my friend. I am going to hang out here for a few days and make some plans.” He said leaning against the porch railing.
Martha came out from the kitchen and said, “I made you and Phil lunches and I got some beef jerky you need to find room for.” she said handing me two bags.
“I appreciate all the hospitality, Martha. Good luck Ray.” I said hugging Martha and shaking Ray’s hand.
“Climb on, Phil, lets get this road trip started.” I declared.
“Phil, I will be down your way in a few days to check on you and figure out what we need to do about the gardens.” Ray said.
“I will see you then, and I sure do appreciate it.” Phil replied warmly.
I said, “Hang on Phil.” and we were off with a chorus of good byes ringing in the background.
We didn’t talk much first mile or so, as Phil was trying to stay balanced and hanging on for dear life, every time I tried to share the seat with him. I noticed a yappy little dog starting to approach us and stopped the bike, so it didn’t start try to nip at our heels and hollered at it to go home, while chucking a small pebble at it.
“Phil, dogs on these country roads don’t mix with bicycles to good, hang on second I am going to get something off that car ahead.” I told him.
“Antenna?” he questioned.
“No, something stouter, a dip stick.” I said wheeling over to the vehicle.
“That will make good critter getter.” he said handling the flattened steel stick.
“Put it under the rope on my pack and you or I either one can grab it.” I said turning around some so he had access and then remounting the bike.
We rode on pretty uneventfully the next few miles and with an occasional water break, Phil was holding up well.
“You want a lunch break or you want to keep on?” I asked him over my shoulder.
“Might as well go on, we only got a few miles left.” he said sweating profusely, but not that chalky grey he was yesterday.
I thought how glad I was that we would make it without a medical emergency or God forbid the old guy dying on me. My legs were tired, but this sure does beat walking and at least there is a bit of breeze today.
We arrived at his home a lot sooner than I expected and Phil directed me into his long winding drive way. This guy sure has a bunch of land I thought as we came up to a big white antebellum looking house.
“That’s your tractor over in the corner of the field.” he said pointing a few hundred yards away. Didn’t look to bad at this distance, though it was hard to tell at this distance I thought.
“Come on in and we will rest a bit before you go play with it” he said unlocking his front door.
“I got lots of can goods, but we can see if anything is still good enough to eat in the freezer, too. I assume your going to stay for supper and maybe spend the night?” He inquired hopeful of the company.
“I would appreciate that, Phil. I don’t know these roads around here and I don’t relish the thought of driving them at night. Does that tractor have headlights?” I said wondering what I could do if it didn’t.
“It’s got them, but I don’t know if they work or not. I never tried them to be honest. Let’s go see if that thing even cranks and you can explain to me on the way, why some things might work when most things don’t.” he said while looking into a soggy freezer.
“This meat on the bottom is still a bit frozen, how about grilling us a T bone steak for dinner, Dave?”
“Great! Let’s go see about that tractor first.” I said very curious about what condition it was actually in after hearing Phil and Ray go at it about its appearance and mechanics.
Phil I set off across the field and the closer we got, I saw it didn’t really look all that bad.
“Now she uses a bit of oil, but if you keep an eye on it you shouldn’t have any problems. She is a little cantankerous to start so don’t be put off if it don’t fire up on the first few tries.” He said, climbing up into the seat and I went around front to crank it.
“Now I know you done this before, but just have a listen to me for a minute, Dave.” he said advancing the throttle a couple notches and turning on the gas.
Phil said “If the tractor is properly tuned, hand cranking is a relatively simple process. Two major things to look out for: NEVER, EVER wrap your thumb around the crank. Cup your hand and lay your thumb along side the crank handle. If, for some reason, she kicks back (backfires) and the crank doesn't disengage, you won't spend an hour looking all over the yard for your thumb. For the same reason, crank only on the UPSTROKE. Pushing down on the crank is a good way to get your elbow permanently embedded in your ear.”
“All great advice, Phil.” I replied.
The process on these things is something like this.
1. Turn on the gas
2. Advance the throttle a couple of notches
3. Double check to make sure it's in neutral
4. Set the spark advance about half way
5. Set the choke
6. Engage the crank onto the crankshaft pins and turn SLOWLY until you are at or near the bottom of the stroke and you hear the impulse on the mag click.
7. Pull up sharply to the top of the stroke and let go of the crank. 8. Repeat 6 and 7 until it starts.
Well I repeated six and seven about 5 times and then VROOOM! It started! I hopped up on the side of Phil and off we went laughing back towards the house.
“Hey Phil where do you want Martha’s bike parked?” I asked moving it out of the way.
“I ought to mount the damn thing over the fireplace for a conversation piece, but its just plain too ugly to look at.” He la
ughed and added, “Just leave it sit there. I will make Ray do something with it later.”
“I could have strapped it onto the front of the tractor as a hood ornament, if Ray hadn’t of already traded it to you.” I joked back.
“You want it, you can have it.” Phil said grimacing.
I thought about it for a moment and said, “No I think its time me and that bike parted ways. I sure am glad I don’t have to try to ride to Montgomery on that thing.” I said with a sigh of relief.
“You want a drink Dave? Seems we both got a lot to celebrate and be thankful for. I got a bottle of Gentleman Jack I keep for such occasions.” He said heading towards the house.
We got our drinks and headed out to the back porch of the house and I took in the sight of a huge barn and several horses in the back pasture.
“After dinner I will show you the Barn and my other tractors” he said settling into a lounge chair.
“I will finish this drink and start the fire. Where’s the grill?”
“It’s over there,” he said motioning off to the side of the courtyard. “But it’s the gas kind, so no need to worry with it for awhile.”
“You know Phil, it won’t be long until the hunters are out in force, you might want to keep them horses closer in.” I said watching them serenely wandering in the distance.
“I need to think about other security, too.” he said thoughtfully sipping his drink. ”Now that I know old tractors and some older cars with points and carbs will run, I am going to round me up some live-in farm help to help take care of things.” he said while reaching for my glass. “Let me get you another.” turning to go in the house, while I was telling him I’d forgotten to check the tractor’s head lights and headed around front.
I turned them on and they worked just fine, so I went back to my chair and Phil and I talked long into the night.