by Ron Foster
Betsy has the Moped fired up, but does not really know where we are going. I mentioned something to her about the Hobbit’s house, but I am not sure it registered. Ok, engage the gears and WE ARE GONE!
We are humming along now like no tomorrow. Hello, Homeless Amoco lot lizards. Good morning, sunshine; as the Hobbit sees Betsy driving his old moped by. Merry Xmas to you would be gang bangers, watching Sherry and Sandra holding shotguns on the back deck of the trailer. Betsy has determination on her face, but occasionally smiles at Sandra and Sherry, while riding the scooter following the trailer. Life is good! I am thinking, while avoiding the occasional stalled vehicle in the road.
We pulled in my driveway about 10 minutes later and saw Jack and Rufus were sitting on the ATVs and keeping an eye on things.
“Let’s get her loaded.” I said and we proceeded to make short work out of adding to the load by forming a line of people from my front door to the trailer and passing things down the line. It was getting dark quicker than I’d hoped, as we loaded the last of the goods on. Jack and I managed to load the Lawn tractor on the back of the big trailer and turned the small mower trailer over on top of it and secured it with some rope.
Sherry and George mounted The ATVs and Sandra, my Mom and Lois managed to find places to ride in the trailer atop blanket covered bags of clothing.
“Rufus, I appreciate all the help. You get down to your cousin’s place in Hayneville, if it doesn’t work out for you staying here.” I said while shaking his hand.
“I will do it. Meantime, I will look out for your house. Good luck to everyone!” Rufus said waving at the assembled convoy, as I mounted the tractor and proceeded down the road with Jack leading the way on his ATV.
The disabled vehicles were not too bad, until we hit the bypass; and then it took some doing and a lot of stopping and detouring to get around all the stranded vehicles.
I took the lead as we got closer to my storage unit, and swung around the back of an Arrow Rental Store to come up on the back of the fenced property and avoid the apartment complex out in front of the storage facility.
I grabbed a big pair of bolt cutters and cut a hole in the fence and that allowed me to roll part of it back on itself.
Sandra and Sherry stood guard over the vehicles and Lois and Betsy came with Jack and me to unload my shed.
First thing I pulled out was a Deer cart and I loaded it to the gills with boxes. It’s the collapsible sort and, although the manufacturer said it had a 350 lb capacity, I had my doubts about it until now. “Keep an eye on that apartment complex Jack, we making enough noise out here to wake the dead.” I advised, while going for another load as Lois and Betsy carried boxes of the lighter weight freeze dried storage food. I hated not putting my stuff in a climate controlled unit, but I could not afford the price. I had figured what the hell if it lost a few years because of the heat. I had anticipated needing it by 2012; and here I am, so my investment hadn’t lost a cent in my opinion.
“That Arrow Rentals Store looked like it has been looted pretty thoroughly. You want to look in it on the way out, in case there is something interesting in it?” Jack said taking his turn at pushing the Deer cart.
“I don’t want to go in the store proper, but I do want to check the multi bay garage for oil or gas.” I said, noticing we didn’t have much more to go.
“You finish up loading and I am going to run over there real quick.” I told Jack and started to head over there.
“Be careful.” he said much too loudly and caught himself, as I put a reminding finger to my lips.
I turned on my little photon light, when I got back to the garage area of the store and looked around the first bay. Cool, a gas can about half full next to that Bobcat loader. Now that’s interesting, it looked like they were using it to move pallets around and it had chains hanging off its bucket and touching the floor. I remembered I had seen the old fuel trucks that delivered to gas stations used to throw a chain off the truck to ground it before they filled the tanks, in order to reduce static electricity.
I wonder if that sucker will work. I said to myself and climbed in the cab of it. Keys are in it and I pumped the gas and hit the switch, VROOOM! Oh hell YES! I got about a million uses for one of these. I grabbed the gas can and a few quart bottles of oil, and put it them into the bucket along with the chains, and drove back to my amazed group with a huge grin on my face.
“Remind me to go shopping with you some more.” Jack said admiring my prize.
“I want to drive it.” Sherry said moving Jack out the way with a gleam in her eye.
“You know how to drive one of these?” I said not sure if it was a good idea or not.
“Well, not like a pro, but I have played with one before. My Dad taught me years ago.” She said imploringly.
“I will get the stuff out of the bucket and you can follow Lois on that lawn tractor, so she doesn’t get lost then. Don’t be playing with the bucket, while you are driving.” I warned.
“I will be careful.” she said and made a blue streak for the Bobcat’s cab seat.
“It appears she likes them things.” Jack said smiling, as Sherry got reacquainted with the operation of one and Sandra traded her spot on the trailer for the freed up ATV.
“Uh, let’s go. We got company coming.” I said pointing up the street at about 6 people hurriedly headed in our direction.
I am glad we’d left all the motors idling and were able to make a pretty quick get away, without any type of confrontation. Well, except for me shaking my finger at Sherry who was happily clowning with the loader.
“Neither of the ATVs had working headlights, so they were reduced to following the tractor’s trailer and riding in the bright lights of the Bobcat.
Betsy had the dubious honor of playing lead vehicle and got to get ahead a bit, in case I needed to be warned of traffic snarls that might not be navigable with a trailer in tow.
We managed to make it to the interstate with little problem and I signaled Betsy to pull over about 20 miles out, so I could feed my oil sucking Tractor.
“May as well get the full field gear on now, Jack. I am not worried about running into a National Guard unit any more.” I said and broke out our web gear.
“I got some people I want to check on further up the road, if they are still there. And we may stay the night.” I told everyone.
“It’s black as pitch out here.” Sandra said, peering off into the darkness of the deserted highway.
“Yeah, there all kinds of crap other than the cars in the road that I don’t particularly want to run over.” I replied, thinking about debris from wrecks I had been ducking and dodging, not always successfully.
“How far off the road do they live?’ Jack asked, wandering over to his wife who had been stuck in the back of the convoy creeping along at the full speed that the little lawn tractor would allow.
“Actually, the last time I saw them, they lived ON the road!” I said and proceeded to tell him a bit about John and Sarah in their RV near a beaver pond.
8
John and Sarah
I saw a campfire burning off ahead in the gloom and figured it must be John’s, as I thought I should be running up on them about right now. When the RV started to become visible, I started hollering John’s and Sarah’s names.
We parked at the RV and campfire, but the site looked deserted. That’s very odd, I thought, they would not have left a fire burning here unattended.
“David, is that you?” I heard John bellow from the ridge in back of me.
“It’s me, John. Is Sarah with you?” I called back.
“I am here,” She yelled down,
“We will be there in a minute,” John hollered back and a few minutes later both appeared on the side of the road.
“You out snipe hunting, John?” I said shaking his hand and then hugging Sarah.
“No, we saw your lights and were sort of hiding.” he responded, while hugging his wife and smiling at my road warriors.
“Some damn guys on motorcycles gave me and John a rough time and stole most of our food. We thought you might be them coming back.” Sarah said looking mad and upset all at the same time.
“Assholes just took what they wanted and I couldn’t do anything about it.” a dejected John said.
“They surprise you or you just didn’t have your gun handy?” I asked.
“They took that, too, even threatened me with it once or twice. I should have had it on me, but the plan was that Sarah would have it in the RV and I would interview strangers. She had gone off to the bathroom and they just rolled up on us.” he said disgustedly. “You look well armed. Wish you had of been here a couple nights ago.” he said admiring all the varieties of hardware bristling around him.
“I told you I had a few toys stashed in Montgomery I was hoping to get home to. I can’t offer you much, but I have a old Mosin Nagant 91/30 I can let you have though. Jack, get that rifle for him if you would.” I said watching Jack go grab it and the ammo pouches, oilier and other accessories that went with it.
“Wow, that thing is as big as a Kentucky Long Rifle.” John said handling and admiring the piece.
“Here is the bayonet to it. Check out how long that sucker is with it attached.” Jack said affixing the spike onto the end of it.
“Weird thing about a Mosin, they were sighted in with the bayonets on, so if you want to get real accurate you are stuck toting it around that way.” I said watching John sighting in the old war horse.
“Why did they do that?” John asked feeling the wicked looking bayonet that also doubled as a screw driver.
“Russian Army protocol for the times; a soldier was not supposed to remove the bayonet. A sheath for one is rare and I can’t offer you one.” I explained.
“This would be just the thing for those wild pigs I saw the other day.” Jack told me and then explained he couldn’t figure a way to get one. because the only snare wire he had was too light.
“You can knock one on its butt with that 7.62x54, it’s about a .308 in power, but I can also show you, if we have time, how to set a spear or arrow trap.” I counseled him, while watching Sarah and my Mom having a lively conversation.
“You all are staying the night?” John asked hopefully.
“If you don’t mind, that was the plan. You ready for another cookout on me? I said watching the older fellow relax and motion towards his Sarah.
“You’re always welcome David. Honey, David said we ought to have a cookout and he is supplying the fixings.” He told an excited Sarah.
“That’s great. And David, that beaver did NOT taste like pork!” she said making a face and causing everyone to laugh. “Not even when I tried honey basting that overgrown pond rodent.” She said sticking her tongue out and making a funny face.
“Well, you and Mom decide the menu and I will catch up with John here.” I replied while watching her and my mom conferring on the small time wealth of supplies we had available.
“David, tomorrow I got something to show you. I made a go cart out of a couple weed eater motors and some fan belts using the carriage off that lawnmower tractor we shoved off that trailer you got.” he said proudly and then explains how he used the welder off a truck and cobbled everything together.
“I see you found yourself a better trailer.” he said looking at the over packed and customized Conestoga style wagon we had created.
“We are bugging out to the lake. You still wanting to stay on here or maybe you might want to tag along?” I offered.
“Explain what’s going on and what you see in the future and we might just take you up on that.” He said while watching the girls dragging out cooking gear and getting ready to make supper.
John and I talked about an hour and had already started digesting a good meal, when John jokingly told Sarah that he had traded me his RV for a Lake cabin.
“How can that be David? What do you need this old RV for? Said a thoroughly perplexed Sarah to John’s and my laughter.
“It’s called in Military terms, ‘appropriating what’s not being used in order to help a squad survive better’, Sarah” I told her and proceeded to tell her of the several empty lake houses on the Point, where we were possibly going to relocate.
“Well, I guess it’s not really stealing, if there is a need and no one is using them. I always wanted me a Lake place.” Betsy said warming to the notion.
“Well, you got your pretty water views, just like here, but even bigger with no Beavers about.” I said kidding her, though wishing for beavers at the new digs.
“I liked watching them, but not eating them. John told me that he was going to make me a coat out of the skins, but his efforts just look like stinking cardboard to me.” She told me and pointed towards a fence line barely discernable this night that had two pelts stretched on them.
“You ever hear of Brain tanning, John? No? Well, they say that every critter has just enough brains to tan its own skin. I will teach you a couple new tricks, if you are joining my little excursion here.” I said to a merry gleam in the couple’s eyes.
“What is that word you keep using David? ‘Bugging out?’ YES, INDEED! WE MOST CERTAINLY ARE BUGGING OUT!” Sarah proclaimed all smiles and hugging John.
9
ROLAND RENDEZVOUS
I awoke to the sound of weed eaters coming full speed ahead towards my AO (Area of Operations) and thankfully had some clue as to the sounds’ origin.
I cocked one eye open and saw what I thought was one of the funniest sights I would ever see in my life. John had somehow found him a Snoopy and the Red Baron style aviator’s leather cap and had safety goggles on, while Sarah had managed to find an old steel pot GI issue helmet with similar eye protection and they were riding on what looked like bar stools on the oddest looking go cart I had ever seen. John had made it twice as wacky- looking by having the Mosin Nagant rifle’s Bayonet sticking out the front like a bee stinger, because he had the weapon shoved under both their seats.
“Don’t you get too damn close to my rear wheels riding that thing.” Jack said laughing and bending over to admire John’s creation and barely touching the protruding bayonet with his index finger and miming how sharp it was.
“We found us a little shot house up the road and borrowed some of their décor.” he said tapping on Sarah’s helmet lightly and grinning like he wanted to explode.
“A lot of the Booze was already gone David, but we got some stashed that we can bring along.” he said good-naturedly and patted me on the back.
“Can I try that thing? How did you manage to synch the motors?” I asked amazed at his marvel of engineering.
“It works like a twin screw boat, takes some getting used to.” he said and gave me a demonstration of how to steer it by revving one engine more than the other.
“That thing’s tricky; I think I will leave it to you to do the driving, Captain.” I conceded, not wanting to find out the hard way whether or not I could master it.
“Let’s go for a spin.” he said and Sarah tickled me as she offered me that old helmet.
“This thing’s amazingly fast.” I yelled at John as he maneuvered around the highway at breakneck speed.
“I call her my Weed Whacker Special.” he said cutting the throttle down on one engine and spinning us around in a tight circle with the other drive wheel’s engine.” to the hoots and calls of our appreciative audience.
We grabbed what few possessions John and Sarah wanted to take with them and loaded them up. Sarah was invited to ride in the trailer with my mom, but she preferred to ride holding onto John on his conveyance, but allowed that maybe later on she might change her mind. We figured that their recent run-in probably still had her a little rattled and she needed the comfort of closeness to her man.
“I would say I can’t decide whether to lock up my RV or not, but I don’t want to m
ake it easy for those punk bikers, if they come back.” John said deliberating with Sarah and finally twisting the key in the lock for what was probably the last time he would have the opportunity.
We lined up in marching order and I began the heaving on the old tractor’s crank.
“I can tune that thing up, if you can find me the right tools, David.” John volunteered, while still strutting around in his fly boy cap.
“I got a pretty full set on the back of that trailer, I would appreciate it.” I replied and then jumped on my rumbling butt vibrator and did a ‘wagon’s forward’ motion that would make any spaghetti western director proud, and off we headed for Roland’s place at the pace of Lois and her motorized slow boat to China Lawn mower.
John had a bit of fun racing up beside Betsy on her Moped and pretended to race her, as we slowly progressed towards our goal. It was sticky hot today as usual, but we were making fairly descent time and producing a pretty good breeze as we wandered down the country road to our destination.
Sherry messed with Lois a bit pretending she was going to scoop her up with the Bobcat, because of the slow pace Lois moved. While Jack made a point of keeping looking back any time John got near, so as not to get poked by that stinger he had mounted in front of his glorified eggbeater.
Mom just kind of rolled along in relative comfort in her padded nest atop the trailer; but she did wave a white towel like an Indy 500 race starter, at Sarah and John, who were pretending to race us.
Even though we were playful on this leg of the journey, we were all watching closely as we passed every house, until we finally safely arrived at Roland’s gate.
“ROLAND! ROLAND STILES!” I yelled from the locked gate.
“I hear ya. Been hearing ya’ll for the last mile.” He shouted from the porch, “Be there directly.”
While we waited, I brought my posse up to speed a bit on Roland, but I wasn’t ready for this sight: