Irresistible

by Andrew J. Peters

  Glossary

  DE RIGUEUR—proper; prescribed by fashion, etiquette, or custom

  DOLMADAKIA—a Greek dish; grape leaves stuffed with rice and vegetables and meat

  KATAPELTIS (καταπέλτης)—catapult

  KATAPLIKTIKOS (καταπληκτικός)—amazing

  KEFFIYEH—traditional Middle Eastern headdress from Kufa

  KIBBEH—considered to be the national dish of many Middle Eastern countries; made of bulgur, minced onions, and finely ground beef, lamb, goat, or camel meat with Middle Eastern spices

  KOUKLOS (κούκλος)—handsome

  MEZZE—a Greek or Middle Eastern appetizer often served with an aperitif

  OUD—wood of a tropical tree used in making incense and scents

  SOTTO VOCE—under the breath, whispered

  SPITI (σπίτι)—home

  TAVERNA (ταβέρνα)—tavern

  TOURISTAS (τουρίστας)—tourists

  TRAVMATIES (τραυματίες)—injured

  Author’s Note

  Irresistible is my first foray into romantic comedy, though readers may be surprised to know it is inspired by a story from the ancient world, as much of my work tends to be. Some years back, while drafting The City of Seven Gods, I was researching translated source material from the classical era, mainly for style and a better understanding of how people of the age talked about their lives. That’s when I was introduced to the strange novel Callirhoe by Chariton of Aphrodisias, a first-century Greek writer.

  One of its many curiosities is the fact that Chariton’s short novel, which was only translated for wide distribution in the twentieth century, represents the first-ever extant romance novel in the world. I had read epic poems, mythological stories, and histories and philosophies of the time, but the prospect of reading an ancient Greek, full-fledged novel—well, I poured over the book like a coin collector examining a rare penny.

  For me, the most shocking discovery was Callirhoe’s structural and thematic similarity to modern-day romance. It’s positively Harlequin-esque in its convictions that love can happen in an instant, love conquers all, and love will always save the day. In his introduction to the translated text, G.G. Goold notes the novel was received by critics of the time remarkably similarly to current attitudes toward romance. It was maligned as “mawkish,” “pedestrian,” and hardly serious literature. Both the literary sophistication and the foreshadowing prejudices of the classical age never fail to impress me.

  Modern scholars treated Chariton’s novel poorly as well, though there has certainly been a resurgent consideration of the merits of the text of late. On plotting and characterization, however, Callirhoe is fairly universally noted as high melodrama, unrealistic, even ludicrous, and according to the classical review site, The Consolation of Reading, “the ancient equivalent of a soap opera.”

  Those observations are, in fact, precisely the reasons I became enamored with the story. One-upping the Harlequin formula, the young heroine Callirhoe is so very, very irresistible that no man can help but fall in love with her—a circumstance made all the more absurd by her frequent asides bemoaning the gods who cursed her with fatal beauty like Helen of Troy. Her betrothed Chaereas, a handsome catch in his own right, literally fords oceans and gives up his own freedom to find her when she is robbed from the grave by pirates following a comedy of errors that leaves her presumed dead. The pirates are so frightened by her beauty, thinking her to be some favorite of the gods and therefore bad luck, they dump her at the nearest harbor to sell her as a slave. Her master, of course, falls in love with her, and eschewing convention, insists on marrying her. When Chaereas catches up, a trial is called to determine which man can claim Callirhoe as his wife. Yet the magistrate is immediately smitten by Callirhoe as well and schemes to take her for himself. It’s all very campy and somehow reminded me of a Monty Python skit. Consider the novel’s last line, when Chaereas and Callirhoe are finally reunited:

  “As they rushed into each other's arms, they fainted and fell to the floor.”

  Now that’s deep love.

  We’ll never know if Chariton intended his story as a parody or believed it to be a masterpiece. To me, it screamed out for a modern-day retelling, which turned into a gay mash-up of There’s Something About Mary and My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Naturally, I had to take some liberties bringing the story into the twenty-first century. Of note, in the original, a flight of jealousy leads Chaereas to kick Callirhoe in the stomach. He strikes her in the precise place that induces coma and leads to her untimely burial. I just could not see that type of violence playing well to a contemporary audience, nor could I do that to my beloved ‘Callirhoe’—Callisthenes.

  I did, however, want to recreate the original story’s wildly absurd tone and, in doing so, none are spared from parody: men and women, gay and straight, young and old, rich and poor, and a parade of nationalities. I apologize especially to the Greeks. My hope is readers will quickly pick up this is a story not meant to be taken entirely seriously.

  About the Author

  Andrew J. Peters has been writing fiction since his elementary school principal let him read excerpts from his mystery novel over the PA system during lunch period, an early brush with notoriety, which quite possibly may have been the height of his literary celebrity. Since then, he has studied to be a veterinarian, worked as a social worker for LGBTQ youth, and settled into university administration, while keeping late hours at his home computer writing stories.

  Andrew is the author of eight books, including the award-winning The City of Seven Gods (2017 Best Horror/Fantasy Novel at the Silver Falchion awards) and the popular Werecat series (2016 Romance Reviews Readers’ Choice awards finalist). Andrew lives in New York City with his husband Genaro and their cat Chloë. When he’s not writing, he enjoys traveling, Broadway shows, movies, and thinking up ways to subvert heteronormative narratives.

  Email: ajpeters@andrewjpeterswrites.com

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/andrewjpeterswrites

  Twitter: @ayjayp

  Website: www.andrewjpeterswrites.com

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