“No, of course not.”
I thought for another minute, about what that link would mean. Not only would I be conspiring with Davin, but I’d be conspiring with Sara and the Kazzies since that would open secret communication between me and all of them through Sara. Am I ready to do that?
I already knew the answer. The whole reason I’d decided to stay at the Compound was to help them. All of them. Not just Davin.
“Okay, I’ll stop by her cell on my way out and see if I can make it work.”
“Really?” Davin’s eyebrows rose. He looked surprised, and then murmured, “Sara was right about you all along.”
“What?”
His head snapped up. “I mean, Sara tried to tell me you were different. She seemed to know right away, from the first time she saw you and got that feeling off you.”
Different. I paused as that word sank in.
I didn’t know if he meant that I was different because I was receptive or different because he thought I was a freak or something like that.
I swallowed tightly. “And you think that now? That I’m different?”
“Yeah, I do.”
It felt like the wind got knocked out of me even though I knew he probably didn’t mean it in a negative way. But still, the age-old response I had when someone pointed it out, stung.
A lot.
“Meghan? Is something wrong?”
I cleared my throat. I couldn’t meet his gaze.
For just once in my life, I wanted to be like everyone else. Not different, not an outsider, just normal, but apparently, even with Davin and the Kazzies, I wasn’t.
“Meghan?” His tone grew more worried.
I forced a wooden smile. “No. I’m fine, but I should go.”
He frowned, his eyes searching mine. “Are you sure you’re okay? You don’t have to make that connection with Sara. I just wanted you to know you could, and then we could all talk to you, even when you’re not here.”
“I know, I know. I get it.” I stood. “I’ll see you Monday?”
A blur to my right and he was in front of me, towering over me. His worried gaze searched my face as he stood directly in my path, blocking me from the containment room. He’d moved so fast.
For the first time, I realized how vulnerable my position was. Davin was incredibly powerful and without the Chair, I was pathetically defenseless against him. And he currently blocked my one and only exit out of this room.
My breath rushed out.
“Meghan, are you sure everything’s okay?” His bright blue eyes traveled over my face.
His words rolled right over me. All I could think about was that if he wanted to, he could kill me. My heart was beating so hard I felt lightheaded.
I took a fearful step back.
Davin’s demeanor instantly changed.
He stiffly stepped aside. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”
I couldn’t reply. Too many emotions were swirling around inside me. It still hurt that he thought I was different, and then his abrupt movement had taken me completely by surprise.
I finally mumbled, “That’s okay. I’ll see you Monday.”
Davin stared over my head as I brushed past him, his body as stiff and hard as steel.
As I walked by the watch room, Sergeant Rose stood on high alert, the plastic lid raised over the button that would release the tranquilizing gas. He’d no doubt seen Davin’s sudden movement, even if our Kazzie hadn’t laid a finger on me.
I mouthed that I was okay and entered the containment room.
I TRIED TO shake off my reaction to everything that had just happened in Davin’s cell as I walked to Sara’s. I didn’t actually think Davin would hurt me. I knew he never would, but he’d moved so fast and that angry expression had taken me completely by surprise.
For a minute, I’d been sucked back into my first day, when I’d watched his rage in action.
But my first day at the Compound was a long time ago and so much had changed since then. If there was one thing I was sure of now, it was that Davin would never hurt me.
But as for my emotional reaction to him pointing out I was different… That was a different story. When I was younger, if someone pointed out I was different it was only for two reasons: I wasn’t one of them, and I didn’t belong.
A freak.
I sighed in disgust. Meghan, stop. He didn’t say anything like that. You’re overreacting.
I sighed as some reasonable thoughts prevailed. Luckily, those reasonable thoughts continued. By the time I approached the twins’ access door, I was feeling more and more embarrassed at my heightened response to Davin’s words.
I sailed through the access door into Sara and Sophie’s hall and did my best to forget about what just happened.
Sara already stood by the window, like she’d been waiting for me. I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself for whatever was to come. Once I was connected to her, I may never be alone in my head again.
I approached the window until Sara and I stood facing one another. She grinned. Her white teeth flashed brightly against her blue face.
A slight throb started in the base of my skull. It was the same feeling I’d had the other times around her, except now, I knew what it was.
All right, Meghan, here it is. If you want to establish this connection, you’re going to have to do it now. Taking a deep breath, I let my arms fall to my sides and opened myself up completely, trying to do as Davin instructed.
Sara grinned.
Something strange started in the base of my skull. Like warmth and pressure building at once. My breath stopped as a moment of panic filled me, but then the pressure expanded until the crushing force disappeared.
Meghan?
My eyes widened. Sara still stood directly in front of me, but a new light shone in her eyes. Swallowing, I thought the word, instead of saying it. Sara?
Yes. Her lips didn’t move.
I stared at her, not sure what to say now that the link was established. It was disconcerting to say the least. Davin was right. She was a voice, in my head. A clear, distinct voice. Even though I’d never spoken to her, I imagined the tone would be similar to her speaking voice. Soft, high and sweet, the voice of a young woman.
Davin said you were going to try this today, she said.
So they’d already talked. Um, yeah, I replied awkwardly. This would definitely take some getting used to.
I’ve been trying to get through to you since you started.
I realize that now. I always wondered why I got headaches around you.
She grimaced. I know, sorry about that. Everyone says it’s uncomfortable initially until the connection’s made.
I nodded and tried to process what was happening. Neither of us said a word out loud, yet we were having a steady conversation. To say it was strange was an understatement.
Are you okay? she asked.
Yeah, I’m just trying to get used to this.
I know. The Kazzies all said it was weird, initially at least, and then it became no big deal.
Hopefully, after a little while, I’d feel that way too. Davin said you talk to everyone regularly?
Sara nodded. Yeah, more now than ever, since we’re all in isolation. Most of my days are spent as the middleman, communicating things between everyone.
Nobody out here knows you can do that.
I know. And we want to keep it that way. If Dr. Roberts found out… She shuddered. I don’t know what he’d do to me.
Don’t worry. I won’t tell him.
She smiled brightly. I know you won’t. I knew from the instant I saw you, and got all those emotions and images, that you were good. You’ve got a kind soul, Meghan. You’re one of those rare people who always tries to do the right thing. I trust you completely.
Her words took me by surprise. Nobody had ever spoken so candidly and convincingly after having just met me. She spoke like she already knew me, but she definitely had an advantage. She could see into me
. My social anxiety wasn’t an issue with her. I watched to see if she’d show any reaction to those thoughts. She didn’t.
I sighed in relief. Apparently, she couldn’t read every thought.
Davin said you’re going to Rapid City tomorrow, to see his mom again, she said.
Yes, I have to pass a message for him.
She rolled her eyes. Code stuff?
Something like that.
Oh, Davin. She laughed, the sound ringing in my head. Old habits die hard. That code stuff is how he always speaks to his mother.
I shrugged. Either that or he’s testing me, to see if I actually pass the message.
He already trusts you. You know that, right?
Um, I’m not so sure about that.
He does, although he may not know it.
How can you be so sure?
She laughed. Because if he didn’t, he wouldn’t say a word to you. He’d just get that moody, angry look on his face.
I smiled. Her bubbly personality was infectious. I found myself relaxing as we talked. But a few minutes later, when I realized the guard in the watch room was eyeing us with a peculiar expression on his face, I straightened.
I better go. I nodded toward the guard. This probably looks really weird.
Oh. Sara glanced his way. You’re right. This is the first time I’ve ever spoken to someone other than a Kazzie. Normally, he has no idea we’re talking to one another, but I suppose with us just standing here, staring at each other, it looks odd.
Very odd, I agreed. I said goodbye and returned to the lab, and as Davin stated, I shut the door to my connection with Sara. And just like that, she was gone.
23 – BACK TO RAPID
I leaned back in my seat. The landscape flew by as I drove toward Rapid City. All that happened yesterday sloshed around in my mind like toys in a child’s bathtub.
I was still getting used to it. The connection with Sara. Davin’s comment about me being different. Me berating myself for being overly sensitive.
But one thing bothered me more than any of that. When I went home last night, I started putting two and two together, which made me question everything about Davin and the Kazzies.
Sara and Davin had been in touch and talking the entire time I’d known him.
I’d told Davin things in confidence, and since I didn’t know he’d been in contact with six other Kazzies, I hadn’t asked him to keep that information to himself.
Does Sara know about Jeremy now? About how I pretend he’s alive so I can talk to him? Did Davin tell her everything he and I spoke about?
I bit my lip. I hoped he wouldn’t do that, but in reality, I was just getting to know him. I had no idea if he would or not.
I leaned my arm against the door as the miles ticked by. Solitude, a long drive, and nothing to keep me occupied meant I had four more hours to mull over this stuff.
Ugh.
I felt Sara make several attempts to contact me as I drove, but I hadn’t opened our connection. I needed a minute, or rather, a day, to think this all through. The logical part of me knew this could all be cleared up with a conversation, but I wasn’t ready for that. Not right now at least.
With each passing mile, it became increasingly apparent that my mental connection with Sara far exceeded city limits. The scientist in me was curious. I could still feel her, just waiting to talk on the other side of the mental door that separated us. It was possible I’d feel her anywhere in the world.
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat but then reminded myself I’d never felt anything but good vibes from her. I didn’t regret making our connection and hoped I never would.
Still, I couldn’t talk to her right now. I needed a little time to hash everything out on my own. Taking a deep breath, I did my best to settle back into the drive.
I PULLED NEXT to the curb outside Sharon’s house a few hours later. There was actually life in her neighborhood this time. A couple raked their leaves. An old woman sat on a porch, sipping something in a mug. A few kids rode their bikes in the streets.
When I stepped out, the air smelled like autumn. I hurried to Sharon’s door. After knocking, I stuffed my hands in my pockets until the door cracked a few inches before swinging open.
“Meghan!” Sharon’s bright, blue eyes lit up. She wore jeans and a sweater with fluffy slippers on her feet.
I smiled sheepishly. “Hi. Davin thought you’d be home now.”
She smiled brighter. “Come in.”
I stepped into the small entryway, taking off my shoes while she took my coat. “I just made a pot of tea. Come into the kitchen and join me.”
Her friendliness warmed me. It was amazing how I’d only just met her the previous weekend, yet she greeted me like an old friend. I could see why Davin loved her so much. He was lucky to have a mother like her.
“I have sugar this time.” She smiled over her shoulder while I followed. Her auburn hair was swept up in a loose bun, a few tendrils escaping. Only a few gray hairs streaked through it. I was once again struck at how different she looked from Davin, if I ignored the eyes.
I sat at the kitchen table while she busied herself at the counter. Everything was the same as last weekend. The environment was worn yet clean, tidy, and very homey feeling. Sharon whisked away the old teacup that was sitting on the counter and pulled out the cherry blossom china set.
I bit back a smile.
“There,” she said, a few minutes later, setting the tray down in front of us. “Milk and sugar?”
“Yes, that’d be great.”
She poured my cup and handed it to me. Her fingers didn’t shake this time. “Were you able to get the picture to him?”
“Yes, on Monday.”
She smiled. “Did he like it?”
“He loved it.”
She practically glowed. “I thought he would.”
A comfortable silence fell between us. I was surprised she didn’t ask what brought me here, but I remembered a few things Davin had told me about her. Sharon was a very patient, unassuming person.
“So, I’m sure you’re wondering what brings me here.” I took a sip of the rich brew.
She smiled. “How could I not be?”
I bit back a laugh. How right Davin was. “I have a message for you, from Davin.”
“Oh?” She leaned forward.
“The thunderbird sings in Sweden.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Did he tell you what that means?”
I shook my head.
“But he’s obviously speaking to you now?”
“Yes. You were right. The picture worked. I think he’s beginning to trust me.”
“Good.” She sipped her tea again. “The thunderbird is Davin. That’s the code name we used for him. If he’s singing, it means he’s happy. And Sweden refers to the Compound. So that sentence essentially means that he’s happy, even though he’s in the Compound.”
I set my tea down. My fingers were shaking. He’s happy? My heart filled. I helped make that happen.
“Thank you for telling me.”
Sharon clasped my hand. “Thank you, Meghan.”
And in that moment, it was all worth it. All the worry. All the anxiety. All of the feelings of isolation, even amongst the Kazzies. The look on her face made everything worth it.
I squeezed her hand back. “You’re welcome.”
I SPENT THE day with Sharon. Even though I’d only driven out to deliver the message, and had intended to leave within the hour, she insisted it was too long of a drive for me to go back on the same day. In other words, I was spending the night.
We had lunch together and spent the afternoon playing board games. Before supper, we went for a long walk. I was a bit nervous about that. If anyone found out I worked at the Compound, questions would be asked.
But Sharon insisted. “Nobody knows you here, Meghan. Trust me. It will be fine.”
The crisp autumn air smelled like wood smoke and cold, and as soon as we stepped outside, I was glad she’d su
ggested it.
A couple approached us on the sidewalk, going the opposite way. They had a dog and stroller. A baby’s chubby hand waved at a toy dangling overhead. Sharon stopped to talk to them for a few minutes.
I smiled as best I could, but as usual, nervousness coursed through me at the introductions, and it was more than just my social anxiety. Luckily, Sharon was smart enough to stick to my first name only and gave no indication that I was anything other than a friend visiting from Wall. There was no way they’d guess I worked at the Compound.
“They live a few streets over from me,” Sharon said after we resumed walking. “She lost their first child during the Second Wave after going into early labor. Their doctor couldn’t do anything since supplies and hospital personnel were stretched so thin.”
It was an all too common story. The Second Wave had caused many tragedies that hadn’t been linked directly to the virus. “Do they have any other children?”
Sharon shook her head. “That’s their first. She was born six months ago. I was so happy when they told me they’d conceived again. They’d had such a hard time getting pregnant the first time.”
“That’s nice to hear.”
“Have you ever thought about having kids?”
My step faltered, but I quickly righted myself. “Um, well, honestly no, I haven’t.”
“Do you have a boyfriend? Back in Sioux Falls?”
I almost laughed but managed to keep my face neutral. “No.”
I’d never had a boyfriend. I could count on one hand how many times I’d been kissed. In college, I’d gone out with guys a few times, but I’d never counted any as a boyfriend. Our times together had been too brief. Makanza naturally made people wary of close contact. My social anxiety wasn’t entirely to blame for my lack of experience.
“It’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Sharon nudged me. We rounded a corner to the next block, and she looped her arm through mine. “Davin’s only had a few girlfriends, but most didn’t last for longer than a few weeks. Maybe a month or two at the most. There was only one girl he really seemed to love, but she moved away before The First Wave. My guess is she’s dead now.”
“Oh,” was all I could manage. So Davin’s been in love with someone else before? It was crazy how much that realization hurt.
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