Fuck it. I couldn’t do this anymore.
“Charlie, I know.”
Her head tilted and she gave me a dazed look.
“You know what?”
It was now or never. We were going to get this out in the open and deal with it so we could focus on us.
I went to speak but a woman’s voice called out for me.
“Tucker! Tucker!”
Charlie turned and frowned.
“Who is that?” she asked, looking over my shoulder.
When I turned around, I saw Linda rushing toward us.
“That’s Linda. She takes care of the lake house. She probably just wants to make sure we have everything.”
I smiled and started making my way over to her. When she didn’t return the smile but gave me a sad look instead, my heart nearly dropped to my stomach.
Something’s wrong.
“Linda, is everything okay?” I asked as we stopped directly in front of one another.
Her eyes darted from me to Charlie and back to me.
“Your sister has been trying to get a hold of you. She said she’s been calling your cell phone for the last three hours.”
“I left it at the house. What’s wrong? Is she okay?”
Charlie grabbed my hand tightly.
Linda dropped her gaze and looked like she was trying to figure out how to tell me something.
“Please, Linda, what’s going on?” I asked, the fear in my voice coming across.
“It’s your father, Tucker. He’s had a heart attack, and you need to get back to Austin right away.”
I WAS SURROUNDED by darkness. The only sound I heard was my heart slowly beating and the ice hitting the side of the glass as I emptied my drink. Again.
Standing, I made my way over to the bottle of whiskey and poured another drink.
The sound of my phone ringing made me close my eyes, spilling some of the whiskey onto the floor, but I didn’t give a shit. I actually thought about dropping to the ground and licking it up.
After a few minutes, I hit the button on my phone that had been alerting me to a voicemail. Charlie’s voice filled the air.
“Tucker, please call me back. Please.”
The sound of sadness in her voice is nothing compared to the sadness I was drowning in.
Dropping onto my sofa, I closed my eyes.
My mother’s voice played over and over in my head. “I’m so sorry, Tucker. Your father died ten minutes ago.”
He was dead. Gone. And the last fucking words I said to him was that I hated him. I threw the glass across the room; the sound of it hitting the wall didn’t even faze me. The bottle of whiskey sat in my other hand, so I lifted it and took a long drink instead.
“Why!” I screamed out at the air. “Why did you fucking have to die!”
My phone rang again and I dropped my head, damn near between my legs. I was drunk out of my mind but not drunk enough to erase the pain and guilt. Hell, it hadn’t even dulled.
The sound of my front door swinging open had me glancing up. The light from outside lit up the doorway, and I had to shield my eyes. It took me a few seconds with the bright light and my drunken haze to see who was standing there.
“Charlie,” I whispered as she walked into the dark room.
“Tucker,” she replied, her voice filled with worry. “Oh God. Tucker.”
She dropped to her knees and placed her hands on my legs. “Your mother and Lily are worried sick about you.”
I let out a gruff laugh. “Ha, I’m sure they are.”
Her brows pulled in tightly. “You don’t think they’re not in pain, as well? Tucker, you need to get your ass sobered up and get over to your mother’s. She’s trying to plan your dad’s funeral and needs—”
“They’re fine without me there.”
Charlie shook her head. “What is going on with you? Why are you drowning in a bottle of Jack?”
I laughed. “Why? Because the last words I told my father were that I hated him, Charlie. That’s fucking why.”
Her eyes filled with sadness, and it pissed me off. “Don’t sit there and feel sorry for me.”
My chest ached with a pain I’d never experienced before, and for some reason, I needed someone else to feel that pain too.
She stood. “I’m not feeling sorry for you, but if you happen to remember, I know what it’s like when you lose a parent.”
I laughed and she jerked back as if I had slapped her.
“That’s right. You lost your mom and dad, so you can relate.”
Her arms folded across her chest. “Yes.”
Standing, I stumbled and she reached out for me, but I pushed her hands away, making her jerk back again.
“You know what’s wrong with this fucked-up picture?”
Charlie’s chin lifted. “No, tell me.”
“Secrets. We all keep secrets, don’t we?”
When her shoulders fell, I let out a roar of drunken laughter. “Yeah, you know all about about secrets, don’t you Charlie? Like the little secret of you trying to seduce me into marrying you so you can keep the precious little title of CEO of the company your fucked-up grandfather started.”
Her mouth dropped open, and a look of shock moved over her face. I lifted the whiskey bottle to my mouth and dragged in another few gulps of the burning liquid.
“Yeah, I know all about your little plan. I came up with my own little plan for us as well.”
“You … you knew?” she asked, her voice shaking.
“Yeah, I knew.”
Her hands balled up to fists. “Were you playing me this entire time, Tucker?”
“Me? Me playing you? Fucking hell, Charlie, you made a plan to trick me into marrying you!”
She shook her head. “No … I mean … at first it … but now.”
“Now?” I asked, trying to keep my balance. “What? Did you change your mind? Did you even fucking plan on ever telling me we got together because of some fucking twisted mind game of yours? Hell, maybe you planned on keeping up the charade. We’d get married, and what, you’d have your guys on the side? How many times have you fucked guys at your job?”
Her hand came up and slapped me across the face so hard I saw stars.
“Fuck you, Tucker! I wanted to tell you, I was going to tell you! I almost told you several times, and the last was right before Linda found you.”
Forcing an evil smile, I replied, “Yeah, I was about to tell you what it was that I knew. Saved by my father dying. Classic. Well, fuck you, Charlie. Fuck you and your little games. But listen, I tell ya what, I’ll keep going along with this little game of yours. I’ll marry you, and you can sit at the head of your daddy’s company and play God. That’s what you want, right? You get off telling all those old men what to do?”
The moment I saw the tears slip from her eyes, it felt like I sobered up. I closed my eyes and shook my head. Before I could tell her I was sorry and that I didn’t mean any of it, Charlie spoke first.
“Shut up. I’ve never in my life hated anyone like I hate you right now. And to think I was going to tell you I loved you this weekend. Tell you everything and how I even thought about walking away from CMI for you!”
That got my attention. “What?” I asked, her words rattled around in my head. Love me? Leave CMI?
“Talk about a hypocrite. How long have you known?”
More guilt hit me. Charlie was better off without me. She deserved someone who would be honest and up front with her.
“The night you told Terri in my office. I have cameras in my office and heard the whole conversation.”
A loud gasp caused me to look her in the eyes. My chest squeezed in the most painful way as I watched more tears spill from her eyes.
“Oh my God. You’ve known the whole time? Was this your way of getting back at me? What were you going to do? Make it all the way to the wedding and what? Leave me?”
I didn’t answer her because that had been my first thought, but I would never hurt he
r like that. Ever.
Her hands covered her mouth. My silence was her answer.
“No, I wasn’t going to do that. I’d never do that to you.”
Holding up her hand, she shook her head, her other hand still covering her mouth. Charlie turned and walked toward the front door. She stopped and looked back at me.
“Wait, baby, wait.”
“Don’t ever call me that again. I’m nothing to you. Nothing!”
Her voice screamed the last word before she slammed the door shut.
I wasn’t sure how long I stood there staring at the door before I dropped the bottle of Jack and grabbed my phone. Everything was blurry, and my shaking hands couldn’t figure out how to pull up her name.
“Siri, call Charlie.” My words were so slurred that I was surprised my phone understood my ass.
The phone rang once before I heard her voicemail. Stumbling back to the sofa, I kept calling her, and she kept sending me to voicemail. I wasn’t sure when my phone died, but when it did, I buried my face in my hands and cried for the first time in seven years. In a way I felt like I’d died right along with my phone … and my father.
THE POUNDING SOUND sent a jolt of pain through my head. Slowly sitting up, I saw I was on the floor of my living room.
“Jesus Christ. Look at you.”
The sound of Nash’s voice filled the air.
“Oh my God. Tucker!”
Lily was down on the floor next to me, pushing my hair back and looking at me.
“What are you doing? Why are you doing this?”
My mouth felt like it was packed with cotton. The only thing I could do was stare at my sister. What in the hell was happening?
Then it all hit me.
Dad’s dead.
Closing my eyes, I dropped my head and went to lie back down on the floor. A pair of hands pulled me up and gave me a shake.
“Fuck this, man, this isn’t you. Get your ass into the shower now.” Nash pulled me down the hall, my sister right on his heels.
“Nash, Nash! Don’t do that to him.”
“Do what, Lily? Sober his ass up? Get his head clear so he can see how bad he’s fucked things up?”
“It’s too late,” I mumbled. “He’s dead and I can’t take back what I said.”
“What?” Lily said, trying to grab me before my best friend pushed me into the shower and turned on what I was pretty sure was the cold water.
“Fucking hell!” I shouted, coming alive when the frigid water hit my face.
“Get yourself washed up. You fucking stink!” Nash shouted. He grabbed Lily and pulled her out of the bathroom, her face stricken with pain.
When the door shut, I stood there, the water running over my fully clothed body. I closed my eyes, rested my hands on the tile wall and sighed.
My father was dead. I’d never be able to have that conversation with him. Know what he wanted to tell me. Was he sorry? Was it the one time? Were there other women?
Stripping out of my soaking wet clothes, I turned the water to hot and stood there for the longest time. My head was pounding, and the ache in my chest grew stronger by the second.
A light knock on the bathroom had me clearing my throat. “I’ll be out in a minute.”
“Okay.”
The soft voice was my sister’s.
What an asshole I was. I just left my mother and sister to deal with my father’s death while I drank myself into a fucking stupor.
Reaching for the water, I turned it off, grabbed a towel and dried myself off. Wrapping another towel around my body, I brushed my teeth and headed out into the kitchen. Nash and Lily were talking in hushed voices. I was still in my bare feet, so they didn’t hear me coming down the hall. When I saw Nash standing there, holding my sister in his arms, I felt another kick in the gut. That should be me consoling her, not my best friend.
“It’s going to all be okay, baby.”
He kissed the top of her head, and I pulled my brows together. Did he just call my sister baby?
Clearing my throat, they broke apart quickly.
“Interrupting something?” I asked, looking between the two of them.
“No!” Lily nearly shouted before rushing over to me. “Are you okay?”
“I guess. How’s Mom?”
My sister gave me an incredulous look. “How do you think she’s doing? Dad died. You took off and got drunk. She’s a mess. I’m a mess. And to top it off, you destroyed Charlie. What in the hell is wrong with you?”
I felt a stabbing pain in my chest; guilt ripped through my body like I’d never experienced before. Then her words settled into my brain.
“Charlie? What do you mean I destroyed Charlie?” I asked.
“I told you he was drunk out of his mind and wouldn’t remember,” Nash stated, his arms folded across his chest. The look he gave me was one of disappointment.
“What are you talking about?” I asked my sister.
“You really don’t remember, Tucker? You don’t remember telling Charlie that you knew all about her plan and how she needed to get married? About how you had a plan of your own?”
My hands scrubbed down my face. “Holy shit. Please, God. No. I didn’t.”
“Yes, you did. No one has been able to get a hold of her since she left here yesterday. She called me, told me you were drunk out of your mind, and that you told her you had a plan of revenge on her.”
“I didn’t have a plan of revenge. I was going to tell her this weekend that I knew. I was hoping she’d tell me first, though. She came so fucking close so many times. Then … then Dad died and … fuck!” I shouted.
“Dude, you need to get over to your mom’s house. She needs you,” Nash said.
“Charlie?” I said, looking at my sister.
“She’s not at her house, and if she is, she’s not answering. Terri is trying to track her down, but right now Tucker, right now, you need to focus on our mother. She’s falling apart, and I can’t do this on my own. We both need you.”
My heart was torn. I’d do anything for my family, but I needed to talk to Charlie.
“Where’s my phone?” I asked, frantically looking for it.
Nash handed it to me. “Here, go get dressed.”
I swallowed hard and took the phone before turning and heading to my room. After changing into jeans, a long-sleeve shirt, and a baseball cap, I called Charlie’s number.
The ringing brought back the memory of last night. Bits and pieces were slowly coming together. I’d tried calling her. I fell asleep crying. She told me she was nothing to me.
She said she hated me.
Her voicemail picked up after about seven rings. At least she didn’t have her phone turned off.
“Charlie, it’s me. Please call me back. Please. I was going to tell you this weekend, I was … I … fuck I was just hoping you’d tell me first. Baby, I’d do anything for you. You didn’t have to come up with some fucking plan. Charlie, I’d marry you in a heartbeat. I … I love you, Charleston. Please call me back.”
I hit end and dropped my head in defeat.
“That’s how you’re going to tell her you love her? On a voicemail begging her to forgive your stupid ass?”
My sister’s voice sounded far off. I heard her, but I didn’t hear her. Everything was fucked up. So fucked up.
“Let’s go. Mom needs us.”
Slowly standing, I pushed my phone into my pocket and pulled in a deep breath. My entire world had changed in a matter of days, and none of it was for the better.
MY FINGER PRESSED the button for voicemail, and I held my breath.
“Charlie, it’s me. Please call me back. Please. I was going to tell you this weekend, I was … I … fuck I was just hoping you’d tell me first. Baby, I’d do anything for you. You didn’t have to come up with some fucking plan. Charlie, I’d marry you in a heartbeat. I … I love you, Charleston. Please call me back.”
Tears streamed down my face the moment I heard his voice. I could hear the sadne
ss, but was it because of what he’d said to me or because of his father? He hadn’t said it, but I knew he was thinking of the last conversation he’d had with his father a few days back. I’d overheard it, and I knew it ate him alive.
Then he said the words that stopped my heart.
“I … I love you, Charleston. Please call me back.”
I covered my mouth and dropped my phone next to me. Burying my hands in my face, I cried harder. The hateful words from last night played over and over in my head.
He was hoping I’d tell him first? What was this … a game to see who would break first? He’d been playing me the entire time. How could I be sure any of this was real? And now he decides to tell me he loves me? Over the phone in a message? When he’s guilt stricken with his father’s death weighing so heavily on him?
No. He’s looking for a way to make himself feel better. He couldn’t redeem himself with his father, so he thinks he can do it with me.
Well, fuck that.
Note to self: I’m giving up on men. Every last one of them.
My phone buzzed next to me, causing me to cautiously glance down at it.
Marge.
With shaking hands, I answered it. Seeing her name made me remember the thumb drive with the videos on it that I hadn’t looked through yet.
“H-hello?” I said, my voice much weaker than I wanted it to be. Marge didn’t notice though.
“I found it! Charleston … I mean … Charlie! I found it!”
Leaping up, I clutched my chest. “You did? Can you meet me at the office in thirty minutes?”
Hell, I wasn’t even sure where Marge lived. She might not live that close. “Or just get there whenever you can.” I added.
“I’ll be there in fifteen.”
I rushed into my bedroom. “Great! See you then.”
Throwing on jeans, a light sweater and my hair in a ponytail, I ran to my bathroom and attempted to put a little bit of makeup on. I looked like hell, and it was obvious I’d been crying.
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