by Kim Mckade
Toby took her hands in his. He breathed in the smell of her, and kissed her palms. She gasped as he took one of her long fingers into his mouth, sucking on it Her free hand clutched at him. He was anxious to feel her against him. He lifted the hem of her sweatshirt and skimmed it over her head.
Her hair spread like a fan around her on the bed. Moonlight spilled through the window, bathing her smooth skin in a pale glow. Toby knelt above her. His breath caught in his throat at the sight. She looked up at him, her brown eyes damp, trusting.
He stretched full-length upon her, her skin like silk against his own. She was warm and soft, and he wrapped his arms around her, wanting to take her into himself.
Corinne clung to Toby, trying desperately to lose herself in physical sensation. She’d forgotten how it could be. She’d told herself that the incredible urgency she’d felt with Toby before was left in her youth. That it was due to the emotions and hormones that naturally raged out of control at that age.
But ten years later, the fire leapt in her, sharp and sweet, stronger even than it had before. Now nothing mattered except getting closer to Toby. Nothing mattered except the feel of him against her. Nothing mattered except losing herself, completely, to this moment.
And yet, her mind, her heart, churned along with her body. She felt as if she were made of spun glass, bright and shimmering, and if she stopped this moment she would be shattered forever.
Toby placed his palms flat on the bed on each side of her. He kissed a trail along her waist and across her flat belly “I’ve dreamed of this,” he murmured against her skin. “Every day since you left, I’ve dreamed of this.”
His voice was husky with emotion, and Corinne closed her eyes, not wanting to think about the past, about the years that had separated them. She only wanted to think about this night. Everything else was too big to contemplate. She clung to his shoulders. “Toby, please,” she moaned. “Take me.”
“At night m my dreams, I remember looking at you, lying in the bed of my old pickup, underneath the peach trees.” He breathed in deeply and threaded his fingers through her hair. “You were stretched out for me, your body trembling. I remember how wild you were, and hungry, and I remember how you cried after, because you said you didn’t know you could feel like that, or that two people could get so close. Did you remember, Corinne? All that time you were away, did you remember us?”
Tears burned hot behind her eyelids. She’d been so confused back then—about everything but her feelings for Toby. But she’d needed desperately to leave Aloma, and she knew Toby would never leave. And in her heart of hearts she’d feared she didn’t deserve a man like Toby. So she’d tried to forget. She’d made herself forget how it was with Toby. Because she couldn’t remember and stay away
But he wasn’t going to let her do that now. She wanted him to take her in a frenzy of need, and he wasn’t going to He was going to make her face each moment, every emotion head-on. She could tease and tempt and seduce him, but in the end, she wasn’t getting out of this with her heart intact.
He bunched the waist of her pants in his hands and dragged them down her legs. He sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed the pants down her legs and tossed them aside. He took one foot in his hand and massaged it, his eyes on hers. His hands moved up her knees, circling, touching every inch of her with his palms, moving up her legs.
He cupped her moist center in his hand, his gaze still locked with hers. She trembled beneath him, reaching for him. His touch seared her, a slow, excruciating inferno that built in her, completely out of her control and completely in his. His gaze stayed glued to hers as his thumb caressed her sensitive core, making her wince and jump and ache for more.
Her hips lifted involuntarily and moved against him, rotating against his hand. She couldn’t catch her breath. Her heart pounded in her ears. “Toby, please,” she begged, not sure if she wanted him to stop, or never stop.
He lowered his head and took her with his mouth. His tongue probed and shot straight to her center. She cried out and arched off the bed, her hands wrenched in his hair.
The climax slammed into her unexpectedly, rocking her and making her curl away from him.
“Toby!” She cried out his name in a whisper and he was there, beside her, holding her tightly. She clung to him.
He stretched out beside her, moving slowly, letting her savor the moment. He eased her knee back gingerly, moving between her legs. He moved gently, as if afraid to hurt her. She didn’t want him to be gentle; she wanted him to be with her. She reached for him, even as the aftershocks of her climax made her body tremble. Her hand closed around him, rock hard and hot.
“Oh, Corinne,” he groaned.
He thrust home in one stroke. She rocked her hips upward with the momentum and cried out, part in pain and part in pleasure. He covered her mouth with his, swallowing her cries. He thrust again, and again, and when she shuddered beneath him again, he tore his mouth away, and cried out with her.
Arms closed around her in the night, pinning her down, trapping her. Corinne tried to struggle, tried to fight, but she was paralyzed. She couldn’t breathe. She whimpered, hating herself for doing it, helpless to stop.
Finally she wrenched her body free, flinging herself up and away. She flailed her arms and legs, finding her voice. Her own scream woke her.
She crouched at the foot of the bed. Light suddenly flooded around her, blinded her. She threw her arms up in self-defense.
“Corinne!” Toby reached for her. “Corinne, sweetheart, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
Corinne batted his hand away. Her eyes cleared a little, and she reached for him.
“Toby.” She breathed. “Toby.” It was all she could say, the only thought her mind would form as relief washed over her.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her back down onto the bed.
“It’s okay,” he whispered, smoothing her hair and crooning in her ear. “It’s okay, sweetheart. It was just a dream. It’s okay.”
The trembling stayed with her for a long time, but thankfully the hyperventilating didn’t start. Toby’s presence, warm and solid under her, distracted her, helped her bring her focus off her panic. She rested her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and his voice, feeling his breath soft against her hair, feeling the life course through him.
His hands roamed over her back, soothing her. Gradually, her breathing and heartbeat returned to normal.
She felt drained, her body hollow. She lay heavily on Toby, letting the warmth from his body slowly seep into hers.
He clasped his hands behind her back and hugged her tight, kissing the top of her head, her ear, her neck. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “I’m here now, and you don’t have to be afraid ever again.” After a few minutes, his breathing grew deep again, and she knew he was more than half asleep when he murmured into her ear, “I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re mine, Corinne, and I’ll always take care of you.”
His words echoed through her head, long after Toby had drifted back to sleep.
She lay awake for hours, wondering what she’d done.
She awoke with sunlight warm on her legs. She opened her eyes and lay staring at the empty pillow beside her. Toby was gone.
She could still smell him on the sheets. His words from last night rang again and again through her head. It was as though her body had slept but her mmd was still stopped at that one thought. Never to be afraid again.
It was sweet. Sweet and a little sad, that he thought he could take on the whole world, could solve the most difficult problems with the strength of his own heart. He thought that, she knew, because that was what had always been expected of him, for as long as either of them could remember. John Haskell had controlled the entire county with a cigar in one hand and his badge permanently attached to his chest. How could Toby grow up to think any less of himself?
She smiled to herself, picturing Toby in a superhero costume, with his chest thrust out gallantly and the world resting in the palm
of his hand.
She smiled, and wiped the tears from her eyes
“Hey, what are you crying about?”
Corinne started at his voice. Toby leaned lazily against the doorjamb, his arms crossed over his chest. He wore only the tight black pants from the night before.
“Toby?” She sat up quickly and scrubbed her cheeks with her hands. “I thought you were gone. What are you doing?”
“Looking at you.”
He crossed the room and sat on the bed. She shifted away as his weight tilted her toward him.
He put his hand on her knee to still her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar. Did you have another dream?”
“No.” She rose and walked restlessly around the room, one hand covering her breasts. “Where’s my robe?” she asked, as if he would know.
He studied her for a moment, then walked to the closet, looked around, and pulled out her robe.
“Oh,” she said. “Of course.” She pulled it on and belted it tightly around her waist, avoiding his eyes
“Corinne.” Toby lifted her chin with his finger.
She took a deep breath and met his eyes.
“Are you sorry? For last night?”
She shook her head. She wasn’t sorry, couldn’t be sorry for what she knew was unavoidable. She turned away and stood before the window.
“Your Jeep is out front,” she said.
“I know.”
“But, Toby, everyone can see it. Mrs. Kirby will tell everyone you spent the night.”
“So?” He stepped behind her and kissed her neck, wrapping his arms around her waist. “I don’t think your mom will ground you.”
“This could be bad, Toby. This could be very bad. I’m a teacher, even if I am just a substitute. I have to watch my reputation I could lose my job.”
“Now we have it. A convenient reason for us not to see each other again. I knew you’d think of something, Corinne.”
His body stayed against hers, but tension suddenly separated them.
“This is a legitimate concern, Toby. A lot of the parents would be upset to learn you spent the night.”
He laid his chin on her shoulder. “You’re right. I should have thought of that before. Especially now, when half the town hates me.”
“I doubt it would matter who you were They won’t want their children’s lives in the hands of an immoral woman.”
“Why don’t you just get to what’s really bothering you, sweetheart?” he asked after a moment.
“This is what’s bothering me.”
“You were upset before you saw my Jeep. Admit it, you’re sorry about last night. You already regret it.” He stepped away from her, his hands on his hips and his chin jutted out.
“I don’t regret it. It’s just that...”
“Just what?”
She sighed, raking a hand through her hair. His eyes steeled, and she knew he was waiting for her to say something that would hurt him. She couldn’t do it Wouldn’t do it. “It’s just—dammit, you said no strings!”
“And I meant it.” He raised his hands, palms to the ceiling. “I didn’t ask for anything from you, Corinne.”
“It’s not that simple and you know it.” She blew out a gust of breath and walked slowly around the room, picking up objects and putting them down. Objects from her own past, mementos from growing up, little things that her mother had never put away, not because she treasured them, but because she’d simply never taken the time to notice them. She picked up a faded program from their senior prom. So long ago. Had it been that long since she’d felt as if she were in control of her life?
“Do you want me to leave?” Toby asked impatiently.
She shot him a look. “No, actually I don’t.”
“Then what do you want?”
“I don’t know!” She tossed the program on the dresser and spun on him. “No, you know what? I do know. But since I stepped foot in this town, you have done your damnedest to see I don’t get it All I wanted was to be left alone. The students were just faceless creatures. It was my responsibility to teach them writing and Shakespeare and diagramming sentences. It was a job, and nothing more. You are the one who forced me to start seeing them differently, to get involved in their lives. You are the one who forced me to start caring about them, about you—” She clamped her mouth shut. She didn’t dare say love.
Of course, Toby realized, she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She couldn’t talk about what passed between them last night. Because she didn’t have control over it, over herself when she was with him. So again, she would use the students, the job, as a metaphor. She would tiptoe around the real issue and pretend it was the job that made her nervous.
Which was fine with him. It wasn’t as if he were looking for undying declarations of love and devotion anyway.
“It will be okay, Corinne.”
“You aren’t the one who has to deal with it, Toby, if something goes wrong.”
“Of course I will. That’s what I was trying to tell you last night. I’m here now. I’ll take care of you.”
“It’s not that simple. If there’s one thing I learned through the whole ordeal with Sulley, and with getting shot, it’s that no one is going to take care of me, except me. Period. It’s not pretty, and a lot of people don’t want to admit it. But that’s just the way it is.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way. If you would just relax and let me—”
“I did relax!” Corinne snapped. She crossed her arms over her chest. “I did relax,” she said again, looking at the wall.
“And now you wish you hadn’t,” he said flatly.
“No!” She plopped on the bed, all the energy draining from her. “God, Toby, can’t we please just slow down? Please? I don’t regret last night. But, you know, I made a pretty big concession. I let my guard down. Because you convinced me to. And now—now I feel like I’m not in control of anything. Does it have to be so...so—”
She groaned and flung herself back on the bed, her forearm over her eyes. “I sang, for crying out loud,” she said, talking to the ceiling. “I sang in front of other people. I sang Elvis songs. And now we’re—”
He stood over her, watching as she hid from him and, he suspected, from herself. From the moment he walked through the door last night, he’d expected her to ask him to leave. He was ready for it, he told himself. “And now we’re what?”
“We’re...we’re together again.”
“You’re reading too much into a little sex, sweetheart.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Didn’t I tell you no strings attached?”
“Yes, but—”
He knew what the “but” was going to be. He hadn’t meant for her to see how he felt for her—hell, he didn’t want to see it himself. But she must have seen it in his eyes, felt it in his touch. And that was what the “but” was.
He stuck his chin out, ready to deny that last night meant anything to him beyond a roll in the sheets, almost daring her to accuse him otherwise
But she didn’t. She sat up and looked at him silently, then her gaze slid away.
As for what he was going to do about those very feelings.. Well, a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and a decade got him over the last time she left him. It ought to do the trick again.
“But nothing,” he said. “I meant what I said—no strings attached. So if you want to end it nght here, sweetheart, that’s fine. If you enjoyed last night as much as I did, that’s fine, too.” Because if he said more, he’d get himself into trouble, he clamped his jaw and waited for her to reply.
“So if I say the word, it ends now”
Toby shrugged and cocked his head, as if it were all the same to him.
“And if not, we keep things as they are.”
“Would you like for me to spell out the terms of a contract, Corinne? Let’s call it mutually exclusive dating, with sexual privileges thrown in when both parties are agreeable. And nothing more.”
“Now
you’re trying to make me mad.”
“No, now I’m trying to get you to chill out.”
Corinne took a deep breath, stood, then smoothed her robe. “Okay, I’m chilled. Great. I know you were just joking, but those terms sound fine to me.”
“Great. Want to kiss on the deal?”
He didn’t give her a chance to answer. He cupped her jaw and kissed her with all the finesse he could muster. If nothing else, he would do his damnedest to make sure she was agreeable as much as possible.
Chapter 12
“Now, there’s a guilty-looking grin if I ever saw one.”
Corinne looked up from her desk to see Becca walking in. Corinne just shrugged and smiled smugly.
“I was picking up my mail and I brought yours in, too.” Becca dropped a few envelopes on the desk. “What are you smiling about?”
Corinne flipped idly through the envelopes and bit her lip. She had been thinking about Toby, of course. The fact that she had actually been about to tell Becca the truth surprised her somewhat When she decided to come back to Aloma, she’d pictured a quiet, solitary life, spent in her own company. And now, suddenly, she not only had a boyfriend, but a girlfriend as well.
But she wasn’t sure if she wanted to share this with anyone, not even Becca. She was afraid to think of it too much herself, afraid to let her mind dwell on it.
“Mmm, it’s Toby,” Becca concluded, half sitting on the desk.
“I have an idea,” Corinne said calmly. “Let’s talk about something else.”
Becca tilted her head. “Okay. How about Christmas week? How’s the play coming along?”
Corinne groaned and raked a hand through her hair. “We’ve only had two practices, so it’s probably too early to predict a complete disaster, but...are you sure we have to do a play?”
“The senior class does the play, Corinne. It’s a thirty-year tradition. Don’t worry, you’ll have time.”
“To have the sets made, the costumes chosen and made. Not to mention getting the students to learn their lines, which will probably be hardest of all.”
“You should talk to Mr. Davis. He did the play for years. He could help.”