She couldn’t tell how deep the water was, but the glowing light was gorgeous in the hollow. And yet, it looked familiar.
Ava stiffened.
Had Xavier been the one creating all those orbs? Had he been the one who caused her to fall into the coma?
Ava had to hide her emotions. But learning this tidbit angered her.
She clenched and unclenched her fists and tried leveling her breathing. She needed to get out of there. Maybe she could shove him off the insanely high cliff. How could anyone survive that fall, if they really did cliff dive?
Now wasn’t the time to start the revolution. If she killed Xavier, no one would believe her. There weren’t any witnesses, and they’d more than likely accuse her. Especially since he had never dove off the cliff before. They wouldn’t believe her if she said he’d finally done it.
“Are you okay? You’re tense.” He touched her arm. “We don’t have to do this if you’re afraid. Trust me, I understand. I haven’t had the nerve, but it’s starting to get old.”
“Can’t I watch you? You know, in case something happens?”
“Nothing will happen, I assure you. The water is very deep, but you won’t have any issues. You can control the water.”
She could split the water in half, and let him fall to his death. But again, she would be stuck with the Cimmerians not believing her that Xavier hadn’t been murdered. Then the plan to destroy them and Havok would be lost.
“Why do you want to jump so much?”
He took a deep breath, and turned back to peer over the edge. “I want to be able to do something that I decided. Something that will make me feel free, if only for a few seconds.”
“Are you not free now?”
He groaned. “I can’t talk about this with you.”
She was taken aback by his frustration. “Why?”
“You ask way too many questions.”
It seemed to Ava that Xavier felt trapped in his role as Havok’s henchman. Why hadn’t he ever left? Did he truly believe in the way of life in Caprington? She could understand the trapped feeling. When she first became powerful, she too felt powerless since she was forced to do things she wasn’t ready to do. And now. She was trapped in an emotionless state. Had been stuck in Havok’s crazed mind setting. Trapped in a Cimmerian world, forced to do things she didn’t want.
But Xavier loved killing. He loved being evil. Or did he? Was it all an act so the other Cimmerians looked up to him? So that Havok regarded him as his number one? And why couldn’t he talk to her about it?
“Sorry. So are you going to do this or what?”
“Only if you do it with me.”
“Why me?”
“I don’t know. I feel like I can be myself around you. And I want to experience it with someone who understands me. I can tell that you do.”
She shifted. “I really don’t want to jump off a cliff.” But the urge to feel free nagged at her. “But I will.”
Xavier smiled. It was actually a pleasant smile. He held out his hand for her. “Let’s do this.”
Her heart jumped to her throat. The only way she could do this was if she turned off her emotions, but then she wanted to feel everything. Her body shook and she finally took his hand.
They walked to the edge, and she felt like she was going to be sick. They were much too high. No Ephemeral could survive this. She was dizzy staring down.
“Don’t look down. That makes it worse.”
“You think?”
“You ready?”
“No.”
Xavier shrugged, and then he jumped jerking her off the cliff. The wind hit her face and reverberated in her ears. She was weightless. Free. She let herself go. It was the most incredible feeling. It was as if she released the part of her that was so mired in evil. The part that killed innocent people. She freed her mind from all thought. Emotion. Loss. She let it all go.
Ava hit the water like a diver in the Olympics, smooth and flawless. Breaking the water’s surface tension helped their fall, and the water welcomed her. When she went under, she took a deep breath and inhaled air. Once she surfaced, she found Xavier wiping water from his wild eyes. He had a big smile on his face and laughed as they treaded water.
“We did it!” he said. “That was exhilarating. How do you feel?”
“Amazing.” The adrenaline still rushed through her. She didn’t feel as stiff as before, and she felt alive. “How do you feel?”
“Incredible. That was exactly what I needed.”
“Better than skinny dipping?”
He laughed. “Yes. Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For braving that fall with me.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Is there something you’ve always wanted to do? To overcome a fear?”
Death. She wanted to overcome the fact that she would die in the end of all of this. She wanted to be good enough. “Being vulnerable to someone.”
“Why are you afraid?”
“I fear what they’ll see. I am who I am, and no one can change that. But I fear letting them in and seeing the mess.”
“I doubt you’re as messed up as I am, but I can relate.”
“What makes you so screwed up?” She knew most of it. But wanted to hear his thoughts.
He looked away. “Another day. We should head back to the castle.”
Ava nodded and followed him out of the water. Xavier’s actions conflicted her. He was so different around her now. Even after he did all of these evil things, he treated her with kindness. Did he know she was faking memory loss? Was he testing her? Or was this the real Xavier?
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
SAFE AND SOUND
Ava paced in front of the window, chewing on her lip. She stared at the moon, watching the wispy clouds move across the dark sky. She didn’t know what to think about her day with Xavier. She had spent the last several weeks emotionless, letting Havok’s rage control her. Then, Xavier showed her a side of him that she had never seen. Obviously, he wasn’t happy with his life as a Cimmerian. But why did he stay?
“Ava?”
She jumped and twisted around. Her heart started to race, and she couldn’t catch her breath. Tears blurred her vision. She saw a man standing before her with a heartfelt expression. The only man who ever understood her. Who was patient and sincere. Who loved her, faults, and all. Who stood by her side no matter what. Seeing him, brought on so many emotions. She was relieved, happy, and scared.
Gabriel gazed at her, his beautiful eyes pinning her with an almost anxious look.
Ava rushed into his arms, and he held her tight as she breathed in his juniper scent. She relaxed immediately. He felt like home. It had been so long since she had been in his arms. She was ashamed of who she had been recently. She didn’t deserve to have Gabriel comfort her. How had he gotten inside her room? Had he snuck away from Eve’s possession?
“How are you here?” she asked.
“I can teleport now. I couldn’t go another second without seeing you.”
“What about Eve?”
“She’s asleep. And probably will be for a while.” He grinned impishly.
Ava looked at him, confused.
“I may or may not have given her something to help with sleeping. I should do this more often. She’s constantly at my side.”
“I never noticed,” Ava mumbled. “I’m so sorry I didn’t heal you that day she asked. I’m sorry for torturing you. For all of this. I’ll never forgive myself for what I’ve done.”
“Ava, stop.”
She shook her head. “You wouldn’t have done it to me. Or anyone.”
“I’ve tortured people. I’ve killed before. I have been in your position, to a degree.”
“Gabriel, I’ve done terrible things. You were right. I lost myself.”
He pulled back a bit and wiped her tears with his thumbs. “I heard they punished you. Are you okay?”
She dropped her gaze. “They made the Elementals
torture me.”
“What?”
“I deserved it. I started the massacre before Xavier’s command and got a few of them shot. I wasn’t myself. I didn’t care about anything.” She couldn’t tell him about the rage that consumed her because she wasn’t going to tell him she was linked to Havok. She couldn’t. “I kept my emotions hidden. I felt nothing for months. Even when I willingly killed the Ephemerals. I didn’t want to lose myself, but the more things we did, the more I didn’t want to acknowledge it.”
“I wish I could’ve been there for you.”
“I wouldn’t have wanted you to see me like that. I’ve been a monster.”
“Being here will do that to you. It changes you. It makes you into something you’re not. Had I never met Eric, I can only imagine the type of person I’d be.”
“How can I stop it from happening again?”
“Think of your dad and hold onto that. It’ll bring you back.”
“I miss him so much. I don’t even know if he’s okay.”
“I know. I wish I had something encouraging to say. Except, this will be over soon.”
“I think of you too. Remembering the things you told me helps. I can’t believe I put them through that. You should’ve seen the looks on their faces, Gabriel. They’re so disappointed with me.”
“Ava, they aren’t expecting you to constantly be strong or be perfect. None of us are. How many times have I told you that everyone makes mistakes? It’s a part of life. I guarantee you that they aren’t disappointed in you. They probably hate themselves for having to punish you. I’m sure they hated seeing you in that state. Havok, the Cimmerians, this god-forsaken place, all of it got to you. And that’s okay. You wouldn’t be normal if it didn’t.”
“But it hasn’t gotten to the others.”
“It has. Just in different ways. Being here affects all of us. Even the Cimmerians, whether they’ll admit it or not.”
“I got them shot. I’ve killed so many innocent people.”
“You have to remember who you are. None of this is you. And if you had your choice, you wouldn’t choose to do any of this. Not many would.”
“Xavier isn’t happy here. I can tell he wants more to life than this.”
“So does Eve.”
“Do you think you can convince her to join our side?”
“I’m working on it. What about Xavier?”
“I don’t know. Part of me feels that he would in a heartbeat, but the other part thinks he’s putting on an act. He’s a hard one to read.”
“He could be easier than you think. I can tell he has feelings for you.”
“I know. He’s nice to me now that he thinks my mind was wiped.”
“I don’t think that’s the only reason he’s nice. He’s always liked you.”
“I hate it. I can’t stand it. I don’t want to like him, but the more I get to know him, the more I learn about him. It’s like the only reason he was evil was because of what Havok ordered.”
“Eve’s the same way.”
Ava hated the name. She hated hearing Gabriel say it and hated how he seemed to defend her. She hated how Eve clung onto Gabriel like she was some leech or his shadow. She hated that they even spent time together in her room. “I hate this so much. I don’t want to be with Xavier. I don’t want Eve to be with you. I want to be with you.”
“You are with me, Ava. Trust me, I don’t want this either. But I know what’s in your heart, and you know what’s in mine. Unfortunately, right now we’re going to have to do these things to keep up the charade.”
She sighed. “You’re not gonna kiss her or anything are you?”
“No. I have the same relationship I had with her before I found Eric. Strictly friends.”
“What if she tries? What if she wants more?”
“I won’t let her. What if Xavier tries something with you? You think I don’t have these same exact thoughts? I hate this as much as you. Do you think I like knowing that Xavier likes you and wants you?”
“I won’t let him. It’s nice knowing I’m not alone in this.”
“No, you’re definitely not. I constantly think about you. I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you these last two months. It’s been hell. That night of the Selection about drove me insane.”
“I know. I’ve missed you too.”
“I have loved you for so long, Ava. I need you more than you know.”
“You do?”
He tilted is head. “You know I do. Why do you act surprised?”
“Because you’re you. And I’m me.”
“And that’s supposed to mean what?”
“I don’t know. I can’t believe I’m the one you’ve chosen to love.”
Lust flared in his blue eyes. He gently pushed her against the wall. “Believe it. You’re the only one for me, Ava. I have always wanted someone like you and never found it. Don’t ever doubt my love for you. I know others have probably told you that, but I mean what I say. You are my soul mate,” he whispered in her ear, sending shivers all over her body. He pressed his lips to her neck just below her ear, and she melted. He moved to her jawline and then found his way to her mouth.
He kissed her with a hard edge, almost possessive, but then softer. She loved the way his lips moved with hers and the way he held her so close like he needed her. He picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He carried her toward the mattress and eased her down. His hands slid down her side and brushed against her thigh. Her blood tingled with excitement. Her shirt inched farther up as his lightly stroked her stomach. She helped him lose his shirt and their legs tangled.
Ava was climbing high, beyond coherent thought.
Gabriel landed soft kisses on the hollow of her neck. Her pulse quickened as she trailed her hand over his pale, smooth chest. Her fingers crossed to his back, skating down his spine.
He shuddered as his yearning eyes met hers. “You’re the only one, Ava.”
She was too nervous to talk, but the feelings were mutual. She wanted to climb higher and higher with him. She brought his mouth to hers and kissed him softly.
He slowly lifted her shirt over her head, and then he trailed his fingers down her side. She brushed her fingertips just inside of his waistband, and he moaned. She loved the sound.
He reclaimed her lips with a burning hunger and inched her bra strap off her shoulder. She gripped the back of his neck as his tongue slipped between her lips. She felt his love and desire and reciprocated all of it.
As his hand traveled southward, her pulse quickened. Every touch, every kiss, every gaze set her on fire. She panted in between their kisses, and for a second she felt as if she would pass out.
“I want you,” he whispered in her ear causing her entire body to shiver with pleasure.
Nerves settled inside her stomach, but she was ready. She wanted to give him everything, and make him happy. She was determined. At least, for however long she had left on this earth. She still couldn’t tell him that she was going to die. But she wanted him to have everything of her. She would give him her heart and soul, so he would have it forever.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
REUNION
The smell of juniper remained on her pillows and sheets long after Gabriel teleported back. Ava pulled one of the pillows close to her, and held it. She was more in love with him now than ever. She wished he didn’t have to leave. Especially since their time was so limited. But she was more than happy that he could teleport now.
She stilled. She hoped Havok couldn’t feel her last night, but if he had, he wouldn’t know who she was with, could he? Maybe Havok wasn’t probing into her mind all the time. She never felt him rummage around, but could he see her memories like she could his? Surely, if he could, he would have known her memories hadn’t been erased.
Ava remained in bed for most of the day, not wanting to venture out. She secretly hoped Gabriel would visit her again, but she knew it would be almost impossible.
She went to th
e tavern for dinner, and sat with Xavier, Anais, and Donovan. She didn’t talk much to them since she was lost in her own thoughts. Xavier was rather quiet too, but he seemed happy to see her as usual. He asked her to hang out later and have some drinks, but she declined. She told him she needed to rest, but really, she wanted to go to Klaus’s. She hoped the others would be there.
As Ava slowly meandered down the hallway to Klaus’s room, her stomach tied in knots. Would anyone want to see her? Would they welcome her back? She had been outcast by both the Cimmerians and her friends, except for Melissa and Gabriel. Or maybe that was her insecurities getting the best of her.
She put her hand on the doorknob and hesitated. She at least needed to apologize to them. Whether or not they wanted to see her. Chewing on her lip, she turned the knob and entered. It was quiet, and she walked down the stairs to the secret room. When she opened the door, hushed voices spoke in urgent tones and then they stopped talking. Every step she made seemed loud.
When she reached the bottom, she saw her friends gathered, staring at her with fierce gazes, like she was a Cimmerian who had caught them red-handed.
Ava swallowed thickly. “Um, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. I just came to—.”
“No, you’re fine.” Melissa stepped forward, her face relaxing. “It’s good to see you.”
“Welcome back,” Nicole said.
Everyone smiled at her, but there was still an awkwardness stifling the air.
“I’ve been such a terrible person to you all. I know you can’t forgive me for what I’ve done, but I am sorry.” Ava broke down in tears.
They each took their turn hugging her and consoling her. She wiped her tears.
Melissa waved her hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it. We all know being linked to Havok can’t be a picnic. Those were his thoughts directing you. His feelings. Not yours.”
“Besides, now I can officially say I’ve been shot,” Thomas said, earning a few laughs.
“I couldn’t stop it.”
Under an Onyx Sky (Elemental Enchanters Series Book 4) Page 16