by Michael Todd
Pandora coughed and whistled in excitement. You know, if anyone else had done that I might like it. Kick that asshole a second time for me.
You fucking got it.
Katie pulled her leg back and slammed it into his crotch again. His eyes grew wide, and a low wheeze creaked from his throat. Juntto was finally able to pull his lips together and mutter, “Angel?”
Katie smiled and reared back, slamming her fist into the side of his face. He struggled to move, but he couldn’t pull the spear out no matter how hard he tried. All the strength he possessed was nothing compared to the might of angels.
Katie held him still with her spear. “You ready to die, asshole?”
Juntto coughed blood and spat at her feet, twisting his lips into a smile. “Wait until I get this out of me.”
Katie reached up with one hand and pulled her angelic sword out of the air. She dropped her hand and effortlessly sliced off one of his legs. “Shall we go for dickless next?”
Pandora squealed with glee. Yes, yes, yes.
That was quite enough. Juntto pushed up on the spear, working to stand up straight on his one leg. He grunted and tried to force his body to grow and morph back into his frost giant form, but he remained human. The magic in the spear was limiting his abilities.
Katie carefully aimed her sword and thrust it forward, sinking the blade deep into Juntto’s chest. She leaned forward on the hilt. “Go ahead, grow a little larger. Then maybe I’ll be able to find your prick, you murdering bastard.”
Juntto growled and screamed, and with all his strength, he swung his arm and knocked Katie to the ground. Juntto collapsed on his one leg and struggled to stand. With both the sword and the spear buried in his torso, he looked like a pincushion.
Katie rolled away from him. As soon as she was out of the way, her team began blasting the frost giant with bullets. They had been waiting this entire time for their chance to light him up.
“Fuck, that dude can take some heat,” Brock roared as the guys reloaded.
Calvin shook his head. “No shit. I can see him healing as we reload. This is insane. I don’t know whether to be scared, pissed, or impressed.”
Turner slotted his magazine into place. “Too bad he’s on the other team. We could use an indestructible guy like that on our side. Hell, I want to be the indestructible guy. Fucking blow me up? Doesn’t matter. Slice me with an angel sword? Who fucking cares?”
The tattooed soldier laughed. “I think Turner just fell in love.”
Calvin held up a fist. “Hold up. Cease fire. Looks like Katie is back on her feet. This should be good.”
Katie gritted her teeth angrily and stomped to Juntto. She whirled around and extended her leg, kicking him square in the face. Before he could recover, she pulled both Tom and Harry from her holsters and pulled the triggers, shooting him twice in the crotch. “They missed a spot.”
Pandora bellowed with laughter. Damn, girl, the twinsies. You are really pissed.
Katie holstered the boys and grabbed the spear jutting from Juntto’s stomach. She pulled his face close to hers. “Lilith made you an offer without asking me. You should have taken the deal. I’m going to spend all week ending your pathetic excuse for a life.”
Juntto found himself gazing into crystal-blue angel eyes. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself be conned. He hadn’t seen it coming, but he should have. The reality of it was, angels had taken him out the last time he had been on Earth. He also knew he couldn’t beat Lilith in hell, so on Earth or hell, he wasn’t number one anywhere.
He swallowed his pride. “Let me talk to Lilith.”
Katie pinned him to the ground with her spear. “She can talk through me. I don’t trust your fucking ass.”
Pandora’s voice emerged from Katie, and the two began talking quickly in demon. It was a short conversation. From the look on Juntto’s face, Katie knew things weren’t going well for him. When their conversation was done, Pandora and Katie shared one voice.
Pandora nodded Katie’s head. “I accepted his fealty, but there are rules he has to abide by. He has to stay human-sized. His frost giant form is outlawed. He can fight, but only demons. In exchange, he will fight with me, so there will be no shortage of battles. He will be given a place to live, and he will be well fed.” Pandora said something else under her breath.
What was that?
Uh, he’s requesting sex.
Katie choked a little. “Uh, I’m not having sex with him. He’s not only inhuman, but he’s also a disgusting chauvinistic pig who thinks he can do whatever he wants. He was going to rape you/me. That’s not okay. No woman should be with him.”
Pandora chuckled. Not with you. I told him it depends on if he can woo a woman. That means not being his typical asshole self. If he can get someone to like him and offer sex to him in a normal fashion, I’m fine with it.
Across the field, the team watched the two combatants have a conversation. Calvin looked at Brock. “What do you think?”
“We investigate?”
Calvin nodded. “Let’s do it.”
Pandora placed a hand on the spear impaling the fallen frost giant. “He can’t force himself on anyone. No throwing women over the shoulder, clubbing them, or just taking what he wants. He can’t just throw women away or impale them when they annoy him. They also can’t be persuaded by magical means. He has a problem with using his charms to get a woman to cheat on her man. He went through a whole phase where those were the only women he would sleep with. It was fucking pathetic. Oh, and he can’t hurt them. Did I say that already?” With that, she ripped the spear free. It disappeared from her hand.
Juntto groaned but sat up. His body started to heal faster, even with an angel sword still in his chest. “Their feelings always get hurt.”
Pandora narrowed Katie’s eyes at him. “No lying. If they don’t accept you, that’s their business. I understand that bitches can be crazy and think they can change a man. Just be honest from the get-go, and I won’t hold it against you.”
Juntto shook his finger. “Oh, yeah, and I want one of those little tools they talk on. They make noises, and they are colorful.”
Katie lifted an eyebrow. “Little tools they talk on?”
Juntto twirled his fingers around. “Yeah, they press the screens, and there are pictures and stuff. Then it makes a wild noise, and you can hear a person on the other side of the world.”
“He wants a phone,” Calvin suggested as the team joined them.
Juntto nodded. “One of the ones with the picture of an apple on the back.”
Pandora laughed. “You want an iPhone. That’s interesting. Of all the things Earth has to offer, you want a phone. They have made ungodly advances in technology since you’ve been here. Like flushing toilets and running water, battery-powered dildos, and microwaves that can reheat pizza in seconds. But you want a damn iPhone. Next thing I know, you’ll be rolling around with headphones on listening to your MP3 player and working on your tablet. I bet you haven’t even seen the internet yet. Strike that, it’s probably not a good idea for you to use the internet. You could find yourself in all kinds of trouble on there. I barely go on it, and I have self-restraint.”
Calvin scoffed. “Give him an android. See if he likes that.”
Everyone looked at him like he was an alien, and he shrugged. “What? I’m not dissing the iPhone, but if he breaks an android, they’re cheaper to replace.”
Pandora nodded. “I have to agree with Calvin on that one.”
Brock studied the frost giant skeptically. “I think he needs to change faces, too. Right now, he’s wanted all over the entire world. He even looks like the guy he killed, which is fucking Texas-Chainsaw-Massacre-creepy.”
Juntto looked confused. “What is that?”
Turner slapped his hands to his side. “This guy! Dude, the Texas Chainsaw Massacre was about this crazy guy who murdered a bunch of people with his chainsaw and wore their skins as a mask. Leatherface.”
Juntto
shook his head. “Fucking humans are weird. That would smell terrible. And by the way, it’s fucking weird how you and Katie can talk out of the same face and control each other’s facial movements. I don’t like it.”
Pandora wrinkled Katie’s nose. “Deal with it. You have to pay for killing those people, too. It’s obvious you have zero remorse for that.”
Juntto opened his mouth to protest, but Pandora put her hand up. “I know that’s you being you, but we don’t take murder lightly in this group. Get up and get your big-boy pants on. Next week, we go to hell.”
Juntto looked offended and slightly disgusted. “To do what?”
Pandora faded into the background, and Katie came forward. “That’s easy, dummy.” Katie grabbed her angelic sword and pulled it from his chest. She flicked green blood from the blade and grinned down at the frost giant. “To let them know Momma is back.”
Death Becomes Her
Have you read The Kurtherian Gambit, from Michael (Todd) Anderle?
Available at Amazon
Author Notes - Michael Anderle
September 13, 2018
Thank you for not only reading this story, but also these Author Notes here at the back.
When the time came to work on this story, I was struggling with where to go from our Leviathan in the last book. I had set it up so there were multiple Leviathans, but did not want it to be the same type of beast over and over.
Then, the concept of Junnto in the ice, and a demon falling down an icy mountain came to mind. The nail in the coffin for me was when Moloch gated into his office in hell and smelled like Christmas.
Since I didn’t want to go ‘big,’ I decided to go capable, smaller, and alien. Different enough that he is who he is, not because he is a horrible human, but rather that is what he knows. (For example, you don’t get upset with an orca for eating a seal. That’s what they do.)
Further, I wanted to have fun in this book. A lot of the time, the stories are a bit down, excluding some of the Pandora banter. My sense of humor can be fairly wacked and dark, so I hope we didn’t go overboard in places.
In this story, we see Pandora and Katie working together, feeling out their relationship and becoming a team in every sense of the word. I’ve heard of many comments (and those in the reviews) who enjoyed the ending to the last book with Pandora taking care of Katie. I enjoy knowing what you like about a previous story, since it encourages me to consider seeing if the next story has affords me opportunity to do more of the same.
My personal favorite scene in this story is when Pandora is thinking to herself in the restaurant on top of the building and Gabriel shows up.
However, the FUNNIEST scene for me is the beginning when Moloch and Baal are bitching about KatieDora fighting, and Pandora using the cold spell to kill the demons.
I chuckle about this (even now):
Baal put his large scaled foot on top of a frozen demon and rolled him over. He snarled as he looked down at the face frozen in fear. “We aren’t even safe within our own walls of hell. The bitch started a goddamned blizzard down here. Now look at this fucking mess. These were good demons, and now we have a pile of fucking demonsicles.”
The next book is almost complete—and if you liked the humor in this one? I think the next will tickle your funny bone as much or more.
Ad Aeternitatem,
Michael Anderle
Author Notes - Laurie Starkey
September 13, 2018
Well, hello! Hopefully, you’re not in pumpkin-spice hell just yet. Man, when they open the doors to the fall’s favorite flavor, they OPEN the doors!
Can’t go anywhere without pumpkin spice in my face, beckoning me to try it. Just one bite, one sip, one time—and you’re hooked forever. Don’t let them drag you in. It’s a cult.
Forgive me if you’re a member. Ignore all that mad talk. *winks*
We’re up in Canada! Lac Brom to be exact, which is in Quebec. I’m staring at a lake that’s a few feet from the back door. My boys (hubs and the teenager) have been learning to kayak and paddle board. The water is most likely 50 degrees. And we’re from Texas.
You get the humor in this.
It’s been an interesting month of traveling for us. I opened up my clean romance traveling series from our adventures, and next month, we’re jumping in paranormal romance, so yay. I’ve been waiting to do that for four years.
I’m writing more than sleeping, but life couldn’t be better. Mike and I are loving The Damned series. OH! And great news: book 1 in our new spinoff, Damian, is done and in review. That was so much fun to write. I love our bad-ass priest and his trusty sidekick.
You should be hearing more about that this next month actually! Mike’s been working on covers for it that blow my mind. I stay away from the art part as best I can. He’s our homerun hitter there.
I hope you loved this book. It was an action-packed, humorous, good time for us. Appreciate you spending your hard-earned money on our entertainment. We’re working hard to bring more of it to you as fast as we can. Thanks for the support. You’re the reason we do what we do. Until next time.
Slave to Many Stories,
Laurie Starkey
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Books by Michael Todd
PROTECTED BY THE DAMNED
Torn Asunder (1)
Killing Is My Business (2)
And Business Is Good (3)
Sit Down, Shut Up, And Pull The Trigger (4)
Welcome To The Jungle (5)
Metal Up Your Ass (6)
Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap (7)
For Whom The Bell Tolls (8)
WAR OF THE DAMNED
Resurrection Of The Damned (1)
No Quarter (2)
Dark Is The Night (3)
Dim Glows The Horizon (4)
Waking The Leviathan (5)
Subversive Giants (6)
Books written as Michael Anderle
For a complete list of books by Michael Anderle, please visit:
www.lmbpn.com/ma-books/
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