Broken Strings (A Rock Star Novel)

by Brynn O'Connor

  To play like Silas, it’s gotta be a gift; something you’re born with. I was not born with the gift and three years of lessons just proved that sad fact. I still have my guitar somewhere in my storage locker and I’m quite sure that’s where it’s gonna stay.

  What really amazes me is how fast his hands fly over the strings and he doesn’t even look down once. He’s like a man possessed. I used to wish I had that gift. I used to dream about being on stage playing for huge crowds, people screaming my name…

  Then the harsh cold reality that I can’t play worth a damn sunk in, and eventually I quit practicing, then a few months later dropped my lessons. That was more than 10 years ago and I never really looked back.

  The next 90 minutes or so fly by. As usual I’m so caught up in the music and the feelings it stirs in me that I lose track of time. This almost two hour rock show feels like it's over in ten minutes.

  I look over at Gabby for the first time since the music began and she’s got this sheen of sweat covering her face. I reach up and wipe the sweat from my own forehead and wonder if I’m sporting the same look.

  I look over at Brand and the difference between the two of us becomes obvious. I can tell he enjoyed the show, but it didn’t move him. He’s like a distant observer instead of a participant. Gabby and me, we’re participants. Brand catches me watching him and gives me his award winning smile. I can see a second date in our near future.

  Fifteen minutes later the last encore is over and the band leaves the stage for the last time. For the three of us, the real show is about to begin.

  I grab Gabby’s arm and am surprised when Brand finds my hand. I’m not sure what to think about that. Is he just doing it so we don’t lose each other in the crowd, or does he have other motives here? I’m actually glad for the crowd and the distractions; otherwise I’d be self-conscious with the hand holding.

  Of course I’m probably way over thinking the whole thing. He probably hasn't even given it a second thought and I’m standing here obsessing over it. How pathetic am I?

  Judging by the length of the line, we’re probably about fifty people from the first door. I can just see the security guard there whose job it is to dash people’s dreams while making other’s come true.

  I am so lost in thought that at first I don’t notice Stewart working his way through the line. I’m pretty sure he’s looking for us. I step off to the side of the line, letting go of Gabby and Brand and wave my hands and shout.

  “Hey Stewart!”

  I have to shout about 3 times before he hears me and starts looking around. Finally he sees me and waves. That right there’s enough to garner me a half dozen dirty looks from the girls around me. To my surprise he greets me with a brief hug. That gets me a dozen more jealous looks.

  “So glad I found you. Silas is waiting.”

  This time, without giving it a second thought I grab Brand’s hand and follow Stewart down the line. Weird thing is, holding hands with Brand seems perfectly natural. The sight of the three of us being singled out by the band’s manager to go hang with the band is almost more than some of my fellow Lunatics can bear.

  By the time we step through the door the crowd is fit to lynch us. The three of us follow Stewart down the final hall where there’s one more security guard posted. I'm surprised how at excited I am as we approach the lounge. It’s old hat to me now that I know what to expect, yet I can feel my heart racing as we draw up to the guard at the last door to the lounge.

  The second the door shuts behind us and I feel like Alice who’s just fallen down a rabbit hole. Not surprising, a bluish haze has begun to form on the ceiling and is in the process of slowly settling down around the heads of the party goers. I recognize a few fellow Lunatics in the crowd as well as a contingent of questionable young ‘women’ who are swaying to the strains of some music coming from I don’t know where.

  I don’t exactly know why, but when I spot Silas I immediately drop Brand’s hand like a hot potato. I’m starting to feel self-conscious as I work my way past a small throng of totally hot women who are all vying for Silas's attention. He breaks out a huge smile the moment he realizes I’m in the room.

  He walks up to me and holds out his had to shake. In a room that’s oozing with raw, hedonistic sensuality, a handshake is so stiffly formal it’s absurd. As I reach out to take his hand the witty greeting I had planned out in my head evaporates the second our fingers touch. His touch is electric. I can feel waves of energy circulating through my veins. It’s enough to nearly take my breath away.

  He holds my hand for a second, then steps forwards and before I know it he’s got me in his embrace. I can feel the muscles in his back as my arm naturally circles around his body. He’s warm and I can feel raw desire starting to rear its head. For the briefest instant my breasts press up against his muscular chest and my nipples harden as they rub up against his firm body.

  I sure picked the wrong night to not wear a bra. I stiffen, and he realizes it and breaks off the hug. We both take a step back and I collide with Gabby who is directly behind me.

  “G-Gabby this is Sam,” I stammer, not even realizing I have just called him the fake name he gave us in the coffee shop.

  “Uh, June we we’re in the coffee shop remember, or have you just temporarily lost your mind?”

  I feel stupid immediately and give her a nasty look and she just ignores me and says to Silas; “So you had a pretty good week then. You went from coffee house nobody to rock star guitarist with Fringe…”

  “That wasn’t the best part of my week.” He responds to Gabby, as he looks at me.

  I’m frozen in place. It’s like his gaze has this hypnotic power over me and every time I look into his eyes I get lost in them; and it is a nice place to be lost. The way he looks at me, it makes me melt.

  “Okay…maybe you two should get a room then…” Gabby says, clearly bored with our one-sided conversation. She trails off and wanders over and strikes up a conversation with one of the Lunatics she knows.

  Silas opens his mouth to say something but just then, a gorgeous Asian girl fakes a stumble and collides into his chest. In one smooth move he places his hands on her shoulders, steadies her, and redirects her momentum to the couch right behind him.

  He doesn’t see the nasty look she gives him as she flops down beside another girl who appears to have passed out. It’s apparent even to me, that he has eyes for only one person in this room; I just can’t figure out why.

  Finally I find my voice again.

  “So you wanted to see me?” I ask.

  “Did you enjoy the show?” he asks in that deep voice of his.

  “You mean other than the fact that the set list was an uninspired collection of overly pretentious metal riffs, and the speakers distorted everything above 70 decibels? Yeah it was a good show as far as mediocre sub-par rock shows go. Can’t you tell? I’m captivated, best show of my life and what not.”

  I keep a severe look on my face as long as I can stand before breaking into an unrestrained smile. He looks so hurt, like he’d just lost his favorite puppy to an alligator or something equally horrible. I can't help but laugh.

  “Wow,” he says. “That’s gotta be the most you’ve ever said to me and you made a joke. After the other night I didn’t think you were capable of it.”

  “Yeah, I like use my caustic repartee to keep the wolves at bay.”

  “What wolves?” He looks around the room dramatically, and then points to his chest. “I’m all sheep here.”

  “In wolves clothing no doubt,” I reply.

  “Oh there are some wolves in here without a doubt, but if you’ll just put your hand on my chest here you’ll see I really am all warm and fuzzy inside.”

  “Wow, was that…are you trying to use a pick up line on me? Tell me that was not a pick-up line.”

  “One of my best.” He says with a smile.

  “And the mystery of why you’re still single has been solved.”

  “Are you always
like this June?”

  “Sorry, I’m just naturally suspicious of rock stars.”

  “But you’re a Lunatic right? I thought Lunatic’s loved their band. I’ve even heard they’ll do anything just to meet us.”

  “Well don’t get too excited Sam, I put on my chastity belt before coming here tonight.”

  “Of course you did. But honestly, I just wanted to get to know you better.”

  “So you thought you’d get to know me better in a marijuana smoke filled room full of twice as many Lunatics as allowed in one room by the Fire Marshall?”

  “Yes, yes I did. Although I admit, the idea sounded a whole lot better this morning.” He pauses a moment, “So how am I doing?”

  “What’s the point? I don’t date rock stars and I don’t have casual sex either.”

  “Well then we can have deeply committed romantic-”

  “Finish that sentence Mr. Mann and you’ll have to change your name to Silas WO-mann.” I say tapping my foot in a meaningful manner.

  “And there’s the June we all know and love.”

  I’m really trying not to like the guy, but my mind and body are shooting me mixed messages. Just being in his vicinity has alarms bells going off, my body is undeniably responding to his. It’s between my ears where the problem lies.

  There’s just no way can I let myself date a rock star. I mean, it’d be the stupidest thing I could ever do, and I have had my share of loser romances before. I shouldn’t even have come here tonight and I’m not sure why I did.

  Then he grabs my hand, and with his simple touch I’m reminded why I can’t seem to stay away from him. I just-.

  “Earth calling June…”

  “Sorry, when I get bored I tend to just check out.”

  “Ouch! I’m gonna start calling you Rose because-”

  “Because I’m beautiful and as thorny as hell,” I finish the sentence for him.

  “Well actually I was going to say horny as hell,” he pauses when he sees the look of shock on my face. “Yeah, your nostrils flare, your eyes dilate, and you start breathing fast whenever we get too close.”

  I’m at a loss for words. He has embarrassed me into silence.

  “I’m kidding,” he finally says.

  “Well I’m horny as hell!” Says the gorgeous woman he basically tossed to the couch on her first failed attempt to catch a rock star. She’s up on her feet again and doing her best to rub up against him like a dog in heat.

  “There you go,” I say pointing to her. “She’s beautiful and horny as hell. It’s a perfect match.”

  “Wow,” says a familiar voice in my ear. Gabby’s back at my side. “I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to not like a guy that she’s so totally in to.”

  “My point exactly!” Silas says triumphantly.

  “Hey, this is a private conversation,” I say. Then I turn to face Gabby. “I am NOT into him. Can’t you see he irritates the hell out of me?”

  “Yeah, no one’s ever had this effect on miss ice queen June Cho.”

  “Hey I’m no ice queen. For your information,” I pause and raise my voice to make sure Silas hears me. “I am into Brand. We’re dating now.” I say that like it settles everything and there’ll be no more talking about Silas and I.

  “The writer dude? No, I see the way you look at him." Silas says, with a mischievous smile. "You’re trying too hard to like him. You shouldn’t have to try, it should just come naturally. You know, like with us."

  “With you?” I ask incredulously. “I have been standing here for twenty minutes now trying to like you. There’s a big difference you know.”

  “What’s that saying about time and fun? Something like time flying when you’re having fun…”

  “What’s your point Silas?”

  “Well, if there’s any truth to that saying, considering what time it is now, I’d say that for you this whole evening has been nothing short of electrifying!”

  “Really, because it feels more like asleep on my feet.”

  “Well you must be having one hell of a wet dream then.” He says boldly.

  My mouth literally drops open. “Tell me I didn’t just hear you say wet dream Silas!”

  And when he doesn’t refute it I say, “That’s it, I’m out of here.”

  “See you tomorrow Junie” He says, with a twinkle in his eye.

  “Y-you…I-I…” I stammer and turn around and almost run into Brand. On impulse I give him a kiss, a lingering, hard kiss on the lips and stomp off. There, that should shut Silas up!

  I don’t dare look at Brand as we make our way out. I can only just imagine the expression on his face, or what he must be thinking right about now. I don’t even know what I’m thinking and I’m the one who initiated the kiss in the first place. Suddenly I realize I have just unbelievably complicated what was once an easy friendship.

  As Stewart shows us out I hear Silas’ voice one last time. “See you tomorrow Junie.”

  Damn him!

  Chapter Six

  Lunatic June

  As the three of us exit HP Pavilion, Brand takes my hand in his. Gabby notices and glances up at me with a questioning look. I meet her gaze for a moment and then look down at my shoes. I am not really sure how I feel about Brand or Silas at this point.

  Brand is the here and now, the safe bet that I seem to be drawn to emotionally while Silas is the uncertain future, bad boy that my body is inexplicably drawn to. Having one guy interested in me at a time is enough work; but having two, that’s just too much.

  Actually the decision is easy. Obviously there’s no future with Silas and pretty soon the West coast leg of the tour will wrap up and they’ll fly across the pond to start their European tour. No way can I go to Europe, so even if there is something between us, and there isn’t, it’s not practical.

  Nope that settles it. I cannot get into some long distance relationship with a rock star no matter how hot he is. But if that’s the truth, then why am I pining away for him while I’m holding hands with my new man, Brand?

  Gabby's car is closest so we send her off first and then we stop at mine. I stop at the door and turn to face Brand for the first time since I surprised him with a kiss. His eyes are shinning in the streetlamps. I know what he expects. I kinda set the tone for it earlier today. I decide to just get it over with instead of prolonging the awkwardness.

  I step up to him, closing the distance between us and lean in to kiss him, when he puts a finger to my lips.

  “You don’t have to June, Silas isn't watching you now.”

  I stop mid-motion and look around dramatically. “Damn, your right! Oh well, good night then.” I say.

  I make like I’m going to get in the car to leave, and then stop with my hand on the door handle. He catches my arm for a second, then his hand slides down my forearm and back into my hand once more. I turn to face him. I’m hoping the light isn’t enough for him to see my burning cheeks.

  What a mess I’ve made of the night! I don’t know if I can bear to see either Silas or Brand again anytime soon. The good news is I won’t be seeing Silas from any closer than the front stage. But now I have to negotiate the world while avoiding Brand and I’m not sure I’m prepared to do that either.

  “It’s been kind of a weird night,” he says, while taking a cautious step in my direction. We’re getting uncomfortably close. I’m either gonna have to kiss him or duck under his arm and make my escape. Of course that would put him between me and my car.

  “Look,” he begins again. “What happened back there…” He pauses again.

  Wow, this isn’t uncomfortable at all.

  “What I’m trying to say June, if you’re not ready for this…meaning me and you, it’s okay. I mean things were pretty weird back there so you know; we can shake or just hug it out and go our separate ways if you like. If you want me to call you I will, or if you’d rather call me when you’re rea-”

  I kiss him. I can’t help it. I just can’t help it. This time he really resp
onds. I think he was just in too much shock last time and there were so many people around and Silas was standing right there…But this time it’s perfect. We’re both still buzzing from the glow of a metal show and probably a little high from all the marijuana smoke in the room.

  His lips are warm and his breath is minty fresh. It’s not a quick kiss, but it’s not a long one either, and when we break it off, my heart’s thumping in my chest and I’m beginning to breathe faster. We look at each other for a moment then as if on cue, our lips find each other, but this time our kiss is fueled by desire that wasn’t there a moment ago.

  First kisses can be awkward sometimes as you learn how the other person moves his mouth and holds his head. A little nose bumping is common until both people figure the other out. This, our first official kiss is not one of those awkward affairs, thank God.

  My body is telling me to let go and just kiss Brand and enjoy it, but my head won’t let my body win this one. It’s late and my head is buzzing away a little too pleasantly for me to be thinking clearly right now, and I really don’t want to do anything I may regret later.

  Our noses are nearly touching, and I can feel his breath on my face. It would be real easy for me to lose control and just let it happen. We’d end up going to my place and then I’d wake up in the morning with this almost stranger lying next to me and regret it, and suddenly it’s every other relationship I’ve ever had. The only thing different is the name of the guy passed out next to me. No thanks.

  And then there’s Silas...The problem here is that every time I close my eyes I see him, regardless of how supremely annoying he is. There’s just something about him, something more than the fact that he's a guitar player in my all-time favorite band. It’s also more than physical attraction too.

  Brand takes my face ever so gently in his hands and gives me an earnest kiss. What starts as another tender sweet press of the lips builds in urgency until our lips meld together as one. His breath comes in short bursts from his nostrils as the need for air supersedes his desire to kiss me. The tender way he holds my face in his hands practically melts me.