Humanity

by J. D. Knutson

The window was open; a man stood there, silhouetted against the sun. His features were clear, his hair jet black. His face was thin and gaunt; the skin stretched against his cheeks, making him look haunted and almost dead. But something seemed strong about him, and a fire burned in his wrinkled eyes.

  “Gideon?” I asked, turning away from the window to look at him.

  Gideon blinked, then looked down at me. His eyebrows had a slight furrow in them and he seemed dazed; his eyes looked faraway, and his mouth was turned down in a frown.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, puzzled. I knew he didn’t like humans, but we’d been around humans before and he’d never acted quite like this.

  He looked back at the window, so I did, too. The man was gone.

  “Let’s go,” he said urgently, his eyes clearing; he grabbed my arm and propelled me through the gate.

  “What’s wrong?” I demanded, allowing him to pull me along.

  “I’ll tell you later. Right now, I want to focus on getting away from here as quickly as possible. Can you run?”

  “Of course I can run. The question is, can you? I don’t know if your injury is healed enough to try. You might end up hurting yourself worse.”

  “It’s been two and a half months.”

  “It’ll take you much longer than that to be back to full strength – or as close as you’ll get, anyway.”

  “How about one mile at your running pace?”

  “Why are you so desperate to get away?”

  “I’ll tell you later. Let’s run.”

  I sighed, but broke into a jog. When he kept up with that for a moment or two, I moved faster. “One mile,” I breathed, reminding him.

  “Agreed.”

  It felt great to run, but all the time I worried about Gideon by my side. His breathing didn’t sound good, and I urgently wanted to know why he was in such a hurry.

  “One mile,” I announced, slowing to a walk. “Does that make you feel better?”

  Gideon walked by my side, wheezing. “A little. Those men know where we’re going, don’t they?”

  I frowned. “Yes, but they said people don’t like going to the orange trees because of a bear problem – I guess bears eat oranges?”

  “Yes. That’s part of the reason I liked it there so well before. There are plenty of animals who love oranges.” They would provide good meat.

  “I doubt anyone’s going to try and follow us; why would they? Tell me why you’re so worried all of a sudden.”

  “That man.”

  “The man in the window?”

  “Yes. It’s him.” There was a note of dread in the last word, and it brought be back so many weeks ago to when he’d first shared his past with me. That man had been the one to victimize Gideon when he was at his weakest.

  I sucked in a breath, then stopped in my tracks; I pulled his arm so he would stop with me, and put myself right in front of him so that I was looking directly into his downturned eyes.

  “Gideon, that man can’t hurt you anymore. You’re stronger now. You are so much stronger and you don’t need him. And he isn’t going to follow us. What would he do? He has no options. If he threatened us, we’d shoot him.”

  He closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I have it in me to shoot him.”

  “I’ll shoot him. He’s not going to hurt you.” I said the words firmly, feeling the truthfulness in my bones and wanting my confidence to soak through Gideon’s every pore. I reached my hands up to cup Gideon’s face, searching his eyes, trying to spread my assurance to him through that contact. “You’re strong. And you’re not alone.”

  As he kept staring into my eyes, he took a deep, long breath; his broad shoulders expanded. He leaned down and very gently kissed me. Then his arms wrapped around me and squeezed me to him with what felt like all his strength.

  I smiled even as I couldn’t breathe, and wrapped my arms around him, too. Finally, after several minutes, his grip relaxed; he still held me.

  “To the grove?” I whispered. “It sounds like it’s still a while away, and I could really use an orange.”

  “To the grove,” Gideon murmured.

  I began to pull back, but he didn’t let me go. Instead, his fingers laced through my hair and he kissed my forehead. His lips went to each of my cheeks, and, finally, my lips. We stood there for just a little longer, then he stepped back, releasing all of me except a hand.

  He still wasn’t smiling, but he seemed much less tense now – relieved, though still like he was guarding himself from something; I knew it was the memories he kept buried deep, brought to the surface by the appearance of his abuser.

  Trying to encourage him, I smiled again and tugged on his hand. We began moving forward along the freeway, and I knew our next exit would only be a few more miles.

  The buzzing of an engine met my ears – a sound I recognized, but just barely. I looked up in time to witness a small plane in the sky; it roared past us, on to its destination.

  “Dirty Chinese,” Gideon muttered quietly.

  “Do you ever wonder what they’re collecting?” I asked. It was a great opportunity to think about something other than his past.

  He shrugged. “We wouldn’t be able to say for sure. The outside world’s probably made all sorts of technological advances since we lost contact with them. It could be anything. Or they could just be zooming past, catching some footage to show the destitution of the United States: non-developing nation. It’s ironic.”

  “How so?”

  “The United States spent years trying to interfere with other country’s affairs, supposedly rescuing them from themselves. Then, when that sort of protocol might actually help the United States personally, no one comes. The rest of the world just allows us to crumble, starve, and slowly kill ourselves out of existence.”

  I didn’t know much about U.S. history, but I was willing to take Gideon’s word for it. “Did you know about the bears?”

  “What bears?”

  “At the orange grove. There’s a bear problem there, I guess. That’s why most of the people at the commune aren’t at the grove instead.”

  “Bears do like oranges, and black bears are common in this region. But there’s nothing wrong with a few bears; they don’t hunt humans, so will keep their distance unless we irritate them. And they’ll be some great game – I bet bear meat roasted with oranges tastes divine.”

  “I bet it does. But what if we do irritate them?”

  “Then we’ll help alleviate the grove of some of it’s bear population.” He grinned at me.

  I was glad to see my usual Gideon back, but I was still uncertain about the bears. However, I trusted Gideon, and I knew he wouldn’t ever put me in harm’s way, so we kept walking.

  It was as the red sun was sinking beneath the horizon, as we walked along a dusty dirt path, that we finally spotted the trees up ahead.

  My mouth watered at the thought of so many oranges, and I looked up at Gideon. “Just a little more running today?” I asked.

  “Sounds perfect,” he replied, and, simultaneously, we broke into a sprint for the trees.

  Chapter 16

  When we reached the first tree, we immediately pulled fruit from the branches. I used my teeth to start in on the peel, then let my fingers pull it away from the flesh. And the flesh – oh, the juices dribbled down my chin and permeated every bud of my tongue. The smell of oranges was intoxicating, filling the air. Gideon stood beside me as we ate. I wanted to eat those oranges forever, but there were only so many that my stomach could hold. Soon enough, I couldn’t eat any more. All I could do was stand there, my hands and face sticky, before turning to Gideon.

  His stubbly beard was orange with zest, and his hands and face looked as sticky as I felt.

  “We need water,” I announced, meeting his eyes and raising my brows.

  There was a glint there, though, and, ignoring our sticky state, he marched the few steps to me and used his body to press me against the tree; he began kissing me. He tasted like or
anges, and all of him felt so good – so right. I melted into him, kissing him back, forgetting everything that had happened earlier that day. I wanted him to kiss me more, do more, and it scared me.

  What was it like, to have sex with someone you loved? What was it like, not having it forced upon you?

  I trembled, and Gideon stopped kissing me. He pulled back, looking into my eyes with concern.

  “Should I give you some space?” he asked; I knew it was the opposite of what he wanted.

  “I. . .” I sucked in a breath, then released it, closing my eyes. “Let’s find some water.”

  “Alright,” he said, slowly backing off me. “There should be a well somewhere in the middle of the grove.” He pointed into the trees. “I assume the people who grew the oranges started the grove before industrial water systems were invented; they had to get their water from somewhere.”

  “So you don’t know for sure that there’s a well in there?” I asked, peering into the trees to see if I could catch a glimpse of black fur.

  “Oh, there’s a well in there. I’ve been here before, remember? I was just telling you why I thought it was there.”

  “Ah. Very helpful.” I took my gun out.

  Gideon arched his brows. “You haven’t chosen now to shoot me, have you?”

  I rolled my eyes. “No. I’m getting ready for the bears.”

  He let out a laugh, taking my hand. “Perfect. I’ll leave you to that.” He tugged me into the trees.

  “You’re not worried?”

  “I told you, they’re cautious of humans. As long as we make some good noise to give away our position, they won’t come near us. So stomp your feet while we walk.” He lifted his feet high, letting them fall back to the earth.

  I frowned. “That’s not very loud.” I lifted my feet and copied him. “How are they supposed to hear us?”

  “Bears have better hearing than humans; if they’re within fifteen yards of us, they’ll hear it.”

  “I don’t necessarily want them that close.”

  “It’s fine for them to be that close, and they’ll head the other direction when they hear us. What we don’t want is to be right on top of them with neither of us realizing it; it’s the surprises that make them react negatively.”

  “Negatively being us getting marred by a black bear?”

  “Candace, we’ll shoot any bears that get too close, okay?”

  I studied my gun as he towed me along. “How many bullets does it take to bring a bear down?”

  “A handful, I’d say.”

  “Then why isn’t your gun out?”

  “Because I’m not worried.”

  I let the subject drop as the well he’d promised came into view. “How are we going to get the water?” I asked, turning my back to the well so I could continue watching for bears.

  Gideon reached its side and peered down. “There’s a bucket down there.”

  “Rusty?”

  “No; it’s plastic.”

  “Okay, two questions. One, how do we know it’s not damaged? Two, how are we going to get it?”

  Gideon took his pack off. “I’ll go down there and get it.”

  “Does it have a rope we can use?”

  “Maybe.”

  “It won’t be any use to us if it doesn’t.”

  “If it doesn’t have a rope, we’ll disassemble our shirts and make a rope.” He looked at me. “I want to redo the shirts anyway; it’s been a little warm for them lately.”

  I walked to his side and looked into the well. “It’s pretty deep. What about your leg? You’ve already done a lot of running on it today, and I won’t be able to get you out if you get stuck down there. I think I should go.”

  “Candace, what if you get stuck down there? Then I’ll have to go down there anyway, and then we might both be stuck.”

  “I’m not going to get stuck,” I retorted, taking my pack off and setting it beside his. “I’m lighter and smaller and will be able to get down and up faster.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Forget it. You’re not going.” He hoisted a leg over the side.

  “Why are you so infuriating?” I demanded.

  “If I wasn’t, you would never have fallen in love with me,” he replied; he winked, then disappeared behind the stone wall.

  I growled in frustration, sticking my head over the side to watch him go. After a few moments, my irritation faded and was replaced with anxiety.

  “How are the handholds?” I asked.

  “Slimy,” he called back.

  “Is your leg doing okay?”

  “Fine.”

  “What about your arm?”

  “I’m fine, Candace. What I could really use is some quiet so I can concentrate.”

  I immediately fell silent, watching him descend. After a few excruciatingly long moments, he lifted the bucket out of the water and extended it out to show me.

  “Looks solid,” he called, peering up at it and squinting as water rained back down on him.

  “Great! Now get back up here before I fall back out of love with you.”

  “Wouldn’t want that happening,” he replied grimly, sticking his arm through the handle of the bucket and preparing to climb some more.

  That’s when I heard a slight scuffling sound from behind me.

  My eyes wide, I slowly turned on the spot, grip tight on my gun as I raised it up in front of me. There, only a few yards away, stood a large, black bear.

  He rested on all fours, raising one paw up to scratch his claws against the bark of the tree nearest to him.

  I swallowed down the scream that had formed in my chest, watching as the bear went about his business; he raised himself up on his hind legs, leaning against the tree and bringing down a few oranges. He got back down, tearing into the fruit with his teeth, gobbling up even the skin. Then, he looked at me.

  I pressed the trigger of my gun, letting an entire round of ammunition sink into the bear’s hide. He let out a roar, rearing away before falling on his back, to the ground.

  “Candace!” Gideon called from the well.

  “I’m fine!” I returned to the well’s side, peering over to see Gideon only a few more feet away. “Just a bear; I easily brought it down, just like you said.”

  “You didn’t kill it unnecessarily, I hope.”

  “I waited till it looked at me.”

  “You didn’t see if it would run away first?”

  “I thought it would attack if it saw me; that’s what you led me to believe.”

  Gideon sighed, easing further up the wall. “No. It would only kill you if it saw you as a threat; it sounds to me as if this bear would have ran away, just like if it had heard you before seeing you.”

  I frowned. “I guess we’ll cook it, then,” I murmured.

  Gideon heaved himself back over the wall, leaning against it for support as he rested. “Yeah. I would have preferred to wait till tomorrow to kill any meat, though.”

  “Sorry,” I muttered, looking back over at the bear. Something occurred to me as I stared at its black fur. “Hey, Gideon? Why didn’t we ever just use animal hide to keep warm while we were traveling? Wouldn’t that have kept us plenty warm?”

  Gideon wrinkled his nose. “I assumed you’d prefer not to; I definitely prefer not wearing fur, and I thought you’d like something a little more refined than animal skin.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him, suspicious. “It wasn’t just because you wanted me to cuddle with you at night, was it?”

  “No, though that definitely turned out to be a perk. I would have resorted to animal skin if it had gotten much colder and we hadn’t found anything, but I wholeheartedly desired another option. You don’t think it’s gross?”

  I looked at the bear again. “Well, kind of. But I definitely would have preferred that to being cold.”

  “Would you have preferred that to cuddling with me?” He came closer to me, arching a brow and smiling slightly.

  “Initially, yes.”

  �
�Then it’s too bad you didn’t think of that before; I would have gladly helped you make a fur blanket if you had asked.”

  “And I obviously hadn’t thought of that, which you took advantage of.”

  “I did not take advantage of that; if I thought you’d prefer that, I would have offered.” He took my hand. “Though, everything considered, I’m glad I didn’t.” There was still tension between our bodies from earlier, and he didn’t come any closer.

  I sighed. “I’m glad you didn’t, too,” I relented. “Now let’s get some water up here.” My mouth was thoroughly parched from the bear incident.

  ~ * ~

  That night, after we’d eaten the bear, after we’d eaten more oranges, and after we’d settled down next to each other, I spoke.

  “We could do it, you know.” My body tingled at my own words, and I could feel all of Gideon’s nerves stand on end, even though only our hands were touching.

  “Do what?”

  “You know what.” I rolled over to face him, clearing my throat meaningfully. “Sex.”

  “I’m very well aware that we can do that,” he replied gently. “The question is, do you want that?”

  “Yes,” I said quietly. “But. . .”

  He rolled closer to me, wrapping his arm around me and pulling me to him. “We’re not doing that tonight, in any case. I know you have mixed feelings about it; I understand. But, besides that, I don’t want to start a family with the world the way it is.”

  “You said we’re a family. . .”

  “We are a family, but that’s not the same thing as starting one.”

  I knew what he meant. “You remember the pills I showed you. . . We wouldn’t need to have any children, if that’s not what you want.”

  “Your pills? The ones that keep you from getting pregnant? The ones you use when. . .”

  “When I’ve been raped, yes.”

  “Why would I ever want you to take one of those because of me?”

  “Well, if you don’t want children. . .”

  “For one thing, you only have a small supply - ”

  “There are quite a lot of them, actually.”

  “I think you’d be surprised at how fast the supply could be depleted,” he replied wryly. “I think it’s great you have those pills available when you get raped, but I would never want you to take one for me.”