“This is not a business deal, Nate,” I correct him. “We need to discuss about our feelings, our relationships. You do realize it’s out of the blue for me? I didn’t see this coming at all and I don’t want to mislead you in any way.”
He chuckles again. “Sara, don’t you think you’re thinking a little too deep about this? I really can’t expect you to see it my way. I know that given our age gap, your excitement and anxiety is miles apart from my approach, but baby, you just have to embrace this for how it is and make the best of your feelings in the moment. Too much overanalyzing and speculations might increase your anticipation but when it actually comes down to the deed, you’ll just be left disappointed. That’s just how life fucks us, you know? I’m sorry, I’m being a little too philosophical for you but my point is….”
“You sure talk a lot, Nate. I thought it was just in meetings, but even when you’re not being technical and bossing people around, you love to talk, sharing your exquisite knowledge and passing advices. Interesting. But, this time you’re the one overanalyzing. I wanted your take on where we stand. That’s all. Simple.”
It’s not that he was wrong. Far from it. But I don’t want him to have doubts, right from this stage that, I might in a long run, expect more from him. If it ever comes to that, it’ll be my issue, my problem and my confession to make. For now, I want him to be at ease and welcome me into his life.
“You’re not wrong. I do talk a lot, but I always talk sensibly. It just goes over people’s head at times and they find it hard to understand. Not my mistake. Not at all. I really can’t be blamed for that. People are just too shallow and narrow minded at times.”
Now it’s my turn to giggle. “Seriously, Nate. You can’t ever handle a no, can you? You always have to justify your stand, prove a point and come out as the winner.”
“That’s there, Sara. But my point is….”
“I shouldn’t overthink this,” I cut him. “I get it. I get it. Chill, will you? You’re quite adorable when you start to defend your thoughts.”
“What? Adorable?” he stammers. “I don’t think that’s the word you were looking out for,” he states confidently.
“You do remember that you you’re speaking to a writer, right?”
“Of course,” he snickers. “So Ms. Writer, will you please clarify? Did you really intend to describe me as adorable?”
“Yes, Nathan. I’m good with my vocabulary. I did happen to call you adorable, and if you let me, even cute. You’re like this kid…”
“Enough,” he begs and starts to laugh. This laughter is so carefree, so warm. I wish I could rest my head on his chest, feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest and snuggle into him. “Sara, I have a son who’s a teenager and you’re comparing me to a kid. Jesus, what kind of an image am I setting on you?”
“Wouldn’t you want to know that?” I tease. “I don’t think creating a stellar impression really matters if all you wish for is to get under my pants.”
“Jumping the gun already? I do want to get under your pants, Sara, but I have to ensure that you’re aware that you’ll be getting fucked by a man and definitely not a kid.”
“Ewww,” I groan. “Jesus, Nate. That comparison was so not necessary. Put a stop to your train of thoughts now.”
“Groan again like that and you’ll find something really big in your mouth. It’s a fair warning.”
Holy Christ. I can totally see that happening and that very image has left a wet spot on my panties. I didn’t even want to think along that direction…and yet…
“Really now? How big are we talking here? I might have had bigger.”
“You need proof, is it?” His voice takes that deep tone again. “Look who’s desperate for a taste now. All you have to do is ask and you’ll be getting a picture instantly. Fresh, raw, naked and hard.”
I swallow hard, my voice lost in my throat. “Are you seriously offering me your dick?”
So much for filtering my tongue. This is a battle that I’m clearly losing.
“It has always been up for grabs. You were just too slow to notice and desire it.”
“How long?” Just how long has Nathan been pinning for me? I was blissfully unaware the whole time.
“It’s erect and as hard as glass, perhaps. But length? That would be a little hard to estimate.”
“Is your head always in the gutter?” I snicker. “Geez, Nate, I was asking how long have you been lusting for me?”
“If you need answers or even pics for that matter, I need things in return from you too. And that’s a fair deal. At the end of the day, I’m still a business man.”
“It’s not fair to blackmail me. You are yet to propose a deal and I’m yet to negotiate the terms. Once that’s decided, I’m certain I’ll be getting all my answers.”
He grunts in irritation and sighs. “You won’t make anything easy, will you, Sara? Always so adamant, stubborn, wild and such a rebel.”
“Well, that’s me, Nate. And if I weren’t this way, I doubt I would have held your attention for this long. So either get used to it, or give up on me. It’s pretty simple.”
I’m not usually so difficult, but this is unchartered territory for me and Nathan Bankers is fire. If I’m anyway going to jump, I might as well as ignite him more.
Silence. He is clearly brooding over this. I’m invading his thoughts and I don’t want to stop.
“And last I remember, you were the one who started this, Nate. Pursuing me, flirting with me, making sexual innuendos…”
“You want to know what I plan on doing to you?”
Gone is the casual banter. His octave has dropped. Now Nathan is talking pure business.
“I want to shove you hard against the headboard, lift your skirt up, rip your panties apart and impale your bare pussy with my cock.”
Holy fuck. Talk about dirty talking. Jesus, what am I even getting myself into? But if he plans on backing his words with action, then maybe just maybe, I’ll let that happen. I can totally see him fucking the day lights out of any woman- but that woman being me still seems surreal to me.
“Hold it, Nathan.” I somehow manage to croak it out. “Baby steps, please? Before dragging me to the bed, don’t think you should, you know..give me chances to get to know you better and see beyond the massive dick that you keep boasting about?”
He chuckles again. The sound makes my toes curl and the butterflies in my tummy start to flap their wings. These signs of ‘falling in love for the very first time’ have been dormant for a really long time.
“What exactly do you have in mind, baby?”
“Maybe, go out on dates?” Silence. “Not date date,” I correct myself. “Hang out sometime, chit chat…” I trail away.
Did I just ask Nathan Bankers to go out on a date with me? How stupidly stupid of me.
“Sara, do you really think I’m the kind of guy who dates?”
“I don’t know, Nate. You’re clearly not the guy I assumed you were. But you tell me, do you think I’m the kind of girl who would jump into bed with any hot dude that shows the slightest interest in her? Especially if the person in question happens to be her boss, damn the consequences.”
“Only time shall tell, Sara and trust me, every word spilling from your mouth is just maddening this urge of mine.”
“Right. I’m honored,” I roll my eyes and giggle. I actually feel empowered hearing his words, but he’s probably assuming that I’m being sarcastic.
“On a serious note, I’m a married guy and I have a family. I can’t date, Sara. That’s not what I intend at all. I’ve passed that age and phase.”
There goes my heart. Sinking. Sinking. Sinking. But what was I even expecting? I’m well aware that he’s married. A typical family guy. I just like to sideline and overlook that fact when I indulge in my fantasies. Again, not a smart thing to do.
“But your libido is still very active. So I assume that’s what brought about this new craving? You were bored of the normal, routine st
uff, and wanted to set off on a new sexual adventure?”
“I wasn’t desperate neither was I bored, but then you came along and opened up that door again, making me yearn for it. And the more you resist your desires, the more desperate I get.”
He is deadly serious. That I’m certain of. But am I really clear on what I want? What I’ll do? Why I am even encouraging this? Nope. Not at all and still, I’m playing along.
“I won’t be such an easy catch. I can assure you that.” I hope.
“But, for your sake, I better clarify. I love my family, Sara, I really do and as fucked up as this whole arrangement between us is, I don’t want you misunderstanding that, anything can possibly come out of it. For all you know, this might just be a onetime deal. I’m quite unpredictable and I can be very stubborn up until a point, but ultimately, it’ll be your call. I won’t deny that I need you and I can even assure you that you won’t be a mere sex toy for me. I’m not really sure which direction this will take, but I won’t force you into anything. Mark my words on that. This won’t be affecting or influencing your professional life in any way. I never practice favoritism.”
“You’re quite a confusing guy, Nathan. The more you talk, the more I see a man who’s actually quite lost and disconcerted, so unlike the boss I respected, admired and even feared.”
I’m hurt. It’s like he stabbed me with a needle. It pricks. It’s actually a bitter sweet pain. I’m sad that I can never truly matter much to him. I’ll more or less be a source of distraction or entertainment. Timepass. But still I’m happy that he’s letting me in, showing me a face of his that he always keeps hidden. Something truly personal and private.
“Don’t I know it?” He chuckles again. “I know I can be very difficult and complicated at times, but you’ll grow used to me, Sara. So I leave it you now. Make a wise choice.”
Honestly if I had known that he would come prepared with his speech, I would have at least given my feelings and plan of action some thought. This still seems so surreal. Like he’s playing and fooling me. Some big joke. I so didn’t ask for this.
“Don’t you want to know about me at all? I can answer your questions too. You barely know me, Nate and if you’re still being this eager, I’ll be inclined to think that you’re into me just for sex and at that point, you’ll lose my interest,” I state decisively.
“Very interesting. Tell me more, Sara. I’m all ears now.”
I swallow hard. This conversation has been constantly changing routes and that’s driving me a little mad.
“Nate, as confused as you are, I’m even more confused. This was so unexpected. You’re my boss. A really hot and intimidating one, but boss nevertheless. And a married guy with a happy family. I don’t get why I’m even entertaining this.”
“Because you’re dying to try this. Our work relationship together with the taboo element is probably giving you a high. Add to that my hotness and it’s a battle you’re clearly losing. All you have to do is, let yourself go without overthinking this.”
“No sex.” My tone doesn’t leave any scope for argument. That’s a must. I can’t consciously agree to sleep with him and engage in an affair. “We have to set limits.”
“Right,” he drawls.
“No, I’ll correct my statement. I’ll be setting limits and you’ll be adhering to them.”
“Even better.” He chuckles. “It’ll be real fun to make you break every single one of them.”
“That won’t be happening,” I declare haughtily.
“So your limits are?”
“Since this clearly is a long distance thing, it won’t come down to any real action any time soon…”
“Yeah. You’ve clearly refused such kind of action. Go on,” he prompts.
“I won’t be doing, telling or showing anything too obscene or inappropriate. Light flirting now and then, skirting around the obvious…but I won’t be indulging in any actual sex talk.”
That seems pretty fair. I can see him more or less like a friend whom I’m clearly infatuated with. But unlike me, his ‘feelings’ are leaning more towards lust.
“Obscene and inappropriate? You’ve got to be kidding me, Sara. You can just say that you won’t be stripping or putting up a show for me. And if you’re into flirting, then you better brace yourself for the dirty filth that would be leaving my mouth. My girlfriends always used to end up developing a special liking for it.”
Stripping? Putting up a show?? Fuck me. Something tells me he’ll be pushing me for all that sooner or later. I have to learn to say no if I really want to continue this.
“You can flirt to your hearts content, but don’t just expect me to be a willing participant in that,” I warn. “If I feel I’m doing something wrong, then I’ll put an immediate stop to it.”
“Right or wrong? I don’t really blame you for trying to see the world with just these two lenses. You’re naïve, you’re young and like a good girl, you always want to stick to the right and correct path. But this world is far from being that simple. Everything and everyone is both right and wrong, and mostly somewhere in between. It’s quite relative and ultimately, it depends on one’s own conscience.”
One moment he’s flirting, the next moment he becomes a kid and now he’s being all philosophical. Who is Nathan Bankers? That’s a difficult puzzle to crack.
“That’s deep,” I comment. “You’re certainly not wrong on that,”
He snorts. “Of course. And I’m fine with all your limits and demands. Hopefully I’ll get you to change your mind soon.”
“You don’t have anything else to add? Your hard limits?”
He chuckles again. This time it’s light hearted. “You’ll know soon, baby. You’ll just have to wait till I get you on my bed. You’ll witness what I transform into and then you can start setting your hard limits.”
“I’m fanning myself now. You and your words, Nate. So, let me be very clear. No rules for me at all?” I clarify.
“Well, I wouldn’t call it a rule- it’s more like common sense. No word about our relation or arrangement to anyone in office or connected to work. It’s our top secret. And delete any such messages, pics or videos we will be sharing. In office Skype and emails, we’ll be formal like we were up until this point.”
That was expected. Now that he has laid it all out on the table, it’s finally sinking in and hitting me. Whatever we are doing is so …wrong.
“Sara, Am I clear about it?” Now he’s back to being authoritative.
“Yeah, understood. I’ll be careful. You’ll be too, right?”
“Of course. I’ve always been cautious about this. And don’t go about initiating anything. It’ll usually be me starting it. My wife might have my phone at times, so always wait for me to start.”
“Understood. You don’t have to worry about me getting us caught.”
“Thanks, Sara. I’ll have to go now. My wife’s calling. I’ll get back to you soon. Now get some good sleep. Thanks again.”
Now he’s being very formal. How he switches his mood and tone so quickly and without warning, is beyond me. Where and how do I start to figure out Nathan Bankers?
“Sure, Nate, bye.”
The line goes dead.
Only one question remains – he didn’t even once ask me about my relationship. I’m no longer with Bryce. That was the hardest thing I had ever done but it was something I had to do. For myself. For him. For our growth as individuals. Nate had somehow triggered it, there’s no denying that. So from my end, I’m not cheating on anyone. But Nate didn’t even bother finding out. It’s like he doesn’t even care. I should have at least brought about that point, but I didn’t. Why? If he had outright said that he doesn’t care, I would have been hurt. At least now, there is a small hope. Hope that he’ll want me as his and his alone. In a weird and twisted away, I’m obsessing over him and that’s bad. Really bad.
Chapter 8
Nathan
“Are you still upset about it?”
When I don’t get a response, I let out an exasperated sigh and turn towards her. My wife is angry with me and though I understand that she has every reason to be annoyed, I expect her to put everything on the table and talk about it. We are adults. Expecting such a level of maturity shouldn’t be asking for too much. Cecelia is well aware of this and yet..
“It’s pretty obvious, Nathan,” she tells with her back to me. Her voice is devoid of any emotion. It’s a bad sign.
“We didn’t talk yesterday. I know you were upset and I didn’t want to push it, but at least now we can talk about it.”
I’m a patient man most of the times, especially when it comes to my wife. But she is never usually the one to test my patience. She has always been sweet and understanding. This time her behavior is actually surprising me.
‘There is nothing to talk about,” she says disinterestedly and shrugs. She finally turns around and shakes her head. “You made the decision for us. No more scope for arguments. That’s what I got from your tone.”
“My tone, really?” I start again. “I was always clear on what I want, Cecilia. You know this about me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t give you a chance to talk. I do want to listen to what you have to say about this.”
“Again, what’s the use?” She picks up two more of her dresses that are strewn on the bed. “If you’re not even attempting to reconsider your decision, what’s the point of even hearing me out?”
“Where is this even coming from?” Rubbing my forehead, I take a few tentative steps towards her. “We didn’t want another baby. We weren’t trying. You never wished for it. You tell me, am I wrong in my assumptions?”
“No. You’re not wrong. When can Nathan Bankers ever be wrong?”
I’m completely lost. I don’t understand what’s gotten into her. Is it because of her pregnancy? Pregnancy hormones wreaking havoc? Another new. It hasn’t happened before.
“I’m sorry.” I’m never the first to apologize. And that’s because I don’t make mistakes. It’s always been planned and well thought decisions for me. Not that I’m at fault this time either. I was being practical, but if a simple apology can calm her down, then I don’t mind taking this route.
Enticed by you (Miraculous Love Book 1) Page 10