Once he was gone, Jade felt it the way she felt after losing a tooth as a child, except this sudden chasm left behind an ache that drilled down to her soul. She simply held onto him, the cold too great for her to even shed a tear. She grieved silently in her own frozen shell, unable to respond even when she sensed they’d been found and carried away on the backs of two furry beasts.
Their entire lives, Jade had always known Jasper was there, somewhere. Their connection went deeper than simply being able to complete his sentences—she could do that, too—but she always knew where he was, what he felt, even when they weren’t in the same room together. Even when he’d found pleasure and then deep loss after falling for someone who wound up ripping his heart out. To have that comforting glow extinguished made her wish for her own death. With a light breath, she had given in to the dark and the cold, saying a silent farewell to the world.
How quickly everything had changed during that endless darkness. After Emma had revived Jade and her brother, Jade had become aware of two other figures in the room, more due to Jasper’s longing glance at them and the sense of a deep hunger in his soul than for any other reason. They’d been introduced as her saviors, the pair who had rescued her and her brother from a wintery enchantment cast on them when they came through the portal.
Autumn and Gunnar were their names, and they had returned Jasper’s look with the same unmistakable adoration.
In that moment, Jade had understood she really had lost him, but thankfully not to a cold, wintry death. Only to love.
Jade let out a deep sigh of resignation and sent a silent thank you up into the heavens. The warm glow of her connection to Jasper had been relit and would live on. She let him go, swallowing the bittersweet lump in her throat and focusing instead on finding her own peace in the cool water and the waterfall she swam beneath.
Her meditative state was short-lived, however. A deafening roar sounded from the woods and a ruckus came through the trees. Jade spun in the water, swimming to the far side, away from the noise, uncertain what she would see. Everything was so peaceful here—were there wild animals in the woods she hadn’t been told about?
The thick foliage along the side of the water shook and another roar came toward her just before a pair of massive, black-furred beasts launched themselves off the ledge nearest the waterfall and came soaring through the air in her direction.
Heart pounding, Jade scrambled out of the water and crouched at the edge, waiting to find out whether or not her visitors were hostile. When they didn’t resurface for a minute, Jade took a deep breath and tried to remind herself where she was. If they were bears, then they were probably at least familiar to her, if not actual family. Still, she sat at the edge of the water and waited, willing her heart to quit pounding out of her chest.
Chapter Two
What emerged from the water a moment later was decidedly human in shape and Jade let out a heavy breath. A pair of male heads surged up, gasping out raspy laughs.
“Holy shit, you guys scared the hell out of me!” Jade yelled, recognizing Orrick and Sten with relief, along with a healthy dose of irritation. She couldn’t stay angry after the surprised looks they gave her. They both looked so ashamed, she felt a little sorry for them.
“We didn’t know you would be here, mistress,” Sten said. “We can go.”
They turned to swim back toward the other side of the pool without another word. As she watched them go, another pang of loneliness hit.
“Wait!” she called out. “You don’t have to go. Really. As long as you don’t mind if I stay?”
They both drifted back toward her, similar perplexed smiles on their faces.
“Why would we mind? You can go wherever you want. Stay or leave—it’s your choice.”
“Then I’ll stay,” she said decisively. She stepped over to the blanket she’d brought and spread it out on the sun-drenched rock, then lay down on her belly with her head toward them, chin propped on her hands.
After a few moments of the pair of them swimming around and giving her sideways glances, she grew impatient. There was something about them that reminded her of her brother’s deferential caution when around her and her cousin since they’d arrived here. Like they’d suddenly achieved a new status and he wasn’t quite sure how to react to it.
The fact that Jasper had ultimately made a very definite decision without hesitating when it counted made her wonder if ursa males just needed the right incentive to take initiative.
Clearly, these two were in that cautious, hesitant stage around her. She kind of hated it. They looked like two mature, adult males in every respect. Orrick was taller and broader through the chest, with shoulder-length brown hair with blond streaks running through it, while Sten had a slighter build and long, black hair. Both had about the same neatly trimmed scruff covering their strong jaws, which Jade had always liked on a man. Maybe because her father, uncle, and brother had always worn their beards that way. But maybe it just made them look older than they were.
Yet she couldn’t shake the sense that they were at least as young and inexperienced as she was, in spite of the last two weeks they’d spent in Emma’s bed. Or maybe they were shy?
Shit. She needed to break the ice somehow.
With a soft huff, she stood, took two quick strides, yelled, “Cannonball!” and leaped into the air, pulling her knees to her chest at the last second before the exhilarating plunge beneath the water.
When she came to the surface, they stared at her with huge smiles. Jade swam away, closed her eyes, and yelled out, “Marco!”
After a second of silence and no sound, she peeked through one raised lid. Both males stared at her.
“Who’s Marco?” Orrick asked.
“Never mind that,” Jade said. “When I call out ‘Marco’ with my eyes closed, you respond with ‘Polo’ so I can try to find you. And move around each time, so it’s harder for me to get to you.”
They glanced at each other. Orrick shrugged one shoulder. “You make the rules, mistress.”
“Oh, for Christ’s sake, please just call me Jade, okay? I’m not your mistress or a princess, or anything. I’m just Jade.”
She turned and closed her eyes. “Marco!” she called out and waited a moment, then turned to listen. The rush of the waterfall drowned out a lot, but couldn’t hide the ripple of water going in the wrong direction.
She nearly opened her eyes again to reiterate the rules of the game, but then with a splash a body arose before her, saying in a deep voice, “Polo.”
Jade yelped at the sudden close presence of Orrick right in front of her. She smacked his wet chest.
“You jerk! That’s not how you play.”
Across the pool, from the dry expanse of the stone beach, another “Polo!” reached her, Sten’s voice ringing over the sound of the waterfall.
Jade turned to see the darker-haired male lounging and dripping all over her dry blanket, his long, wet hair clinging in messy tendrils over his muscular shoulders. She took a second to admire the ridiculously feminine pose he’d chosen before realizing he was mimicking the way she’d lain earlier, on his belly with his chin resting on his hands. Except unlike her, he had his knees bent with his feet waving in the air.
“I thought you were supposed to keep your eyes shut,” Orrick said into her ear. The deep rumble of his voice made goosebumps break out over her body and her nipples harden, even though he wasn’t touching her.
Jade whirled back around and reached out, but not fast enough to catch him before he lunged beneath the water into the deepest part of the pool where it was too dark for her to see.
“Fuck!”
Sten laughed. “Stop breaking the rules you made.”
“Fine!” Jade said and closed her eyes. “Marco!”
She heard a splash nearby and a few droplets of water hit her skin, but she knew better than to expect wh
oever it was to actually be in that direction. She forced herself to focus on the sounds around her, to the push of the water against her legs from the slow current that drove the water through the pool and down the river.
“Polo!” the deeper voice she recognized as Orrick’s said from behind her, close to the falls. She swam, yelled “Marco” again, and heard a laughing response a few feet away from her. Two, in fact. They were together.
“Marco,” Jade said, finding her footing on the familiar smooth rock ledge that existed about three feet under water, leading her out of the pool.
“Polo,” they both said, their deep, resonant voices carrying from the same origin.
Jade’s pulse raced faster than it should have. She’d played this game countless times with her family and friends. But never completely naked with two very nude and attractive men.
In her mind, she could picture them both standing on the stone by her blanket. She had yet to see them full-on and in their glory, but could easily picture it and resisted opening her eyes. They may have reminded her of her brother with their mannerisms and antics, but they were nothing close to Jasper.
For the first time since they’d shown up, she suddenly felt modest and wished she weren’t naked. She’d never felt that way before—at least not when it came to being in the buff. She just hated how most clothes fit, enhancing the biggest parts of her. She’d grown up with a twin brother who she’d run around naked with until their dad finally had to force them into clothes for propriety’s sake.
Emma had always been shyer about her body, for some reason. Even though Jade’s cousin had been the more ambitious one, Jade was more likely to let loose and tear off her clothes on a hot summer day at their old swimming hole.
She clenched her eyes shut, realizing that, to this day, the only man she’d ever seen naked was her brother, and not since they were teenagers skinny-dipping with Emma. They’d finally convinced their cousin to take off her suit and have fun just swimming naked. It seemed so strange to Jade at the time that Emma could be so much worldlier than she was, but so afraid to be naked.
She thought she understood it now. She had nothing to hide from Jasper or Emma. They knew her too well to judge her.
Standing naked in front of these two males, who she only vaguely knew, she was half-aroused and half-ashamed.
“Marco,” Jade said, the word catching in her throat as she forced her steps forward, trying to ignore the prickling at the base of her skull.
“Polo.”
They didn’t move. “If I touch you, it means I win,” she warned.
No movement. She reached out her hands blindly, knowing they must be close. She could hear their breathing now, slow and deep.
Her fingers brushed hot, moist skin. Each hand found a different smooth stomach, trailed upward to a strong chest, raked her fingernails through nearly identical patches of hair on each. She stepped closer so she could reach higher, keeping her eyes shut. Their heat intoxicated her, yet they only leaned into her touch without making any overt contact. She realized she’d played the game wrong and let out a sigh. But wouldn’t it have been a little too contrived if she’d set the rules to encourage them to touch her instead? That was what she really wanted, she realized. Simple contact would have been enough, but they weren’t even hazarding that much.
She pulled away and opened her eyes. One large hand gripped hers tightly and she looked up at Orrick.
“Tell us what you want, and we’ll do it,” he said. His earnest intensity shocked her. What she wanted? Jade had no idea, other than to have them not stand there passive the way they did.
She yanked her hand away. “I want you to be men. Unless you already are. If you’re trained to be an object for unattractive women to use, I get it, I guess. Just prove that you really want it.”
Sten cleared his throat and she glared at him.
“What?” she asked, irritated.
He only raised his eyebrows and glanced down.
“I’ve never met an ursa female I considered unattractive,” Sten said. “Especially not you.”
Jade’s eyes shot to his midsection and then clenched shut.
“Oh, fuck. You’re hard. And fucking huge.” And Jesus, was she unprepared for this. So unprepared she’d lost her usually polite filter. “That’s not exactly what I mean, though, you know? You just . . . bow to women. Do you ever take the initiative?”
“You don’t want us, so the game was for what . . . ?” Orrick began, sounding curious but a little disheartened, too.
“It was just a game, guys,” she said. She turned, forcing herself to ignore everything below their waists and just meet their eyes. “I hate this fucking . . . gender gap. Males and females can be friends. Can’t they? Just friends? Without you trying to worship at my feet or get into my bed, or anything. No stress, no sex? Does that even happen here? Can I just say you’re allowed to touch me, as long as you don’t molest me? I don’t mind being touched. Hell, I fucking crave it lately.” Her voice broke and tears came to her eyes. She hated herself a little for letting that slip out. Her loneliness that she was supposed to be learning how to live with, not come begging two males she happened to actually like a little for attention to fill the void.
One of them cleared his throat behind her. A warm hand rested softly on her bare shoulder. With a rustle, her blanket was draped over her and she clung to the edges, wrapping it tight. The hand came back down, and Orrick’s voice rumbled in her ear, “If that’s what you need, we can give it.”
Two pairs of large, warm hands turned her and Jade found herself enveloped in a double embrace, her cheek pressed against Orrick’s chest with Sten holding them both.
She let herself enjoy the comfort of a strong embrace, and loved that their touch was wholly devoid of any kind of suggestion. That wasn’t what she needed now, but it helped. For the first time since being here, she appreciated the deference of the males to her needs.
Jade wiped her eyes and pulled away.
Laughing, she asked, “How did you not know about Marco Polo? I thought you all spent a few years in the human world on a . . . a . . . ”
“Pilgrimage,” Orrick said. “We don’t have a list of human games to play before we get back. I learned about rugby, which was fun, until I realized how fragile the other humans were.”
Sten said, “I learned about video games. No physical damage.”
“No sex stuff?” Jade blurted and felt her face flush hot. Fuck, why had she asked that?
“We’re forbidden from having relations with humans on our pilgrimage,” Orrick said, though he held Jade’s gaze. Her entire body heated and she stepped backward as though she were retreating from a flame. What the hell did his look mean? That she wasn’t human and he wanted to have relations with her? Fuck, she just wanted some space, some time to think about her life.
With a shaky breath, Jade asked, “So . . . what did you learn on your pilgrimage?” She shot Orrick a challenging look that only resulted in a mischievous grin.
“He learned how to gamble,” Sten filled in. “We weren’t supposed to be together out there, but we broke the rules. We went to the casinos at the Cherokee reservations first, won money, then spent it and traveled wherever we could until the money ran out. Then we came home. He was good at gambling. I was good at making friends.”
“And you learned something from all this?” Jade asked. “I mean, wasn’t the whole point to better yourselves? To bring something worthwhile back to your clan? That’s what Mama told me about ursa pilgrimages.”
“The lights,” Orrick said. “I brought those. Sten, the kiss-ass, brought tulip bulbs that your mother didn’t have. That’s why she loves him. I think if she weren’t mated, she’d choose him.”
Sten flushed and Jade raised a brow. “My mother?”
“Your cousin wasn’t our first. Our first was months and months ago.” He se
emed to find it hard to speak again, his face a bright red that contrasted with his dark hair.
The truth dawned slowly.
“How long ago?” Jade asked, dreading the answer, though she probably should have just asked the question outright: “Did you fuck my mother?”
“Last winter. Summer, by your schedule. She had a late estrous. We were the only males in the lodge . . . ”
“Don’t tell me another fucking detail,” Jade said, her mind buzzing. God, her mother had given her such a suggestive look when she’d sat down to have breakfast with these two. It didn’t help a bit that Jade was already attracted to them. That her own mother had used them . . .
“Your father was gone for twenty-five years, Jade. What did you expect? She called his name every time I was with her,” Sten said.
Jade let out a shaky breath. “It’s just not something I think I can get used to. You guys are used for sex. My own mother used you for sex. Doesn’t that bother you?”
Orrick raised an eyebrow. “I’d hardly call it being used, Jade. It’s a necessity. We enjoy it, and the balance of magic is maintained. Rebelling against our ways would be a disaster.”
Jade tugged the blanket tighter around her and walked a few paces to stand at the edge of the water. She stared at the rushing veil of the waterfall, letting the vibrating rumble of it sink into her mind. Emma and Jasper had adapted so easily. They hadn’t questioned a single thing about this place—though she guessed Emma had always known deep down where she belonged, and she’d finally found it. Jasper’s longings were more personal, and the moment he’d found the answer to the void in his soul, he couldn’t say no.
Jade blamed neither of them. She just wished she had the same deep convictions. She’d never had a boyfriend, even at age twenty-five. She’d had moments filled with romantic potential. An outing to a roller rink when a cute boy picked her to skate with and then kissed her afterward. An impulsive race through her high school’s hallways after a football game with a boy from another school. He’d given her a kiss she thought might mean the beginning of something, until she learned he was involved with one of her friends already.
Nailed (Black Mountain Bears Book 3) Page 2