by Nia Arthurs
“Class,” Mrs. Peters stared us down, “That was a beautiful example of what not to do.” She remarked coldly, “Next!” she yelled.
Barely restraining her whimper, Monica ran back to her seat. Throughout the rest of the presentations, Mrs. Peter’s expression remained unchanged and her comments, when she did deem the presenter worthy enough to hear them, were rarely positive. When she called my name, my palms were sweating and my knees threatened to buckle. I forged on and infused a confidence I did not feel into my voice.
“My colleague,” I nodded to the young man who had been pro-abortion and who had gotten the most glowing review (and by glowing I meant a lack of negative review) from Mrs. Peters, “listed some great points, the primary being the right of a woman to choose what is done to her body. But,” I glanced at the colorful faces in the room and took a deep breath, “Except in the case of rape, the abortion argument is not an argument of ‘choice’.” I stepped closer to the front row and strained to keep my hands by my side instead of waving them about to emphasize my point as I continued, “By voluntarily spreading her legs for whatever reason, in whatever situation, a woman has made her ‘choice’.”
Several of the females in the class wrinkled their noses at my phrasing, but I ignored them and forged on,
“Tell me,” I paused and swallowed the spit lodged in my throat, “what is the value of a human life? And at what point during a pregnancy should the tissue formed in the womb be constituted as a life?” I wrung my hands together as I delivered my closing statement, “Living beings come into existence from the moment of conception. An unborn baby has a distinct, unchanging and unrepeatable genetic code, unique in all of history. What right do we have to snuff out a soul that is unique in every way? Abortion steals from our society and prevents a life from gradually unfolding their world of inherent potential. We want to live in a world founded on choice, but it is not worth gaining at the cost of genocide.”
I nodded once to indicate that I was finished and then made my way to my seat. I completely avoided looking at Mrs. Peters, for I knew that I needed to quell my shaking and build up my emotional reserves in order to stomach her comments. The woman could be brutal. The class waited with baited breath, expectant. I could almost hear them crying out for blood. To their disappointment, the floor was spared from a blood bath for Mrs. Peters blessed me with a blissful ignorance. She called for the next presenter without tearing my self-esteem to the ground. I almost fell to the floor with relief. It was over and I had not been picked apart and dehumanized. I couldn’t wait to share with Mia when I went to work later.
“That’s nice, girl.” Mia spoke kindly to me. My exuberance dimmed in the light of her apathy.
“Are you okay?” I asked her. Mia’s vibes were very low today and it was cramping my mood.
“Peyton and I are sort of fighting.” She admitted.
I snapped to attention. Melody and Spencer and Mia and Peyton were like the wonder couples. I wondered what had stirred the pot of blissful, marital stew.
“Can I ask you what you guys are arguing about?”
Mia grabbed the rag that I was wiping the counter with and scrubbed at a non-existent spot, “Babies.” She confessed, avoiding my gaze.
I gasped, “Why would you argue about that? Don’t you want kids?”
“I do.” She quipped, “But not right now.”
“And Peyton does.” I figured.
“Badly,” she glanced at me and bit her lip, “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I’m just making a success of the store and I’m designing a line for next year and it’s just not a good time.”
“Did you explain that to him?”
“I did.” She scrubbed harder at the counter, “He thinks I’m making excuses.”
“Well,” I posed the question lightly, “Are you?”
“I don’t think so. I have valid points.”
“You do.” I rushed to agree with her.
She glanced at me and then grinned, “But,”
I chuckled lightly, “But, maybe a family is worth more than all of that.” I grasped the rag from her hand and moved to another spot that actually needed to be cleaned. She followed me.
“It’s not only that.” she complained, “I feel like he wants a family so badly right now because Spencer and Mel are expecting, you know?”
“Do you think he’s turning your life into a competition… or are you?”
“It’s not like that?”
“Then what is it like?” I moved to the shelves that housed the skinny jeans. “Has Peyton ever compared you to Melody before?”
“He wouldn’t dare.”
“Okay. So who else is comparing you two?”
Mia followed me to the other end of the store and protested, “I’m not comparing, but Melody is so put together and mature and steady. And I’m not.”
“You just proved my point.” I said smugly.
“Susan!”
“Okay, okay,” I set the rag down and led her to the stool where the customers sat to try on shoes, “I’m not anywhere near ready to have kids,” I began, “and maybe you’re not either. But have you ever considered that the reason you’re so upset at the thought of starting a family has nothing to do with Peyton or Melody?”
“What do you mean?”
“Motherhood is a huge responsibility.” I said simply.
“It is.” Mia agreed, “And what if I’m not cut out for it? What if I’m terrible at it?”
“Mia,” I rushed her and put an arm around her shoulder, “you are so kind and generous and smart. You would make a wonderful mother. And I’m sure if you talked to Peyton about this, he’d tell you the same thing.”
Mia nodded quietly, holding back tears. “Thanks Susan.”
“No problem.”
She sniffed, “I’m going to go call my husband.”
“Go right ahead.” I smiled and continued my cleaning.
I was glad to see the smile return to Mia’s face after her phone call and the loud, boisterous, and hilarious friend that I knew returned in full. We kept busy until the store closed.
“You need a ride?” Mia asked, pointing to the new car that Peyton had purchased for her last week.
I needed a cute, handsome, tech guy in my life to buy me cars.
“No thanks, Archie should be by to pick me up any minute now.”
“Ooh,” Mia wiggled her eyebrows, “you and Archie, huh? I knew I was right.”
“It’s not what you think,” I said honestly. It was so not what she was thinking.
“Right…” Mia smiled, totally not buying it.
“Oh, there he is. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She waved at me, “You love birds have fun.”
Laughing, I stuck my tongue out at her and got into the vehicle. Archie beeped a farewell to Mia before taking off.
“Hi Vegan.”
“Hi Carnivore.”
“You know, technically you’re also a carnivore, since you eat meat.”
“I could call you something else.”
“I’d like that.” he agreed with me. “So how was your day?”
I told him about the presentation in class. Archie’s reaction was everything that I’d hoped for.
“Cool,” he said, “I wish I could have seen it. Abortion is one of those topics I don’t like to touch with a ten foot pole.”
“It’s perfect for debates though. So, how was your day?”
He sighed, “My dad gave me another Trademark assignment.”
I winced. Trademark and contractual law could be the most tedious of all. “Why doesn’t he give you bigger cases? I mean, you’ve been working there for a few years.”
“I don’t know,” he mused, turning left onto my street, “Every time I bring it up, he gets upset and reminds me that I need to ‘start from the bottom’.”
I faced him in the dim light of the car, “How long does he expect you to stay at the bottom?”
“However long he wants I g
uess,” Archie replied, as we passed my apartment. “I’m not sure he trusts me yet.”
“Well, maybe this is a lesson in patience. I’m sure there’s a lot more that you can learn from him.”
“True,” Archie quipped.
“But… maybe this is your chance to branch out on your own. Maybe open your own practice, accept the kind of cases that you want to, help the kind of people that need it.”
He parked the car next to the curb of a tacos vender and shut down the engine.
“I’ve never thought of that. The plan has always been to work at the family firm.”
“Who’s plan? Yours or your father’s?”
Archie looked thoughtful. “I’m not even sure.”
“For what it’s worth, I’d work at your firm. You know… since with the way you don’t eat vegetables, you’d die faster than me and I’d get all your clients.”
He barked out a laugh, “Just when I thought you couldn’t top yourself, you say something even sweeter to me.”
I shrugged innocently, “I can’t help myself.”
He grinned and jerked his head toward the vendor, “Come on Vegan. Let me show you what a real taco is and maybe you’ll even learn some manners along the way.”
“Not a chance, Lux.”
“Lux?” Archie’s eyebrows rose.
“Like the moon. For your eyes?” I explained.
“Nah.”
I agreed. “I’ll come up with a good one.” I vowed as I followed him out of the car.
“I’m not holding my breath.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Archie ordered an insane amount of finger-licking tacos and then drove us to a nearby park to dine on a bench near the sea. At first, I was wary of eating from vendors, especially since they didn’t have any public health licenses to be serving food to the community. However, like the fried jacks this morning, the amazing fragrance of the food beckoned with a siren call that I could not ignore. I bit into my first Belizean taco and realized that I’d made the right call. The soft corn tortillas were loaded with almost illegal amounts of onion, cilantro and tomato and bits of pork and beef. It was delicious and I proceeded to eat all of mine and even steal a few from Archie. My figure was unabashedly boyish and I struggled to gain weight so overeating was my way of sticking it to biology.
“Dang girl, it’s a good thing I didn’t take you to a restaurant,” Archie teased when I wolfed down my fifth taco.
“It’s a good thing I can pay my own way if you ever did take me to a restaurant,” I replied, savoring my juicy taco.
“You shouldn’t have to. Not when you’re with me.” He quipped earnestly.
I wiped my mouth with a napkin, “I know you’re only trying to be chivalrous, Archie, but you don’t have to be. We’re not really dating so you don’t have to worry about impressing me.”
He laughed aloud, “Trust me, Vegan. I haven’t begun to impress you yet. Don’t you trust me?”
I continued to wipe my fingers, “I don’t trust guys, across the board.”
“Whoa, that’s kind of harsh,” Archie turned toward the sea allowing the breeze to further blow his already ruffled hair. “We’re not all lowlifes like your boyfriend.”
“Ex-boyfriend.” I corrected, “And I disagree. Most men are incapable of commitment and faithfulness; it’s a part of their genetic code. It’s like you’re programmed to be untrustworthy.”
Archie shook his head, “I’m not saying that guys don’t have their issues. I’ve made more than enough mistakes to prove that. But, I don’t think you should write us all off. I’m no saint. But when I do decide to marry…whenever that is, I don’t plan on giving up on my partner, no matter what.”
“Maybe you believe that now.” I conceded, “But things happen. We don’t know the people that we’ll be in the next month much less in the next few years.”
“You’re right. And that’s exactly why all of it, marriage and dating and love, they’re risks that we take. Even this,” he pointed between us, “you have to trust me, with your feelings, and your thoughts, and your reputation. You’re taking a chance on me so that I can take a chance on love.”
“So, you do love her.” I asked quietly, “Nicole…”
He blew out a breath. “I don’t know what I feel. We ended things badly. I want a second chance with her.”
I nodded and gazed out at the horizon. The lights from the lampposts standing sentinel all over the large park reflected like stars in the dark water. In the distance, a reggae song about a laughing woman named Belize echoed over the waters from the night club across the street. The heavy bass thumped across the distance and burrowed its way into my heart so that the organ vibrated with the song. Children laughed in the distance as they played on the colorful swings and slides. They were totally unaware of how drastically their world would change when their eyes were opened to the complexity of love and life. But for now, for tonight, all they knew was the quiet joy of crossing the monkey bars or pumping their legs so hard that they soared into the night sky and touched the moon. I hoped that their skies remained that clear for a while longer. Archie shifted in his seat and I turned to look at him.
“My parents divorced when I was five. It was really messy.” Archie confessed softly.
I gasped, “I had no idea.”
“It’s not something that I talk about in detail.”
“That must have been terrible for you.”
“I don’t remember much about them fighting. And they never bad mouthed each other in front of me, so that was good. But I remember feeling split in half. I couldn’t figure out why my parents were incapable of living together and loving each other, the way I loved both of them.”
I put my hand on top of his for support, instinctively understanding that Archie was sharing a bit of his heart with me and honored that he would.
“I always thought it was my fault. There was nothing my parents could say that would lessen the burden of that. And then I got older and I found out why my parents dissolved their marriage.” He met my gaze and I saw the fury in his silver eyes, “The file was under ‘irreconcilable differences’ but do you know why they really broke up?” He chuckled darkly, “Mom said she looked at Dad one day and she didn’t have the same feelings anymore. She said she fell out of love.” He removed his hand from under mine and gestured in the air, “They tore my world apart because she didn’t feel lightheaded when she looked at him anymore.” He turned his face toward the sea again, “I don’t know if Nicole is “The One” and I don’t care if she doesn’t ever make me feel lightheaded or crazy or breathless. What I do know is my children will never have their world turned upside down because their parents don’t have a ‘feeling’”.
His jaw was so firm, I feared Archie would crack his teeth. Scooting closer, I rested my head on his shoulder, fitting my head snuggly on the groove between his shoulder blade and collar bone. At first he tensed, but then his muscles relaxed and he found my hand once again. I squeezed it lightly.
“I understand.” I spoke into the wind, “My dad left when I was five and he’s never been a part of my life. Who knows, maybe he’s one of the reasons why I pick such douche bags.”
“I’m sorry, Susan,” Archie breathed.
“It’s okay. But Archie,”
“Yeah?”
“Even though Brian made a fool of me and I very much regret falling for him, I don’t regret knowing what it is to love someone. Yeah, it’s about feelings like joy when you’re near that person and being complete and safe. But it’s about reaching new levels of sadness that you’ve never been before, a sorrow that stems from a yearning so strong, it consumes you. And you’re scared because it’s so overwhelming to realize that you’re dependent on someone. And you’re empty because you’re giving yourself away, but at the same time you’re full because the giving is so satisfying. Sometimes being in love hurts so much it feels like you can’t breathe and you want to die because your heart can’t take anymore.”
&
nbsp; Archie coughed, “That sounds awful.”
I laughed, hiding my face in his chest and breathing in the warmth of having a friend with no expectations and no walls.
“It’s horrifying,” I agreed, “still it’s the most fulfilling place to be. And, I agree that having the commitment and foundation of a partner is important but you also deserve to know how it feels to be in love.”
He squeezed me into his side, “How did you get to be so wise?”
“I’m not wise. I’m just another sucker that got gut-punched and lived to tell the tale.”
“I’m glad you did.” Archie said softly.
“You’re glad I got I got sucker-punched or that I lived?”
“Both,” he teased and then sat straight up. “My phone,” he explained and I leaned away from his side so that he could access his pocket. My cell buzzed at the same time and I pulled it open as well. It was from Mia. I swiped the screen to unlock it and clicked on the Messenger app.
MELODY’S AT MEDICAL ASSOCIATES HOSPITAL. COME QUICK.
The terse message was sent to Archie as well.
“Come on! Mel’s in the hospital!” he yelled and he took off running toward the car. I followed, close on his heels and hopped into the vehicle. Archie broke a few laws as we raced to the hospital room. He parked and we fast-walked into the building. Archie knew where the maternity ward was and we hopped on the elevator to reach the correct floor. When we stepped off the elevator, he headed straight for the receptionist desk.
“Good night, we’re looking for Melody Reyes.”
“Archie, its Melody Braden now.” I reminded him.
“Right.” He said, breathing hard. I knew that Archie and Melody were like family, but a part of me still had not completely absorbed the news that my friend was actually hurt. The receptionist indicated that we should go to the waiting room with the rest of the family and we raced down the hall. Archie burst through the door to the waiting room and strode over to Spencer. The Asian man looked pale and frazzled. I’d never seen Spencer so out-of-sorts. He always seemed so in control of everything.
“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” Archie yelled at the room.