by S. L. Scott
By evening, they were dressed in their wedding clothes again. After stopping to kiss and grope twice in the apartment, once in the hall, in the elevator, and twice in the small lobby, they almost threw their plans out the window completely, wanting to go back upstairs. If not for Taylor’s insistence, they would have. “I’ve definitely created a sex monster.”
“Are you complaining?” she teased, poking him in the side.
“Nope. Not one bit.”
“What about regrets? Got any?”
“Nope,” he said again. “Not one.”
She slipped under his arm and said, “Good, because we’ve consummated our marriage, so there’s no backing out now.”
“When I make a promise. I keep it.”
“I never had a doubt.”
With his arm over her shoulders, he walked proudly through the lobby, introducing Jude as his wife to the doorman. Many congrats were had as he hailed them a cab.
In the cab, she practically sat on his lap. She just couldn’t bear any distance. “This is what cloud nine feels like,” she said cheerfully.
“I’ve always wondered what clouds one through eight were like. They get the shaft.”
“I reckon a lot like the nine circles of Hell. But now we’re rewarded for surviving our pasts.”
Taylor kissed her on the head, and nodded. “Rewarded for surviving.”
Over dinner, as they sat at a table for two in the corner of a chic restaurant, they admired the beauty of Central Park. When turning back to Hazel, she noted that the park held nothing in comparison to his eyes. It’s what first drew her to him. That and how handsome he was.
“Sometimes the way you look at me,” he started, “you look at me like I’m special.”
“You are. You’re special. You’re kind. You’re loving.” She lowered her voice so the neighboring patrons couldn’t hear her. “You’re sexy and so giving in bed. I may not have been with others, but I know that you wanting to please me is special.”
“Pleasing you, dear Jude, is a completely selfish act.”
She blushed and sighed dreamily to herself. Lucky. She was very lucky. The waiter came to the table and said, “Congratulations on your wedding. Compliments of the chef.” He set down a mini chocolate cake and refilled their champagne glasses.
Taylor said, “Thank you.”
Then the waiter set a box down in front of Jude, and smiled. “This is compliments of your husband.”
Now she really blushed. Looking at her husband in awe with love and all of cloud nine in her eyes, she felt amazed this was real. He smiled. The waiter left and she took the box and opened it, not shy at all anymore. “You’re very sneaky, Mr. Barrett.”
“In our rush down the aisle, we skipped a step. I thought we could make up for it.”
A quiet gasp stole her words, but gave him the best reaction possible. Inside the box she stared at two gleaming bands. One for him and one for her. “When did you have time to do this?” A smile crossed her lips and before his secret was revealed, she took his ring out, and said, “This has some weight to it.”
“It’s solid like us.”
She reached for his hand. “Hazel Barrett, will you marry me and let me take care of you for the rest of our lives?”
“I will.”
She put the ring on him.
Taking the box from her, he slipped the other ring out and took her hand in his. “Jude Barrett, will you marry me and let me love you for the rest of our lives?”
“I will. Again and again.”
He slid the ring on her finger right against the other ring that sealed a promise months earlier. When she looked at the ring, with the large diamond surrounded by smaller ones, she tilted her head in disbelief. “You spent too much.”
“You’ve promised me your life. No price can be put on that. So accept this token as a show of my dedication to you and as a thank you for saying yes.”
“Okay, Romeo. You already got the yes. You don’t have to try so hard.”
He laughed but didn’t say anything. The tears in her eyes were evidence of her happiness. And for the smile on her face, he would have paid a lot more. Tapping his glass against hers, he said, “To a lifetime filled with happiness.”
“To a lifetime filled with happiness.”
After dinner, they stayed to finish off the champagne. They had become quiet, the weight of the day tiring them. Hazel finally suggested, “Home?”
“I’d love to.”
The rush they’d felt earlier, to feel everything all at once, had gone, and peace settled in. In front of the living room windows, with the city they fell in love in as their backdrop, they had their first dance as a married couple. Bryan Ferry’s “These Foolish Things” was playing and she spun around until he caught her. Swaying back and forth, she rested her head on his shoulder, and he held her tight.
She didn’t leave his arms for two weeks. He called into work and organized some time off, using some of his saved vacation time. The lavender sundress and the floral dress were pulled from his closest. She’d loved them at the store. She loved them even more now because he had bought them for her. He watched her dance around their living room, jump on their bed, and admire herself in them. Her happiness meant everything to him and when he saw her laughing, he knew he was the luckiest man alive.
Their days were filled with walks in the park, shopping the farmer’s market, or exploring Chelsea Market. They hung out at cafes and bookstores. Jude started drinking coffee for him and Taylor embraced her faltering storms. A visit to her family was looming, clouding her eyes. Those times, he would work to bring her back to the present, back to him, where she belonged. He loved her and everything about her.
No one else he’d ever met was more aware of who they were than she was of herself. Marriage turned this stunning girl into a striking woman. He encouraged her stardust dreams and let her soar through the moonlight.
He admired her optimism and enjoyed the freedom to be his true self when he was with her. With Jude, everything felt new. He felt new. He felt invigorated and excited for life, for their life together, and he could tell she felt the same. Perhaps he gave her this same feeling of freedom, of a new start without her damaged past weighing her down, inhibiting her.
Taylor also held steadfast in their future, protecting her from the bad of the world so she could capture the world in her pocket. So her carefree view of her surroundings was never tainted. Her past held enough of that for a lifetime or three.
Taylor didn’t realize she was only like that with him, that being with him gave her the strength to be who she really was, the woman she was meant to be.
The last day before he would return to work, Taylor was organizing his drafting table and Jude was napping. He straightened the blueprints of their future house and put the last of his pencils in a holder. The apartment was quiet until a demanding knock on the door intruded into their peaceful world. Rushing to answer it before the annoyance woke Jude, he was irritated before he even opened it.
Rufus and Isla stood there. Rufus, with a smarmy smirk on his face, and Isla, looking less convinced this unannounced visit was a good idea, shifted uncomfortably. Rufus lead the charge. “What? No hello?”
“What do you want?”
He wrapped his arm around Isla, looking relaxed. “We’re looking for Judith. Her family is worried. Right, Isla?”
“Yes,” she said, nervously. “She’s been gone for over two weeks now and we’re all worried that something bad has happened. Have you seen her?”
With the worst timing in history, Jude opened the bedroom door and stepped out. Two sets of eyes, both looking shocked, peered over Hazel’s shoulders, and he dropped his head down. A million lies crossed his mind.
Isla ran around Taylor to her cousin and hugged her. “Jude! Oh my God, you had us all so worried.”
When Taylor looked back, Rufus walked past him, letting himself in. “Guess we found her. What’d I tell ya, Isla? I knew she’d be he—”
<
br /> Taylor’s gaze shifted to Rufus when he stopped suddenly, then volleyed back to the girls. He saw the moment of recognition on Rufus’s face—wide eyes, mouth open—and Taylor’s stomach sank.
“Holy shit! Is that a wedding ring?” Rufus’s gaze went from Jude to Taylor, searching his hand.
It happened too fast for Taylor to hide the evidence, and he didn’t want to anyway. He would never hide their relationship again. “It is. What of it?”
Rufus laughed manically. “Oh fuck. Taylor ‘Golden Boy’ Barrett has married the crazy girl.”
Taylor was prepared to be mocked. That was Rufus’s style. What he wasn’t prepared for was hearing his wife be mocked. “What the fuck did you just say?”
Rufus was still laughing, but he was more than happy to repeat it. “Talk about irony.” He looked at Taylor. “Your body is all messed up,” he said, then redirected his attention to Jude, “and her mind is all messed up. Together you guys actually make one fucked-up person.”
Taylor swung before his senses caught up with him. He landed a cross punch on Rufus’s jaw sending him to the floor and eradicating his grin. Jude sprang between them, pressing her hands against Taylor’s chest to stop him from hitting Rufus again. With Taylor’s eyes locked on Rufus, Isla dropped to her knees to help him while Jude began whispering to her husband, “Stop! Please. Stop! He doesn’t matter, babe. He doesn’t matter.”
When their eyes met, a calm washed through him, his better senses returning.
Isla barked, “You’ll pay for this, Judith. Wait until your parents hear about this.”
Jude sighed heavily and leaned the top of her head to Hazel’s chest. “I guess the honeymoon is over.”
Maybe it was the rush of adrenaline still coursing through his veins. Or maybe that was just damn funny, but Taylor burst out laughing. “Guess so.” He looked down at her, glancing every couple of seconds at Rufus to make sure there’d be no retaliation through cheap shots. “The silver lining is that we now get to start the rest of our lives together.”
She smiled. “That is a silver lining.”
He moved her behind him while Isla helped Rufus up from the floor. Rufus’s nose was bleeding, so he held his head back. Jude went to get napkins, passing them across the bar to Isla who helped Rufus.
Slightly muted from the bloody nose, Rufus threatened, “Fucker! You’ll pay for this.”
Taylor took a step closer. “Don’t come into my home and fucking threaten me and don’t ever talk shit about my wife.”
Isla looked dumbstruck and her hand dropped away from Rufus. She glared at Judith skeptically, and asked, “So it’s true? You two are married?”
Nodding, Jude responded, “We are married.”
Isla turned to Taylor and said, “Really?” She was wise enough to stop before saying anything more, but her furrowing brow and mouth hanging open was enough.
Rufus glared at her. “What? You disappointed there, Princess? Guess you’re stuck with me,” he spat in annoyance.
Isla huffed. “You’re an asshole, Rufus.” She walked to the door, but stopped to say one last thing. “Judith, you should really think about someone other than yourself and come home. Their worry has turned to anger and your mom’s been crying the whole time.” She pushed past Taylor and left, leaving Rufus there to help himself.
Jude and Taylor turned to him. The arrogant rich boy stood in contrast to the one who waltzed in unannounced five minutes ago. Even with napkins to his nose, Jude found it hard to feel sorry for him. After her experiences with him, that punch was probably a long time coming.
“You know what?” he asked. “I don’t give a shit about your life anymore. Just go ahead and die already.” Taylor stepped to the side and watched as he walked out, slamming the door closed behind him. Jude took the liberty of locking it.
The laughter they shared moments earlier had evaporated and uncertainty filled their love nest.
Walking around the bar, Jude took Hazel’s hurt hand and gently pressed the large Ziploc bag of ice to his swelling and slightly shaking knuckles. He flinched, trying to pull away from her, but she held strong and asked, “Can we finally talk about your Parkinson’s?”
“YOU KNOW?” TAYLOR asked, standing in front of her, his heart shivering as she held his body still.
“I know.”
“For how long?”
“I found out the day before we got married.”
The subject seemed to hit every one of his nerve endings, making him feel vulnerable to the exposure. He pulled his hand away from her and the ice. He’d risk the swelling. “You married me knowing I would die?”
“We’ll all die one day,” she replied so matter-of-factly.
“I’ll die in years, Jude. Decades aren’t guaranteed.”
She moved closer, not liking his distance. “No one gets guarantees, my love. We just have to live the best life we can while we have a life to live.” Running her fingertips down his arm, she said, “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Worry creased his forehead as he stared at her. “Because I thought you would leave me.”
She touched the skirt of her dress, attempting to flatten a major wrinkle, then took his hand again, placing the ice on it. “I stand before you full of flaws. I’m Jude. Remember? I’m in no position to judge you. I can only judge who the man is to me and that man is the one I will love until my dying day.” Her eyes, like her smile, were soft, filled with understanding. With the gentle way she touched his cheek, it felt like she was caressing the rough waters of his soul. “Why did you marry me if you thought you wouldn’t be around to spend our lives together?”
“I married you because whatever days I have on this earth, I want them spent on you.”
“Your life isn’t currency, Hazel. It’s worth more than any value you think you can place on it.”
“Life is all about bartering, trading, or spending,” he snapped. “That’s what I do every day. I wake up and figure out how I’m getting through that day. It always comes down to the negotiation.”
“Don’t bargain with your life.”
“I bargained for you. Don’t you see that?”
“I know you want to save me, but save me because you intend to be with me. Not because you need a lost cause to give your life meaning.”
“Oh Jude,” he said, leaning against the bar, frustration invading his happiness. “My life before you can be summed up in three steps: I got up. I went to work. I came home. Now my life is an incredible maze of unpredictability. We have these days where we do such mundane things, but I see them in a way I never did before and they’re not mundane. They’re amazing. That’s because of you.” He took her arm and pulled her close. “I can’t lose the only thing that gives my life meaning, so if I have to bargain with God every morning for an extra day, I will. If I have to trade my life for yours, I will. If I have to spend my days to have time with you, I will. I can’t lose you.”
“You won’t. You have me. I’m not going anywhere, even when it gets hard. You’ll have me. When I made that vow to you, it included in sickness and in health. I meant it. Then and now, always.” She hugged him and his arms came around her. “Please don’t hide it from me anymore. Teach me. Show me how I can help you.”
It was hard to talk to her when he was so used to hiding that part of his life from everyone. He never wanted to be seen as weak or garner sympathy because of the disease that existed inside him. He wanted people to only see his strength. But he realized Jude and he were a team now. Unlike anything he had felt before, her love was immeasurable, as was his for her. She never gave him stipulations or contracts, tried to make deals, or sell a charade of perfection. Jude was the opposite of Katherine in every way, and being with her was healing the damage of his past. He’d never known love without conditions before her. She was his Barrett and he was hers. And that was forever.
Despite the humiliation he felt from his weakness, he felt more when holding out his hand for her to see. No level of comfort she cou
ld give would take his shame away. But he showed her anyway. “It’s not shaking right now, but if you watch really closely, a tremor will shoot through one of my fingers.”
She took his hand between hers, warming it with her love, then brought it to her cheek and held it there. “So when this happens, does it hurt?”
“No.”
“That’s good.” Taking his hand, he brought it to her chest and put it over her thumping heart. The heartbeats were strong, stronger than any tremors he had experienced. “Do you need medication to help?”
“Only when it’s bad. It’s not been bad except when I was in the hospital. But yes, I’ll need daily medication and treatments as it progresses.” He kept his eyes on his splayed hand across her chest. “Jude?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think less of me now that you know?”
He loved that she didn’t hesitate to answer. “I think more of you now that I know.”
He moved his hand back to her cheek, cupping it this time. “Why?”
“Because,” she said, “you had all of this happening to you, but you were only ever concerned about what was happening to me. You’re brave. You know that?”
“I don’t feel it sometimes.”
After kissing the palm of his hand, she leaned into it. “It’s not just about the outside, but also the inside that makes us who we are. And to me, you’ll always be strong.”
“Please remember that when I’m weak.”
“I will be your strength when you are weak. Just as you have been for me.”
“You don’t owe me anything, Jude.” His hand dropped down.
Taylor started to turn away, but she stopped him. “Payback has nothing to do with it. It’s love. That’s what you do for the people you love.”
“You have been shown so little love in your life and yet, you give it selflessly to others. How did I get so lucky?”
Grinning, she said, “It’s not luck, my dear Hazel, but good fortune. I was always told that good fortune comes to those who wait. Well, I’ve been waiting for you my whole life and I’m going to appreciate every day we have together.”