by S. L. Scott
Sucker-punched in the heart. Suddenly terrified that he might lose Jude, Taylor couldn’t breathe. His only air worth inhaling was shackled to a hospital bed. “We love each other.”
“I understand that.” Taylor didn’t like his lawyer’s tone. “But it’s not up to us and this is not about emotions. It’s about what’s best for her. The courts will have to decide that. Listen, I need an hour. Go eat. Take care of yourself. I’ll call you back.”
Taylor started retracing their days after they got married. There was so much he should have done. He should have taken her to his lawyer so she could have filed to gain her rights back. He would have gotten her a phone of her own. He would have never let her go back to that hell again, much less alone. He failed her time and time again. So much he would do differently in hindsight.
He was determined to make things right for her, even though he sat in his car now, gutted by the fact he may have no rights at all, that he may not be able to help her, much less save her. He had great lawyers. This was their time to prove it. Starting the car, he looked down at his phone. He couldn’t just sit here any longer, so he backed out and drove to Bleekman’s to wait on his lawyer to call him back.
Fortunately he didn’t have to wait long. Caleb called, and said, “I’ve got a judge who will make a call for us. Since this will turn into a legal matter, he’ll request she be released into your custody. Be aware. They do not have to comply since her parents still hold legal guardianship over her. The marriage blurs lines in this case. I’m going to file on your behalf for an immediate transfer of guardianship based on not only the marriage license being legal, but on your clean record and upstanding citizenship in the state of New York.”
“How long do I have to wait?”
“Get to Bleekman’s—”
“I’m already here.”
“Then hang tight. I’ll call you when I hear back from the judge’s office.”
“Thank you.” Taylor hung up the call, but held on to the phone. He watched the building like a hawk. When she was released, he wanted a quick getaway, so he moved his car up a row closer and into the end parking spot. The phone rang and he answered immediately, hearing what he wanted. “You’re clear. Go get her.”
Taylor hung up and tossed the phone into the cup holder. Running to the gate, he stopped when he saw the doctor coming out of the building. “Mr. Barrett, you do not understand the damage you are doing. We got off on the wrong foot, but I’m asking you now to leave her.”
“Get my wife!” He pressed the button and the receptionist didn’t answer. She just buzzed him in. Thank goodness for earlier charms.
Dr. Conroy looked annoyed when he heard the gate buzzed open without his permission. Turning back, he had his hands up as Taylor came toward him. “I’m begging you to let her stay another day or two. She’s a very sick woman.”
Taylor ignored him and continued walking straight inside. Maxine, the receptionist, stood up and smiled. “Down hall three. Room six.”
He never paused and started to run. The doctor was calling after him, but he didn’t care. Jude was his only goal. Until the doctor said, “Judith is confused. She kissed me. She begged me for more. Are you willing to be responsible for a woman who can’t even tell the difference between you and me?”
With his hand on the door, he looked back. It took all his willpower to stay focused on getting Jude out of here. How dare he talk about Jude as if she means nothing, as if she wasn’t Taylor’s every waking thought. He wanted to end him, but kept his mission on Jude. “She would never confuse us. You have done nothing but hurt her and I will do nothing but protect her. She knows me not by sight, but by heart.”
Nothing prepared him for seeing the room cradled in blackness. His heart started beating and he felt for a light switch. When he didn’t find one, he leaned back and saw it just outside the door. “Jude,” he called softly before flipping it on.
Her body was in a tight ball on the mattress in the corner. She didn’t move.
Walking in, he heard the doctor behind him. “This is unorthodox and can ruin her treatment.”
“Back away from us.”
“I don’t have to allow this.”
Taylor turned, his body heaving, his hands fisted. “Get away from me. Get away from her. That is your final warning.” His anger steamrolled the doctor making him take three steps back.
Even with the shouting, Jude didn’t move. Taylor bent down, his anger morphing into heartbreak, and whispered, “Jude? Baby, it’s me. Hazel. Can you hear me?” No covering on her. No sheets on the mattress. Hostility mixed with unease in his stomach. Hate for the man behind him mixed with sadness for the woman in front of him. How could they treat my Jude like this? How could they treat anyone like this? He touched her shoulder lightly and could feel her body shivering. His hand moved slowly over her shoulder and to her head. “I’m going to pick you up. Okay, Jude?”
Still no response.
Taylor scooped her into his arms. Her breath hit his neck as he held her close. He got up and walked toward the door with no fear of the doctor or the two orderlies standing by. Taylor walked right past them and to the desk. “Where are her things?”
Maxine put a large clear Ziploc bag on the counter that contained her lavender dress, her shoes, and her two rings. With a sympathetic smile, she said, “That’s all she had.”
He nodded, unable to speak. The tragedy of their love gripped his heart and strangled his words. As he walked to the front doors, a nurse ran up and opened it.
The nurse seemed to understand his silence, and whispered, “She’s going to be okay. I checked on her vitals less than an hour ago.”
Taylor didn’t trust any of them. Their care seemed to be to torture the patients and see who survives. Walking ahead of him, the nurse opened the gate for them as if this somehow made a difference. How could she leave Jude in a place like that and feel pride in her job. For fuck’s sake. That room would haunt him, so he could only imagine the fear Jude felt. He turned sideways. Jude, with her eyes closed, had stopped shaking, and whispered, “I told them you would come for me.”
His lips pressed to her head, and he said, “Always.”
The nurse opened the passenger door when Taylor unlocked the car with the key remote. He set Jude carefully inside. When he stood up, the nurse handed him a bottle of water. “Make sure she drinks lots of liquids and she needs to eat in the next hour or so. If you need anything, my name is Lacy.”
“I won’t need anything from this place,” he bit, a warning in his tone. He left her standing there with the bottle still in her hand. His hand began to shake as he went through the motions of buckling in his half-conscious wife. He could tell it was from anger this time, not his illness.
While he buckled himself, he glanced over at her—frail, lifeless, pale—not his Jude at all, and yet, this is what her family preferred? Ordered up for her destiny? How could they do this to their own daughter? How could they do this to anyone and sleep in their ivory tower so peacefully?
He started the engine and backed out of the space. He wanted his wife back and he would do whatever it took to bring back her smile. Getting the hell away from the hospital was a good start, and he floored it, speeding away as fast as he could.
When the sign for the hospital was long gone, Taylor touched her gently and whispered, “We’ll be home soon, my love.”
THE CAR CAME to a stop on a dirt road concealed beneath tall trees on both sides. Jude slumped to the side before righting herself. She looked over at Hazel in the driver’s seat next to her and smiled. It was feeble, but it represented her whole heart.
He put the car into park and turned to her. “Hey there.”
“Hi.”
Her voice was slightly hoarse either from dehydration or shouting. He wasn’t sure and didn’t want to ask. Handing her his water, he said, “Drink. I can tell you’re dehydrated.”
She took a few small sips, then looked out her window. “I’m gonna go… out there
.”
“I can take you somewhere else. I just thought—”
“This is fine.” She reached for the bag of clothes in the back seat and Taylor ran around to open the door for her. Jude took his hand and stood up. Their bodies came together, and she fell into his arms. “Thank you,” she whispered.
He held her. He held her so tight he didn’t know if he was holding her up or if she was holding him. It didn’t matter either way. They were together again.
Jude stepped away with her head lowered. When she looked up into his eyes, she requested, “Don’t look at me like that anymore, okay? I can survive anything they do to me at Bleekman’s. I can survive anything my family puts me through. But I cannot survive knowing I’ve dulled your impossible eyes.”
Putting on a smile just for her, he said, “Okay.” He wasn’t sure what else to say. He was worried he wouldn’t be able to always hide his inner turmoil from her, but he would hide it from her today.
He added, “I packed clothes for you.”
“The dress will do,” she replied, holding up the bag.
Leaning against the car, he watched as she walked into the woods, just behind some large trunked trees. He looked away, giving her privacy, though the thought of her needing privacy from him stung.
Minutes later, she returned looking more herself already. She lifted up on her tiptoes and kissed him lightly, then said, “It’s amazing what a pretty dress can do for your attitude.” She twirled, not as fast as usual, but enough to make her smile, and more than enough to make him.
“We’ll fill the closet. You’ll have dresses in every color.”
She rubbed her hand over his chest. “And where will your clothes go?”
“I don’t care. I just want to fill your life with dresses that make you smile like this one does.”
Tilting her head, she blushed. “I missed you.”
Guilt bombarded his heart, landing each and every regret. “I’m sorry. So sorry. Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
“You’ve done nothing to apologize for. I’m here, only because of you. Thank you for loving me.”
The architect and the double dipper embraced, but now as bonded lovers—no past, no future, just them right in that very moment. “I do,” he said, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, Hazel.”
He breathed her in, her natural scent muted by the dark past of the last twenty-four hours. He wanted her light back. He wanted his Jude back. She was there, but he would have to unearth the woman beneath the stench of deceit. “We should go. Get you home.”
She pulled herself away from him begrudgingly, but she knew he was right. “I’m ready.”
Jude spent the trip back to Manhattan mostly quiet. She felt the drugs altering her on the inside, and through her peaks of lucidity, she fought the crazy thoughts desperate to surface. She just needed to wait them out. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she could think clearer.
Taylor alternated between watching the road and watching her. He had a ton of questions, but it didn’t seem the right time for deep conversation. By the way she leaned against the door with her head on her hand, she looked too tired. Determined to help her the best he could, he pulled over and they ate lunch at a roadside diner.
She leaned her head on him now, the two of them sharing one side of the vinyl booth. With his hand on her leg, and while waiting on their order to arrive, she asked, “Do you love me like you did before?”
Rubbing her thigh, he kept his trembling heart out of his voice. “I love you more.”
“You’re all I saw when my mind tried to play tricks on me, you grounded me to something real, something pure. You gave me a reason to fight.” Sitting up, she looked at him, then to the rings on her finger. “I’m sorry you saw me like that. I’m sorry about everything.”
“You don’t have any reason to say sorry, but I have a million.” The call to the lawyer he should have made. The phone he should have bought. Stopping her from going back… A million regrets that burdened his heart.
“You keep saying that, but you’ll never convince me.” After a heavy sigh, she let her shoulders and her guard down. “I don’t want to relive it. I never want to think about it again.”
He understood, so he nodded. They could talk tomorrow about the legal stuff, but Bleekman’s got benched for good.
Taylor’s eyes were wide in astonishment as he watched her finish a half-pound burger, French fries, and a piece of apple pie a la mode. Then he felt bad for her on the car ride home watching her rub her belly in pain. “Why did you let me eat so much?”
“I was afraid if I tried to stop you, I’d lose a hand.” He chuckled.
She didn’t at first, feigning offense, but gave in and laughed. “You might have. I was starving.” Groaning again, she said, “I can’t wait to be home.”
When they walked into the apartment, Taylor dropped his bag on the bedroom floor and Jude went straight to the bathroom and started the shower. He gave her space and waited for her in the living room. After texting his lawyer that they made it home, his lawyer replied.
Come in tomorrow at ten, so we can sign the papers to start the process.
He would talk to her later if she was up for it. If not, in the morning. Passing the time, he sat at his drafting table and sketched out a larger closet just for her in their future home, until his hand trembled. The difference this time was it was his other hand. He watched his left hand on the white surface moving just enough for the eye to catch what his body knew.
“I feel so much better after that shower,” Jude said from the kitchen.
Taylor wrapped his right hand over the other, hiding it from her. He just hoped he hid the fear he felt as well. “What?” he asked, looking over. She was the vision of the beauty he fell in love with. Her hair shone under the light, her happiness too bright to hide in her blue-green eyes. She wore his boxer shorts and college T-shirt, giving him flashbacks of the first time they were together.
She repeated herself, “I needed a shower. I smelled.” She shook her head. “So embarrassing.”
Staring at her, he said, “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“Are you okay?” She quirked her head to the side and stared at him. “You seem distant?”
Turning back to his table and the house rendering, he tried to ignore the disease that wouldn’t give up on him. “I’m fine. I’m tired. I’m sure you are, too.”
“Exhausted,” she replied dramatically, but when he didn’t respond to her antics, she walked to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong? For real. What’s going on?”
Her hands were warmth and strength, reassurance, and patience. He wanted to give her the same in return, so he secured his voice and covered what he should be telling her with what he needed to tell her. “We have an appointment with my lawyer at ten tomorrow. We’ll get your rights back whether they’re granted to you or me, your family will no longer have access or control over you.”
She squeezed and gently rubbed. “That’s great news. Thank you. You’re very tense. Maybe you should take a hot shower too.”
He took a deep breath and straightened his face, holding steady. Taking her by the hips, he said, “Yeah, that might help.”
Leaning down, she took his face between her hands and kissed him. There was more than passion exchanged. There was a promise of a happy life. And Jude felt safe once again. Sitting on his lap, she wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it bad that I’m still craving Chinese food?”
Now that made him laugh. “I can’t believe you’re hungry after that big meal, but if you want Chinese food, you’ve got. I’ll order it now.”
She kissed his head. “I knew you loved me.”
“You’re right. I do.”
Pausing, they let a quaint silence surround them as they spun to look out the window at the city beyond. “When did you start loving me, Hazel?”
“The first time I saw you.” Chartreuse dress. Red snow boots. Wrapped in chaos and b
reathing life into a party that was stale, and a heart that had gone cold.
“So was it the double dipping that won you over?”
“No. Although that was quite the turn-on,” he said sarcastically. “It was watching you dance to the music all by yourself.”
Her head tilted back and she laughed. “That makes me sound weird.”
“Not weird at all. Quirky, yes. But you were the most magnificent sight I’d ever seen. You were touchy and completely invading everyone’s space—”
“Especially yours.”
“You didn’t have to invade mine. I happily surrendered the moment you looked into my eyes.”
“Hazel.”
He held her and kissed her shoulder. “You smell sweet. I’m glad to have you back.”
“Not more glad than I am to be back.” She bent down to kiss his lips, then pressed them to his ear instead, and whispered, “I’ll spend my life trying to repay you, but let me start by saying thank you.”
Turning, he closed his eyes as his cheek rubbed against hers. “I’d rather you spend your life happy, free to be who you are, and with me.”
“Me too. With you. Everything with you.” She released him and stood up. “I’m going to rest until the food gets here.”
Tugging on her shirt, he agreed. “I’ll wake you when it arrives.”
Her finger traced his jaw, then tapped his lips. “I love you.”
“I love you more.”
With a smirk, she replied, “Impossible,” and disappeared into the bedroom, leaving the door cracked open.
Taylor ordered the food and then sat on the couch with his head in his hands. Bitterness was seeping into his heart, the disease attempting to steal his future out from under him.
Money, power, talent, connections. None of it mattered. The disease he fought against couldn’t be bought, sold, or traded. Bartered or deterred. His disease was set to destroy all that was good in him, all that was worth having, worth living. He would leave this earth one day too soon, but more than this world, he didn’t want to leave Jude.