His expression softened. "Yes, Kitten. That's what I was waiting for. I'm always the one initiating sex. Just one damn time I'd like to know you wanted me for a change."
The raw loneliness in his voice took her breath away. How could he not know she wanted him? "I attacked you first. More than once," she said. He always seemed so confident, arrogant even. For just that moment he seemed almost insecure.
He shook his head. "Not the same thing, baby, and you know it. That was the leopard's heat talking mostly. But then, a few days ago, you gave yourself to me and then you took you away. You dangle paradise in front of a starving man, give him a taste and then take it away, he gets angry and he isn't going to accept that loss."
She didn't understand and it made her more frustrated than ever. He held her close to his side, his arm around her waist. His body language, face and eyes said anger, but the gentle way he held her said something altogether different.
"My parents died and my life turned to total shit, baby. Not like yours. Not even close, but I had this leopard and he was riding me hard, struggling for control. I was always in fights. Didn't matter where I was, honest to God, or how much I wanted to stay there, I couldn't stop the fights. And the need to fuck. All the time. It never let up. If I didn't give in and find myself someone to ride hard then I was beating the crap out of someone. I was a teenager without direction and a leopard that needed sex and violence all the time. That got me kicked out of a dozen homes in a few very short years. It also got me pitted against the male adults in the homes where I stayed. That meant fists and beatings and forcing me to hold my leopard back. Once . . ."
He closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, she could see that leopard, feral and wild with hunger and needs of its own. She held her breath and her fist twisted in his loose shirt.
"Not just once," he confessed, the words sounding as if each was bitter and disgusting. "Many times, I had to fight my own nature. My leopard wanted free rein. I was young and it felt like protection, but he would have killed them. I knew he would have. I couldn't allow it and it just made it all the more difficult to take those beatings when I knew I could let him loose and it would be over."
She inhaled sharply, her natural compassion rushing to overtake her.
"I've never told a damn soul this fucking shit, baby," he confided. His hand slid under her chin and he tipped her face up to his. "Just you. Because I trust you. Because you make my life worth something. You make all those years worth fighting and being strong, learning control. I know I'm controlling. I know I can get mean. I'm trying, Kitten. Really. My life has to be control. I can't take too much chaos, because as I've grown stronger, so has he."
She pressed closer to him. She didn't know what to say. "I have no idea how I make your life worthwhile, Eli."
"Are you fucking kidding me, Catarina?" He all but snarled it. "Look around you. Look at our home. You made this place a home. You take care of me. No one has done that for me. It isn't that you cook for me, it's that you love cooking for me and I can taste it in every bite I take. When you give yourself to me, it's full surrender. Everything. All of you. In the mornings when I wake up, you're cuddled into me all soft and warm and you always smile. Always. The sun rises right there. I know my day is going to be good because you smiled at me. I could give you a million more reasons, and I know I'm being damned selfish that I wanted--no I need you to make a move on me. I have to know that you aren't staying with me because I fucking forced you to."
God. He was giving her everything. Stripping himself of pride. Of his ego. Of the confident, arrogant, controlling man that he was. She fell a little bit more in love with him. How could she not?
"I don't know what I'm doing," she admitted, embarrassed. Not just embarrassed--humiliated. Nearly as humiliated as when Rafe had insisted she read a poem to his visitors. "And it's mortifying. You're so experienced, Eli, and I hate doing anything wrong in front of you because I don't want you to think I'm stupid."
"Baby," he said gently, cupping the back of her head in his palm. His eyes softened. His face gentled. He slid his thumb over her lips. "Is that what you've been afraid of? That you wouldn't do it right? And never again, ever, believe that I would think you were stupid. I'm very aware how intelligent you are. You not only outsmarted Cordeau, but you fooled me a time or two as well." His head dipped down to hers, his lips feathering gently over hers. "You really didn't make a move because you were afraid you wouldn't do something right? Baby, there is no right way."
She nodded, miserable. "I hate not knowing what I'm supposed to do. And there might not be a right way, but there's a way you like it. That's the way I want to do it."
"What did I tell you about that, Cat? When you need something, talk to me. You want information, especially about something as important as this, you talk to me. Kitten, I like anything I can get from you. Anything. Any way. I need to know you're with me because you want to be with me, not because you have to." He shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up.
She liked his hair messed up. Already her body was heating up. Needing. Hungry for him. She let it happen because this time she was going to ask. If he needed to know she wanted him as much as he wanted her, she could show him that.
"I thought tying you to me with sex would be a good idea, Catarina," he confessed. "But in the end, all it's done is make you think that's all I want from you. I have to admit, I'm very sexual, it matters. I'm not saying it doesn't. But all the rest of it, all that you give me, the way you give it to me, your surrender to me, putting up with my shit, that makes the physical take a backseat. You get me? Do you understand what I'm saying to you, baby? Because it's important you know that."
She nodded. Took a breath. Made a decision. "I'm going to get your coffee for you. I want you to take your clothes off and sit in your favorite chair and wait for me. I'll be out in a minute and I'll expect a little direction."
His golden eyes searched hers for a long time. A slow heat crept in. Hunger. Desire. Lust. She watched it build. She had put that look there. He liked control, but she was taking charge and he liked that too.
"Don't be long, baby. I'm already dying here a little."
He leaned down and took her mouth in a long, slow kiss that only added to the fire burning so hot in her veins. When he lifted his head, she saw it. Stark, raw love. He took her breath away, but then he always did. She turned back to the kitchen, needing a little space to collect herself. She'd tamed the leopard. It was powerful and exhilarating. She'd made her stand, and he'd listened to her. He'd shared himself with her. He'd given her his childhood and his struggles.
As she made his favorite coffee, she realized he had the same struggle all along that Rafe had. His leopard was a dominant male, fierce and wild. Rafe had lost control, but Eli had taken control. That was why he was so overboard about control in the world he'd created for himself.
She stripped off her shirt and went to him naked. She stepped onto the porch and immediately saw him in the shadows. He sat in his chair, following her instructions, naked, his cock already hard and thick. One hand fisted the length and slowly, casually moved up and down in a mesmerizing slide. Her mouth watered. She loved seeing him do that. That simple action turned her on all the more.
She set the coffee down on the small table beside him. Her courage was beginning to fail a little. She still didn't know what she was doing.
"I'm not certain I'll be able to drink that coffee with your mouth wrapped around me, baby," he confided, his voice low. Husky. Sexy. "I think that might be too much of a distraction to enjoy the coffee. But, baby, if that's what you want, then that's what I'll do. Or I'll try."
She found herself smiling. She knew he was deliberately putting her at ease. "I thought, at first, you could let me . . ." She trailed off, hesitating. He waited, and she sighed. "Explore."
He smiled at her. "I get that. I'll just sit back and drink my coffee. We're not in any hurry, although this might just kill me. There's no right way or wron
g way right now. I want you to do some exploring. Whatever feels good to you. Get to know the shape and feel of me, you'll know what I like and what I don't. I won't like the feel of your teeth, but I'll love your tongue."
She took a breath, her eyes searching his face for a long while. He was patient. Her gaze dropped to his cock still wrapped in his hand. He was big. Long and thick. The crown was broad and looked silky. She loved to look at him. He was all muscle, all power and danger. His cock matched the rest of him.
"Keep telling me what to do, Eli. When I hear your voice, it's reassuring to me. I need to know you're there. I like it when you give me guidance." That was her confession. Her surrender. She hoped he understood what she meant.
Of course he knew. He immediately complied, using that low, commanding tone she loved. The one that vibrated between her legs and made her burn hotter.
"Kneel, Kitten, with your knees wide. That lets me see you like what you're doing. That's important to me, knowing you're enjoying yourself."
She moved into position between his legs. His skin was hot and smelled a little wild, feral, definitely primitive. She liked the way he smelled. There were two pearly drops on the silken head of his cock and she leaned into him to lick them off as she opened her knees wide.
His taste was addicting. She didn't know if he was that way naturally or if it was the things he chose to eat, only that she loved the taste of him and always craved more. For her, this moment was huge. She wanted to know she could please him just the way he pleased her. She needed to feel on the same level with him, that he wanted her just the way she wanted him, that no one else would do. And she needed to know that she could bring him to the very edge of his control, or even, possibly, tipping him past it. She liked that he cared enough to give her power. And she knew this was very powerful.
Eli dropped his hand to the top of Catarina's head and brushed a caress over her hair with one hand while he reached casually for the coffee cup with the other. There was something very decadent about sitting on his porch in the late evening, a cup of coffee in his hand and his woman kneeling between his legs, her hands caressing his balls, her tongue gliding over the crown of his cock.
She looked so anxious that he cursed himself that he hadn't seen the problem. He should have known she wouldn't have the confidence to initiate sex, particularly sucking his cock in the early morning hours. He wanted to groan aloud at the thought of her looking at him and wondering what to do.
She stroked her tongue over his shaft, and then flicked it underneath the broad head. His body shuddered and fire raced up his shaft to radiate into his belly. His balls burned. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He wasn't going to be able to last very long, not when he'd gone so long without her.
"Take your time, baby," he murmured softly. She needed to know what she was doing was perfect, whether or not it was killing him.
She ran her lips up and down him, over his balls and back up to the crown, learning the shape and feel of him with her mouth and hands.
"That's it. Pay attention to the cues I give you. Changes in my breathing. If I put my head back or tighten my thighs." He took a sip of coffee and watched her tongue lick at him like an ice cream cone. That was enough to make him moan.
"Deeper, baby, take me deeper," he encouraged.
Catarina did what he said, and he put down his coffee cup. She liked it a lot better when he put the cup down and she knew she had him, that what she was doing was getting to him. She found if she suckled strongly and did a little moaning of her own, the sensation really got to him. She found the most sensitive spots, and she worked them, enjoying every shudder of his body.
"That's perfect, baby," he praised. "You're already a master at this, and you want to know why? Because it matters to you. You really do want to please me. You're beautiful, Cat, so fucking beautiful."
She loved the rasp in his voice. The way he was always so decisive and commanding. She loved that he gave her praise when she did something right. She loved her mouth on him. His taste. The way his body shuddered with pleasure. And she especially loved that she was the one giving him that pleasure.
"That's so good, Kitten, but I think you're ready for me to take over. I'm going to go a little harder and a little deeper than last time we did this. When I go deep, it might be more like twenty seconds instead of ten and you might begin to panic. I want your eyes on me the entire time. That way I can see if you're panicked but can take it, or panicked and we have to stop for a couple of minutes. Do you understand?"
She nodded, too caught up in what she was doing to really pay attention.
He narrowed his gaze. "Baby, I don't want you afraid. If you start to panic, I need to know. I have to be able to read you. Tell me you get that."
She fought down a smile. He was more anxious on her behalf than she was. "Yes, Eli, I understand, I'll keep my eyes on yours."
"I want you sucking me and using your tongue while I go deep. Relax for me, just like before."
She was so wet between her legs, her thighs felt creamy. Her body tingled from head to toe. Her mouth watered. She couldn't take her eyes from his, from the dark intensity of his hunger. He looked darkly sensual, his features carved with lust, his eyes hooded and hungry.
"This time, I'm not going to stop. You understand?"
She swallowed. He was scaring her just a little bit, but she was excited at the same time. "I understand, you're not going to stop."
His hands went to her hair, fisting on either side of her head. "Tilt your head and keep your eyes on me. Don't look away. And put both your hands on my thighs and keep them there." He stood up, towering over her, the head of his cock at her lips.
She brushed a kiss over the silky head and then licked again at the white drops that told her she was doing her job. She pressed her palms to his thighs, feeling a little vulnerable without the ability to control how deep he drove into her. Still, that in itself added to the thrill and sensuality of the act.
He pushed his cock into her mouth, holding her head still, his eyes pure cat. Focused. Unblinking. He filled her mouth, driving deeper than he'd ever been, and he was right, it was a little scary, but she didn't look away from his eyes and that held her steady. The fire between her legs grew. Hot. Needy. Urgent. She loved this too.
She used her tongue when she could. She sucked hard when he was deep. Twice she nearly struggled, afraid she couldn't breathe and she'd choke to death. Both times he soothed her. She nearly forgot and brought up her hands to stop him, but recovered both times without him having to remind her and that made her even happier.
"Baby, you're doing great." His voice was hoarse. His head was back. She could see his muscles standing out. A fine sheen dusted his chest. "A couple more seconds. Breathe through your nose. This is paradise. You're giving me fucking paradise."
She wanted to give him paradise and she could see it on his face. His eyes were completely molten, his face carved with pure sensuality. He was holding back for her and she didn't want him to. The fists in her hair pulled at her scalp with a bite of pain and she felt the answering rush of hot liquid between her legs. Determined, she suckled him as hard and as tightly as she could.
When he drove deep, she forced air through her nose and tried to relax her throat. The sounds he made, long feral growls, drove her out of her mind with lust. Her breasts hurt they were so achy. Tremors raced through her body and she was certain, absolutely certain if she dropped one hand and pushed her finger between her legs she would explode, but she didn't, because she wanted to give him this, just as he'd given her so much pleasure.
He went deeper again. He was hotter than before. Thicker. She felt his cock pulse. Throb. She used her tongue along the underside of the broad crown, and sucked hard, hollowing her cheeks, wanting everything he could give her. He threw back his head and roared to the night. His body shuddered. She felt the muscle of his thighs tighten, dance with pleasure as he erupted.
His fists held her head perfectly still while he pou
red down her throat, the hot, thick length of him filling her. The sensual sounds he made set off a series of mini-quakes in her body so that her sheath contracted hard and her womb spasmed.
Very slowly his hands loosened in her hair. His eyes blazed down into hers. He looked hungry enough to devour her, and that was almost as thrilling as knowing she'd put that look on his face.
"So good, Kitten. Perfect."
His voice was a rough velvet that sent tremors through her stomach. She felt his legs tremble when another shudder went through his body. He didn't release her, not even when he sat down.
He leaned back in the chair, relaxing, even closing his eyes as she bent to him, lapping gently with her tongue. She liked the way the tension slipped from his face so she took her time, taking care of him while she had the chance.
His hand went to the top of her head. "You're the most amazing woman in the world, Kitten. I never once imagined I'd ever have a woman like you."
14
CATARINA Benoit would forever be his obsession. His love. Eli hadn't known it was possible to feel the way she made him feel. He was totally at peace. He couldn't remember a time, from the moment he'd entered puberty, that he'd ever felt at peace. Every muscle in his body was warm and relaxed. He could barely open his eyes, just enough to see her. To watch her.
She was the most beautiful, exotic woman on earth. He hadn't expected her to care for him, not in the ways she showed him care. The minute attention to detail. She was meticulous when it came to the effort she put in lavishing attention on him.
He managed to slide his hand from his thigh to slip his fingers back into her long, dark hair. He'd spent a good deal of his life traveling the world looking for the right woman and he'd been close to giving up. There was only one. He'd known that from the moment he began having sex with women. He'd known because his leopard was doubly dangerous around the women and he didn't always trust that he could control the animal.
The moment he'd laid eyes on Catarina, everything had been different, even the sex. Especially the sex. He'd had great sex before, but he'd never imagined the places her body could take him. Mostly, he never imagined the depth of emotion she could create inside him.
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