by R. D. Brady
But Jake didn’t want to sleep. He didn’t want to come back to the estate. There was a hole threatening to swallow him, a hole that was only growing bigger. Henry was gone. How could he be gone?
The door to the cottage opened. Mary Jane stepped out, looking uncertainly at the SUV. Yoni got out and walked up to her. She hugged him, and they talked with a few glances back at the car, but still Jake sat. He’d lost people before, but this loss . . . he couldn’t wrap his head around this one.
The door next to him opened. Yoni stood there. “How about if we head inside?”
Jake shook himself from his thoughts, registering the concern on his friend’s face. “Yeah. I’ve got it. I’m good.”
“Of course you are,” Yoni said even as he reached out a supporting hand, holding on to Jake as he stepped from the car.
Jake’s knees buckled for a moment before he straightened. “I got it. I’ll call you later.”
Yoni hesitated before nodding. “Okay. Sure. I’ll be at Dom’s.”
Jake didn’t reply, just focused on moving one foot in front of the other. Mary Jane met him halfway down the path. She reached for him but something on his face must have stopped her, because she pulled her hand back and walked by his side, opening the door for him.
Jake stepped inside, looking around, but nothing really registered. It was quiet. It wasn’t usually quiet, was it? He sank onto the bottom step of the staircase. “Where are the kids?”
Mary Jane crouched down in front of him. “At Dom’s. They have Nyssa and Susie with them.”
Jake nodded. He couldn’t seem to stop nodding, but he didn’t say anything. An image of Henry’s eyes flashed across his mind again, the gaping hole in his chest. His heart squeezed. A tear rolled over the corner of his eye.
Mary Jane wiped the tear away before cupping his face in her hand. “Jake.”
He met her eyes, the love there undoing him. Tears streamed down his cheeks. “He’s gone.”
She squeezed his hand. “I know.”
“I don’t understand how he’s gone. He had the strength, the power—” He wiped angrily at the tears on his cheeks. “How am I still here and he’s gone? Laney’s in the hospital, Henry’s dead, and I’m what? Fine? None of this makes sense.”
“It wasn’t your time, Jake.”
“It wasn’t his either! He has a baby on the way. He has—” His words choked off, looking away, his breathing ragged. He looked back at her. “He shouldn’t have died.”
“I know.” Tears shone in her eyes.
Jake slunk down to the floor. The sobs he’d been holding back since Egypt came out in a mad rush. Henry was gone. He was gone. His friend, his brother . . . nothing would ever be the same again.
Chapter 92
Jen and Danny left for her parents’ the next day. Henry’s body had been cremated, but Jen didn’t want to hold a ceremony until after her daughter was born. She wanted to hold their daughter as she said goodbye. No one argued with her. No one was quite ready to say goodbye yet anyway. Besides, there were enough other funerals to attend.
Laney managed to make it to Matt’s funeral two days later. Mustafa had been there, along with the other members of the SIA. Laney wasn’t surprised to see Nancy there, but she was surprised to see the single tear escape from underneath her dark glasses. She hadn’t realized they were that close.
She sat with Jake and Mustafa. When Jake went to get the car after the ceremony, Laney had turned to Mustafa. “What are you going to do now?”
Mustafa shrugged. “Not sure. I’m going back to Egypt for a little while. Stay with my family.”
Laney nodded. She thought he might do that. “We’ll miss you.”
“Jake offered me a job with the Chandler Group. I might take him up on it, after a little time.”
“I think we all need time.”
Jake pulled up, and Mustafa opened the door for Laney. She hugged him tight. “Be well, Mustafa.”
Mustafa held her just a little longer than necessary. “You too, Laney.” He hurried away, his shoulders shaking.
Laney slid on her seatbelt, watching him go. Everyone had been scarred by this fight. No one would ever be the same.
Jake pulled out into traffic. “You sure you don’t want to stop back at the estate? Speak with your uncle and Cain?”
Laney shook her head. “No, I said goodbye before I left.”
“Okay.” They drove in silence for the next forty minutes. Laney’s whole body felt heavy. She wanted nothing more than to close her eyes and sleep. But she’d been sleeping ever since Egypt. How could she still be tired?
Jake pulled through the gates at the airport and drove right onto the tarmac, parking next to the Chandler jet. He put the car into park, popping the trunk. He got out and handed the bag to the flight attendant. Laney just sat in the passenger seat, staring at the plane. It was the same one she had first taken all those years ago when Azazyel, the first Fallen she had ever seen, had been trying to kill her. She and her uncle Patrick had flown to Baltimore in it, not having a clue as to what was happening or why. She had thought at the time that her world had gone insane. But that incident had been downright tame compared to some of the others she’d faced since then. Now it felt like it had all happened a lifetime ago and to someone else.
Jake opened her door, extending his hand to her. She let him help her up. She wasn’t fully healed yet. Losing practically all your blood volume apparently weakened you for a while. Jake escorted her to the stairs, stopping at the base of them. “You sure you want to do this?”
“I need some time. I need to be alone.”
Jake ran a hand through his hair. “I know. I would just feel better if there was someone nearby, just in case.”
She leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. “I’ll be fine. And you know where I am if you need me.”
He took her hands. “And you know where I am if you need me. It’s okay to ask for help, Laney.”
“I know. But this, this is something I need to get through on my own, at least right now. I don’t even know who I am anymore, Jake.”
“You’re Delaney McPhearson. You are brave, you are strong, you are loved. And right now, you are hurting.”
Fresh tears sprang to her eyes. They seemed to always be just a breath away. He hugged her tight. “Go heal, Laney. And when you’re ready, we’ll be here waiting for you.”
Chapter 93
Laney slept for most of the flight, not waking until the landing gear started to lower. She sat up and stretched, staring out and seeing the mountains in the background. For the first time in days, she felt a little jolt of energy.
Okay. Let’s go.
An hour later, Laney pulled up in front of Drew’s cabin. She turned the engine off and just sat staring at the log cabin that had been in Drew’s family for generations. The last time she had been here, the FBI was closing in, and Drake had busted through the back door and helped her escape. This was where their most recent story had truly begun. And so this was where she wanted to be. Henry had bought the place and had all the damage done by the FBI fixed. She smiled, thinking of him. Even after death, he was taking care of her.
Her throat started to tighten, and she shook her head. No, not yet.
She grabbed her bags from the back and dropped them next to the front door before opening all the windows to air out the place. It had been a while since anyone had been there. She went back to the jeep for the groceries she had picked up and stocked the cabinets. Then she pulled the cleaning supplies from under the sink and got to work.
Laney cleaned the cabin from top to bottom. It wasn’t a big place, but it was still three hours until she felt like it was clean. After a shower, she made herself a bowl of pasta and then sat out on the deck to enjoy the sunset and to let herself breathe for the first time in a very long time.
Above Laney, the sky shifted from blue to pink to darker reds. Every night for the past two months, she’d sat on the porch and watched the sunset. Every mor
ning, she sat in the same spot and watched the sun rise. The fact that every day ended only to be followed by a new beginning reminded her that darkness ended and life began again.
She sipped some red wine, letting the warmth coat her throat. It had been hard to leave everyone, but right now as she sat here, with no one for miles, she felt a peace she hadn’t felt in a long time. The pain was still there, the grief, but now she knew that one day she would be able to get past it.
Laney let her head fall back against the Adirondack chair. She pictured Cleo. For some reason, Cleo always came to her at these times. She thought of her friendship, her love. Losing her was maybe even harder than losing Drake. But when she closed her eyes, she could still see her friend. And she felt gratitude for the fact that she was still in her life in this small way.
Laney shifted, letting out a breath. The night was quiet, just as she liked it. She hadn’t talked to anyone besides the clerk at the grocery store in the two months she’d been here. She’d sent texts, assuring everyone she was fine. But she just didn’t want to talk. Not yet. She closed her eyes, thinking she might sleep out here tonight.
“Hello, Laney.”
Chapter 94
Laney jolted upright at the sound of the voice. A man stood on the other side of the porch, leaning his hip against the railing. He had dark hair and eyes. And she knew him.
“Ralph?”
He smiled. “I’m going by Uriel these days.”
Ralph/Uriel had been the archangel who had guarded Victoria. He had been by her side when she took her last breaths, and Laney had watched him disappear as the sun fell on him the next day.
“How?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Is that really what you want to know?”
She realized he was right. She had long ago gotten past the hows of her whole situation. Angels, arch or otherwise, popping in and out of her life, she accepted. No, there was a different question she wanted answered. “Why are you here?”
“It’s time we spoke.”
Laney shook her head. “I don’t want to hear about destinies or something you need me to do. I am done.”
“I know how you feel. I know the pain the events in Egypt and before caused you. When Victoria had to make her choice, to end the long lives of humans, it came at a cost as well.”
Bitterness swept through her as she thought of Nyssa taking up her duty one day. “And she’s still paying that cost.”
“Yes. But you should know, that bill has now been almost paid, thanks to your actions.”
Laney frowned. “What does that mean?”
“She will live, she will die. But this will be the last lifetime she will remember who she is. In the next, she will be just like everyone else.”
“She will never be just like everyone else.”
Uriel’s face softened. “Yes, you are right about that.”
Laney studied the archangel in front of her. He had been with Victoria in lifetime after lifetime, a constant presence. “Have you seen her?”
“Yes. I have watched her.”
“Will you return to her?”
“That is not clear. In each lifetime, she has needed me. There has been no one to guide her, to make sense of all the memories when they return.” His gaze met hers. “But you have given her someone who can do that. Who would lay down his life for her.”
“Cain.”
“You saw good where the rest of the world saw evil. You are an unusual human.”
Laney grunted. After all, what did you say to that? “Is that why you came? To tell me about Victoria?”
“No. I have come for a different reason.” He paused. “When Victoria made her decision, two of us tried to talk her out of it. She thought she knew better. She thought humankind would be better served by their mortality.”
“Was she right?”
“Yes. Humanity over the years has become more and more attuned with its true goals. There are moments of violence and anger, but they never last. The good always outweighs the bad.” He paused. “You had to make a similar decision, a similar sacrifice.”
Laney turned away, Drake’s face flashing through her mind, followed by Henry’s. “You mean sacrifices.”
“Yes. You have done well.”
Anger roared through Laney. “Well? I’ve done well? I had to kill Drake! Henry died! Do you know all the good he has done? After everything, he deserved to see his child be born!”
Pain flashed across Uriel’s face. His voice was quiet when he spoke. “Yes, he did.”
And Laney remembered that Uriel hadn’t only been close to Victoria. He had helped raise Henry. “How come you feel the pain of his loss, and Michael felt nothing?”
Uriel sighed. “Michael has always been about duty. For longer than humans can comprehend, duty was his world. When his brothers fell, he took it to heart. He could not understand how they could turn their backs. In his grief, he asked to guard the tree, and his request was granted. But centuries passed, and he grew no closer to understanding how his brothers could turn their backs on all they knew. So he asked to be able to live one lifetime as a human.”
“Achilles.” She knew this story, but hearing it in Uriel’s deep voice made it richer somehow.
Uriel nodded. “Yes. He was arrogant, he was selfish, he was human. But then, he met you. The love he felt for you changed who he was on a fundamental level. Duty was no longer the driving force in his life. Finding you, protecting you, became that force.”
Laney’s breath shuddered as she inhaled.
“You made him a better man, Laney.”
Laney pictured Michael plunging his hand through Henry’s chest. “But then, how? How did he become that monster?”
“His role in that drama was determined a long time ago. There was no avoiding Michael being called.”
“But why? You said I did well, which means I made the right choices. So why did he have to be called?”
“Because you loved him.”
That stopped her short. “What?”
“Sacrificing yourself, you have proven over and over you were willing to do that. But there needed to be one last test. You needed to face the greatest soldier. You needed to prove how committed you were to saving humanity. You needed to demonstrate that you were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice to protect the world. For you, that was not sacrificing yourself. It was sacrificing someone you loved.”
“But why? Why did I have to be the one to do any of this? Why did I have to lose all these people?”
“You chose this path, Laney, long before you were born. You chose to take on the pain to spare others from it.”
Laney looked away from him, gripping the railing. A kaleidoscope of all those lost in this fight looped through her mind. “It’s too much. It’s just too much.”
“How much you would lose was not foreseen. But you prevailed. And because of that, you are to be rewarded.”
Laney scoffed. “Rewarded? There is no reward that would make up for all that we have lost.”
“But I think there might be. You see, I have been allowed to offer to you the return of one of the ones you have loved and lost.”
Chapter 95
Ralph’s words hung in the air between them before the meaning of them truly registered. You see, I have been allowed to offer to you the return of one of the ones you have loved and lost. Laney’s jaw dropped. “What?”
“Because of your courage and sacrifice, one of those you have loved and lost will be returned to you. You only have to choose who.”
Joy pierced through Laney. Drake. She could have him back. She could—
But her joy dimmed as she pictured Jen, the heartache in her face. She had lost both her brothers and Henry. Now she would raise their child on her own.
And then there was Cleo. Half her soul felt like it was missing without her. And Matt, Jordan, all the others they had lost. How could she choose just one?
“I should tell you Cleo is out of your grasp now. She has already been re
born.”
Laney’s head jolted up. “What? Already?”
“Yes.”
“Where? Will I see her again?”
“I cannot tell you that.”
Resentment rolled through Laney. Of course not. Why make any of this pain easier to bear?
Tears pressed against the back of her eyes. Cleo was gone, then. There was a chance she would come across her. But would she even know her? The research on reincarnation indicated that while very young, some souls remembered their past lives and the people in them. Would Cleo remember her? Or would she end up across the world, any memories she had of Laney slipping away as she aged?
“Who will you choose, Laney?”
Laney stared at him. How could she do this? She wanted Drake back more than anything. Without him, all her senses felt dull. The world felt dull. But how could she choose him? He had lived for thousands of years. They had had their chances at happiness at one time, short though they may have been. Could she choose him above the others?
She pictured Jen, her hands protectively cradling her belly.
She had suffered through her childhood, finding a home with the Witts, but she had never let her guard down, not until Henry. And Henry himself had finally found his home in Jen. And now their child would never truly get to know what an amazing man he was. They could tell her stories, but she would never feel it the way the rest of them did. And Henry’s little girl deserved to feel his love. Plus, look at all the good Henry did. He took care of thousands through his companies and charities.
Tears rolled down her cheeks. She loved Henry, but if she said his name, she was closing the door on any chance of seeing Drake again. He would be lost to her forever.
She took a shuddering breath.