“Do you mind?” He slumped his shoulders, stuck his hands in his front pockets. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, sure.” She opened the door wider and he strode into her place, glancing around the living room. He hadn’t seen her for days and felt like a shit for not contacting her sooner. But this is what he did. This is what he always did now. She was lucky he was still seeing her.
“Are you okay?” she asked once she shut the door. “You seem tense.”
“I need to talk to you,” he started, and she sucked in an audible breath.
“Oh my God, you talked to Alexa didn’t you? And Brandon?”
He stopped short. “What are you talking about? Have you talked to them?”
“Um…” She shifted her feet, looked vaguely uncomfortable. “I had lunch with Alexa a couple of days ago.”
“Ah, shit.” Eric ran a hand through his hair. “What did she say?”
“If she isn’t what you want to talk about, then I don’t want to repeat it.” She flopped onto the couch, relief written all over her pretty face as she smiled up at him. “What’s up?”
“No way.” He shook his head. “You’re not avoiding that one. Tell me what she said.”
“Eric, please. I can’t. Now tell me what you wanted to talk about.” A pleading expression crossed her face, and he didn’t know what to do. Push and make her confess or let it drop?
Unease slipped over him, making him even tenser. He wasn’t going to sit by her. He couldn’t. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us. About you and me together and…I don’t think it’s going to work.”
“What?” She sat up straight, incredulity written all over her face. “What do you mean it’s not going to work? I mean, I know what we have going on isn’t always perfect but I thought…”
“I think it’s going to end up in disaster. And it’s best we end this now,” he said with a finality that killed him. He didn’t want to end it. Not yet. But he knew this was best. She would break his heart, and he couldn’t bear the thought.
It was so much easier to break her heart first.
“Oh.” She laughed and leaned her head against the edge of the couch, staring at the ceiling. She actually laughed and crossed her arms in front of her chest, which only plumped up her breasts and made him stare. “I get it. You’re dumping me before I supposedly get the chance to dump you.”
God damn it, the woman knew him far too well. He both hated and admired her for it. “That’s not it. I’ve thought about this, Stace. I really have.”
“Yes, it is it, you just don’t want to admit what a coward you are,” she said softly, still staring up at the ceiling.
“I’m not a coward.” He bristled at the insult.
“Bullshit.” She looked at him. “But go ahead. Break up with me. You’ll realize what a mistake you made.”
“You’re so fucking confident, aren’t you?” The fact that she practically dared him to break up with her infuriated him beyond reason. What sort of game was she playing?
A fucked up one just like I’m playing.
“Actually, no I’m not. I’m not confident at all. You want to know the truth? You scare the shit out of me. Us together? It scares the shit out of me too, but I’m willing to risk it. To give it a try and see if it works. Because I think we’re worth it. I think you’re worth it.” She stood, glaring at him, her hands resting on her hips.
Eric hung his head. Shame filled him at her brave confession. “I’m not worth it,” he muttered truthfully. “I’ll probably cheat on you.”
“No, you won’t.”
“Yes, I will. Or I’ll break your heart. More like you’ll break my heart. It won’t work. It never works.” He looked up so their gazes met. “I’m selfish. I always want what I can’t have. I like being with men. What if I miss it? What if I seek guys out and have little affairs on the side? How would that make you feel?”
She visibly flinched. “Thanks so much for your honesty. Are you trying to break my heart now?”
“At least I’m being honest.” He threw his hands up in the air, feeling like a drama queen.
She went to him, slipped her arms around his torso and he automatically closed his arms around her, hauling her to him. He breathed a sigh of relief at feeling her nestled against him, the scent of her hair. He was a damn fool.
“You’re going about this all wrong, you know,” she murmured against his chest. “You think you can just come over here and dump me so you can beat me to the punch? It doesn’t work that way, Eric.”
“I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.” He knew he sounded miserable. Felt even worse. “I’m confused. You confuse me.”
“Why, because you like being with me?”
“Because I’m afraid you’ll get sick of me. I’m screwed up.”
“Brandon and Alexa really did a number on you.” She squeezed him, ran her hands up and down his back. “If I tell you what Alexa said, do you promise not to get upset?”
“Yeah. Tell me what happened.” Curiosity coursed through him. Only a month ago the mere mention of Alexa or Brandon’s name would’ve set him on edge. Now he felt like he almost didn’t care.
But he was still curious.
“She implied that she and Brandon were having trouble. She said…they wanted to talk to you. See if you’d be interested in getting back together with them. Permanently or as a fling, I’m not quite sure but…yeah.” Stacy rested her head against his chest once more, and he settled his chin on top of her head. “That’s what she said. And we got into a huge fight because I told her she was totally selfish and self-absorbed. I feel bad about it. I should probably call and apologize.”
“You two got into a fight over me? Unbelievable,” he muttered, thinking over what Stacy just said. “I didn’t think I was worth it.”
Stacy tilted her head back and looked at him with a frown. She looked worried. “Would you ever consider going back to them, Eric? Be honest with me.”
He studied her, his gaze lingering on her every feature. Hope and worry shone in her eyes and he knew his answer would please her—especially because it was the absolute truth. “No. That’s in my past. I could never do that again. It would be too…difficult.”
“I told her it would just mess with your head.” Stacy shook her head. “She didn’t get it. I think she got mad because she realized we’re seeing each other. I didn’t want her to find out like this.”
“You know, she’s the baby in the family. She always got exactly what she wanted. She’d go after it, no one could stop her, and when she came after me I didn’t want to stop her. It felt good to be so wanted.” He drew in a deep breath. “But when I refused their offer of occasional sex together after they kicked me to the curb she was pissed. She doesn’t like being told no.”
“You’re right, she doesn’t.” Stacy scowled.
“First I tell her no, then you tell her she’s selfish and she can’t have me.” Eric shook his head, his lips curling into a soft smile. “She’s not used to being denied. You should go easier on her.”
“Like I should go easier on her, please. She needs to get used to it when it comes to you.” Stacy looked downright pissed and it made him want to laugh.
“You tell her, babe. But don’t let her make you angry. She’s your best friend. I don’t want to come between you two. You should call her after a few days and you’ve settled down.” He slipped his fingers beneath her chin and tilted her face back, her lips poised and ready for his. “It’s kind of sexy, how mad you got. Maybe I do need you so you can be my bodyguard.”
“You just need someone who wants to take care of you.” Her voice was soft, beguiling. She clutched at the front of his shirt, tugging on it so he bent his head closer to hers. “And I want to. Now if you’d only let me in…”
He silenced her with his mouth, his tongue. Didn’t want to talk about the heavy shit anymore and he couldn’t freaking believe he didn’t do what he set out to before coming here. She’d somehow talked him out of i
t.
Stacy made him realize he needed her more than he knew.
“Eric,” she murmured when he finally tore his mouth from hers minutes later to burn a trail of kisses down her neck. “I want to talk to you about something.”
“What?” Her skin was extra soft at a particular spot just behind her ear. Soft and fragrant and sensitive, she always shivered when his lips touched her there.
“There’s been something I’ve wanted to confess to you for a while, but I didn’t know how to approach it. Or work up the nerve.”
He pulled away from her so their gazes met yet again. “Tell me.” Curiosity and a fine dose of worry filled him.
“Well.” She plucked at his shirt, her hand slipping beneath the fabric to touch the bare skin of his stomach. “There’s this fantasy I’ve had for a long time, but I never believed I’d find the one man who’d be willing to make it come true…”
He grinned. This he could handle. “Oh, I’ll be your fantasy man. What exactly do you have in mind?”
Her gaze lifted and met his. She nibbled her lower lip, and he swore he caught a hint of a blush on her cheeks. “What do you think about sharing me with another man?”
Eric felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. Sucking in a deep breath, he found he couldn’t even fucking breathe.
More than anything, he didn’t like the thought of having to fucking share.
Chapter Six
“No.” Eric’s voice was stern, brooking no argument and Stacy’s mouth dropped open in surprise.
“What do you mean “no”?”
“I said no.” He withdrew from her and started pacing the length of her living room. “I don’t want to share you.”
His possessive words—despite not wanting to hear that particular answer—she couldn’t help but feel a little thrill at them. That he didn’t want to share her when he had no problem sharing Alexa…
What did that mean? What did she mean to him?
“Why not? It would just be a one-night thing. A fling. You told me you wanted me to be more adventurous.” She sounded like a cheap floozy looking for a good time, but she’d been curious. Being with Eric, talking with him, he never delved much into his personal feelings yet he had no problem describing the various sexual escapades he’d experienced. Oh, he didn’t talk about Brandon and Alexa though there were other things. Dark stuff. Sometimes lonely stuff.
She didn’t want him to be lonely or in the dark. She wanted to share…everything with him. She wanted to be everything he could ever want in a partner. She figured by making this offer he would snap it up.
But doubt suddenly assailed her. Could she really be what he wants?
“Did we not just have a conversation about Alexa and Brandon and how I don’t want to be involved with them anymore? That entire scenario, it fucks with my head and I hate it. And then you hit me with ‘hey, let’s have a threesome’. Think about that. It makes no damn sense.” He stopped to glare at her, his jaw tight, eyes blazing with irritation, frustration. “You’re being kind of selfish, you know.”
“Me? Selfish? Oh, that’s a good one. You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met.” She leapt to her feet, thrusting her face in his so she could glare right back at him. For good measure she poked him in the chest with her index finger, catching the wince that flitted across his face. “You keep everything locked up inside you. You come around here whenever you want, you’re never consistent. We’ll hang out, fuck around, have fun, talk a little bit and then poof. You’re gone for days until you decide to come back around again.”
Stacy stared at him. She felt as if she were in a daze. This couldn’t really be happening. She’d talked him out of not breaking up with her, and they were fighting all over again because she started it. She had to get this off her chest or she’d burst. He had to know what he was doing to her.
“I never made you any promises when we started this,” he said quietly, his gaze dropping to the floor. As if he could hardly stand to look at her.
“Thank God for that, or I’d be really crushed.” She stepped away from him. He was shutting down. She saw it in the way he behaved. The expression on his face, his body language, he was shutting her out. She may as well tell him to leave.
“If this is how it’s always going to be I should go,” he whispered. “Arguing all the time. I don’t do this kind of shit.”
She wanted to slap him upside the head. Arguing all the time—this was their first argument. And as soon as it got a little difficult he ran? She really shouldn’t be surprised. “Go then. It gets a little tough and you can’t handle it. I’ve already had my fair share of crappy boyfriends. I don’t need another one.” She waved her hand toward the door. “Go.”
He didn’t budge. Didn’t say a damn word. Just stood there with his head hanging low and frustration ripped through her.
“Leave,” she practically screamed. He looked up at her, his gaze so dark she sucked in a harsh breath. He was hurting. She could see it. But he wouldn’t let her in.
And she couldn’t help him if he didn’t tell her how he really felt.
So he left. Without a word he hustled his ass out of her apartment, didn’t even give her a backward glance and when the door clicked shut she collapsed on the couch. Beat her fist on a pillow, screamed into the cushioned back of the couch, the sound muffled. Hysterical laughter bubbled up inside her and she collapsed on her back. Stared up at the ceiling and laughed.
Better than crying, right?
She’d cried enough tears over Keith more because she felt sorry for herself than anything else. Eric, though, he was a different story.
The asshole. She was better off. She knew it. It was fun. It was a great little fling but boyfriend material? Steady, serious, she-can-see-a-future-together material? Oh, hell no.
And she didn’t even know what possessed her to tell him she wanted to have a threesome. Was she nuts? Did she really want to do it or was it some sort of desperate ploy to keep him interested? She’d meant it when she said it, but if they would’ve actually attempted such a thing would she have balked?
Probably. She’d become more adventurous since going out with Eric but maybe she wasn’t that adventurous.
Stacy sighed. She needed to take a good look at herself and figure out where she screwed up. She had the next two days off. The perfect time for a little self-reflection.
It was time for some self-reflection. And the very last place Eric needed to do such a thing was in the middle of a bar on a Saturday night.
Yet here he was, drowning his sorrows in the hard stuff. No beer for him tonight, no. He needed hard liquor to get through this crap.
Sighing, he looked up from the counter, staring at his reflection in the mirrored wall behind the bar. The wall was lined up with a multitude of liquor bottles, his face smack in the middle of a sea of them and he hated what he saw. He looked stressed, tired. There were dark circles under his eyes, his hair was a mess and he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. He looked like hell.
He felt like hell.
Polishing off his drink, he set the glass on the counter, the ice rattling within. The bartender appeared in moments, a smile on his handsome face, his eyes sparkling. Usually the sight of his eagerness reminded Eric of their one wicked moment together in the back room of the bar but tonight, he felt nothing. “Need another?”
“Sure.” Eric shrugged. Why the fuck not? He wasn’t far from his apartment. He could stagger back.
Or he could find a hot piece and fuck around for a while. Clearly he and Stacy were done. He didn’t owe her anything. Certainly not any sort of explanation for his actions.
I am such an asshole.
That had been his mantra since the moment he met Stacy. He’d never lied to her about that. And she still hung around, trying to get him to open up. She’d even tried to pretend they had some sort of relationship.
He hated to disappoint her, and he knew without a doubt he just disappointed her big time.
> But what the fuck, asking for a threesome—was she insane?
“I can’t believe you’re here.” A man sat next to him, his voice familiar. Too familiar.
Eric turned to his left to find Brandon sitting next to him, a grim expression on his face.
“You are the absolute last person I want to see,” Eric muttered, spinning on the barstool away from Brandon so he could leave.
“Wait.” Brandon’s fingers clamped around Eric’s upper arm and stopped him from fleeing. “I need to talk to you.”
“There is absolutely nothing for us to talk about.” Eric glared at where Brandon held onto him and Brandon released his arm.
“Don’t get all shitty with me.” Brandon shook his head and that’s when Eric noticed.
The bags under Brandon’s eyes, the scruff on his face, the fall of his shoulders, he looked as weary as Eric felt.
“What’s wrong?” Eric couldn’t help it. He still cared for the bastard. Even after everything Brandon had done to him.
Brandon shook his head and sighed. “I’m not sure about Alexa and me.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that it’s not working. It hasn’t been working for a while. She seems…restless. Unsure. Like she wants more and no matter what I give her, it’s never enough.”
“Well, she’s a pretty tough cookie to please.”
“Tell me about it,” Brandon muttered, offering a murmured thanks to the bartender when he set a mug of beer in front of him. “She’s spoiled rotten. But it’s my own fault. I’ve spoiled her. Everyone spoils her.”
Took the words right out of Eric’s mouth. “You knew this going in.”
“You’re right. I did. I thought I was enough. Maybe I’m not.” Brandon swigged from his beer, draining half of it in one long swallow. “I’ve been busy with work lately. She told me I don’t pay enough attention to her.”
Eric mused over his words. This was his chance. His chance to fuck with Brandon and Alexa and ruin their relationship if he so chose. He could convince Brandon to give up on her. Or at least, he believed he could. If this would’ve happened a few months ago, he would’ve done it, no thought required. He would’ve bad-mouthed Alexa to Brandon and then turned around and done the same thing to Alexa. Watched with unmitigated glee at the demise of their relationship, all of it aided by him.
Notorious: Playing With Fire, Book 4 Page 6