by BA Tortuga
Tanner forced his eyes to open, to find the source of that smell.
Tanned, with the same light eyes and sun-light hair, Stirling sat on a little camp chair right across from him. Watching him. Human.
He barked, so happy to see someone he knew, someone who knew him. Anyone.
“Hey, Tanner. Looks like you finally shifted.” One eyebrow went up, Stirling grinning a little.
Finally. When it would ruin his life. Sure. Except he couldn’t change back.
Fucking body.
He bared his teeth, barking again, trying to get Stirling to hear him.
Stirling’s head tilted. “Huh. Can’t change back now, huh?”
Oh, thank the moon. He howled, vocalizing furiously. He’d woken up two moons ago, fuzzy. After having a three-day freak-out and almost starving as he tried to figure out how to work the microwave with his nose, he’d been sure he’d change back, but no.
No.
He was fucking fuzzy.
He’d had to break out through the sliding glass door, and then it had just been a whole world of scents and sounds and disorienting shit.
“Man, that sucks. You need to think about change.”
He stopped, stared at Stirling. Asshole. Because he hadn’t tried that. Of course he’d thought about changing.
“No, I mean really think about it. Think about what it feels like to be human. To see human things. What do you want most?”
Stirling had always been an absolute shit.
Coffee.
Coffee and a shower.
A long, hot shower.
With Irish Spring, damn it. If Stirling didn’t have Irish Spring, he was just gonna leave. Stirling was probably an Old Spice man, what with the green uniform and cowboy hat and…. Oh, he had to get human again just so he could give the man shit about being a fucking forest ranger.
Honestly, a forest ranger? How cliché.
His legs scrambled under him, and he bit his tongue as he struggled in the blankets.
“Come on, Tanner. That’s it, man.” Stirling’s hand landed on him, the touch jolting him, making his arms and legs flail.
“Fuck!” He rolled up, chest heaving. “Oh fuck. Oh, thank God.” He was real again. Real and skinny and dirty and dizzy as hell. Whoa.
“Hey, now. Just be still a minute and let your body adjust. You been watching those Twilight movies or something?”
“Fuck off. Smells like pine in here. Always hated the smell of pinyon.”
Stirling came back over, touched his shoulder, and damn, the man was warm. “Jeez, you’re grumpy. What? You can’t just jump out of your wolf, huh?”
“I can’t…. I don’t know what happened.” He’d been so fucking scared.
“Well, it looks like you changed.” Stirling grinned, which made him want to smack the bastard.
“You think?” Jesus Christ, thirty-two years and he’d never changed, not once, no matter how hard he’d tried. Suddenly, he’s happy, satisfied. Urban. And boom. Fur.
“I do. Therefore I am. So, what happened?” Stirling rose, brought him a bottle of water.
“I was sitting at my desk, checking my email after work, and I was thinking the moon was pretty, and boom.” It was insane.
Stirling tilted his head. “Weird. Never heard of spontaneous boom.”
“No. No, me either. The moon was just so big and….” The world started spinning, the room losing its color. No. No, damn it.
“Shit! Tanner, man. Stay with me.”
It was too late. He’d changed again.
No!
No!
He howled, furious and lost and so fucking scared.
“Hush, man. I’m a ways out, but you don’t want anyone coming to see what’s going on.”
Tanner jumped off the bed, shaking his head, the scents of this place good and huge and wild. He wanted to sniff and maybe pee a little, but Stirling stood up in front of him. “No. You need to rest.”
He barked, bouncing off Stirling’s chest.
“No.” One big hand curled into his ruff, forcing him down. No one had ever touched him like that, like they had the right to tell him what to do.
He growled softly, the sound cut off when Stirling shook him. Oh. His whole body went still. Stirling rolled him to his side, making him lie there. Tanner didn’t know what to do, but his body wouldn’t listen to him, didn’t hear him. He relaxed. It felt so good to let it all go that he whined a little.
“Better.” Stirling stroked his ears. “Rest. Okay? I’ll start looking into what happened.”
Rest. He could do that. He needed to.
Stirling became two men, three, as his eyes crossed. It didn’t help that Stirling kept petting him. It felt so good.
Sleep took him in a rush. For the first time in months, he felt safe.
The rest could wait, right?
STIRLING PONDERED putting Tanner in a crate. That might panic the guy pretty good when he woke up, though, so he refrained. Instead, he called the Forest Service office, wanting to talk to Marnie, the office assistant and fount of information, about any scuttlebutt about a new wolf in town.
“Afternoon, Stirling, how goes?”
“Not bad, Marnie. Not bad. Anything on the com?”
“Same old shit. I’m bored. Let’s push a hiker off a cliff.”
“Sounds like a plan. Hey, I saw some unattended hiking gear out by Falling Rock. Anyone registered in the area lately?”
“It’s late in the season, isn’t it?” He heard keys clacking, papers rustling. “Nope. Nothing here.”
“Huh. Nothing on the search band?” How often did he talk to Marnie when she had no information?
“Nah. Couple of reports on a rogue wolf, or possibly a coyote. Weather sucks. Economy sucks. Politics suck. Oh, a dude in California who’s originally from up this way got his butt murdered or kidnapped or something. There’s like all this media and stuff, camping out in Telluride.”
“Yeah?” Well, hell. “Do you know his name? I grew up here, you know?”
“Just a sec….” More tip-tapping and clicking. “Tanner Ruddle.”
Shit.
He definitely had to keep Tanner under wraps and get on the computer and check the news out for himself. He didn’t have TV. Satellite internet, yes.
“Did you know him?”
“Huh? Oh, the name sounds familiar.” Did he know Tanner? He had once. Now he wasn’t so sure.
Hell, the man had been a pariah back then. Cursed, the kids used to say. No one wanted to be near the guy the moon couldn’t touch. Stirling had been popular and normal and had done what everyone else had done. Watched Tanner from a distance.
He’d not even thought about the man once in ten years? Fifteen?
Which made it even more amazing that he’d recognized the guy right away. Weird.
“What?”
“I asked if you needed anything from Denver. I’m going over this weekend to shop.”
“Oh. Uh.” He probably would need some stuff for Tanner. “Let me call you, huh? I might have a list.”
“You know how to find me.”
“I know how to avoid you too.” He teased her about that a good bit.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bitch.” Marnie’s laugh made him smile.
“Thanks, hon. Talk atcha later.”
Damn it. Damn it. He needed to go see Tanner’s mom, let her know her boy was fine. Fuzzy, but fine. He figured he couldn’t chance it on the phone. He needed to see her in person. He had to contain Tanner first, though. Contain him and feed him. Maybe bathe him.
He could put the guy in the basement. Tanner had spent almost every full moon in one as a kid. As the only pack member who couldn’t change, Tanner had been in danger.
He guessed it had to suck, locked up for three nights a month while the rest of the world ran wild. At least the guy was used to it.
He sighed, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee and a sandwich. Sometimes it sucked to be the buffer between the pack and the world
.
It didn’t take long before Tanner was behind him, panting, salivating. He’d never seen such a skinny wolf that wasn’t sick, dying of something.
“I bet you want some food, huh?” He tossed Tanner a piece of lunch meat.
Tanner snapped it up, eyes glowing.
“Damn. Okay, I think I have some leftover lasagna.” He dug in the fridge, pulled out Tupperware.
Tanner jumped up, front paws on the counter, looking.
“Hey! No counter surfing!” Damn. He heated the lasagna up just enough to make it pliable and then dumped it on a plate before putting it on the floor.
Tanner arched an eyebrow at him, then ate, snarfing the food right up, damn near too fast, like a new puppy.
“You get sick on my floor, I’ll withhold the cheesecake.”
Tanner snapped at him, catching the leg of his pants. He resisted the urge to kick the guy. Barely. Man, Tanner had always seemed so civilized. Of course, civilization had a way of wearing off, fast. Especially when a wolf was hungry.
He just got out more food and let Tanner eat his fill. There would be time for teasing later.
It didn’t take long, either, before Tanner was full and lapping at the bowl of water he’d left. Of course, as he watched, Tanner started to shift again, ending on his knees, naked, face in the bowl.
“Hey.” That ass was so skinny, but it did have the promise of a nice shape.
“Hey. Sorry.” Tanner sat up, eyes rolling a little.
“No worry. You didn’t actually bite me.” Much. He winked.
“You probably deserved it.” Tanner stood on shaky legs. “Bathroom?”
“Just back here.” The cabin was pretty simple, really.
“Thanks.” Tanner bolted, and all Stirling could do was hope the man didn’t lose all that food.
He’d have to go into town as it was. Damn.
This whole thing was just going to be a giant pain in the ass.
TANNER SHOWERED, letting the water pour over him in waves. God, he hurt. Everywhere. And he kept….
God.
Why now?
Why not twenty years ago when it would have made a difference?
He scrubbed fast, knowing he had no idea how long he would last as a human. He really wanted to be clean. His feet were….
Wow.
He needed a pedicure in the worst way. Maybe a whole leg-icure. Ick. He stared for a moment, his eyesight veering between color and black and white. He snapped back into focus, human all through.
This sound left him—part fear, part fury, part total hysteria—and no matter what he did, it wouldn’t stop.
It was a howl. He didn’t realize it until the shower curtain burst open and Stirling reached for him. “Stop. Man. Tanner. It’s okay.”
He shook his head. It wasn’t. It wasn’t okay. He pushed into those strong arms, the touch somehow necessary. Stirling held him close, wrapping around him, the heat and solidity anchoring him. The wolf in him backed down.
Finally, blessedly, he could take one deep breath, another, the room spinning. The water poured down on his back still, and Stirling stroked his wet hair off his face.
“Better, man?”
“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I… I don’t know what that was.”
“Dude, your whole self is fighting with uh, itself.” Stirling snorted a little; Tanner didn’t think it was laughing at him so much as just at the situation.
“Indeed. I’m having intense self-confusion.” He started cackling like a demented witch.
Stirling started actually chuckling, and before he knew it, they were clinging to each other, whooping like a pair of outré cranes.
He felt lighter, more present, more real, as soon as he calmed down. “Thank you.”
“No worries, man. It’s got to be freaky.”
It had never been freaky for Stirling. Tanner knew that. Stirling had always been a great wolf.
“It is. I don’t understand this.” He’d been living a normal life. A really normal life.
“I know.” Stirling pulled him up out of the water. “Sit here, huh? I’ll get a towel.” The water went off, the silence just… yeah.
He sat, hands rubbing the water off his body, his thighs, his poor still-sore knee.
“That looks rough, man. What happened?” Stirling handed him a towel, gesturing to his knee.
“I tore my ACL playing baseball.” He rolled his eyes, sighed. “They say it went well, and I’m not having the trouble healing that a lot of my friends did.”
“They say?” Stirling’s gaze sharpened. “Did they put you under?”
He nodded. “Standard procedure.” He absolutely thought the idea of watching them do… whatever they did, sounded horrific.
Stirling made a “hmm” kind of noise. “I wonder.”
“Wonder what?” He finished drying, wrapped the towel around himself. “None of the blood tests showed anything but a touch of anemia.”
“Yeah, but wolves don’t react well to anesthesia.” Stirling raised a brow, waggling it. “It could have triggered some kind of survival response.”
“Oh God.” He groaned, head falling forward. “Do you think it’ll stop?”
“Well, if this is just a latent puppyhood, sure it will. We all started out like this, popping in and out of forms. If it’s something more pathological, then you have a problem.”
“Maybe I should find a doctor to put me under again.” Something.
“That might make it worse.” Taking the towel, Stirling tugged him to his feet. “You want to be wolfed out all the time?”
“No. No, I don’t want to do this at all. I didn’t get to do it with my pack. I never want to do it again.”
“Well, then, I’d kibosh the going under.”
“Yeah.” The world went gray again, his vision swinging furiously.
“Hey, hey, man. You have to stick with me until I explain some shit.” Stirling whacked his cheek. Hard.
His head rocked back, and he snapped, growled deep in his chest and slammed against Stirling. Stirling caught him, holding him away from the long, tanned throat.
All the colors in the world flooded back in his eyes, and suddenly he was wet and rubbing and naked. Fuck.
“You’re gonna be all right, man.” Stirling sounded like he’d swallowed a frog.
“I don’t think so.” Stirling was wet too, if less wet.
“You are. Though I might do damage if you get all naked and up on me again.” Stirling wrapped him in a towel.
“Sorry.” He was too used to living in a rainbow-colored world, where naked was a good thing.
“I’m not, but now is not the time.”
Huh. He stared at Stirling’s back, which was to him while the man dug through the medicine cabinet.
He watched for a second, panting. What the hell?
“I know I have some Benadryl….” Stirling kept digging, muttering.
“Are you allergic to me?”
“No, man. These are for you.” He got a rueful look when Stirling turned back to face him. “The news people are at your mom’s. They think you were abducted.”
“Abducted? Me?” He swayed, actually swayed. “Oh God. Mom.”
The wolf surged to the front again, the urge to protect his own strong.
“Now hold on. I’ll tell her you’re okay. Get the news people to back off. You have to lay low, though.”
He nodded, but he was having troubles holding on, keeping it together. Keeping it human.
Stirling sighed. “I know you’ll hate this, but it’s the basement, man. I have a bed set up for you down there.”
“No. No holes.” No holes in the ground.
“If I had time, I would board up a room for you. I would. I don’t, though.” Stirling looked downright sad.
Five little pink pills were handed over, and he took them, growling in his throat.
“I know. I promise once I get to see your mom and let her know….” Stirling waited, watching him, lips in a flat line.
The room got flat, fuzzy, strange, and he bared his teeth, suddenly confused.
“I know. I know, man.” Hard, warm hands anchored him, pulled at him. The stairs seemed impossible, but they made it. By the end, he was shaking, whining softly, wanting a nap.
There was an old couch made up with soft blankets and pillows, and all of them smelled like Stirling. Somehow that made it easy to sink down and have a rest. Fingers stroked through his fur, petting him gently, soft words falling around him. His eyes got so heavy, feeling gritty, and he caught the first snore, cutting it off with a snort.
The soft laughter didn’t sound mean at all; in fact, it made his tail wag. His tail. Maybe it was time to sleep.
He heard the soft voice saying something, and he curled up, floated away, safe and warm.
“HEY, LUCY. Can I come in?” Stirling had fought his way through the throng of assholes in front of Tanner’s mom’s house, his uniform intimidating enough, even though it was just Forest Service.
“Stirling.” She’d been crying, he could tell, and chewing on her paws, when the fuzz was on her. “Come on in. Ignore the vultures.”
“Thanks.” He took her arm, locked the door behind them, and led her away. If they had mics out there that could do distance, they’d lose the conversation in the middle of the house.
She followed, nose working overtime. “Are you okay, Stirling? Did you come in just for me?”
He turned on the TV. Loud. “You know those reports of a stray wolf? Tanner. He’s here. He’s okay. He’s changing.”
“Tanner? My Tanner?” Her knees buckled, and he caught her, supported her weight.
“I got you.” God, she had to have been going nuts. “Yeah. He wasn’t abducted or killed. He just changed the first time and couldn’t change back.”
“He changed? How? I thought….” Her words trailed off, and he didn’t say anything. Everyone knew what people thought—there were two camps: Lucy had cheated on her mate with a human, or Tanner was a mutant. Either way, what bliss.
Stirling had never believed it. Lucy and Kent had been solid. He put her down on the couch. “Well, as far as I can tell, they put him under for surgery.”
“Surgery? Oh, his knee. Yes. He didn’t need help, and it was right before the moon.”