by Deanna Chase
Declan pulled back and glared at her. He said dryly, “I think this is the first time a girl has ever called me the wrong name in bed.”
She pushed him back and scrambled into a sitting position. Leaning against the headboard of the bed, she sighed. “This isn’t right. Nothing can happen here.”
“Think it’s a little too late to say that,” he replied.
Turning her head, she gazed out of the hotel window. “I’m sad, Declan. A girl has died. But I can’t use you to push away that sadness.”
He rested his hand over the top of hers. “It’s not using me if I’m a willing participant.”
She bit her lip and forced her gaze back to his face. She whispered, “It’s not only that and you know it.”
“What it’s about then? Your boyfriend? I heard you on the phone all night—practically begging him to call you. Did he ever get back to you?”
She shook her head in response. “No, but that doesn’t matter. I may not know where things stand with Jared, but I still care about him. I can’t just hook up with you and pretend he doesn’t exist.”
“He’s not right for you. We could be really great together. I’m sure of it. Seeing so many of your memories makes me feel like I know you better than anyone else,” he professed.
“I can’t do this right now…maybe you should go.” Her voice shook as she brought her knees to her chest. She hung her head down and felt a new emotion added to the plethora experienced tonight. Shame.
Kate crawled under the blankets and shut her eyes. She forced an eye open after a few minutes passed and she hadn’t heard Declan leave the room. He sat on the edge of the bed staring down at her with a baffled expression.
“What are you doing? I’m serious, Declan, I’m sorry if I lead you on…”
“Settle down and just move over,” he commanded.
“Huh?”
“Don’t worry I’m not going to try anything.” His voice was laced with sarcasm. “But there’s no way in hell I’m going to leave you alone. We’re still partners and I can’t have you falling apart.”
Kate let out a long breath. “Ok.” There was no sense in arguing. A night alone in the hotel room with only CJ’s bloody visions for company sounded less than appealing.
Scooting over, Declan’s heavy form laid down next to her. She pulled the blanket closer and turned her back away from him. She wanted to say something to him, but found herself at a loss for words. Her regrets choked off the words and she rested next to him in silence. Soon, exhaustion dragged her under and she couldn’t fight off sleep any longer.
Chapter Twenty-One
Not a single drop of alcohol had passed her lips, yet she woke up feeling hung-over. Although the sun had barely risen, it scorched her eyes as she lifted her head and looked out of the window. Her body ached and her head pounded. Even her ears were ringing.
As she gained consciousness, she realized it wasn’t her ears ringing. It was the phone on the nightstand. She glanced over at it before her eyes landed on the form next to her. Declan was in a deep slumber lying on his belly and his hands over his head. She rose from the bed and dragged her feet over to the cell phone. “Hello,” she croaked.
“Jesus…Kate…I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I missed your calls. It has been a hell of a twenty-four hours. Are you ok? What happened?”
Jared fired questions at her that Kate didn’t have the strength to answer. She clutched the phone and allowed the silence to stretch out.
“Kate, are you there?” Jared’s concerned voice had an intoxicating effect on her. It made her feel dizzy and regretful as the night’s events played out in her head. She needed to put distance between herself and Declan’s sleeping form. Slipping into the bathroom, she gently closed the door.
“I’m here,” she murmured.
“I got your messages. I’m really sorry about Melanie. Of course, I was stuck at work and just got home. I didn’t have my phone with me all night. Talk about the worse freaking timing ever,” he said and swore colorfully.
Kate willed herself to believe him. She didn’t want to consider the notion that he was lying and was actually with Nikki last night. He sounded sincere and Kate couldn’t imagine he was that talented of an actor. “Jared, it’s six in the morning.”
“I know, Kate. We have so much to talk about. Let’s not get into it right now,” he suggested. “Just tell me how you’re doing.”
“It was horrible. The most gruesome and terrifying vision I ever had. I was in CJ’s head and I saw him torture and murder Melanie.” She felt tears threaten to surface again. “I can’t stop seeing it over and over again. I needed you last night. But you never called…”
Jared spoke softly. “Kate, I’m here now. Just come home.”
As much as she wished away the kiss with Declan, it still was there. Choking off any anger she could possibly have over Jared’s disappearing act. Who was she to give him a hard time when she’d been making out with his nemesis only a few hours earlier? It felt hypocritical and she couldn’t rush to judgment until she heard his explanation.
“I’m leaving soon,” she promised. She asked uncertainly, “Will you come over when I get back?”
“Of course and Kate…I’m sorry,” he stated.
Kate wasn’t sure what exactly he was apologizing for—Melanie’s death, their fight or him being MIA—but figured she would find out soon enough. After saying goodbye, she disconnected the call and sat down on the edge of the toilet seat. Her brain couldn’t process everything at that moment, but one thought gnawed at her. She had the strongest desire to be home in Franklin and as far as possible from this town as possible.
Exiting the bathroom, she almost felt bad to wake up Declan and take the peaceful expression off of his face. As she shook his shoulder, he let out a moan. After a much more forceful push, he finally turned over and opened his eyes. “Don’t you look ravishing in the morning.”
She flushed and tried to smooth down her hair. A restless night was certain to mean bed head and bags under her eyes. Without preamble, Kate stated, “Jared called.”
His penetrating stare reminded her of the look her mom got when she was trying to solve a particularly challenging crossword puzzle. “So, where was Law and Order last night?”
“Working,” she answered shortly.
His eyebrows shot up. “All night?”
She didn’t bothering addressing the disbelief in his voice. “Apparently.”
She sat down on the bed. Casting him a sideways glance, she sighed. “We should probably talk about what happened.”
“Oh no, it’s way too early in the morning for this.” He sat up and stretched lazily. “First, we need copious amounts of coffee. And not the crap they give you at one and a half star motels in hick towns.”
“Dec…” she started uncertainly.
“Kate, whatever speech you have planned out in your head, I don’t need to hear it.” He gave her an even look. “I’m a realist. I’ve seen visions of you with Jared. It’s pretty damn obvious how you feel about him.” He knew this, but had still tried to start something with her. It made Kate wonder if his feelings ran deeper for her than simple lust. Why else take the risk?
“Last night was confusing and I’m sorry if I used you to forget about Melanie,” Kate apologized.
“Seriously, we don’t need to have a long drawn out discussion about the reasons I’m completely wrong for you,” he said with annoyance. “I’ll be fine, I promise. I’m not going home and crying over you as I listen to Kelly Clarkson.”
Kate stiffened and stayed silent as he got out of the bed. After putting on his shirt and shoes, Declan walked over to her. “I’m going to get my things from my room. I’ll meet you in the lobby in twenty minutes.”
Kate watched him go and decided for once to do the mature thing and not pursue him. If Declan would rather not hash things out, maybe it was better to leave things unsaid. As much as they butt heads, she did still crave his friendship. The thought of hur
ting him tore at her. However, a bad judgment call last night didn’t mean she was ready to give up on Jared.
After picking up coffee and bagels for the road at a local Chambersburg deli, Declan and Kate lapsed into an uncomfortable silence. He kept his eyes fixed on the road while she pretended to be texting someone on her phone. In actuality, she was just pressing a bunch of letters on the keypad and then erasing them.
Briefly she spoke to her mom and summarized the night’s events. Her mother was horrified, but relieved Kate was on her way home. She promised to have chocolate cake and DVDs of Reese Witherspoon movies on hand to cheer her up. After telling her she loved her, Kate hung up.
About an hour into the drive back to Franklin, Declan let out exhaled noisily. “I don’t want to see you hurt, Kate. So just for the record, I would never tell anyone about last night.”
She gave him a sad smile. “Thanks for that. But it’s not necessary. I’m going to tell Jared what happened.”
“Why?”
“Because it wouldn’t be fair to lie to him,” she said with conviction. “If we stay together, there will always be a taint to our relationship. At least, if I try to explain things to him, maybe we can move on,” she said softly.
“Listen, if things don’t work out…I don’t mind being your rebound fling,” he cracked. “But I have to say one thing to you before I let you off the hook.”
“And what’s that?”
“I told you so,” he replied. Before she could answer, he continued on. “I told you I could see the future and you were going to be kissing me before long.”
She groaned. “Thanks for not rubbing it in.”
“Cheer up,” he said and looked over at her pained expression. “I don’t think it’s possible for things to get any worse.”
“You got that right.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
After arriving back home and spending some time with her mom, Kate asked if she could have time alone with Jared at the house. Her mother agreed readily which made her suspect that she knew it was something serious and not just an excuse to get frisky with her boyfriend without any parents hanging around.
After calling Jared to let him know to come over, she attempted to come up with the words that could express her regret over everything that happened in the last two days. All the phrases she came up with sounded trite and didn’t communicate how much she hated herself for kissing Declan. Jared’s absence was odd, but it still didn’t grant her license to lock lips with another guy. Looking over the wall of family portraits and remembering how she felt when Jared was kissing her there, she willed herself back in time to yesterday afternoon.
When the doorbell rang, Kate felt like it was a death march to answer it. She tried to smile at Jared as she opened the door, but she knew it came out looking contorted. She lifted her eyes and she had sudden doubts over her plans to confess to him. He looked tired and worried, but still deliciously handsome. His hair was falling over his forehead indicating his desperate need for a haircut. He hadn’t shaved since she seen him last either. Kate desperately wanted to know how the roughness of his skin would feel as he kissed away all of the hurting she felt inside of her.
Jared must have read her mind because before she could utter a word, he was kissing her passionately. Although she should have stopped him, Kate allowed herself to get swept up in the moment. He lifted her by the hips and held her as his mouth explored hers. Kate could feel his heart racing through his shirt and she rested the palm of her hand against the hard muscles of his chest. They were both breathing hard as she pulled away.
“You should come in, so we could talk,” she forced out.
Jared nodded and entered the living room with her. “Why don’t you come over my place? I’m off of work today. We could spend the entire day together lying on my new couch that was delivered this morning.”
The offer sounded tempting. The idea of confessing was sounding less and less appealing each minute that passed by. Spending the day together and lounging on the new furniture she had helped pick out was much more preferable. She shook away her thoughts and stared at him. She led him into the living room and pulled him down on the couch next to her. “Where were you yesterday?”
“I’m guessing you didn’t read the newspaper today?”
She scrunched up her face in confusion. “Huh?”
“The case I’ve been working on actually made the front page of the Franklin Times today. A guy was trying to hire someone to murder his wife. We got tipped off by the ex-con he tried to solicit. We were working with federal and state investigators to get him. The ex-con had a wire on last night and he was caught on tape trying to offer him money to shoot his wife.” He leaned back into the couch cushions and closed his eyes. “I feel completely drained from the whole thing. I think I may use some of my comp hours to catch up on some sleep.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“I couldn’t mention the case because it was an ongoing investigation,” he explained. “I’m glad it’s over. We’ve put in so many hours into catching him—it would’ve been awful if he got away with it.”
“You’re kidding,” she whispered.
He gave her a puzzled expression. “Don’t think so. I have a strange sense of humor, but that would be a little out there to make up.”
Kate didn’t deserve him. He was out actually catching bad guys—probably saving some poor woman’s life—and she was kissing another boy in a cheap motel. She felt disgusted with herself. Why had she let Declan get into her head? It had been presumptuous and foolish to think Jared had been seeing someone else. Jared had always been straightforward with her. He understood how her powers worked and had said it would be useless trying to keep much from her. A few late night shifts were not a good enough explanation for her rationale for kissing Declan.
Kate realized he was observing her closely. “What’s wrong? Is it about Melanie?”
She wondered if she could force herself to have selective amnesia and completely block out last night. “Last night was awful. I couldn’t sleep. CJ’s memories kept popping into my head and haunting me.”
He grabbed her hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “I literally wasn’t able to get to my phone until this morning. Everything with the case was happening so fast, I didn’t have a second to even check my messages. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
Tears clouded her vision as she looked at their hands intertwined. It took all her willpower to unlace her fingers and meet his gray eyes. “Jared, I did something stupid.”
“What did you do?”
“I kissed Declan,” she admitted and burst into tears. Kate covered her face with her hands and waited for the screaming and accusations. The unearthly quiet was more unsettling than she imagined.
She peeked through her fingers to look at him. Jared had stood up and placed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. As he looked down at her, Kate couldn’t quite register the expression on his face. She expected anger, hatred or disgust. Instead, his face only displayed a sense of resignation.
“Jared, please say something,” she begged.
He heaved a sigh. “I really am at a loss…I don’t even know if I want you to tell me what happened.” His eyes probed her face. “Was it just one kiss? Did he initiate it?”
“No, it was more…and I kissed him back,” she confessed.
Jared didn’t respond as she continued to cry softly. Finally, he sat down next to her. “Look Kate...don’t be upset. I’ve been worried for awhile now that maybe things weren’t going to work out between us.”
Kate stopped crying and couldn’t mask her shock. “What?” she croaked out.
“Maybe you should be seeing guys your own age. I’m twenty-eight. I’m at a different place in my life now. I have a career and I’m over just dating. But you’ve never had that experience,” he explained.
“But I don’t need that, Jared. I only need you,” she blubbered. “I can’t lose you.”
He closed his hand around the back of her neck and moved her face towards him. Jared forced her to meet his eyes. “You won’t lose me. I promised you when we met that I would be a good friend to you, didn’t I?”
Kate forcefully moved out of his grasp. “Why are you acting like this?” she demanded and slapped her hands against her thighs. “Be pissed. I screwed up and you should be telling me how much you can’t stand what I did. You shouldn’t be so accepting and agreeable. Don’t you feel anything?” she questioned growing agitated.
His jaw tightened. “Yes, I feel something, Kate. I feel revulsion right now. But I was trying to be the good guy and take the high road.”
“I’m sorry, Jared,” she replied instantly contrite. “I was feeling vulnerable over the whole Melanie thing and Declan was there. I realized it was a mistake and I stopped things before they went too far. Don’t give up on me.”
“Kate, it’s too much to deal with. I can’t be with you and worry that any time I’m stuck late at work, you’ll feel the need to go off and kiss someone else,” he said tightly. Following his accusation, Kate’s tears began to fall freely. He stated flatly, “I’m going to leave now before either of us says something we’ll regret.”
“Jared, please…It was immature and such a huge mistake. I’m sorry,” she moaned. He shook his head and walked out of the door without replying. She called out to him, but his only answer was shutting the door behind him.
Her knees felt weak and it was hard to breathe. Kate collapsed onto the couch and grabbed a chenille throw blanket. Pulling it around her body, she tried to stop the uncontrollable shaking that plagued her. Loud sobs erupted from her mouth and a tightening in her chest immobilized her. She couldn’t believe she lost him. How could she ruin everything she had ever wanted in a single day?
Curling into a ball, Kate shut her eyes. The tears would not stop and she didn’t know how to handle the anguish of losing the person she was falling in love with. She had stopped herself from feeling anything for two years. After her coma, she never let anyone close to her. Now, the first guy she had let in was gone. The worst part was she had no one to blame but herself.