by Deanna Chase
Ten minutes later, I limped passed Pyper’s red VW Bug and stopped in front of my building’s entrance. I hoped she was at the café and not just inside. Careful to make as little noise as possible, I slowly pulled the heavy door open and peeked in.
“Who are you sneaking up on?” a voice whispered from behind me.
I let go of the door and jumped. It slammed with a loud thunk. “Holy shit!” I turned, finding Pyper standing behind me, with a twitch of a smile.
“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.” Her smile grew then faded as her brow creased in concern. “What happened?”
“Just a fight,” I muttered, waving a hand to signify unimportance.
“Uh-oh, what did he do now? You’re talking about Kane, right? The big date was last night?” She rolled her eyes at my nod. “Men can be so dense.” She whipped her key out and reopened the door. “It couldn’t have been all bad though, if you’re just getting home.” Her gaze roamed down the length of my body to my feet. Her lips turned into a teasing smile. “Forget your shoes again?”
I grimaced and moved past her, making my way up the stairs. With my ankle starting to throb, I grasped the railing and took my time, trying not to think about what must be glued to the bottom of my feet after walking barefoot through the French Quarter.
“Hey,” Pyper called as she bounded up the steps. “Really, are you okay?”
I gave a slight nod, unlocked my door and turned around. “Did you know Kane dreamwalks?”
Pyper’s eyes widened then narrowed. “Is he dreamwalking you?”
I nodded, fiddling with my keys.
“Damn.”
“You knew of this special gift?”
“Yeah.” She studied me, searching for something, but I didn’t know what.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to be alone for a while.” I tried to close the door, but her hand stopped me. We stared at each other for a few moments until I lost my patience. “What?”
She pursed her lips. “Look, I know you’re upset and believe me, normally I would never stick my nose into anyone else’s relationship, but I think you have to know this.” She paused.
I waited.
“If Kane is dreamwalking you, it’s serious.”
I let out a mocking laugh. “Serious? No kidding, talk about invasion of privacy.” A heavy dose of guilt rocked me. Invasion of privacy. The same thing I’d done to Kane—spying on his emotions. The same thing I’d done to Dan for years and never told him. No wonder he’d felt so betrayed and hurt when I’d finally revealed my gift. I stumbled backward into the apartment and sat heavily on my worn sofa.
Pyper followed. She sat next me and took my hand. “No, Jade. I meant his feelings are serious. From what I know of Kane, he doesn’t dreamwalk on purpose, at least not these days. So, if he walked your dreams, it’s because of a deep connection to you.”
“Has he done it to you?”
She broke eye contact and grimaced, then nodded. “It’s been a long time, though.”
“I see,” I said with a hint of ice in my voice. “Then you know how it feels.” She opened her mouth to speak, but, spurned by irrational jealousy and inner turmoil, I cut her off. “I’d really like it if you left me alone now.”
I felt the sting of my words penetrate her tough exterior. She stood and walked to the door. “If you need to talk, you know where to find me.”
“Pyper?”
Holding the doorknob, she glanced back at me.
“I’m sorry. I just need to process this.”
“It’s okay. I understand.” The door shut softly behind her.
Somewhere deep inside, a nagging voice told me I was overreacting. Nothing Kane had done was worse than what I’d done to him. I’d spied on his emotions. He’d been an active participant in my dreams. Either action was a huge intrusion.
But damn, my dreams were so personal.
As if his emotions aren’t. I snorted loudly and clenched my fists in frustration.
The worst part was I didn’t know how much my desire for Kane was based on my own feelings or a result of what we’d done while he dreamwalked me. I’d always desired Kane. I had since the first day we’d met. But in the dreams I’d experienced a passion I’d never known, escalating that desire into something I couldn’t resist. Now I knew Kane himself had influenced at least some of that without me knowing.
It made me feel used and manipulated.
Is that how Dan had felt after I told him I could sense his emotions?
I’d spent my childhood ostracized by my peers for knowing things I shouldn’t. One doesn’t make friends easily when teachers force you to tell on other students by reading which ones have a guilty conscience. My only defense was to keep my gift to myself and try to be as invisible as possible. But the damage had been done. I’d been labeled the town freak.
That changed when I’d moved to Boise shortly after I’d lost my mom. I’d shut off that part of my life completely, vowing to never tell anyone about my gift. Only one person knew: Kat. She’d lived for a short time in the small town I was from and had known me before I lost my mom. She’d said she thought my gift was kind of cool, and we’d become best friends then and there.
When Dan had come along I’d kept my vow, especially after he’d saved Kat and me from the horrors of that foster home. I hadn’t wanted him to know I’d experienced everything he’d felt that night. At the time, it had seemed too much to bear.
But when he’d proposed years later, I found myself unable to accept until he knew the truth. I’d known he’d be upset. I’d lied to him—for years—too locked up in my own fears to trust him.
At first he’d scoffed, unable to believe I had such a gift. Then he’d spent three days grilling me on the status of his emotional energy. Finally I’d snapped, and explained in great detail everything he’d felt the day he’d proposed. The information had rocked him to his core.
He’d definitely been hurt, but I’d been shocked to feel deep-seated twinges of disgust and horror. All the rejection of my childhood had come roaring back. And a week later when he’d slept with someone else, I’d sensed it immediately. His intense satisfaction at hurting me had ended us then and there.
I’d hated him for it. But now, I had to stop and wonder what I’d done to him. He’d always said he’d loved me because I understood him in ways even he didn’t always recognize. He’d believed in soul mates and often said how lucky he was to find me. Had he thought I’d done anything to manipulate his emotions? I couldn’t change what he was feeling, but I could read them and use them to my advantage.
Did he feel used? Betrayed? The same way I felt with what Kane had done.
The guilt weighed heavy on my soul. Suddenly, I had to get out of my apartment.
Ten minutes later, the tension in my shoulders eased slightly when I sat behind my work bench in the studio. It was exactly what I needed, and I’d be safe from any unwanted company. Ready to be immersed, I turned the volume on my iPod to high and then lit my torch.
It must have been late afternoon by the time I finished the last bead of the day. The air conditioner had been no match for the June heat. I was soaked in sweat, but I was calmer. Mission accomplished. After cleaning up, I splurged and called a cab. My ankle needed a rest.
Chapter 12
Emerging from the bathroom in old, faded jeans and a T-shirt, I crossed the room to shut the window. I pulled the latch closed and jumped at a sudden movement. Kane stood in front of me.
“Feeling better?” he asked through the glass.
“Jesus, Kane. What the hell are you doing here?”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.” A thin thread of appreciation reached me.
I scowled. What exactly did he appreciate? My fresh-from-the-shower look? My hands curled into fists. It was a damn good thing glass separated us. For him, anyway. “How long have you been here?”
“A while.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“Can you open the window?”<
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Feeling the urge to deck him, I ignored the request. How dare he intrude on my private space? “Did you come in while I was in the shower?”
He shook his head slowly. “You weren’t here. I waited.”
I laughed humorlessly. “Figures. What? Used your landlord key?” That meant he’d been on my balcony the whole time I’d been home. I felt violated all over again.
He nodded.
“Bastard.” I spat.
“No argument here.”
Anger boiled in my belly as I glared at him.
“Jade, come on. It’s starting to rain. Could you let me in so we can discuss this?”
A couple of fat raindrops splattered on the window. Then the skies opened up into a typical New Orleans afternoon downpour. A twisted sense of satisfaction grew from my aggravation as I watched the water stream down his face. Fully intending to leave him there, I started to close the curtain.
Then the first booms of thunder rumbled.
“Oh, all right!” I couldn’t be responsible for him being struck by lightning, could I? “Wait right there.” I pointed to the wall closest to the window. “Do not drip on my computer.” After he toweled off, I shoved a folding chair at him. “You can sit here.”
He moved toward me.
“No. You’re only allowed to sit there, or else you can leave.”
Stepping back, he sat.
“What exactly are you doing here?”
“I was thinking you need a security latch on your door. Keep the underbelly out.”
“Are you the underbelly?” I turned in surprise at his comment.
He shrugged. “Strip club owner. I make my money off of naked women. Most people would consider me one of the underbelly. So yes, I guess so. Couple that with invading the private dreams of the women around me, and I think the jury would reach a unanimous conclusion.”
I raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Women?” My voice rose higher than usual as anger coiled tighter. “Are you invading other women’s dreams these days as well?”
“No, just yours lately.”
“Lately. Lucky me.” I snorted. “Who else has had this pleasure?”
“You know Pyper and I are old friends.” It was a statement, not a question, but I nodded. “She’s my closest friend. The thing is, the closer I am with someone the more likely it is I’d unconsciously slip into his or her dreams. I’ve learned over the years how to stop it, or to step out of the dream when it happens. I haven’t found myself in one of Pyper’s dreams in a few years.”
“A few years?” An unwelcome image of him and Pyper together, intimate, in a dream flashed through my mind. I frowned and pushed it away. He’d just said they were friends. It could have been a dream about flying to the moon for all I knew.
He nodded.
“Wait,” I said, as my brain started to function again. “You said you learned how to step out of dreams. Why exactly didn’t you step out of mine? Didn’t you think what you were doing to me was a huge invasion?”
He looked pained.
“Not only that, but you seduced me in my dreams, letting me think it was my own subconscious. God! You had me thinking I have feelings for you. I feel like an idiot for jumping into bed with you.”
“You do have feelings for me,” Kane said softly. I opened my mouth, a string of expletives poised on my lips, but his raw emotion stunned me into silence. Regret, shame and a trickle of loneliness punctured my defensive wall. “You do, and I have feelings for you.” His voice was low and rough. His vulnerability wrapped around my soul, and suddenly the spark fizzled from my anger. I still hated what he did, but I knew without a doubt it had been done with passion and something close to love. Even if it was wrong and twisted.
Overwhelmed, I stared into his eyes and for once didn’t feel like melting. “I thought I did, but…I need time to process.”
“I know.” Kane got up, moving toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. I thought I’d give you space.”
“Space later. Right now I have more questions about your ability.” He wasn’t getting out the door until I had answers.
Kane cleared his throat and reclaimed the chair. “Okay.”
I sat on my couch, facing him. “Tell me how it works. You said you just find yourself in other people’s dreams, and you can step out of them. How?”
He took a moment, seeming to process my question, then leaned forward. “It’s easier if I realize a dreamwalk is going to happen. Then I can clear my mind and consciously will myself to ‘stay at home’ in my own head, if you know what I mean.”
I didn’t but nodded anyway, encouraging him to continue.
“It takes a lot more effort to step out of a dream. I have to realize I’m there and leave. It’s sort of like when you’re dreaming and you realize it’s a dream and wake yourself up. Of course, if I want to dreamwalk it’s pretty much the opposite. I envision myself in a person’s dream and will myself to go there.”
“You do that often?” I said, in a more accusatory tone than I meant to.
A weak smile lit his lips. “No. I haven’t consciously dreamwalked since college.”
I bit back a snarky reply and continued with my interrogation. “You said you accidentally walked in both Pyper’s dreams and mine.”
He nodded.
“Anyone else?”
He didn’t say anything at first. I started to get nervous. It wasn’t really any of my business and I didn’t have a right to ask, but I was anyway.
“An ex-girlfriend,” he finally said.
“Holly?”
He jerked back and shook his head. “No. Holly and I have never dated. Where did you get that idea?”
A bit of tension eased out of my shoulders. I shrugged. “I saw you two talking once and just had the idea in my mind. Sorry, it’s none of my business.”
He raised his eyebrows. “Isn’t it, though?”
My heart squeezed at his question, but I ignored it. “What did Pyper and your ex-girlfriend do when they found out you were invading their dreams?”
He winced at my tone. “I didn’t do it on purpose, you know.”
Softening, I moved closer to him on the sofa. “No, I don’t know. Explain it to me.”
He got up, pacing. Back and forth he strode, gathering his thoughts. Finally he stopped. “Pyper knew what it felt like when I was in her dreams. If I had to guess, I’d say you have an idea of what that means, even if you didn’t know it when it was happening.”
I thought about that. Yes, I did know. There were times when I dreamt of Mr. Sexy and suddenly Kane was there, as real in my dreams as he was in life. Heat inched up my neck, reaching my face as the intimate scenes flooded back. Then the emotions. The implications of what he felt for me were a lot to process. I decided to not think about it at all until I had time to examine what it meant. I cleared my throat. “Yes, I felt you.” My voice seemed far away, a little detached.
He nodded. “I thought you did. Pyper knew in much the same way.”
I blanched.
He caught my look and laughed. “It’s not like that. It never has been.” Taking two steps, he reached my side and took my hand. “I know I’ve violated your trust, but please believe me when I say there is no one else.”
Tears welled in the back of my eyes, and I did my best to blink them back. I didn’t know what to say. Yesterday I would have been thrilled to hear Kane say I was his one and only. Now I didn’t know what I wanted.
I shifted, pulling my hand out of his. The love I’d felt the night before was now shadowed in pain. My rejection was hurting him just as much as he’d hurt me, Overwhelmed, I steered the conversation back to the dreams. “So what did Pyper do to stop you from invading her dreams?”
Kane sat back on his heels and ran a hand through his hair. “There are a few precautions one can take to keep others out of their head, but it wasn’t necessary for her to do that. I worked harder on keeping my distance. It usually only happens
when something intense is going on or my defenses are down. Once we started working so closely together, the dreamwalking began. I just strengthened my defenses, and it stopped.” He sighed and in a husky voice said, “This time my defenses have been blown away. Everything I’ve done to try to stop the dreamwalking with you has failed. I’m sorry, Jade.” With his shoulders hunched, he looked miserable.
Fighting the urge to reach out to him, I asked. “How long?”
As he lifted his face, I clarified. “How long have you been fighting it?”
He grimaced then said a little sheepishly, “A few days.”
The dreams had been going on quite a bit longer than that.
“I know it doesn’t mean much, but I really am sorry. I know it’s an awful thing to do. I just…” His face turned a rather dark shade of maroon. “It’s just, I enjoyed your dreams…unless he was starring.”
“Jesus, Kane,” I said. Irritated and embarrassed, I got up and moved to stare at the rain.
“It was driving me crazy.” He followed me.
“I told you to sit in that chair or leave.”
Ignoring my statement, he stepped in front of me, locked his eyes on mine and stared. Golden glints sparkled from rich chocolate irises.
He reached out and stroked my cheek. I clasped my hand over his, wanting to stop the motion, but Kane took it as an invitation and leaned in. Just as his lips met mine, lightning flashed and a loud crack sounded, jolting us apart. Another bolt struck, illuminating a dark shadow darting up the walls. It circled us then hovered over my computer.
It grew larger, glowed red and flew at me as if to attack. I screamed in terror as my insides ripped apart, just as they had in my dream the night before. Falling to my knees, I clutched my stomach, gasping for breath.
The apparition disappeared just as the tray with my glass beads rose in the air. “No!” I shouted as I watched them tumble out and rise toward the ceiling, hovering high above our heads. Kane knelt next to me, his arms covering my shoulders and head protectively.
“Get off,” I huffed, pushing him away. Jumping up, I took a deep breath and said in my most commanding voice, “You put those beads down right this minute. I won’t stand for your scare tactics. How dare you treat me this way!” My voice echoed off the walls, slightly muffled by the thunderous storm. The beads rotated, inched higher then fell.